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Funny Pilot Announcements (Again)  
User currently offlineFlyingKangaroo From Australia, joined Apr 2004, 532 posts, RR: 2
Posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 6 days 16 hours ago) and read 9573 times:

Hi threre!

On a recent Air Sahara flight I heard some of the funniest announcements ever! This has to be my favourite though...

On approach to Mumbai airport "Cabin crew please be seated, please be seated, however expect a delayed approach, as there is a dog on the runway;actually, we're trying to work out if it's a dog or a b!tch"

the entire cabin cracked up at this annoucement! We got to meet the captain after the flight....very nice man who spent quite a while in the U.K racing cars...

So, what are some recent (or old) funny announcements from the pilots?

flyingKangaroo


QANTAS-- The Spirit of Australia
23 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineConvair990 From United States of America, joined Sep 2004, 162 posts, RR: 0
Reply 1, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 6 days 14 hours ago) and read 9500 times:

I heard this one from one of my instructors at school...apparently a passenger wound up filing a complaint to AA about it afterwards... Big grin

"Ladies and gentlemen, we're sorry about the delay in departure.......for those of you on the right side of the plane if you look out the window, you'll see a tornado on the southern end of the airport........once it leaves the airport area we'll be on our way"



The University of Georgia Bulldogs are girlie men!!
User currently offlineCOAMiG29 From United States of America, joined Aug 2004, 515 posts, RR: 2
Reply 2, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 6 days 2 hours ago) and read 9419 times:

Forget where i heard this

"We'd like to thank you for flying with us and the next time youget the insane erge to go blasting through the air in a pressurized aluminum tube think of us here at us airways."

on a wn flight i heard this after the plane waited 6 minutes for 3 late passengers. "eny meny meiney moe take your seats so we can go"




If Continental had a hub at DFW with nonstop flights I would always fly them, unfortunantely good things take time.
User currently offlineMatthewkh From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 72 posts, RR: 1
Reply 3, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 1 day 12 hours ago) and read 9332 times:

On a CO flight from IAH - CMH:

"Attention K-Mart Shoppers...Oh wait...Sorry, that's my night job"

I was slightly amused, at least.



God I love the smell of avgas in the morning!!!
User currently offlineLamedianaranja From Venezuela, joined Nov 2004, 1246 posts, RR: 21
Reply 4, posted (9 years 4 months 2 weeks 19 hours ago) and read 9209 times:

Now we as passengers have to take into account the veritable age of the F/A's of NW:
We are very tired and need to sit down. Pls come to the galley if you want a refreshment.



I wish that all skies were orange and blue!!
User currently offlineSQNo1 From United Kingdom, joined Sep 2004, 686 posts, RR: 1
Reply 5, posted (9 years 4 months 1 week 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 9151 times:

A easyjet pilot on a flight from LTN to BFS, said the exact phrase;

"Ladies & Gentlemen, We are now at our crusing alitude of 25,000 feet. We are now flying over the city of Liverpool, so please make sure that your bags and wallets are safely with you.

News In The UK, but I can't find a link on the web.

Pilot got Disiplined!

SQno1





User currently offlineCactus739 From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 2430 posts, RR: 31
Reply 6, posted (9 years 4 months 1 week 6 days 3 hours ago) and read 9134 times:

Couple of years ago after a hard landing in Phoenix the Southwest first officer came on and welcomed us to Phoenix and apologized for the landing. He said it wsn't his fault, it wasn't the captain's fault, it was the asphalt.




You can't fix stupid.... - Ron White
User currently offlineWillbdsp From United States of America, joined Sep 2004, 302 posts, RR: 0
Reply 7, posted (9 years 4 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 9013 times:

I was on a NW flight from IND to LAX and the captain came on and said "Please make sure that you have a piece of the airplane strap to you as we prepare for arrival"

I found it quite enjoyable


User currently offlineIndianFlyboy From India, joined Sep 2003, 294 posts, RR: 6
Reply 8, posted (9 years 4 months 5 days ago) and read 9011 times:

FlyingKangaroo,

The captain wont happen to be Capt Desai would it ?

Regards




User currently offlineThom@s From Norway, joined Oct 2000, 11951 posts, RR: 48
Reply 9, posted (9 years 4 months 4 days 19 hours ago) and read 8985 times:

On the evening flight from Oslo to Stord on Golden Air last year:

"This is your captain speaking. We have now started our descent towards Stord - Sørstokken (goes on to tell the weather conditions). And I would like to thank you for flying with us here at Golden Air, the airline with the best looking and best trained flight attendants. (Short pause) Sadly none of them are with us on this flight. Thank you."

At which point the flight attendant in the aisle next to me looked up with a grin, and then walked towards the cockpit...  Smile

Thom@s



"If guns don't kill people, people kill people - does that mean toasters don't toast toast, toast toast toast?"
User currently offlineDtwclipper From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 10, posted (9 years 4 months 4 days 15 hours ago) and read 8980 times:

I got into trouble for saying:

Welcome to scenic Newark, New Jersey, the Paris on the Passaic.


User currently offlineTobi3334 From Germany, joined Sep 2004, 146 posts, RR: 3
Reply 11, posted (9 years 4 months 15 hours ago) and read 8880 times:

Not so funny but I had to smile.

"In ten minutes the bird is on the floor"

Onur Air, Istanbul-FRA, A320


Grettings
Tobi


User currently offlineEZYAirbus From United Kingdom, joined Sep 2003, 2458 posts, RR: 52
Reply 12, posted (9 years 4 months 15 hours ago) and read 8877 times:

This announcement was by an FA and not the captain but made me laugh

GVA-LTN November 1st 2004

"ladies and gentlemen welcome aboard this non-stop flight to Sydney we would like to remind our passengers that this is a non smoking flight, anyone caught smoking will be asked to leave immediatley"

Glenn



http://www.glenneldridgeaviation.com
User currently offlineCOFreqFlyer From United States of America, joined Sep 2004, 397 posts, RR: 3
Reply 13, posted (9 years 3 months 3 weeks 6 days 3 hours ago) and read 8778 times:

Thom@s wrote:
On the evening flight from Oslo to Stord on Golden Air last year:

D@mn, you mean someone else has actually flown to Stord because they wanted to????  Big grin

Back in the late 80s I flew Coast Air from Stavanger to Stord, and thence Stord to Bergen, Dad was living and working there on the island. I even logged a couple hours in the Cessna 150 that was based there at the flying club.



The Proud Bird with the Golden Tail
User currently offlineSalso From Slovenia, joined Dec 2004, 205 posts, RR: 1
Reply 14, posted (9 years 3 months 3 weeks 2 days 10 hours ago) and read 8680 times:

On a Ryanair flight from Trieste to London Stansted:

"Folks, we're approaching STN where we'll be landing shortly. As expected the weather there is wet'n'wild so grab your seatbelts and make them tight. And try not to watch through the window if you wanna help yourself."

 Wow!


User currently offlineSpootter10 From Germany, joined Aug 2000, 75 posts, RR: 0
Reply 15, posted (9 years 3 months 3 weeks 1 day 9 hours ago) and read 8649 times:

Announcement during taxi to Runway (NW FRA-DTW):
"Our estimated flying time to FRA will be ...." *pause* "Excuse me, to DTW of course, this not a roundtrip".

Taxiing to runway (LH FRA-STR):
"Our flying time to STR toady will be 24 HOURS" *pause and laughter from th galley* "...24 minutes."


User currently offlineAerlingus330 From United Kingdom, joined Nov 2004, 834 posts, RR: 1
Reply 16, posted (9 years 3 months 3 weeks 1 day 5 hours ago) and read 8632 times:

He said it wsn't his fault, it wasn't the captain's fault, it was the asphalt

A pilot, said that to the passengers on a Delta Song flight from JFK - Orlando Intl...

That flight was had the worst approach ive ever seen, his angle of approach was far to steep.

regards
aerlingus330



Aer Lingus Airbus A330-300
User currently offlineFlymia From United States of America, joined Jun 2001, 7006 posts, RR: 9
Reply 17, posted (9 years 3 months 3 weeks 1 day 3 hours ago) and read 8622 times:

Had an AA 777 Captain tell the Pax that around 3am Santa will be passing us either 2,000ft below us or 2,000ft above us as he was told by ATC after finishing giving gifts to South America. Also on that flight he told how he loved flying the 777 and what a complicated machine it is.

Flight back home another AA 777 captain tried speaking in Spanish on EZE-MIA flight it was not very good.

Also on a 777 flight the Safety demo video was not working and the FA's had to do a manual safety demo. Man they where not ready for that. One line I remeber was never inflate the aircraft until outside.



"It was just four of us on the flight deck, trying to do our job" (Captain Al Haynes)
User currently offlineAdam From United States of America, joined Jan 2005, 465 posts, RR: 0
Reply 18, posted (9 years 3 months 1 week 4 days 18 hours ago) and read 8459 times:

I was on a Southwest flight from Cleveland to Baltimore, and the FA's were doing the safety demonstration. While instructing us how to use the drop down oxygen masks, the FA said, "Please afix yours before helping your friend. If you're travelling with two friends, now would be a good time to decide which one you like better."

I had never flown Southwest, so It was a great first time with me, they were really great.



Texas: You'll come for the Alamo, You'll stay because you were wrongfully executed. - Conan O'Brian State Quarters
User currently offlinePrebennorholm From Denmark, joined Mar 2000, 6294 posts, RR: 54
Reply 19, posted (9 years 3 months 1 week 4 days 6 hours ago) and read 8411 times:

Many years ago, while taxiing for a late evening Swissair BAe-146 take-off Copenhagen - Zurich the F/A announced the usual safety stuff on the microphone. First in German language: "Guten Abend, willkommen an Bord...", then in French language, and finally "Good evening, welcome...".

She was really good at various languages, except the fourth and most appropriate one, Danish.

There was a long pause, the captain announced one minute to prepare cabin for take-off. One F/A bitched louder and louder over the tape player. The other F/A came up to her for assistance and she shouted in German: " But it worked this morning!" Then suddenly one F/A shouted: "It works, it works, don't touch".

Then the PA system came on in Danish language: "Good morning, welcome...".

The whole cabin, except a few Swiss passengers and the F/As, burst into laughter.



Always keep your number of landings equal to your number of take-offs, Preben Norholm
User currently offlinePrebennorholm From Denmark, joined Mar 2000, 6294 posts, RR: 54
Reply 20, posted (9 years 3 months 1 week 4 days 6 hours ago) and read 8407 times:

On a SAS DC-9 many years ago on a domestic flight in Denmark, Karup - Copenhagen, on a beautiful sunny Sunday morning:

Good morning, this is your captain, we are now cruising at 20,000 feet and we will soon begin descending for Copenhagen where we will land in fifteen minutes. Hope that you enjoy the beautiful view as much as we do here up front. On the right hand side you will see the Great Belt ferries crossing at a fraction of our, aeh, 300 knots.... Enjoy this beautiful view of your beautiful little country. In ten minutes time, just before landing, we will make a small tour over also beautiful Sweden, and, aeh, aeh....... - our first officer insists that he can already see Sweden, one of the qualifications to become a first officer is that he must have good eyes.



Always keep your number of landings equal to your number of take-offs, Preben Norholm
User currently offlineNBGskygod From United States of America, joined May 2004, 729 posts, RR: 1
Reply 21, posted (9 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 22 hours ago) and read 8379 times:

I was on an SWA flight from LAS to SNA, a rather full flight. One of the male F/A's comes on the PA and asks that people start to fill in the middle seats.

"please start to fill in the middle seats. Its okay get to know the person next to you. Thats how I met my first ex-wife."

The aircraft erupted in laughter.



"I use multi-billion dollar military satellite systems to find tupperware in the woods."
User currently offlineDC9 From Sweden, joined Feb 2000, 255 posts, RR: 2
Reply 22, posted (9 years 3 months 6 days 16 hours ago) and read 8275 times:

On the evening easyJet flight from CDG to NCE

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Nice please remain seated until the aircraft has come to a complete stop. Please remember your personal belongings as well as children or firends even if you would rather leave them behind.

Sitting facing the pax the FA did the following announcement as we were approaching the gate and everyone was holding the seatbuckle ready to flip it.

UN....DEUX.....TROIS.. (and when the sign was turned off) ALLEZ!!!!



Preben.. think my dad was responsible was responsible for that announcement

[Edited 2005-01-18 13:40:17]

User currently offlineGreaser From Bahamas, joined Jan 2004, 1092 posts, RR: 4
Reply 23, posted (9 years 3 months 6 days 15 hours ago) and read 8319 times:

Enroute to Indonesia,

"Ladies and gentlemen, we will be arriving in Jakarta in about 10 minutes. I expect there to be no turbulence on the descent" a second after that, the whole plane drops down..Passengers asleep wake up with the buddys on top of them.."Sorry about that, downdraft.."
"Next time, if you want to fly on a rollercoaster, don't fly this route. On the return trip, sure got roller coaster ride, bumping up and down."
Unreal...



Now you're really flying
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