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Aviation Joke  
User currently offlineNWA742 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 2423 times:

Here's my attempt (and I know it's unrealistic  Big grin:

An experienced American Airlines pilot, type rated on the 757/767, gets an unexpected offer from Air France:

He would move to France, and be trained on the A340. The pay would be double what he makes now.

Since he's always wanted to live in Europe for awhile, he gladly accepts the offer.

-----------------------------------

Weeks later, he's all set in France and ready to start flight training on the A340. The first simulator run was a short flight from Paris to London in bad weather.

As the pilot completed the flight and walked out of the simulator, The Air France training staff exclaimed how pleased they were at the pilot's first hand performance on the A340.

The pilot had a big glare on his face though. When asked what's wrong, he replies:

You know, I've flown for 30 years, the A340 is one smooth aircraft, and this whole simulator run went well, right? I believe I did everything correct, but there's one thing I DO NOT LIKE about this plane. I make a perfect fucking precision approach, and I touch the plane down very lightly, and the goddamn thing calls me a retard!




-NWA742

[Edited 2003-07-23 22:27:36]

20 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineAirplanepics From United Kingdom, joined Jun 2003, 2733 posts, RR: 40
Reply 1, posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 2347 times:

Thats pretty good!!
lol

Regards,
Airplanepics



Simon - London-Aviation.com
User currently offlineUSAir330 From United States of America, joined Mar 2002, 824 posts, RR: 1
Reply 2, posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 11 hours ago) and read 2268 times:

LoL that was funny... What does it really say though?

User currently offlineSpotterboy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 3, posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 11 hours ago) and read 2247 times:

What does it really say though?......

That means - if you're flying from Paris to London in an A340.... you can be sure that the pilot is ex-American....  Insane

Not that funny eh?  Laugh out loud


User currently offlineMD11LuxuryLinr From United States of America, joined Jul 2003, 1385 posts, RR: 14
Reply 4, posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 11 hours ago) and read 2229 times:

That was pretty freakin good!! Damn funny u are!

 Nuts




Caution wake turbulence, you are following a heavy jet.
User currently offlineRichierich From United States of America, joined Nov 2000, 4248 posts, RR: 6
Reply 5, posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 2152 times:

Haha.

Retard means slow in French, USAir330.

If you have to explain the joke.....



None shall pass!!!!
User currently offlineMD11LuxuryLinr From United States of America, joined Jul 2003, 1385 posts, RR: 14
Reply 6, posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 2128 times:


USAirA330
..when descending through 20 feet, the airplane says "retard, retard, retard".. Telling the pilot flying to pull the side stick back to bring the nose up for touchdown.. I believe that's what you asked..



Caution wake turbulence, you are following a heavy jet.
User currently offlineLHR340 From United Kingdom, joined Apr 2003, 877 posts, RR: 1
Reply 7, posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 2103 times:

 Laugh out loud that's damn funny. And yeah the says "retard retard retard" when its close to touching down, so the pilot can flare.

LHR340



A340 LoVeR! EC-GQK - LHR The Bussiest International Airport & 3rd Bussiest In The World!
User currently offlineCessnapimp From Canada, joined Oct 2001, 1320 posts, RR: 19
Reply 8, posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 9 hours ago) and read 2029 times:

It's to close the throttles... an Airbus won't land (300 and 310 not withstanding) without throttles closed.

User currently offline762er From United States of America, joined Feb 2001, 542 posts, RR: 1
Reply 9, posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 8 hours ago) and read 1956 times:

Retard is also an english word. It refers to retarding the throttle, not flaring.

User currently offlineElwood64151 From United States of America, joined Feb 2002, 2477 posts, RR: 6
Reply 10, posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 1892 times:

Retard is also American slang for "retarded", now called "learning disabled", which is why this rather entropic joke is funny.


Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it in summer school.
User currently offlineElwood64151 From United States of America, joined Feb 2002, 2477 posts, RR: 6
Reply 11, posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 1881 times:

I just realized I might get flamed for my comment. Bear in mind, I was speaking to those people who are not familiar enough with American slang to know why the joke is funny.

As for me, I got the impression that "retard" was probably a voice instruction from the aircraft, but I did not know its definition.

Cheers!



Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it in summer school.
User currently offlineN766UA From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 8239 posts, RR: 23
Reply 12, posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 5 hours ago) and read 1822 times:

LOL, it's funny how far off you people are! "Retard" means to retard the throttles. C'mon people!


This Website Censors Me
User currently offlineCancidas From Poland, joined Jul 2003, 4112 posts, RR: 11
Reply 13, posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 4 hours ago) and read 1767 times:

that got me rolling on the floor! i'd say something but no.  Big thumbs up


"...cannot the kingdom of salvation take me home."
User currently offlineUal747 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 14, posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 4 hours ago) and read 1755 times:

I'm glad someone explained that one. It is funny.

UAL747


User currently offlineNWA742 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 15, posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 3 hours ago) and read 1734 times:

Yeah I learned that from watching a video from Just Planes.

The guy flared and it said "Retard, retard, retard", and it stopped as soon as he finished retarding the throttles.

To anybody who doesn't get it:

It says "retard" to the pilot because it's time for him to retard (pull back) the throttles on landing.

Read it again with that knowledge  Smile



-NWA742


User currently offlineXQ737 From Germany, joined Mar 2003, 103 posts, RR: 0
Reply 16, posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 5 days 13 hours ago) and read 1584 times:

Just one question.

Do the 737NG /B747-400/B777-200/300 have the same announcement or don't they have any announcements after passing 500feet during the approach?


Is it true that pilots have given a name to that voice of that announcement? If yes, what is the name?


User currently offlineCmckeithen From United States of America, joined Jul 2003, 617 posts, RR: 1
Reply 17, posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 5 days 13 hours ago) and read 1555 times:

Very good. I love this one. I guess we need our Boeing planes to talk to us while landing.

[Edited 2003-07-24 21:38:50]

User currently offlineRichierich From United States of America, joined Nov 2000, 4248 posts, RR: 6
Reply 18, posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 5 days 10 hours ago) and read 1474 times:

Boeing planes are silent.
Airbus planes call the pilot's names.



None shall pass!!!!
User currently offlineBoeing4ever From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 19, posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 5 days 9 hours ago) and read 1389 times:

Boeing planes are silent.
Airbus planes call the pilot's names.


Just cuz they're silent doesn't mean they like the pilots...

"If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all"  Laugh out loud

B4e-Forever New Frontiers


User currently offlineElwood64151 From United States of America, joined Feb 2002, 2477 posts, RR: 6
Reply 20, posted (11 years 1 month 1 week 5 days 7 hours ago) and read 1370 times:

Boeing4ever:

But it does mean they've learned tact! Too bad the Airbuses are just plain rude!

Okay, I'm ready to be flamed, now.



Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it in summer school.
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