JuniorSpotter From Sweden, joined Mar 2004, 225 posts, RR: 2 Posted (10 years 11 months 1 week 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 13514 times:
Okay, so I'm bored. Everything's messing with me at work...so I need to let off some steam with some aviation related humor.
Top ten things you DON'T want to hear in a plane:
10. "Whoop, whoop! Pull up!"
9. "I wonder what this button does..."
8. "Ten bucks says I CAN land on top of that mountain."
6. "Uhm...this is your captain speaking. Could everyone please flap your arms...?"
5. "Man, it's hot in here...open the door?"
4. "Let's chicken-race that triple-seven!"
3. "To start, press any key...where's the any-key?"
2. "This is your stewardess speaking...does anyone of you know how to fly?"
1. "Hiiiii, evrrybody!" - "Hi, captain Nick!"
I told you I was bored. Now come on...I know you wanna...
ACEregular From United Kingdom, joined Aug 2003, 676 posts, RR: 1
Reply 3, posted (10 years 11 months 1 week 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 13410 times:
This goes hand in hand with the CV990 thread which I replied to and relates to a flight from PMI to NCL in 1989. We had been delayed at PMI for around 5/6 hours with no word as to why. When we finally boarded the TEA UK 737-200 and took off, the pilot announced over the PA the reason for the delay was that the aircraft had an engine failure during its previous take off and had to sit at BHX while they inspected it and fitted a part. Not something I was keen to hear!
Motorhussy From New Zealand, joined Mar 2000, 3434 posts, RR: 9
Reply 4, posted (10 years 11 months 1 week 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 13316 times:
"Would any passengers who had the Shrimp Cocktail please make yourselves known to your cabin staff!"
And of course you'd also managed to pursuade your neighbour she didn't really want hers.
But the least pleasant is when one of the cabin staff who's been confined in the lower deck galley too long comes careering out of the lift screaming "We're all going to die! We're all going to die!" and then tries to open an emergency exit.
Bofredrik From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 13, posted (10 years 11 months 1 week 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 13057 times:
"All the lavatories will now be closed. We have 7 hours left on our flight from London. Sit down and think of other things. As a compensation will we serve free champagne to all passengers. Magnum bottles."
Nudelhirsch From Germany, joined Oct 2003, 1438 posts, RR: 18
Reply 14, posted (10 years 11 months 1 week 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 12923 times:
I suggest to add these to the list:
- Captain over PA: "Anyone out there have some to smoke I can buy? Got
mine taken away during drug-testing this morning?"
- Songs from Britney Spears or
- my brother's burps (might end embarassing...could be fun after some beers
- Ladies and Gentlemen, we have to divert... (had it before, not very nice and
- "Sir, Your Mom told us, to only serve the vegetarian meal to You"
SQ25J From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 308 posts, RR: 0
Reply 15, posted (10 years 11 months 1 week 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 12778 times:
Actual Words from Cockpit of CO flight DCA-EWR early 1999:
"Ladies and gentleman....your not going to believe this....", captain proceeded to say that we did not have proper takeoff clearance as EWR was not accepting arrival due to WX...he proceeded to say we would turnback to DCA-than said ATC would makeup for their "screwup" and let us proceed to EWR, except we would have to wait approx 2 hours to land, thus circling. Ultimately we landed approx an hour after takeoff. I wonder what really happened and what was done after the fact-this seemed fairly serious to me and shouldn't have happened!
Jhooper From United States of America, joined Dec 2001, 6206 posts, RR: 11
Reply 17, posted (10 years 11 months 1 week 3 days 16 hours ago) and read 12684 times:
I'm going to answer this before reading any of the other replies. We'll see how close I came to the rest of you.
10. No standing in line for the potty
9. We will be entering a holding pattern for awhile / Sorry we're delayed, hopefully we're holding your connection for you
8. Thunderstorms / High winds at departure or destination airport
7. Severe turbulence
6. Ground Stop
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