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The Funniest Thing A Pilot Has Ever Said  
User currently offlineNoelG From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 23 hours ago) and read 9658 times:

Just sitting here looking forward to my next trip to the USA in November, remembered about the last time I was there a couple of years ago, and after flying MCO-ATL on an Airtran 717 the pilot announced:

"Welcome to Atlanta, I hope you enjoyed your flight, the next time you decide to go shooting through the sky in a metal tube, I hope you'll think of us here at AirTran".

I wondered if anyone has heard anything like this on their travels, I know there are emails flying around with the list of funny comments, has anyone heard anything funnier themselves?

60 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineSwissgabe From Switzerland, joined Jan 2000, 5266 posts, RR: 33
Reply 1, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 22 hours ago) and read 9581 times:

Sabena flight from BRU to WAW:

here we go ... and then he gave full power and we took off ...



Smooth as silk - Royal Orchid Service /// Suid-Afrikaanse Lugdiens - Springbok
User currently offlineLa Carlota From United States of America, joined Jun 2001, 358 posts, RR: 0
Reply 2, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 22 hours ago) and read 9569 times:

-- 1977, VA flight CCS-MIA. The landing of the DC-10 was superb, just perfect. All the passengers began to applaud, as it used to be a tradition among Venezuelan passengers, but this time it was really well deserved. The captain thanked that very politely, but made a remark: "Thank-you very much for your appreciation, but I would like to remind you to remain seated until we reach the gate".


-- Two years ago, on a BA LHR-BCN flight, after landing, the weather was awful in Barcelona (lots of heavy rain, drizzle, stormy... even though it was the month of August), and it was sunny in London when we left about two hours before. The flight was full of British vacationers to Spain. The captain just said: "It's a pleasure for me to welcome you to Barcelona... and sorry for the weather!"





Tango Tango Fox
User currently offlineLPL From United Kingdom, joined Oct 2001, 1055 posts, RR: 0
Reply 3, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 22 hours ago) and read 9517 times:

BA LHR - LAX:

"We're flying over Greenland at 38,000ft, so if you're sitting by a window, look out for those penguins!"

Wrong pole captain!


User currently offlineERJ135 From Australia, joined Nov 2000, 679 posts, RR: 1
Reply 4, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 21 hours ago) and read 9457 times:

American Airlines 757, St Louis to Los Angeles,
After the welcome aboard the pilot said
"I do hope Los Angeles is in your travel plans today because if it wasn't it is now!"



I remember when the DC-3 was new!
User currently offlineRotate From Switzerland, joined Feb 2003, 1488 posts, RR: 16
Reply 5, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 20 hours ago) and read 9406 times:
Support Airliners.net - become a First Class Member!

just yesterday:

I was flying from LHR to ZRH, the captain introduced hidelf and the cabin and then said: "The flying time in this A319 to ZRH will take 1:30min .... "

actually we have been on a A320  Smile/happy/getting dizzy

cheers robin



ABC
User currently offlineSushka From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 4784 posts, RR: 15
Reply 6, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 20 hours ago) and read 9363 times:

My last flight on a DL 763, (flt 290 I think) the capt came on the intercom two different times and said "Delta two..." and then realized what he did.  Smile/happy/getting dizzy


Pershoyu Spravoyu Litaki!
User currently offlineGodbless From Sweden, joined Apr 2000, 2752 posts, RR: 16
Reply 7, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 19 hours ago) and read 9316 times:

Robin,
I just got home from my flight from IST to CGN and there they also announced the A320 to be an A319.
But I guess the crews do not really care if the bird they are gonna fly is an A319 or A320, if they would only love them birds as we freaks do...

Max


User currently offlineClrd2go From United States of America, joined Feb 2003, 1000 posts, RR: 0
Reply 8, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 19 hours ago) and read 9276 times:


on a CO 727 about to leave DEN (Stapleton) for COS "flight attendants take
your seats..and let's get out of town."

I've also noticed a few instances of the pilot/FO not realizing he was on
intercom and responding to ATC.


Jim



What a long strange trip it's been
User currently offlineFritzi From United Arab Emirates, joined Jun 2001, 2762 posts, RR: 2
Reply 9, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 19 hours ago) and read 9258 times:

On a LX flight from ZRH - VIE:

the captain said:

Our flying time to London Heathrow will be two hours and twenty minutes.  Nuts.

I was starting to think that they had entered the wrong flightplan into the FMC but then he corrected his mistake a minute later.




User currently offlineRick767 From United Kingdom, joined Jan 2000, 2662 posts, RR: 51
Reply 10, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 19 hours ago) and read 9266 times:

One of my own personal blunders:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Malaga..."

...as we vacated the runway in Almeira!  Nuts



I used to love the smell of Jet-A in the morning...
User currently offlineGoingboeing From United States of America, joined Dec 1999, 4875 posts, RR: 17
Reply 11, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 9234 times:

On Southwest, arriving in MCI the pilot said that if you enjoyed your flight, thank you for flying Southwest. If you didn't...then this was TWA flight 105.

User currently offlineLuv2fly From United States of America, joined May 2003, 12090 posts, RR: 50
Reply 12, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 9206 times:

I once was traveling on business with a fellow co-worker who was traveling on vacation with her three young daughters. It happened we were together on both out bound and return flights, well the youngest did not care for the flight out, tho on the return they were all experienced travelers and the littlest one was just over 2 years old, looks at Mom and says very loudly, "When are we going to blast off!" Whole plane laughed for minutes. Out of the mouth of babes.


You can cut the irony with a knife
User currently offlineVs601 From United Kingdom, joined May 2003, 33 posts, RR: 0
Reply 13, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 9209 times:

During a cabin crew safety demo on CO flight from Houston to SFO once , they said: In the unlikely event we should land on water, your seat cushion doubles up as a flotation device. Should you reach land, you may keep these courtesy of Continental........Hilarious!

User currently offlineCtflyer From United States of America, joined Jul 2000, 89 posts, RR: 0
Reply 14, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 9179 times:

I was flying on United from Chicago to Hartford. The pilot was on the PA making an announcement in reference to the fact that we had begun our decent and he mention another city. He was unable to remember where we were flying and in an attempt to correct himself mentioned another city which was also incorrect. He finally asked the first officer what city we were flying into.

I found it very amusing but I'm sure that those apprehensive flyers did not share in my amusement.


User currently offlineTR From UK - England, joined May 2001, 953 posts, RR: 0
Reply 15, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 9161 times:

Some years back on board a Cathay 747-400. Shortly before the famous Kowloon approach into Kai Tak our captain announced: ".... and for those of you who is flying into Hong Kong for the first time, simple sit back and enjoy the ride!"

Those were the days:

View Large View Medium
Click here for bigger photo!

Photo © Gerhard Plomitzer



User currently offlineSpotterboy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 16, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 9158 times:

On a Tyrolean Airways flight in the late afternoon from CDG to INN -- My seat was 7A in the Dash8-300 and I was watching out the window when to first officer announced that We're now flying over Zurich Airport and so we've reached Austrian terretory!!! ... Well, it would be nice if ZRH is in Austria...  Big thumbs up

regards, Florian


User currently offlineEA CO AS From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 13255 posts, RR: 62
Reply 17, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 9113 times:
Support Airliners.net - become a First Class Member!

On a recent Alaska Airlines flight from Phoenix, AZ to Portland, OR:

Ladies and gentlemen, we'd like to welcome you aboard Alaska flight 717 going to....Los Cabos...

And a cheer went up from the passengers.

...ok, how 'bout Puerto Vallarta?

Another cheer.

Mazatlan? Or Cancun?

Another big cheer.

What about Anchorage?

The whole plane booed loudly.

Ok, fine. I'll take you to Portland, jeez.

Everyone laughs

We'll be leaving the gate shortly. We ask that you pay close attention to your cabin crew, who will be performing a safety demonstration for you momentarily. For your information, your first officer and I have a combined 42 years' flying experience, 22 of those in Alaska Airlines MD-80s.

Your cabin crew has a combined 1,912 years of experience, however.


Pause

Ok, so now that the flight attendants are glaring at me and threatening my life, let's get underway. Welcome aboard.

Everyone continued laughing, and then the preflight safety demo began as the senior flight attendant said over the P.A. Ok, how do I compete with THAT?



"In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem - government IS the problem." - Ronald Reagan
User currently offlineBeefer From United States of America, joined Jun 2003, 390 posts, RR: 0
Reply 18, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 9088 times:

I've always wondered if the pilots can actually hear the clapping of the passengers when a good landing is made. I guess I've always thought that they wouldn't be able to hear it through the cockpit walls.

Any comments????


User currently offlineMia777 From United States of America, joined Sep 2002, 1165 posts, RR: 6
Reply 19, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 17 hours ago) and read 9061 times:

Do pilots really not know what sort of aircraft they are operating (A319/320)??? Is it really that much similar only the 320 is simply longer? I guess I would be concerned if I knew I was on a 320 and my pilot thought otherwise...


MIA777
User currently offlineJ32driver From United States of America, joined May 2000, 399 posts, RR: 1
Reply 20, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 17 hours ago) and read 9033 times:

Probably no clue about the 319 vs. the 320. At one time I was flying 3 different models of the same airplane... all different lengths and passenger configurations. The only way to tell the difference was to look at the pack of speed cards on the center console and read the series you were in. Other than that, the cockpits were 100% identical.

User currently offlinePropatriamori From United States of America, joined Jun 2000, 132 posts, RR: 0
Reply 21, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 17 hours ago) and read 9035 times:

Actually heard on a CO flight, 10/01...

Plane was about 40% full.

"Ladies and Gentleman, as we have a few empty seats on this flight, please fell free to move to any available window seat, we'd like our competitors to think this plane is full..."


User currently offlineFlyCMH From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 2271 posts, RR: 10
Reply 22, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 15 hours ago) and read 8891 times:

The funniest thing I ever heard a pilot say actually occured while I was at work. I was in the push-tug pushing back a Phoenix-bound A320 when the pilot asked me:

"Hey, do you know what separates pilots from the scum of the earth?"

Chucking, I asked "what"?

His response: "The cockpit door!"

 Smile/happy/getting dizzy


User currently offlineDan2002 From United States of America, joined Dec 2002, 2055 posts, RR: 5
Reply 23, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 15 hours ago) and read 8866 times:

On a WN flight awhile back the CO-Pilot came on the PA and said: " Today we have someone celebrating their 90th Birthday today and its his first time flying so lets all give a round of applause to the pilot!!" The whole plane went silent.


A guy asks 'What's Punk?'. I kick over a trash can and its punk. He knocks over a trash can and its trendy.
User currently offlineQb001 From Canada, joined Apr 2000, 2053 posts, RR: 4
Reply 24, posted (10 years 10 months 1 week 1 day 15 hours ago) and read 8846 times:

CO 733 PBI-EWR.

"Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the wonderful Renaissance city of Newark" (big laughs in the plane) and then "Since this flight landed a bit in advance, please remember next time one of our flight is delayed that you owe us 30 minutes" !!!



Never let the facts get in the way of a good theory.
25 Blink182 : Flying out of DEN several years ago on Christmas day, the FA did the safety demo in the tune of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. She did a good job t
26 Flyingbronco05 : AA flight from ORD-STL The Captain came on and said: "Im captain XXX and the co-pilot is XXX and we are going to remain fully clothed for this entire
27 JBLUA320 : Hmmmmmm Ive had a few funny incidents: Northwest 757-200 8/18/02 As boarding was underway, every now and again a male FA would get on the horn and ann
28 BDRules : When i was on an Airtours International flight from SYD back to MAN we were cutting our slot time and the night time closure of the airport very fine
29 Eg777er : I've always been a fan of: "Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls....."
30 Jmc757 : Flying back from TFS to BHX in 2001 with Airtours, the ground agents were having a few problems getting the *new* airbridge connected to our A320. Cab
31 CanyonBlue : On B6 flight from ROC-JFK landing at JFK "Whoa big fella, WHOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAA! On a B6 flight SLC-JFK "...... our time of arrival into JFK will be 610
32 Flyboy36y : TWA 767 JFK-BOS Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to TWA flight 473 with nonstop service to Bostn Logan international airport... if boston is..uh.. not whe
33 DC-10 Levo : Me: So how can I get into Piloting? Pilot: You'll need a rich sugar daddy cos it'll cost you £60,000 just for training! Me: Oh. DC-10
34 Post contains images Andie007 : Lufthansa flight from Munich to Dusseldorf. Captian: " We're on an inner-german flight. So forget the English translation. Today I'll do nothing. Perh
35 Danialanwar : Early this year on a Swiss flight from Basel to Sevilla: - pilot announcement in Spanish - then French - then English - then German: (translated) "My
36 JBirdAV8r : A recent NW flight JAX-DTW, after sterile cockpit chime climbing through 10,000': "Well, ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard! Looks like we have a sp
37 Kramri : We were settling down prior to push on Morris Air (DEN, SLC, LAX), when we heard a wooden train whistle and "All aboard!" P.S. the captain was wearing
38 Jcs17 : On a full CO Express ERJ-145 from DAL-IAH we stopped short before turning onto the main runway for departure, the captain came on the P.A. and said, "
39 Senliture : Eg777er, you should take VirginBlue, all of their announcements are with "boys and girls"! Senliture
40 Hammer : On a flight from DTW-MSP a few years back the captain came on shortly after takeoff and said "Ladies and Gentlemen, we are turning back to the Detroit
41 VgnAtl747 : Virgin Atlantic flight from LHR to JFK several years ago, as we taxied toward the gate: "Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of Virgin Atlantic, we'd like
42 Likesplanes : Actually not a pilot, but a flight attendant on a Westjet flight; arriving in Grande Prairie AB from Edmonton AB. Just after touchdown in Grande Prair
43 Fsuwxman : Taxing for take off 9L FLL to TLH on Comair CRJ... Ladies and gentleman... looks like we will be number one, (long pause) or number four for take off.
44 Post contains images WLG-Spotter : Flying on a Singapore Airlines B747-400 SIN-AKL a couple of years back, the Capt came on the air and made his pre-departure anouncement: "Hello Ladies
45 EGPX : Another FA announcement rather than the pilot but here goes: Ryanair 737 on the ground at STN prior to push back for PIK. FA gives safety briefing and
46 Post contains images Flyf15 : Checking in with Toronto center last week: "Howdy Toronto Center, ***** with you at one-one thousand, how ya'll der'n?" The pilot being...well....me.
47 Mbmbos : United Airlines 757 Co-pilot on an LAX-BOS nonstop. We had taken an extremely southerly route, south of Tucson and past El Paso. I began wondering whe
48 Rongotai : Recently reported in 'Australian Aviation' CAPTAIN of QF3: Good morning, this is Qantas5. SYDNEY TOWER ATC: Good morning. Either you're Qantas 3 or I'
49 Rongotai : This is my all time favourite. DENVER TOWER: United 123. there is a disabled aircraft blocking the taxiway to your right. Bear left. United 123 comes
50 ThirtyEcho : There wa a WN pilot I flew with several times a few years ago who always refered to the aircraft as "this puppy"; an example would be, "If you folks w
51 Post contains images AA717driver : The funniest thing I ever heard a pilot say was "That tip is a little small. Shouldn't we leave a couple bucks more?" Now that's a hoot! Or, how about
52 Parisien : Upon landing in LHR, our UA pilot announced: Ladies and Gentlemen, I am very SURPRISED to welcome you to London Heathrow. Everyone laughed. This fligh
53 Post contains images XFSUgimpLB41X : I was with a student about a month ago in one of the Archers, we were setting up behind a Delta MD-80 for runway 9 at TLH (aim for the crater that Fed
54 Afitch7881 : Funniest thing I have heard didn't come from a pilot but a kid sitting in the row ahead of me. The kid must have been 2 or 3, maybe 4, very young to s
55 SQ325 : One a flight from FRA to GOT i started my usual passenger announcment and didn't notice that i told everything to the ATC channel. I thing nearly ever
56 BR715-A1-30 : While taxiing out of GPT to go to ATL the F/A said "If Atlanta is not in your travel plans, too late, we are still going." Then he started singing. "I
57 Post contains images Jumbolino : @Spotterboy (Florian) yeah come to me (nearby ZRH at the moment) and we hiss the red-white-red flag here and will see what will happen To be not that
58 Post contains images XFSUgimpLB41X : Now Chris.. are you sure that wasn't MSP center? I seem to remember sitting next to you, teee heeee.
59 L-188 : This is morbid. In perfect manderin chinese. "What does "Pull up" mean" I believe it was the final words pulled off an CVR after a crash in China.
60 Teva : On board an Air Littoral (FU) flt CDG-Dublin. The crew of this French F100 was Brittish. The captain told us in French with the classical BBC style ac
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