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Funny Things Head Over The Radio?  
User currently offlineGorbskow From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 24 posts, RR: 0
Posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 3 days 6 hours ago) and read 13072 times:

I was just wondering if any of you have stories of funny quotes you have heard on the radio while flying. These were the first two that came to mind, however I am sure if we all thought for a bit we could come up with many, many more. I heard the first one and someone told me they heard the second one.

1.
ATC: N12345 descend at pilots discretion to 10,000, current altimeter XX.XX
Pilot: .........................(no response)
ATC: N12345 did you hear my last transmition?
Pilot: Say again, I was on the land line

2.
Pilot: Center, any ride reports at FL350
ATC: Light to mod chop all altitudes
Pilot: Thanks, just wondering if I should let the cattle out to graze

36 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineKELPkid From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 6343 posts, RR: 3
Reply 1, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 3 days 3 hours ago) and read 12996 times:

Heard this once on PDX approach:

ATC: My radio just went Tits Up!!! (It was quite obviously the air traffic controller, and he had his mic keyed when he shouldn't have...it's interesting to hear the air traffic controller bust the FCC rules!)  Wink



Celebrating the birth of KELPkidJR on August 5, 2009 :-)
User currently offlineKC135TopBoom From United States of America, joined Jan 2005, 12128 posts, RR: 52
Reply 2, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 3 days 3 hours ago) and read 12959 times:

There is an alleged conversation between a LH Airbus and a BA Boeing crews at FRA. I don't know if that is true, or not.

User currently offlineEGNR From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2004, 508 posts, RR: 0
Reply 3, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 3 days 3 hours ago) and read 12936 times:

Quoting KC135TopBoom (Reply 2):
There is an alleged conversation between a LH Airbus and a BA Boeing crews at FRA. I don't know if that is true, or not

That would be this one...

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206, taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not
been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 -- but I didn't land."


I've seen this alleged ATC conversation in a few places, but just found it on this site with a couple of others... As to whether they are true or not, I have no idea.

[Edited 2006-01-01 18:23:55]

[Edited 2006-01-01 18:26:49]


7late7, A3latey, Sukhoi Superlate... what's going on?
User currently offlineSanjet From Canada, joined Mar 2005, 180 posts, RR: 0
Reply 4, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 3 days 2 hours ago) and read 12897 times:

Since I only fly in Canada, I'm a little upset that JetsGo went bankrupt... I've always wanted to say the famous line: "Got the fokker in site".


Will Fly For Food!
User currently onlineMir From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 21490 posts, RR: 56
Reply 5, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 3 days 2 hours ago) and read 12864 times:

I heard this in the traffic pattern at HPN...

Tower: Learjet xxx, wow, that's quite a climb rate you've got there, traffic is a Cessna at your three o'clock in the downwind, altitude....oh, never mind, you're already above him, just contact departure..."

-Mir



7 billion, one nation, imagination...it's a beautiful day
User currently offlineBNAflyer78 From United States of America, joined Feb 2005, 258 posts, RR: 0
Reply 6, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 3 days 2 hours ago) and read 12861 times:

Here's one I heard recently in ATL.....

DALxxx (after an ASA CRJ200 took nearly all 11,000 feet of 26L to rotate on takeoff): "Is your Barbie jet a little heavy and underpowered today Candler?"

Candlerxxx: "Yeah Delta, didn't your wife tell you she's non-revving with us?"

Then silence....

Atlanta Tower (laughing hysterically): "Delta xxx, cleared for takeoff runway 26L. Glad to hear you're a little lighter today!"



Long live the Widget!
User currently offlineGilligan From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 7, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 3 days 2 hours ago) and read 12843 times:

Not too many weeks ago I had this call on the company channel:

"Ops, express jet xxx I need my lav dumped."

I couldn't resist...

xxx the restroom is at the top of the jetway and to your left, you're all on your own.


User currently offlineDeltaGator From United States of America, joined Sep 2005, 6341 posts, RR: 13
Reply 8, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 3 days 2 hours ago) and read 12842 times:

Quoting BNAflyer78 (Reply 6):
Here's one I heard recently in ATL.....

Very funny!

On an ATL-ORD flight once on UA I was listening to Channel 9 and another plane was directed to climb to FL140. The pilot didn't do it and was scolded in a few minutes for not climbing. The pilot still didn't climb after the second request and was scolded again. On the third request from ATC the pilot asked how they were supposed to climb to that level. The controller responded back with "I'm not sure how you were taught in flight scholl but they taught me if I wanted to climb to pull back on the yoke in front of me."



"If you can't delight in the misery of others then you don't deserve to be a college football fan."
User currently offlineLincoln From United States of America, joined Nov 2004, 3887 posts, RR: 8
Reply 9, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 3 days 1 hour ago) and read 12771 times:

Just a few from my collection

From listening to DTW a -long- time ago:

[after being cleared to land]
ATC: 4 75, when able, say your parking.
NW475: Employee lot 7.

??5845: [unintelligable] 58 45, uh....we have the airport...,wait, that's not the airport....

Then, from Chicago:
ATC: Northwest 1 48 you are clear to land 9 right
NW148: Uh...we're already on 9 Right, Northwest 148.
ATC: Oh, nevermind. Welcome to Chicago.

Cactus 636: I just talked to our A T C coordinator in Dallas and he said that we had been canceled and the info I have is old. I have a plane full of people who don't think that we've been canceled. Can you please verify the information.
ATC: No, you're still live... I have you squawking 6 5 6 3... give me a call when you want to push.

UA938: Good evening metering, this is United 9 38 heavy at Charlie 12.
ATC: I already have you up on my board... Haven't I already talked to you?
UA938: Uh, maybe you talked to the other United 9 38, but we just got here.

122: (cute, tired sounding femaile while yawning) Eagle Flight 1 22 with you on Pappa
ATC: Wakeup, Eagle Flight 122... We prefer you not fall asleep until after you get to your destination.

{Unknown): Is Pete there? We have some geese down here asking for him.
ATC: Ha, ha, ha. Nope Pete's gone for the night. Have any new jokes for me?
(static)
ATC: Tell me that one again... I didn't catch the last part of it.

ATC: “Uh, United, do you already have your flight plan? I see you taxiing to the runway, but I don’t remember talking to you.”

DL649: Quebec 6 49 with Delta…Er, I think I mean Delta 6 49 with Quebec.

Unknown Flight: We aren’t Lufthansa.
ATC: Just say you’re Lufthansa and we’ll get you out real quick.

ATC: All you guys on Delta, I want you to go all the way eastbound on Delta to Delta 8, then come back on Mike. See that big line on Mike? That’s the line you want to be in. If you try cutting in that line, you will not be leaving here for a very long time.

(same controller as above)
ATC: Nobody better block 2 7 right or your sequence will be canceled.



CO Is My Airline of Choice || Baggage Claim is an airline's last chance to disappoint a customer || Next flts in profile
User currently offlineGorbskow From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 24 posts, RR: 0
Reply 10, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 2 days 21 hours ago) and read 12602 times:

those are all good ones.

Tower: Learjet xxx, wow, that's quite a climb rate you've got there, traffic is a Cessna at your three o'clock in the downwind, altitude....oh, never mind, you're already above him, just contact departure..."

LOVE THAT ONE!!! Nothing like being light huh?


At IAD once the ground controller was swamped. People were stepping on each other like I have never heard before. We were part way through our taxi and instructed to hold short of a taxiway or something and I could tell the controller was getting very upset with everyone stepping on each other and cutting the responses off etc. Just as we began to hold short the controller came on and said everyone needs to stop stepping on each other and listen up, I am so tired of this that i am going to take a 1 minute break. Next thing you hear is........Ground, this is XXX ready to taxi with info M. and then just silence. Then another call to ground and he gets stepped on and this continues for about a min. Then the ground controller gets on and says.......oh that was a nice break.....now NXXXX continue taxi......
I thought that was just great.

Then, from Chicago:
ATC: Northwest 1 48 you are clear to land 9 right
NW148: Uh...we're already on 9 Right, Northwest 148.
ATC: Oh, nevermind. Welcome to Chicago.

Again I have had this before:
If you have been to RVS before you know that at times it gets extremely busy there. It isnt the typical "busy" most of you think about, however it is busy with loads of C152, C172, etc. I was a flight instructor at the time. We were on final and the tower neglected to clear us for landing. I was doing the old.....lets see how far my student will take this before I need to intervene thing. As we crossed the fence I asked my student "Are we cleared to land" He quickly remembers that we have not been cleared to land and decides to ask the tower " are we cleared to land." Yet he continues his landing. Somewhere in the flare the tower clears us to land however as our wheels touch the ground my student decides to respond to the controller simply saying "Cessna XXX has landed" as he is laughing his butt off. The controller comes back with.....Cessna XXX it really isnt that funny. I really lost the professional image that day cause I was laughing so hard I was nearly crying!


User currently offlineRadiocheck From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 32 posts, RR: 0
Reply 11, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 2 days 19 hours ago) and read 12515 times:

At KSDL, there's this one chick controller who just sounds hot. I think all of us pilots have at one time or another, heard a controller or a female pilot who just sounds hot, so how about this...next time you hear one of these hot sounding ladies of aviation, just slip in a:

Scottsdale Tower, Say Age, Body Type and Marital Status.

Appropriate? No. Hilarious? Absolutely.

thanks to my CFI for coming up with that one.


User currently offlineThepilot From Canada, joined Jan 2010, 5 posts, RR: 0
Reply 12, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 2 days 19 hours ago) and read 12509 times:

At BFI, I was in the pattern once and their was a guy who said:
Guy 1: Brian, is that you?
Brian: Yeah, I'm here.
Guy1: Cool dude. Did you see Ashley? Man she's a piece of work.
Brian: Yeah, we're going to Joe's tonight. Can you invite her.
ATC: Cessna 174GF, runway 13L, cleared for the option. Did you see Ashley as well?
Me: Cleared for the option 13L, and that's a negative on Ashley, 4GF.

Also:
Pilot (at PAE): Paine tower, Bonanza XXX request the option.
ATC: Bonanza XXX, runway 16R, cleared for the option.
Pilot: Cleared for the option, Bonanza XXX. (With finger still on mic) Holy crap Tom, what the hell did you have to eat!? That's disgusting!
ATC: Bonanza XXX, I think you still got you mic on.
Pilot: Bonanza XXX, sorry about that.

Those are my two favorites. Great thread, Gorbskow  Smile



From YVR
User currently offlineLesMainwaring From United States of America, joined Dec 2005, 541 posts, RR: 3
Reply 13, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 2 days 18 hours ago) and read 12505 times:

Not real ATC, but my fave exchange from movies comes from "Pushing Tin":

Nick Falzone: [to Russell Bell] I'm personally going to see to it that you go down in flames!
Airplane Pilot: What?
Nick Falzone: Negative, United. That was not to you. Not to you!



I want something under my wheels thats plenty long and mighty dry --- Vern Demarest
User currently offlineHPLASOps From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 14, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 2 days 17 hours ago) and read 12501 times:

I just heard on the ramp control radio, a WN flight LAS-SMF:

WN XXX: "Thank you for coming aboard Southwest flight XXX to Sacramento. We're expecting clear skies and a smooth flight all the way in. The weather looks good, about 40 degrees with a mild fog. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight and thank you for choosing Southwest Airlines."

ATC: "No, no, thank you for choosing Southwest Airlines."


User currently offlineFrontiercpt From Australia, joined Jun 2004, 973 posts, RR: 8
Reply 15, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 2 days 13 hours ago) and read 12479 times:

While over St. George, I heard this funny conversation between a CO flight (569 LAS-EWR), and ATC. BTW, this is an excerpt from a recent TR: STL-DEN-LAS(UA) And LAS-LGB(B6) (by Frontiercpt Jan 1 2006 in Trip Reports)

CO569: What was that thin that just passed overhead?
ATC: Over or under?
CO569: Over
ATC: Uhm, I don't have anything in your area
CO569: I'm looking at his contrail right now, looked like an F16
Random aircraft listening in: *wispy voice* It was me....
ATC, the TED pilots, and several passengers in the cabin laughed

~Shaun~

[Edited 2006-01-02 07:49:30]

User currently offline777DadandJr From United States of America, joined Feb 2005, 1516 posts, RR: 12
Reply 16, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 1 day 21 hours ago) and read 12448 times:

Returning from SEA to ORD on UA, listening to Ch9:

"AAxxx, Salt Lake Center"

"Salt Lake, AAxxx"

"AAxxx, turn right, 360 degrees, and resume heading xxx"

"Salt Lake, roger"

*about 10 minutes later*

"AAxxx, Salt Lake Center, thank you, resume heading xxx"

"Salt Lake, AAxxx, you're welcome, but please don't make me do that again, it makes me dizzy!"

"AAxxx, roger that!"

I found that quite amusing. Though, my fellow pax seemed puzzled at why I was laughing.

Russ

[Edited 2006-01-03 00:18:34]


My glass is neither 1/2 empty nor 1/2 full, rather, the glass itself is twice as big as it should be.
User currently offlineTurnit56N From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 17, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 1 day 17 hours ago) and read 12430 times:

At Newark, when a loaded 757 took a few seconds to get moving:
EWR ground: "COxxxx, are you moving?"
COxxxx (drawling): "Yep, sorry about that. We're heavy today. It can be hard to get it up when you're loaded."
Twenty random aircraft: "You can say that again."

And cruising through Chicago Center....
ATC: "NWxxxx, we've been getting reports of light chop at your altitude, how's your ride?"
NWxxxx: "Smooth, but that's probably due to our superior airmanship."


User currently offlineTom12 From United Kingdom, joined Dec 2005, 1078 posts, RR: 13
Reply 18, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 1 day 16 hours ago) and read 12427 times:

A few personal favorites

Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
TWA 2341: "Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"


There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."

Tom



"Per noctem volamus" - Royal Air Force Bomber Squadron IX
User currently offlineIAHFLYR From United States of America, joined Jun 2005, 4790 posts, RR: 22
Reply 19, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 1 day 5 hours ago) and read 12404 times:

Given to a WN crew gripping about a weather rerouting center gave them mistakenly to IAH rather than HOU, after they had pulled flights from IAH.......the approach controller asked if they know what IAH meant, "it ain't Hobby". Or....when they asked for "a little lower" the controller in his lowest tone said "how's this"!


Any views shared are strictly my own and do not a represent those of any former employer.
User currently offlineGoinv From United Kingdom, joined Jan 2005, 264 posts, RR: 2
Reply 20, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 23 hours ago) and read 12371 times:

ATC: American 001, where are you heading?

American 001: We're heading direct to Paradise

ATC: No sir, you're not going to Paradise. Turn left heading 135 if you want to go to Paradise

American 001: Turn left heading 135 for Paradise....

This is true....heard on Jan 01 on live atc.net. Paradise is a fix near Los Angeles.



Be who you are, The world was made to measure for your smile. So Smile.
User currently offlineFokker70NG From Netherlands, joined Nov 2005, 234 posts, RR: 3
Reply 21, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 23 hours ago) and read 12367 times:

Haha, these conversations are really funny  Smile

Some nice ones I found on the internet sometime (so didn't hear them myself):

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war old chap!"

----------------------

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

----------------------

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

----------------------

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."



Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. -Albert Einstein
User currently offlineHPLASOps From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 22, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 20 hours ago) and read 12354 times:

Fokker, those are billiant, keepsakes I tell ya

User currently offlineDreamflight767 From United States of America, joined Dec 2008, 86 posts, RR: 0
Reply 23, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 15 hours ago) and read 12317 times:
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ATC: Jet Link xxx, turn right heading 3-6-5.

Jet Link xxx: Ummm, unable to turn heading 3-6-5.

ATC: Hmmm. Yeah, I guess you're right. That would send you to the middle of nowhere.

Jet Link xxx: Well, we are going to Gulfport (Mississippi).


User currently offlineGorbskow From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 24 posts, RR: 0
Reply 24, posted (8 years 6 months 2 weeks 1 day 14 hours ago) and read 12256 times:

All you freight dogs can appreciate this one:

AIRPLANE: Center, AAXXXX Any ride reports ahead were getting our
butts kicked around up here.
ATC: AAXXXX Light chop at your altitude, 350 is better, say ride
conditions
AIRPLANE: UH AAXXXX request 350 were getting continuous light


25 Post contains images Noelg : A couple of my favourites I've heard... A bit of background on the first - G-MSKO was a CRJ based at Birmingham. I was waiting for my flying lesson on
26 EGTESkyGod : I'm told by my grandfather that once apon a time he was listening to Manchester Approach in the dead of night, when there was only one scheduled fligh
27 Post contains images SNfreak : Really nice ones in there I've some ones from own experience aswell When coming over whiskey point of LECU me: cuatro vientos tower aemxxxx leaving vi
28 GQfluffy : On Company Radio... Flt: HLN Ops, GQ 2587... Ground: 87, this is HLN, about time... Flt: Oh ya know, approaching rwy sixty niner, gettin 8 out... Towe
29 ReidYYZ : Ground: C-Gxxx hold short SIERRA, give way to comair RJ. C-Gxxx: give way to the RJ, xxx. Ground: Comair XXXX, enter the ramp, call apron on ZZZ.ZZ, t
30 RyGuy : Dont think i have ever heard a funnier situation. lol ATC: Air Canada 431, Traffic is 8 o'clock at flightlever 4,500 Foker XXX report them in site. Pi
31 Goinv : A true story - from Inverness (UK) today easyJet : easy192 request push and start (Hint: there are no push back facilities at Inverness) easyJet : Ah.
32 Flyingbronco05 : You wouldn't be talking to tower at 35,000ft.
33 Post contains images Seanp11 : He must have really good binoculars.
34 Don81603 : I never laughed so hard in my life!
35 Matt72033 : not an ATC conversation as such, but i found it funny. i was on the radio to the captain during a push on a 747 Captain: yeah she was probably giving
36 ReidYYZ : Also not from the radio, but from the headset: Guy on headset for pushback: Flt deck, ground. well be ready to go in a few mins. having problems with
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