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Airline Jokes...  
User currently offlineVasu From United Kingdom, joined Apr 2005, 3857 posts, RR: 0
Posted (9 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 2631 times:

Sorry if this has already been posted recently... but anybody have any good airline-related jokes?

One to start you off with:

A guy sitting at Bar at Brussels Airport noticed a very beautiful
woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous
she must be a flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta
slogan:"Love to fly and it shows?" She gave him a blank, confused
stare and

he immediately thought to himself, "Oh s ** t, she doesn't work for
Delta".

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards
her again, "Something special in the air?" She gave him the same confused
look. He mentally kicked himself, and scratched Singapore Airlines
off the list.

Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: "Smooth as Silk." This time the
woman turned on him "What the F**K do you want?"

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said,
"Ahhhhh,Ryanair!"

13 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineGofly From United Kingdom, joined Dec 2004, 1727 posts, RR: 38
Reply 1, posted (9 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 2603 times:
Support Airliners.net - become a First Class Member!

http://www.jethros.i12.com/FUN/index.htm


Living the high life on my ex-Airliners.net Moderator pension...
User currently offlineN60659 From United States of America, joined Mar 2005, 654 posts, RR: 25
Reply 2, posted (9 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 2601 times:

I believe you are looking for this site.

-N60659



Nec Dextrorsum Nec Sinistrorsum
User currently offlineKaiGywer From United States of America, joined Oct 2003, 12217 posts, RR: 35
Reply 3, posted (9 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 9 hours ago) and read 2323 times:
AIRLINERS.NET CREW
FORUM MODERATOR

That first pic is from BGO for those who don't know. Early morning on 11FEB2004, a fuel truck belonging to Statoil crashed into a Falconjet belonging to the RNoAF. Almost killed the driver, as the plane stopped just inches from him.




View Large View Medium
Click here for bigger photo!

Photo © Jan Einar Fardal
View Large View Medium
Click here for bigger photo!

Photo © Michael Balter




911, where is your emergency?
User currently offlineACDC8 From Canada, joined Mar 2005, 7642 posts, RR: 36
Reply 4, posted (9 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 8 hours ago) and read 2308 times:

Not really an airline joke, but aviation-related none-the-less...


Santa shows up at an airport with his sleigh and eight reindeer for his yearly checkride.

The FAA examiner walks out carrying a shotgun.

Santa puzzled, asks "Excuse me, but what's the shotgun for?"

The examiner replies "I'm not really supposed to tell you this, but you're gonna loose one after take-off!"



A Grumpy German Is A Sauerkraut
User currently offlineKaiGywer From United States of America, joined Oct 2003, 12217 posts, RR: 35
Reply 5, posted (9 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 8 hours ago) and read 2301 times:
AIRLINERS.NET CREW
FORUM MODERATOR

Difference between a single engine plane and a twin?

In a single engine plane, if your engine dies. You crash.
In a twin, if an engine dies, you'll just get to the crash site faster
 Smile



911, where is your emergency?
User currently offlineOttoPylit From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 6, posted (9 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 2187 times:

What do pilots and ATC have in common?


If the pilot screws up, the pilot dies.


If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.


Otto


User currently offlineChiflyer82 From United States of America, joined Apr 2005, 27 posts, RR: 0
Reply 7, posted (9 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 2163 times:

Anyone have access to the George Carlin airline jokes?

User currently offlineFLY2LIM From United States of America, joined May 2004, 1184 posts, RR: 10
Reply 8, posted (9 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 2116 times:

Quoting Vasu (Thread starter):
A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards
her again, "Something special in the air?" She gave him the same confused
look. He mentally kicked himself, and scratched Singapore Airlines
off the list.

Not to screw up your joke, but wasn't that slogan from AA?

FLY2LIM



Faucett. La primera linea aerea del Peru.
User currently offlineCO737 From United States of America, joined Dec 2000, 143 posts, RR: 0
Reply 9, posted (9 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2092 times:

Quoting Chiflyer82 (Reply 7):
Anyone have access to the George Carlin airline jokes?

Chiflyer,
If you want them, shoot me an e-mail through my profile and I can send them to you.



Every takeoff is optional, but every landing is mandatory.
User currently offlineKomododx From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 10, posted (9 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2044 times:

From George Carlin's "Jammin' in New York"...

F/A: We would like to pre-board
GC: Well what exactly is that, anyway? To get on before you get on?

F/A: Get on the plane, get on the plane!
GC: I say fuck you, I'm getting in the plane! Let Evil Knivel get on the plane!

F/A: In the unlikely event of a suddent change in cabin pressure...
GC: Roof flies off!!!
F/A: ...an oxygen mask will drop down in front of you. Place the mask over your face and breathe normally
GC: Well I have no problem with that. I always breathe normally when I'm in a 600mph uncontrolled vertical dive... I also shit normally! Right in my pants!

F/A: Before leaving the aircraft, please check around your immediate seating area...
GC: Let's start with immediate seating area. It's a seat! It's a goddammed seat! Check around your seat!
F/A: ...for any personal belongings...
GC: Well what other kind of belongins are there, besides personal? Public belongins? Do these people honestly think I might be travelling with a fountain I stole from the park?
F/A: ...you might have brought on board.
GC: Well... I might have brought my arrow head collection... I didn't! So I'm not going to look for it! I'm going to look for things I brought on board! It seems to enhance the likelyhood of my finding something, wouldn't you say?

Stefano  wave 


User currently offlineVasu From United Kingdom, joined Apr 2005, 3857 posts, RR: 0
Reply 11, posted (9 years 2 months 2 weeks 5 days 14 hours ago) and read 1757 times:

Quoting FLY2LIM (Reply 8):
wasn't that slogan from AA?

Probably... I have no idea


User currently offlineKeta From Germany, joined Mar 2005, 448 posts, RR: 0
Reply 12, posted (9 years 2 months 2 weeks 5 days 14 hours ago) and read 1708 times:

Quoting N60659 (Reply 2):
I believe you are looking for this site.

Thanks Gofly and N60659 for the link, it's great!!

I personally love this one, the Longhaul:

A white skinned, middle aged woman, sits down next to a coloured man. Evidently ill at ease, she calls the air hostess.

"What is the problem madam?"

"Can't you see? You've placed me next to a Black man. I can't stand sitting next to those disgusting people. Give me another seat".

"Please, calm down, says the hostess. "Almost all seats are taken but I'll see what I can do".

She walks away, and comes back a few minutes later.

"Madam, as I thought, there is no more available seats in economy nor even in business class. However there is one seat left in First. I will have to talk to the Captain".

She comes back. "Madam. It is totally exceptional for the company to allow someone in economy to be upgraded to First. However given the circumstances the Captain has agreed."

She then turns to the black man.

"Sir, if you wish to collect your hand luggage, we would be honoured if you would like to take a seat in First Class."

The rest of the passengers, witnesses to the scene, stand up and clap.


If this is really true, I clap too!  bigthumbsup 



Where there's a will, there's a way
User currently offlineRootsAir From Costa Rica, joined Feb 2005, 4186 posts, RR: 40
Reply 13, posted (9 years 2 months 2 weeks 5 days 11 hours ago) and read 1697 times:

what about this one,

A guy meets a woman in some Bar in an airport. He asks"What's your name"

The girl replies...."Alitalia"
The guy answers. Wait a minute! That's an airline's name! Why did your parents call you like that?
The girl replies,"No I made it up!"
The guy all surprised didn't hesitate a second to ask what this whole thing was about

The girl then explains....well it comes from THE TWO THINGS I LIKE THE MOST

ALI because I love mohammed Ali and TALIA because I love the mexican singer called like that..she's the best!
and then the woman all curious asks the guy what his name is...
And he replies "Ah sorry i forgot to present myself..My name is Beerf*ck"  Wink



A man without the knowledge of his past history,culture and origins is like a tree without roots
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