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Funny Announcement From Pilots  
User currently offlineIFEMaster From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Posted (8 years 2 months 1 week 14 hours ago) and read 4390 times:

While flying LAX to SEA on Tuesday this week on an AS 737-400, the First Officer made one of the funniest comments I've heard from the cockpit.

We'd just reached our cruising altitude, and the FO came on the speaker and gave us the usual preamble about the weather, arrival time, cruising altitude etc., and then he said...

"In a few minutes, we'll be passing directly over Fresno, and the Captain informs me that we won't be landing there today because friends don't let friends land in Fresno."

There was a roar of laughter throughout the cabin.

What are some of the funny one-liners that you've heard from the cockpit??

43 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineThepilot From Canada, joined Jan 2010, 5 posts, RR: 0
Reply 1, posted (8 years 2 months 1 week 14 hours ago) and read 4382 times:

On my flight from LAX-SEA (coincedence) (see trip report) this weekend, the pilot said,
"Ladies and gentlemen we will be taxiing for a few more moments. There is no need to rush to get off the plane, and you can collect your luggage at baggage claim in 15-20 days." Everyone was laughing really hard. Realizing his mistake, he said, "I meant minutes, but 15-20 days might not be a bad bet for some of you."

You can find more of these if you look in the archives of the civav forum.



From YVR
User currently offlineAirbus3801 From United Kingdom, joined Apr 2004, 1089 posts, RR: 5
Reply 2, posted (8 years 2 months 1 week 14 hours ago) and read 4380 times:

On a recent WN flight, the captain said after the usual "we are ready to taxi now, temp blah blah" that make sure the windows are closed to we don't mess up our hair and the whole plane roared with laughter.

User currently offlineBA787 From United Kingdom, joined Jun 2006, 2596 posts, RR: 7
Reply 3, posted (8 years 2 months 1 week 14 hours ago) and read 4373 times:

on my last TOM flight to Turin IN FEBRUARY, THE CAPTAIN (WHO WAS A BIT OF A PRAT) came on to the intercom and stated to the cabin " Ladies and Gentleman, due to the poor weather conditions on the approach to your destination this afternoon, I will be flying blind into the airport. The plane will land itself and set its own approach. This is standard procedure in poor weather conditions!" This sent an uneasy silence around the cabin with a few "Tosser" and "Tulip" phrases clearly heard from the cabin crew. Around five minutes later he came on the intercom once again to apologise and inform us that we were short on fuel and therefore are first in line to land

The resulting silence and nervous descent into Turin was not helped by dense fog and very close mountains

Not one of Thomsonflys greatest pilots

Tom


User currently offlineGarri767 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 4, posted (8 years 2 months 1 week 11 hours ago) and read 4347 times:

i remember the FA said (when discussing the safety stuff) "In the chance of a Water landing between Dallas and Austin"

User currently offlineYYZflyer From Canada, joined Feb 2006, 3643 posts, RR: 4
Reply 5, posted (8 years 2 months 6 days 18 hours ago) and read 4293 times:

On a WS flight last month an F/A said, "When we arrive at our gate , please collect all of your personal belongings before you exit the aircraft and don't foget anything. If you do leave something on the aircraft please make it has some value and we would like to give our mothers gifts as mothers' day is approaching."

or something similar to that



Avoid hangovers, stay drunk.
User currently offlineBpat777 From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 415 posts, RR: 0
Reply 6, posted (8 years 2 months 6 days 18 hours ago) and read 4289 times:

On a DL MD-88 flt from ATL - RIC the day after Thanksgiving 2005, prior to pushback the pilot informed the passengers, "I'm sure this flight is full of late Thanksgiving Day dinner passengers, so I'm gonna fly this plane like I stole it and get us all to RIC about 8 minutes before the scheduled ETA." The fact that the pilot had a very strong southern accent made the entire plane erupt into laughter.

User currently offlineDeltaDAWG From United States of America, joined May 2006, 776 posts, RR: 1
Reply 7, posted (8 years 2 months 6 days 16 hours ago) and read 4268 times:

I was on a conecting flight around fall '04 from CVG-ATW on Comair. The FO was a woman that gave her usual spill about taking off in 5-10 minutes and taxiing, etc. When we started taxiing she came on the intercom to tell us we were 3rd or 4th to take off then she started cracking jokes.

The whole hour and half she came on the intercom about every 5-10 minutes to tell more jokes. Most were pretty good too.

I remember she was very friendly, not the best looking lady ever but had a real sense of humor. Would like to be on another of her flights one day.



GO Dawgs, Sic' em, woof woof woof
User currently offlineLonghornmaniac From United States of America, joined Jun 2005, 3289 posts, RR: 45
Reply 8, posted (8 years 2 months 6 days 16 hours ago) and read 4262 times:

Quoting Garri767 (Reply 4):
"In the chance of a Water landing between Dallas and Austin"

LOL! Its called Waco Lake!!!!!!

Cheers,
Cameron


User currently offlineJeffry747 From United States of America, joined Jun 2005, 963 posts, RR: 2
Reply 9, posted (8 years 2 months 6 days 15 hours ago) and read 4242 times:
Support Airliners.net - become a First Class Member!

On a recent WN flight from SDF to BWI we had an F/A who had a pretty good sense of humor. During the safety demonstration he advised us that "all seatbelts should be worn the way Britney Spears pants used to be: tight and low across the hip." The entire aircraft busted out laughing on that one

And upon arrival into Baltimore:
"On behalf of this Orlando based flight crew and Southwest Airlines we'd like to welcome you to Honolulu. Aloha! Oh, sorry we're dreaming again. How about Baltimore Washington International. Because our pilots can fly a whole lot better than they can drive, please remain in your seat with your seatbelt securely fastened."  silly 



C'mon Big B, FLY!
User currently offlineAIRCANL1011 From Canada, joined Aug 2005, 262 posts, RR: 1
Reply 10, posted (8 years 2 months 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 4226 times:

On a WS to YOW flight we arrived at the gate 10 minutes early. The F/A announced that we were early and attributed it to all her hard work and dedication to the passengers during the flight.

We all got a good laugh out of that.



CYMRU AM BYTH / WALES FOREVER
User currently offlineTurnit56N From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 11, posted (8 years 2 months 6 days 11 hours ago) and read 4212 times:

Quoting DeltaDAWG (Reply 7):
remember she was very friendly, not the best looking lady ever but had a real sense of humor.

I hate to be that person....but what does a pilot's attractiveness have to do with anything? We don't rate the looks of male pilots, but whenever it's a woman flying folks have to mention how she rated in the beauty department.

I feel compelled to mention it because my fiancee is also a pilot and this is one of her pet peeves. She says she gets more comments from passengers on her appearance than on how good her flying/landing was (which is what she does care about). I can see how it'd be a bit annoying to have public perception of your value as a pilot tied to how you filled out your uniform.


User currently offlineDFWMzuri From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 248 posts, RR: 0
Reply 12, posted (8 years 2 months 5 days 19 hours ago) and read 4159 times:

Back in the 80's, I was flying from HNL to one of the Islands. The Captain aborted the takeoff a moment before liftoff, came on the intercom and said: "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again."

User currently offlineEvan767 From United States of America, joined Aug 2005, 2957 posts, RR: 2
Reply 13, posted (8 years 2 months 5 days 17 hours ago) and read 4139 times:

Well it wasn't an announcement but we had a hilarious F/A from ATL-PHF one day. He was going through the safety demonstration and then he came to the part where he has to demonstrate how to buckle the seat belt. He got out is little seat belt and started to try and put the belt into the buckle as if it were so hard to master. He tried to put it in sideways, backwards, anyway you could think of. He went on for at least 3 minutes doing this. Finally he got the seatbelt in. I was the only one who clapped and started laughing on the whole plane. Gee what a tough audience; well it was early in the morning. He announced that he had heard at least one person clapping.


The proper term is "on final" not "on finals" bud...
User currently offlineDon81603 From Canada, joined Jul 2005, 1185 posts, RR: 0
Reply 14, posted (8 years 2 months 5 days 15 hours ago) and read 4121 times:

I was on a WS flight from YYC to YWG a few years ago on Hallowe'en, and of course, the F/A's were done to the 9's. A Raggedty Ann, a Pirate, a southern hillbilly and a mime...

During the preflight safety blurb, the lead FA told us there are 4 emergency exits on this aircraft, which happens to be the same number of teeth Cletus has...
The whole plane chuckled...



Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
User currently offlineJetBlueAUS From United States of America, joined Apr 2006, 1145 posts, RR: 8
Reply 15, posted (8 years 2 months 5 days 11 hours ago) and read 4102 times:

It was during the Christmas holidays and Southwest was experiencing some major delays to/from HOU and when we landed the pilot came over the intercom and said, "It wasn't our fault, it was the asphault." I got a small chuckle from it, but most of the plane roared with laughter.


Not all of us can be heroes, some of us can only stand on the sidewalk and clap as they go by.
User currently offlineSolnabo From Sweden, joined Jan 2008, 852 posts, RR: 2
Reply 16, posted (8 years 2 months 5 days 10 hours ago) and read 4092 times:

Flying from L Tahoe with AirCal 737 in 1987, captain came on the speakers and said with a Bette Davies voice: "Fasten youre seatbelts, its gonna be a bumpy ride".

Everone on board applauded him ´cuz his vioce was so exactly like BD from "All about Eve" Kudos to him....

The ride WAS extremly bumpy, pax was screaming right out in fear n horror, I almost wet my pants and thought that the wings was about to break off, finally we where over the stormclouds and we had a smooth landing in SFO after 25 min of flight....

Micke//SWE  relieved 



Airbus SAS - Love them both
User currently offlineRotorImage From United States of America, joined Jun 2006, 40 posts, RR: 0
Reply 17, posted (8 years 1 month 4 weeks 1 day 17 hours ago) and read 3963 times:

Hmmm....funniest thing I've heard a Captain say over intercom?

Several times, while flying in busy airspace (in my own aircraft) I have heard Captains or FOs accidentally transmit their entire commentary over whatever ATC frequency they're currently on.....because their transmit switch was on the improper selection.

It's really funny to hear over (whatever) ARTCC freq you're on, between the random aircraft requesting flight level changes, someone start their litany of "Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to welcome you aboard....blah blah blah..."

Inevitably (and I myself am guilty) after the dude finishes telling the whole world how happy he is for his passengers to be flying [whatever] airline, everybody on freq starts hollering, "Hey, can I get some coffee in 12D?"....Or, "What's the movie tonight?!?!"

I guess you have to be there.......*grin*


User currently offlineAirSpare From United States of America, joined Jun 2006, 589 posts, RR: 6
Reply 18, posted (8 years 1 month 4 weeks 1 day 16 hours ago) and read 3954 times:

Years ago I was flying from SFO to SAC in the middle of the winter, driving rain high winds, low altitude and some pretty damn rough turbulance. On final I was curious if we were going to divert but I guess the crew had things to do in SAC. 50 feet off the runway we were blown sideways, the pilot corrected and then we were slammed into the runway, we probably bounced 30 feet back into the air. The Pursor announced "Ladies and gentlemen, we just landed twice in Sacramento, there will be no extra charges for the second landing". Not many laughed, it was a pretty miserable ride, but I had to chuckle.

I was taking a turboprop to Manhattan KS once. I boarded about an hour before the flight and shot the breeze with the pilot. He looked about 19 years old and just off the farm. I asked him how many hours he had and he said "Actually I'm not a pilot, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night". It was a fun flight, watching him, you could just see him resisting the urge to barrel roll the bird.



Get someone else for your hero worship fetish
User currently offlineFlinhion757 From United States of America, joined Jul 2006, 229 posts, RR: 0
Reply 19, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 3811 times:

"Southwest Airlines is pleased to have the best FAs in the industry but I am very sorry that the are not on this flight".
"Weather at our destiation is about 50 degrees with broken clouds but we will try to fix them before we land".



319,320,332,732,733,735,737,738,744,752,763,CR7,CR9,E135,E140,E145,E175,MD82
User currently offlineIAirAllie From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 20, posted (8 years 1 month 1 week 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 3674 times:

Quoting Turnit56N (Reply 11):
We don't rate the looks of male pilots,

Speak for yourself!


User currently offlineDelta732FF From United States of America, joined May 2005, 228 posts, RR: 0
Reply 21, posted (8 years 1 month 1 week 4 days 8 hours ago) and read 3652 times:

Quoting IAirAllie (Reply 20):
Quoting Turnit56N (Reply 11):
We don't rate the looks of male pilots,

Speak for yourself!

Some people here forget its not a male only fourm.


User currently offlineSkoker From United States of America, joined Apr 2006, 439 posts, RR: 1
Reply 22, posted (8 years 1 month 1 week 3 days 14 hours ago) and read 3614 times:

On a recent flight from BUF to MCO on WN flight 900:

(we had landed WAY FAR AWAY from the gate due to w/x)

"Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of your Baltimore based flight crew, we'd like to welcome you to Orlando. Unfortunately, we forgot to tell you that we only flew halfway and need to drive for a few hundred miles more to the gate. If you'd remain in your seats while the pilot looks for the next highway exit, we'd greatly appreciate it."


User currently offlineVHVXB From Australia, joined Apr 2006, 5524 posts, RR: 18
Reply 23, posted (8 years 1 month 1 week 3 days 3 hours ago) and read 3566 times:

Quoting Skoker (Reply 22):
"Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of your Baltimore based flight crew, we'd like to welcome you to Orlando. Unfortunately, we forgot to tell you that we only flew halfway and need to drive for a few hundred miles more to the gate. If you'd remain in your seats while the pilot looks for the next highway exit, we'd greatly appreciate it."

lol. its good to have sense of humor certain situations.


User currently offlineBamMargera From Australia, joined May 2006, 16 posts, RR: 0
Reply 24, posted (8 years 1 month 1 week 3 days 3 hours ago) and read 3564 times:

Flying to SYD in a 747-300, i had just asked a FA if i could go up and have a look in the cockpit and talk to the flight crew, she said that she will ask the captain and see if its ok. i was told to sit back at my seat and wait till she comes back, about 1 minute later the intercom came on and it announced: To the Teenager called Logan, please make your way to MY cockpit as you have asked to see it... the whole plane broke out in laughter as i walked up there with a red face smiling!!

What a experience !!


25 Dimoko : during the safety speach once, a FA said "tampering with the lavatory smoke detector will activate the ejector seat"
26 AI : On a recent EZY flight to BCN, we had waited for a considerable time for the stairs to arrive so that we could all disembark. The captain came twice o
27 Turnit56N : Not at all - as I said, my fiancee is also a pilot and reads these forums. I'm not saying that no one notices the appearance of male pilots, but we d
28 ZKEOJ : On our flight from YVR to FRA in July 1983 we had pretty bad turbulences on approach to FRA. The captain came on and announced: "This is just the F/O
29 Post contains images FlyMatt2Bermud : Cute comments girls! & guys!! PC!! I'll add a couple. Way before 9/11 and the airlines weren't in a huff to secure the cockpit door and they would eve
30 Thepilot : Yesturday, I was flying with my mom from BFI to the ocean. On the way back into BFI, the tower controller told me to cut in front of a Challenger on f
31 Post contains images NZ8800 : On arrival into New Plymouth on a SF3 - the F/A announced; "Ladies and gentlemen, please be sure to remove all your belongings from the aeroplane. Any
32 FlyUSCG : My dad used to fly SNA-OAK and back every weekend on Southwest for a few years while he was working on Coast Guard Island in Alameda. This is one he t
33 Swissgabe : SAA pilot on a JNB-ZRH flight explaining to the passengers the arrival facilities of ZRH airport. He made plenty of positive comments and called the a
34 Post contains images Jeffry747 : That was a good one; thanks for the good laugh. That Challenger pilot seemed quite friendly.
35 Boeing Nut : My favorite one to date was this one... On a Continental flight I believe. The Captain came on and did his "shpeal" on why they were doing a holding p
36 IAirAllie : Maybe you don't but when I talk to my female friends the male pilots appearance comes into the equation everytime if he is either very attractive or
37 COEXpilot : Having a girlfriend is tough as a pilot. Not just cause your gone. Every trip I get an FA giving me looks. It's tormenting. Please stop or wait.
38 1stfl94 : Not from a pilot but a Virgin Purser ''Ladies and gentlemen this is a non smoking flight and the toilets are equipped with smoke detectors. There are
39 IAirAllie : Another Pilot with a "healthy" ego. LOL
40 Post contains images COEXpilot : What can I say?
41 Alphafloor : Last saturday I was on my flight back from ZRH (anet meet), Swiss A320, just seconds prior to take-off the captain announced 'cabin crew prepare for l
42 Post contains images TinkerBelle : Well said.
43 KSUpilot : I was on a United Express flight, a bit later at night so everyone on board is tired. The FA seems pretty normal, she cracks one or two jokes during t
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