The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot.
They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there
without any assistance from
them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following
exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747,
call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
727EMflyer From United States of America, joined Mar 2005, 547 posts, RR: 0 Reply 5, posted (8 years 3 weeks 3 days 6 hours ago) and read 2330 times:
The Flight attendant was walking down the ailsle offerering coffee for any night owls on the red-eye. The man sitting next to Bob asked for a cup, but the the plane hit a bit of turbulence just as the FA was passing it over Bob, and the coffee spilled all in his lap. Both the man and the FA gasped in embarassed disbelief and appologized to Bob. "Oh, thats ok," said Bob, "These Pants need to get washed anyway. Just tell me, was that regular or decaf?"
DAL7e7 From United States of America, joined Jun 2004, 357 posts, RR: 4 Reply 6, posted (8 years 3 weeks 3 days 5 hours ago) and read 2322 times:
There was once a photographer for National Geographic who was going up in a light plane to photograph the forest fires in California. Sure enough, when he got to the airport, there was a single engine plane sitting on the runway ready to go. The photographer jumped in and said, "Ok, hit it." After a rather rough take off, the photographer said, "Ok, now fly over the fire that way." "Why?" the pilot asked. "Because I'm a photographer. I came to take pictures of the fire."
"Oh! You aren't the flight instructor!?"
DAL7e7 is wondering... Do pilots take crash courses?
727EMflyer From United States of America, joined Mar 2005, 547 posts, RR: 0 Reply 8, posted (8 years 3 weeks 2 days 20 hours ago) and read 2268 times:
Tom had always wanted wanted to be a pilot. On december 8th, 1941 he decided he had his chance to get some wings, and rushed into the recruiting office. The navy gave him a flight aptitude test, which he aced, then sent him away for training. He was the best in his class, getting rave reviews from the commander, and finished ahead of schedulejust in time to join a carrier squadron headed to battle. The squadron captain had equally high praise for Tom, commenting that if all his pilots were at his standard the war would be won already.
Finally the day of battle arrived, and Tom shined. He shot down 7 planes, becoming an ace, and his well-placed bomb had sunk a destroyer. However he managed to get cut off from his squadron, and a straffing from the enemy had knocked out his radio. Low on fuel and low on light, he finally found the carrier, and the flight deck was clear. He figured the fighting must have been rough because the Anti Aircraft guns flared up as he approached, but thankfully they ceased fire during his final. When he touched down he saw the ship's captain was waiting to greet him. He hopped out of his plane with a grin asking "How'd I do Skipper?
The captain, shaking his head and pointing to a "meatball" flag replied, "Ah, jus one rittle sclew up, yankee!"
NASOCEANA From United States of America, joined Jul 2005, 291 posts, RR: 0 Reply 10, posted (8 years 3 weeks 1 day 2 hours ago) and read 2196 times:
Two airplane mechanics, George and Ed, are working the same shift at O'Hare Airport in Chicago. There's heavy fog one night, which leaves the pair with nothing to do. Bored, George asks Ed, "Man, have you got anything to drink?"
"No," Ed replies, "but I hear you can drink jet fuel to get a good buzz."
The two drink the fuel, get hammered and have a great time. The next morning, Ed calls George at home and asks him how he's feeling. "l'm completely fine!" George says. "This is great we can drink all we want with no hangovers!" "Well, there is one side effect," Ed, replies. "Have you farted yet?" "No why?" George asks. "I did," Ed says and I'm calling you from Phoenix!
Scarebus03 From Ireland, joined Apr 2005, 298 posts, RR: 2 Reply 12, posted (8 years 2 weeks 6 days 14 hours ago) and read 2083 times:
I like this one!
Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and the FAA examiner arrived last week for the pre-Christmas flight check.
In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his log book out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. He knew they would examine all his equipment and truly put Santa's flying skills to the test.
The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and even Rudolph's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for sled's enormous payload.
Finally, they were ready for the check ride. Santa got in and fastened his seat belt and shoulder harness and checked the compass.
Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun.
"What's that for?" asked Santa incredulously.
The examiner winked and said,
"I'm not supposed to tell you this ahead of time," as he leaned over to whisper in Santa's ear, "but you're going to lose an engine on takeoff."
Bridogger6 From United States of America, joined Apr 2005, 710 posts, RR: 11 Reply 13, posted (8 years 2 weeks 6 days 4 hours ago) and read 2054 times:
a terrible "joke" the first officer of the plane told me:
what is the difference between pilots and air traffic controllers?
when pilots make mistakes, pilots die. when air traffic controllers make mistakes, pilots die.
JakeOrion From United States of America, joined Oct 2005, 1247 posts, RR: 2 Reply 15, posted (8 years 2 weeks 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 1960 times:
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the co-pilot. The co-pilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section.
The head stewardess asks the co-pilot what he said to get her to move. The co-pilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica".
Every problem has a simple solution; finding the simple solution is the difficult problem.