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Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot  
User currently offlineSaleem From Pakistan, joined Mar 2000, 197 posts, RR: 0
Posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 6 days 2 hours ago) and read 13301 times:

One of our instructor narrated this as in aviation three most useless things in emergency


  • Fuel on the Ground
  • Runway behind you
  • Sky above you


Any other sayings like this

Regards

23 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineDLKAPA From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 1, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 6 days 1 hour ago) and read 13284 times:

Emergency engine out night landing procedures

Problem: The spot which you've chosen to land the aircraft doesn't appear suitable for landing.

Solution: Turn off the landing light.


User currently offlineFuturecaptain From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 6 days ago) and read 13143 times:

As well as...
The airspeed you don't have
The approach plates in your car
And what happened half a second ago.

Over the years I've accumilated many aviation "sayings," such as...
About night flying:
Remember that the airplane doesn't know that it's dark.
On a clear, moonless night, never fly between the tanker's lights.
There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night.
If you're going to night fly, it might as well be in the weather so you can double count your exposure to both hazards.
Night formation is really an endless series of near misses in equilibrium with each other.


User currently offlineFlyHoss From United States of America, joined Feb 2005, 598 posts, RR: 0
Reply 3, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 6 days ago) and read 13122 times:

Quoting Saleem (Thread starter):
Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Besides the first three ex-wives?

 duck 



A little bit louder now, a lil bit louder now...
User currently offlinePPVRA From Brazil, joined Nov 2004, 8974 posts, RR: 39
Reply 4, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 6 days ago) and read 13113 times:

The passangers?

The message you were about to post is too short and probably not of any higher value to the topic at hand. You should think long and hard before posting a message in this forum and make it detailed and a valuable addition to the topic discussed.



"If goods do not cross borders, soldiers will" - Frederic Bastiat
User currently offlineLuisca From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 5, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 23 hours ago) and read 13040 times:

Why do airplanes fly? money

User currently offlineFlyDeltaJets From United States of America, joined Feb 2006, 1936 posts, RR: 2
Reply 6, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 23 hours ago) and read 13017 times:
Support Airliners.net - become a First Class Member!

Quoting PPVRA (Reply 5):
The passangers?

The message you were about to post is too short and probably not of any higher value to the topic at hand. You should think long and hard before posting a message in this forum and make it detailed and a valuable addition to the topic discussed.

Hit em with thier own rules.



The only valid opinions are those based in facts
User currently offlineFuturecaptain From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 7, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 23 hours ago) and read 13017 times:

Ok, in the spitit of the thread here's some of the funnier sayings I have for your enjoyment...

A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's flying, and about flying when he's with a woman.

The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind.

Flying isn't dangerous; crashing is dangerous!

The propeller is just a big fan to keep the pilot cool. The proof? Make it stop, and watch the pilot break out in a sweat.

There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Gravity never loses -- the best you can hope for is a draw!

a pilot's job is hours of boredom punctuated with seconds of sheer terror.

The ability to watch from above and smirk as I blast by is reason enough to justify flying

Thou shall watch thou airspeed or the earth shall rise up and smite thee.

"Though I fly through the Valley of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 feet and climbing" - plaque at the entrance to the old SR-71 facility at Kadena, Japan.

"If the wings are travelling faster than the fuselage, then its probably a helicopter - and therefor unsafe"

In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
"Why is it doing that?"
"Where are we?"
"Oh Shit!"

Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.

Sadly, artificial intelligence will probably never be a match for natural stupidity.

No matter what else happens, fly the aeroplane. Forget all that stuff about thrust and drag, lift and gravity; an aeroplane flies because of money.

A check ride ought to be like a skirt, short enough to be interesting but still be long enough to cover everything.

Don't drop the aircraft in order to fly the microphone. An aeroplane flies because of a principle discovered by Bernoulli, not Marconi. Stated in a different fashion; "Unskilled" pilots are always found in the wreckage with their hand wrapped around the microphone.

Hovering is for pilots who love to fly but have no place to go.

Asking what a pilot thinks about the FAA is like asking a tree what it thinks about dogs.

If an earthquake suddenly opened a fissure in a runway that caused an accident, the FAA would find a way to blame it on pilot error.

About check rides:
The only real objective of a check ride is to complete it and get the bastard out of your airplane.
It has never occurred to any flight examiner that the examinee couldn't care less what the examiner's opinion of his flying ability really is.

Ever notice that the only experts who decree that the age of the pilot is over are people who have never flown anything? Also, in spite of the intensity of their feelings that the pilot's day is over I know of no such expert who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted aircraft.

He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he that demands one iota more is a fool.

One of the most important skills that a pilot must develop is the skill to ignore those things that were designed by non-pilots to get the pilot's attention.

At the end of the day, the controllers, ops supervisors, maintenance guys, weather guessers, and birds; they're all trying to kill you and your job is to not let them!

The concept of "controlling" airspace with radar is just a form of FAA sarcasm directed at pilots to see if they're gullible enough to swallow it. Or to put it another way, when's the last time the FAA ever shot anyone down?

It is a tacit, yet profound admission of the preeminence of flying in the hierarchy of the human spirit, that those who seek to control aviators via threats always threaten to take one's wings and not one's life.

Mastering the prohibited maneuvers in the Natops Manual is one of the best forms of aviation life insurance you can get.

The aircraft G-limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular airplane. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no G-limits.

How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb?
None, thats what maintanance guys are for.

You can land a million planes safely, but have one little mid-air and you'll never hear the end of it.


User currently offlineLearpilot From United States of America, joined May 2001, 814 posts, RR: 1
Reply 8, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 23 hours ago) and read 12981 times:

If it flies, floats, or fornicates (obviously edited), it's cheaper to rent.


Heed our warnings or your future will be underpant free!
User currently offlineDL787932ER From United States of America, joined Dec 2005, 597 posts, RR: 1
Reply 9, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 23 hours ago) and read 12946 times:

Any landing you can walk away from is a good landing.

Any landing after which you can use the airplane again is a great landing.



F L Y D E L T A J E T S
User currently offlinePhilSquares From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 10, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 23 hours ago) and read 12927 times:

Sky above you
Runway behind you
Airspeed you just had


User currently offlineByronsterk From Netherlands, joined Jul 2005, 155 posts, RR: 0
Reply 11, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 12223 times:

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet,
which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered
with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or
correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem,
and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form
what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the
gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers
lack a sense of humor!

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and
problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution
recorded by maintenance engineers.


(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and
be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something
with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.



Helicopters can't fly, there just so ugly the earth repells them...
User currently offlineEmSeeEye From United States of America, joined Jun 2006, 508 posts, RR: 0
Reply 12, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 12147 times:

Quoting PPVRA (Reply 5):
The passangers?

The message you were about to post is too short and probably not of any higher value to the topic at hand. You should think long and hard before posting a message in this forum and make it detailed and a valuable addition to the topic discussed.

I think I remember you posting this exact same thing in other thread. What gives?


User currently offlineFlyingColours From United Kingdom, joined Dec 2003, 2315 posts, RR: 10
Reply 13, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 11716 times:

Altitude above you
Runway Behind You
and a tenth of a second ago

Quoting Futurecaptain (Reply 8):

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
"Why is it doing that?"
"Where are we?"
"Oh Shit!"

Damn right, after almost planting my cessna a 1/4 mile short of the threshold I had to shout two of the above  Smile A good outcome though, obviously  Wink

Phil
FlyingColours



Lifes a train racing towards you, now you can either run away or grab a chair & a beer and watch it come - Phil
User currently offlineLuisca From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 14, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 11680 times:

the worst thing you can hear in a modern cockpit is:

What the hell is it doing now?


User currently offlineNicolasRubio From Argentina, joined Sep 2005, 585 posts, RR: 3
Reply 15, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 11579 times:

There is a very good one in Spanish which says: "Velocidad y altura mantienen la dentadura" which in English would be: "Speed and altitude keep your teeth."


Gripped 7D + Sigma 10-20mm + 17-40L + 50mm f/1.8 II + 70-200mm f/4L IS + EF 400mm f/5.6L + 580EX II
User currently offlinePPVRA From Brazil, joined Nov 2004, 8974 posts, RR: 39
Reply 16, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 11539 times:

Quoting EmSeeEye (Reply 13):
I think I remember you posting this exact same thing in other thread. What gives?

Posting what? The passangers part? What's wrong if i repost it on a different thread about the same thing?



"If goods do not cross borders, soldiers will" - Frederic Bastiat
User currently offlineJamesbuk From United Kingdom, joined May 2005, 3968 posts, RR: 4
Reply 17, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 4 hours ago) and read 11304 times:

Quoting FlyingColours (Reply 14):
after almost planting my cessna a 1/4 mile short of the threshold

Almost done that but they make the softest landings dont they! come in low about 1/4 mile out, then fly it at a 1' glideslop into the ground, super soft!

Rgds --James--



You cant have your cake and eat it... What the hells the point in having it then!!!
User currently offlineMandrake From Australia, joined Sep 2005, 21 posts, RR: 0
Reply 18, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 4 hours ago) and read 10979 times:

Why has no-one mentioned the old chestnut "There are old pilots and bold pilots but no old, bold pilots". It taught me to be cautious.

Mandrake



Everything nice has its price, and the nicer, the pricier.
User currently offline2H4 From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 8956 posts, RR: 60
Reply 19, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 3 hours ago) and read 10902 times:
AIRLINERS.NET CREW
DATABASE EDITOR



On aircraft manufacturing:

"Only when the weight of paperwork equals the weight of the aircraft may the aircraft be certified to fly"




2H4





Intentionally Left Blank
User currently offlineDMAJ7TH From United States of America, joined Aug 2006, 38 posts, RR: 1
Reply 20, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 10309 times:

Quoting Learpilot (Reply 8):
If it flies, floats, or fornicates (obviously edited), it's cheaper to rent.

i love it! finally, another lear guy on here!


User currently offlineSkiflip1 From United States of America, joined Jun 2006, 14 posts, RR: 0
Reply 21, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 10185 times:

Ok here's a joke and don't get angry pilots, I appreciate the endless safe flights you give us! Why does a pilot die withing 3 weeks of retirement? Noone tells their wives they have to eat every 3 hours  Wink All in fun guys and ladies, we appreciate the great work you do !

User currently offlineZKSUJ From New Zealand, joined May 2004, 7110 posts, RR: 12
Reply 22, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days ago) and read 9961 times:

The worst engines are the quiet ones

User currently offlineB741 From Canada, joined Jan 2004, 716 posts, RR: 1
Reply 23, posted (8 years 3 months 6 days 21 hours ago) and read 9498 times:

Fuel left in the "bowser", a quote from Stanley Stewart(Flying the Big Jets).


Being Bilingual, I Speak English And Aviation
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