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Warning Humor Thread.  
User currently offlineJumboJim747 From Australia, joined Oct 2004, 2464 posts, RR: 44
Posted (8 years 10 months 3 weeks 3 hours ago) and read 1982 times:

How about some light hearted humor regarding Aviation
A friend sent me this joke i found very funny .
Anyone else have any .

......
A jumbo jet is coming into Tampa Airport on its final approach.
>>The pilot comes on the intercom, 'This is your Captain. We're on our
>>final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us
>>today,
>>and I hope you enjoy your stay in Tampa Bay.'
>>He forgets to switch off the intercom.
>>Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit.
>>The copilot says to the pilot, 'Well, skipper, watcha gonna do in
>>Tampa?'
>>Well,' says the skipper, 'first I'm gonna check into the hotel and
>>take
>>a big cr_p. Then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge
>>b**bs
>>out for dinner. I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room,
>>
>>and put it to her big time all night.'
>>Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and

>>down the aisle trying to get a look at the new stewardess! . Meanwhile,
the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane. She's so embarrassed that she starts to run toward the cockpit to turn the intercom off.
>>Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she
>>goes.
>>The old lady leans over and says: 'No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta
>>take a sh*t first.'


On a wing and a prayer
4 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineGofly From United Kingdom, joined Dec 2004, 1727 posts, RR: 38
Reply 1, posted (8 years 10 months 3 weeks 3 hours ago) and read 1974 times:
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A Pilots idea of taking their kids to work:
http://www.jethros.i12.com/FUN/PAGES/KIDS_TO_WORK.htm

Loads more here:
http://www.jethros.i12.com/FUN/index.htm

-Gofly  Smile



Living the high life on my ex-Airliners.net Moderator pension...
User currently offlineDeltaGator From United States of America, joined Sep 2005, 6341 posts, RR: 13
Reply 2, posted (8 years 10 months 2 weeks 6 days 20 hours ago) and read 1936 times:

That first joke never gets old.


Here's my contribution. I have no idea where I got it. Most likely some email thread somewhere.

This is a collection of complaints about various aircraft submitted by U.S. Air Force pilots, and the replies to those complaints from Air Force Mechanics. Each complaint in the log book must be followed by the mechanics report and sign-off.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Problem: "Test Flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem#1: "No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution#1: "No. 2 propeller seepage normal."
Problem #2: "No. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't"
Solution: "It does now."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on the right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilit in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative.
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution:"Engine found under right wing after brief search."



"If you can't delight in the misery of others then you don't deserve to be a college football fan."
User currently offlineJeffry747 From United States of America, joined Jun 2005, 963 posts, RR: 2
Reply 3, posted (8 years 10 months 2 weeks 6 days 11 hours ago) and read 1911 times:
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ATC to UAL2XX: UAL2XX Traffic is Fokker 100 9 o'clock 2miles 30,000 ft report in sight.
UAL2XX: ATC I have always wanted to say this. I got that Fokker in sight!



C'mon Big B, FLY!
User currently offlineDeltaGator From United States of America, joined Sep 2005, 6341 posts, RR: 13
Reply 4, posted (8 years 10 months 2 weeks 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 1900 times:

I did hear this transmission on UA's Channel 9 one night while flying ATL-ORD. I'm paraphrasing but you can decide if it is funny or not.

ATC: XXX(I forget the airline but I think DL)123 please climb to FL140.
XXX123: Roger

A minute or so later...

ATC: XXX123 please expedite your climb to FL140.
XXX123: Roger

Another couple of minutes go by...

ATC: XXX123 please expedite your climb to FL140. This is a second request.
XXX123: Roger. How do we get to FL140?
ATC: Well when I took my flying lessons they told me that if I wanted to gain altitude I should pull on that yoke in front of me. Perhaps you can learn from that suggestion as well.



"If you can't delight in the misery of others then you don't deserve to be a college football fan."
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