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How To Prepare To Become A Flight Attendant  
User currently offlineCanadi>nBoy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Posted (10 years 1 month 3 weeks 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 4602 times:

A friend e-mailed the following to me, and I found it amusing, as will anyone who has ever flown as airline cabin crew.


"Recently, I received e-mail from two readers who thought flying sounded
like an exotic career and asked me if I would do it all over again.
So, when I met two old flying colleagues for lunch, I asked them the same
question. We put our heads together and came up with a training guide for
anyone who is considering a career as a flight attendant and is looking
for the adventure of air travel."

Here it is:

"Preparing For The Glamorous Life"

1. Go to a resale store and find an old, navy suit (preferably polyester or
a cotton/polyester blend) that an army sergeant might have worn. Add a white
shirt and a tie. Wear this outfit for three consecutive days.

2. Go to an airport and watch airplanes take off for several hours. Pretend
you are on crew stand-by for them, and they are all full. Bring a carry-on
suitcase on wheels with you when you go to the airport. Walk around the terminal, pulling on this suitcase. Do not smile. Go home. Return to the airport the next day and repeat this procedure.

3. Fill several large boxes with rocks. Lift them over your head and place
them on the top shelf of a closet. Slam the door shut until the boxes fit.
Do this until you feel a disk slip in your back.

4. Turn on a radio. Be sure to set it between stations so there is plenty
of static. Turn on the vacuum cleaner and garbage disposal. Run them all
night.

5. Remove the covers from several TV entrees. Purchase chicken and beef
entrees only. Place them in a hot oven. Leave the food in the oven until
it's completely dried out. Remove the hot trays with your bare hands. Serve to
your family. Don't include anything for yourself. Remain calm and assume a
sympathetic expression as your family complains they did not get their
choice of entree.

6. Serve your family a beverage one hour after they've received their
meal. Make them remain in their seats during this time. Ask them to scream
at you and complain about the service.

7. Scrounge uneaten rolls off the plates for you to eat two hours later
when you're really hungry.

8. Place a straight-backed chair in a closet facing a blank wall. Use a
belt to strap yourself into it. Eat the rolls you save from your family's
meal. Consume 3 or 4 cups of coffee while eating the rolls.

9. Ask your family to use the bathroom as frequently as possible. Tell
them to make splashing water a game and see who can leave the most
disgusting mess. Clean the bathroom every hour throughout the night.

10. Make a narrow aisle between several dining room chairs and randomly
scatter your husband's/wive's dress shoes and loafers along the way. Turn off the lights and spend the night walking up and down the aisle while banging your shins against the chair legs and tripping over the shoes. Drink several
cups of coffee to keep yourself awake.

11. Gently wake your family in the morning and serve them a cold sweet
roll and freshly brewed coffee. Grab some small facecloths from the bathroom.
Pour boiling hot water over them and offer these to your family to help them awaken. Don't forget to smile and wish them a nice day when they leave for work and school.

12. After the family leaves, take a suitcase and go out in the yard. If it
is not raining, turn on the sprinkling system and stand in the cold for 30
minutes pretending like you're waiting for the crew bus to pick you up.
After doing this, go inside and wait by your bedroom door for another
30 minutes for an imaginary maid to make up your room.

13. You no doubt at this point wish to sleep, after being up all night.
Alas, you cannot. Change into street clothes and shop for five hours. Pick up
carry-out food from a local deli. Go back home. Sit on your bed and eat your meal. Set your alarm for 3 a.m. so you'll be ready for your wake-up call.

14. Repeat the above schedule for three days in a row, and you'll be ready
for your first international trip! Congratulations! You've earned your wings.



8 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineN6376m From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 1, posted (10 years 1 month 3 weeks 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 4584 times:

15. Join Airliners.net : make frequent posts about how underpaid you are.

User currently offlineKKMolokai From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 760 posts, RR: 2
Reply 2, posted (10 years 1 month 3 weeks 4 days 23 hours ago) and read 4494 times:

Perhaps a trip to the unemployment line would foster a better appreciation for the "glamorous" job someone else is without. Its only as bad as YOU allow it to be.



We are the people of American Airlines. And we know why you fly.
User currently offlinePualani From United States of America, joined May 2004, 301 posts, RR: 6
Reply 3, posted (10 years 1 month 3 weeks 4 days 23 hours ago) and read 4485 times:

Very funny post !!! I am gonna send this to all my friends. Thanks for posting it !!

pualani


User currently offlineHALFA From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 1353 posts, RR: 15
Reply 4, posted (10 years 1 month 3 weeks 4 days 22 hours ago) and read 4447 times:

Canadian Boy,

Nice to see some of us on here still have a sense of humor!
(and others apparently don't)
Hilarious!!
Thanks for posting.

Aloha



Don't mess with Texas....We just may do that!
User currently offlineCanadi>nBoy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 5, posted (10 years 1 month 3 weeks 4 days 11 hours ago) and read 4333 times:

"Perhaps a trip to the unemployment line would foster a better appreciation for the "glamorous" job someone else is without. Its only as bad as YOU allow it to be."

Hey, dude, it was a joke. Lighten up for Christ sake.


Halfa, glad you got a chuckle out of it.

"Nice to see some of us on here still have a sense of humor!"

Sadly, many on here don't, which is why I've elected to rarely, if ever, post on here. I think too many people here take themselves and this site far too seriously, ie the know-it-all airline/aviation armchair CEOs who are far too self important for my taste. And let's not forget all the inflated egos here who strive to have a high respected users listing, and seem to live on this site....please people, it's the fucking internet.

One guy on here, whom I do "respect", for he actually HAS a sense of humour,
once said many guys on here frequently contribute/post to leave their mark the same way a dog constantly pisses against a tree or fire hydrant, so all the other dogs will know Fido was there! LOL.

Ciao!  Smile/happy/getting dizzy


User currently offline4jaded From United States of America, joined Apr 2004, 248 posts, RR: 0
Reply 6, posted (10 years 1 month 3 weeks 4 days 11 hours ago) and read 4323 times:

Very funny post I am also glad to see that some of us here put things into perspective. This is supposed to be a fun place to talk a little sh.t and I am glad that I finally get to see some world class humor !!! Thanks
Canadi>n Boy !!


User currently offlineFlyguyclt From United States of America, joined Aug 2005, 537 posts, RR: 8
Reply 7, posted (10 years 1 month 3 weeks 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 4316 times:

Humor is a wonderfully gift, some of you should use it now and then.

I am fairly paid for my job and have no complaints about my pay.

Some would say "join Anet" the same people who make life miserable on the airplane, type venom at you every chance they get. It will prepare you to let it roll off your back.

And Finally. Some of you, should just stop trying to rule the world from your highchair. Pass some gas, relieve some stress, and just have a good old fashioned belly laugh now and then. You may. Just may find yourself great to be around.

Safe Flying  Smile




Florida Express, Braniff II and ......
User currently offlineCanadi>nBoy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 8, posted (10 years 1 month 3 weeks 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 4291 times:

Thanks guys for your words. You have reaffirmed my dwindling belief that there are some people on here who actually DO have a sense of humour and can place a.net in its proper perspective.

And FYI to those who found the joke politically incorrect: I'm an ex-FA myself. A flight attandant buddy of mine sent this to me, and all the other current and ex-FA pals I shot this off to found the contents hit the nail on the head.

Life is short, guys. The ride is too fast to take it all so damn bloody seriously.
Laugh WITH people on this site, not at them. And most importantly, turn down the volume of your inflated egos and learn to laugh at yourselves once in a while.

"A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants".






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