Welcome aboard Calif Air or Air Cal flight 243; direct service from LAS to LAX!
Please ignore the constant ring of the flight attendant chimes and lit buttons. Those oxygen masks that keep plopping out of the above seat panels are not needed. You may notice, some of our electrical components acting up. Don't worry, everything is just peachy keen! Our flight will not blow apart and make an unscheduled landing on some jungle island with polar bears out in the Pacific. We are not 1000 miles off course. We just have some recurrent electrical "bus" issues. Up in the cockpit jump seat is Roger De Souza, the chief of LAX. Our radio crapped out but, we are yapping on cell phones and Roger is talking to the other big cheese at LAX, a hottie blonde with bunny rabbit eyes and a surly personality. There also happens to be some fog and funky clouds and with no instruments, forget a normal landing. But don't fret my passengers! The dude/player LAX chief who was not even supposed to be on our flight from hell just SO happens to be a flight engineer besides a ladies man and gambling addict! So, today for your in flight entertainment, we are going to do "Formation Flying!" That's right folks, I your captain have never flown in formation but, the player dude, gambling junkie, and flight engineer is going to lead the way for an ancient DC-3 with an old salty dog captain who flew in WWII, Korea and Viet Nam but has the eyesight of Mr. Magoo to bring our ass to the gate. But wait there's more! Old Salty dog captain with the eyes of Magoo is flying solo and has a bunch of aviation phobic passengers along for the ride!.
This is the stuff of must see TV! And, I've saved the best for last! A few minor details that had me on the floor rolling in laughter.
1. The schematics of the electrical system is that of a 727! Complete with 727 diagram!
2. The passenger cabin is a 737-300.
3. During the "dramatic landing sequence;" flight 243 is a 737-300 with those fugly squished out of round engine nacelles.
4. Miracle of miracles, the crippled Air Cal or Cal Air flight 243 has all of a sudden become an Airbus.
5. Flight 243 rolls right up to the gate and everyone deplanes and struts through the jetway like its another routine day in la la land.
6. Crew, passengers and even both airline chiefs have time to get snookered at the local airport bar and chug a lug shots.
And who says Hollywood has no imagination?