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Aviation Humor  
User currently offlineFlybynight From Norway, joined Jul 2003, 1266 posts, RR: 2
Posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 5 days 13 hours ago) and read 2878 times:

Anyone got good plane humor (not sure if this should be posted in this chat!):

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced
up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat.

Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a
conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business, The Annual Sexual Education
Convention in Chicago."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen,
sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for sex education!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business
role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the
popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," he said. "What myths are those?"

"Well," she explained. "One popular myth is that African American men are
the best endowed, when in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most
likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are
the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have,
however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the
Southern Redneck."

Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm
sorry." she said. "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even
know your name."

"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba

Heia Norge!
6 replies: All unread, jump to last
User currently offlineB777FA From United States of America, joined Aug 2003, 246 posts, RR: 0
Reply 1, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 5 days 13 hours ago) and read 2809 times:

What's the difference between a canoe and a pilot??

The canoe tips !!!!!  Smile/happy/getting dizzy

User currently offlineDIJKKIJK From France, joined Jul 2003, 1911 posts, RR: 4
Reply 2, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 2646 times:

Why are all planes female?

'cos they all have a 'COCKPIT '!!!!

Never argue with idiots. They will bring you down to their level, and beat you with experience.
User currently offlineBabaero From Philippines, joined Jan 2002, 479 posts, RR: 0
Reply 3, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 5 days 3 hours ago) and read 2535 times:
Support Airliners.net - become a First Class Member!

Here are a few....

While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing
for Ft.Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United

An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew,
screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to
turn right on to Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right
there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C
and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew,
he was now shouting
hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever
to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you
to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour
and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how
I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly
silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance
engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind.

Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone,
asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"


A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll
out after touching down.San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard
right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able... If not able,
take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and
return to the airport."


Unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing


Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency
124.7" Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the
way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end
of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact
Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern
702?" Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and
yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers"


The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking
location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it
was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following
exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747,
call sign Speedbird 206":

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206:
"Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now." Ground (with
quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to
Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 -- but I
didn't land."


O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
Fokker,one o'clock, three miles, eastbound." United 239: "Approach, I've
always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."


A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
Germany. Why must I speak English?" Unknown voice from another plane (in
a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

User currently offlineDan2002 From United States of America, joined Dec 2002, 2055 posts, RR: 4
Reply 4, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 2427 times:

On a summer day in Frankfurt a BA Captain noticed that a Lufthansa 707 still had a remove before flight tag attached as the BA FO tried radioing the LH 707 they got this in response, "the professional flight crew of Lufthansa do not take part in casual chatting like this" In response the BA FO said "Well Ground tell The Professional Crew of The Lufthansa 707 that their Remove Before Flight Tag Is Still On!"

A guy asks 'What's Punk?'. I kick over a trash can and its punk. He knocks over a trash can and its trendy.
User currently offlineFlybynight From Norway, joined Jul 2003, 1266 posts, RR: 2
Reply 5, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 4 days 17 hours ago) and read 2294 times:

Babaero - Good stuff! Same for the rest of you.

Heia Norge!
User currently offlineAlitaliaORD From United States of America, joined Aug 2003, 242 posts, RR: 0
Reply 6, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 4 days 14 hours ago) and read 2226 times:

what airline do vampires fly..........
British Scareways

quite possibly the best joke ever........quite possibly

Joy To The World, All The Boys and Girls, Joy to the Fishes in the Deep Blue Sea, Joy to You and Me
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