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Funny Pilot Anouncements  
User currently offlineClipperaurora From United States of America, joined Aug 2004, 96 posts, RR: 0
Posted (9 years 10 months 2 weeks 13 hours ago) and read 19874 times:

Hey people just wanted to start a thread o funny Pilot PA'sthat you remember on board an airliner.

here goes...

" Ladies and gentlemen, if the folks on the right side of the airplane look outside you'll be able to see new york city, if the folks on the left side look to your right and you'll be able to see the others look at NYC "



//////// FLY THE FLAG
56 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineFFlyer From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 733 posts, RR: 0
Reply 1, posted (9 years 10 months 2 weeks 11 hours ago) and read 19517 times:

The a/c being towed the last tens of yards to the gate at JFK; "please remain seated and seat belts fastened until...., and now it is especially important, since we are at the mercy of someone, who has a NY driver's licence!"

User currently offlineA340600 From United Kingdom, joined Aug 2003, 4105 posts, RR: 51
Reply 2, posted (9 years 10 months 2 weeks 11 hours ago) and read 19484 times:

"Ladies and gentlemen, we now have to dim the cabin lights for takeoff, please keep your hands to yourself!"

Onboard EZY LOL Laugh out loud, best cabin crew!

Sam Big thumbs up



Despite the name I am a Boeing man through and through!
User currently offlineEZEIZA From Argentina, joined Aug 2004, 4964 posts, RR: 25
Reply 3, posted (9 years 10 months 2 weeks 11 hours ago) and read 19481 times:

Just before take off on AEP-MVD, a 40 min flight:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, our flight time will be of 12 hours"!!!



Carp aunque ganes o pierdas ...
User currently offlineCumulonimbus From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 4, posted (9 years 10 months 2 weeks 10 hours ago) and read 19401 times:


CO Flying from IAH to Ellington Field on ATR-42 4 Min flight.

After take off. "Thank you for Flying CO express on this flight to Mobile Alabama". 5 second pause " Just Kidding!!!"


User currently offlineWakeTurbulence From United States of America, joined Apr 2004, 1294 posts, RR: 16
Reply 5, posted (9 years 10 months 2 weeks 10 hours ago) and read 19391 times:

A pilot giving the info during a flight said, "Well folks, we are now cruising at 35,000 feet, so we invite you to sit back and relax or sit up and be tense...either was it will take us about 40 more minutes to get into Reno."
-Matt



Jetwash Images - Feel the Heat!!!
User currently offlineN1120a From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 26426 posts, RR: 75
Reply 6, posted (9 years 10 months 2 weeks 7 hours ago) and read 19064 times:

(WN F/A in a perfect Jaaaaaack Nicholson voice) "I know this is LA, but you need to hang up the cell phone!!"

A guy on Amtrak once said "thank you for traveling Amtrak, the lifesaver!!"




Mangeons les French fries, mais surtout pratiquons avec fierte le French kiss
User currently offlineXaphan From United States of America, joined Apr 2003, 129 posts, RR: 2
Reply 7, posted (9 years 10 months 2 weeks 6 hours ago) and read 18909 times:

2 classics I personally heard while non-revving on DL:
"Todays flight will take us up the Mississippi Valley from New Orleans to Chicago. During our flight. we will be privilaged to fly over "Alligator, Mississippi". Blank stares among the passengers. After a period of time, the DC 8-51 banks it's right wing and the Captain comes on the PA. "Ladies and Gentlemen, on the right side of the aircraft you can see a road and a railroad track crossing where there are about 20 or so small building. This is Alligator, Mississippi..." long pause, as several passenger take photos... "which is the birthplace of the First Officer." Applause from the passengers, humiliation from the second in command.
The second was like unto it... While on a CVG-LAX flight, the pilot announced we were flying over "4 corners" a spot on the map where the states of Arizona, New Mexico, Utah, and Colorado meet. There is a small marker (if memory serves, about 3 feet high) on the spot. The lady seated next to me took a picture of it. From 36,000 feet.



User currently offlineCkfred From United States of America, joined Apr 2001, 5216 posts, RR: 1
Reply 8, posted (9 years 10 months 2 weeks 5 hours ago) and read 18844 times:

I once was on an AA flight from ORD to SLC. The approach into SLC involves a left turn over Ogden to start south, following the Salt Lake Valley. The captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be making a left-hand turn at the gas station with the clean restroom and starting our descent into Salt Lake City."



User currently offlineBigblack From United States of America, joined Aug 2004, 600 posts, RR: 0
Reply 9, posted (9 years 10 months 2 weeks 4 hours ago) and read 18670 times:

On a UA flight from SFO to BOS....

"Hello Ladies and Gentleman! This is your pilot speaking. On behalf of the crew we would like to welcome you on United. We appreciate your business and thank you for flying with us. Here at United, we have 3 of the best Flight Attendants in the industry. Unfortunately they could not be here today, but we do have these 3...."



Someone special in the air
User currently offlineLevent From France, joined Sep 2004, 1718 posts, RR: 5
Reply 10, posted (9 years 10 months 2 weeks 1 hour ago) and read 18538 times:

Thai Airways captain, just before take-off: "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a slight problem with our nose wheel and as I don´t want to make a belly landing upon arrival I think we´re stuck here for a while."

EasyJet captain: "You´ll have a great view of another aircraft if you look to the right. If Spanish ATC do their job well, he should stay at that distance."

EasyJet cabin crew: "Please remain seated until we are at the gate, our pilots may be good fliers but are very bad drivers."
A bit later: "I hear seat belts clicking... if you want to get hurt that´s up to you, but I don´t want you to hurt someone else!"



User currently offlineJuniorSpotter From Sweden, joined Mar 2004, 225 posts, RR: 2
Reply 11, posted (9 years 10 months 1 week 6 days 21 hours ago) and read 18171 times:

Not an announcement, but let's just let our imagination work at it's best.




Cheers!
Danny



If something can go wrong, it will.
User currently offlineDaevosh From Spain, joined Feb 2001, 32 posts, RR: 0
Reply 12, posted (9 years 10 months 1 week 6 days 19 hours ago) and read 17049 times:

LOL Danny!!! I spent some minutes looking at that picture wondering 'what is funny about this?'. The lower section (where the 'action' is happening) was outside of my view...  Smile  Smile

Good thread everyone! I remember a flight in AirEuropa (Spanish carrier) where the FA made fun during the safety presentation. Made a clown out of himself, things like when inflating the life jacket getting drowned, etc. All the airplane was up in laughs and the mood was very nice for the duration of the flight. The pilot did a comment to his joking on the PA later on, noticing that it was good the clown was in the cabin, not the cockpit!

Regards all, good thread.

Juan Miguel Venturello


User currently offlineLitz From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 1763 posts, RR: 0
Reply 13, posted (9 years 10 months 1 week 6 days 18 hours ago) and read 16472 times:
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On a Delta Connection flight last year, it was a late, late afternoon flight, and I imagine the crew had already been back and forth several times on their route.

Captain comes on, makes his hellos, and starts to welcome everyone onto "Flight number .... err ... err ... uhh ... err ... oh hell, we're going to Atlanta!".

 Smile/happy/getting dizzy

- litz


User currently offlineN1120a From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 26426 posts, RR: 75
Reply 14, posted (9 years 10 months 1 week 6 days 18 hours ago) and read 16258 times:

So, Danny, where was the infamous picture taken?

Something I think sounds funny, but is typical is made possible due to UA channel 9 and differences between US and UK ATC. In the UK, the minimums where you can maintain high speed are much lower than in the US, and US pilots sometimes forget this. I heard an AA flight ask for a clearance into a lower flight level into heathrow and ask "what speed?" and ATC said "AAXXX clear to Fl110, speed as you wish" It just sounds so cool that they are telling a 777 to keep up at M.85 that close to landing.

Oh, and funny because it is so redundant, LH decent into PHX, the captain in his strong german accent "Weather in Phoenix is about 45 degrees Centigrade, so it is quite hot."



Mangeons les French fries, mais surtout pratiquons avec fierte le French kiss
User currently offlineClipperaurora From United States of America, joined Aug 2004, 96 posts, RR: 0
Reply 15, posted (9 years 10 months 1 week 6 days 17 hours ago) and read 16134 times:

awesome stories guys ..... here's another

FO on the PA, "Ladies and gentlemen the ground is getting bigger that means were getting lower"



//////// FLY THE FLAG
User currently offlineMD80Nut From United States of America, joined Jul 2003, 920 posts, RR: 9
Reply 16, posted (9 years 10 months 1 week 6 days 17 hours ago) and read 15744 times:

I was on a Southwest flight to Nashville in 2002 when the pilot comes on and says "Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to begin our final approach into Midway Airport in Chicago." A pause. "Ladies and gentlemen, my first officer says we are beginning our final approach into Nashville, and since he's bigger than I am, we're landing in Nashville."  Smile

cheers, Ralph



[Edited 2004-10-15 18:36:06]


Fly Douglas Jets DC-8 / DC-9 / DC-10 / MD80 / MD11 / MD90 / 717
User currently offlineAF777ER From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 17, posted (9 years 10 months 1 week 6 days 16 hours ago) and read 15363 times:

I was on a VolareWeb flight on approach to Venice Marco Polo Airport. About 20 seconds before landing, one of the pilots came on and said "For the people sitting on the right, you have a beautiful view of Venice, for the people on the left, you have a horrible view of Marghera" the whole cabin laughed. (Marghera is in Mestre where there is all factories with huge chimneys everywhere.)

User currently offlineTupolevTu154 From Germany, joined Aug 2004, 2181 posts, RR: 28
Reply 18, posted (9 years 10 months 1 week 6 days 14 hours ago) and read 13893 times:

I got this out of a magazine...


"thank you for flying with us today folks, and next time you get the insane urge to go rocketing through the skies in a preshurised metal tube, we hope you think of US Airways"

THE BEST!!

TupolevTu154



Atheists - Winning since 33 A.D.
User currently offlineMikester540 From United States of America, joined Jul 2004, 158 posts, RR: 0
Reply 19, posted (9 years 10 months 1 week 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 13408 times:

On an Independence Air (best F/A's i've found, well the friendliest) flight from BDL-IAD which is like an hour and a half flight..
F/A: "This is flight #---- to Hawaii..." kinda lame humor, but the other PAX found it amusing at the time when it was chilly in hartford...


Mike



We need men who can dream of things that never were. -John F. Kennedy
User currently offlineErikwilliam From Brazil, joined Mar 2004, 2152 posts, RR: 12
Reply 20, posted (9 years 10 months 1 week 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 13280 times:

I have a couple too:

On an empty flight on a 767 from Sydney to Coolangata, pilot:" Ladies and Gent. as we don´t have that many people today I think we can do a game of hide and seek before we go, what do U say?"

On a flight from JFK to Cleveland Hopkins with AEagle, pilot: "Ladies and gent. welcome aboard frightXXX to cleveland on this new Embraer 145, this plane is so new that it comes with an oven and we´re making pankakes with maple syrupe for U, thank U, have a good day(and the plane had the smeel)"....some minutes later, "I´m sorry guys, it turns out that we don´t have pankakes with syrup, it´s just the de-icing liquid that smeels like this, but we could really use one right now, hã?!"



Dida, Cafu, Lucio, Roque Junior, Roberto Carlo, Emerson, Ze Roberto, Ronaldinho, Kaka, Adriano, Robinho, Ronaldo
User currently offlineDLKAPA From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 21, posted (9 years 10 months 1 week 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 13281 times:

From a story I heard from some people flying Southwest, as they pulled into the gate next to an AA bird.

"Ladies and gentleman, if you'll all look out the windows on the left side of the aircraft, you'll give our competition a view of what a full flight looks like."


User currently offlineCofreqflyer From United States of America, joined Sep 2004, 397 posts, RR: 3
Reply 22, posted (9 years 10 months 1 week 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 12971 times:

"Please insure that your seatbelts are securely fastened as unrestrained passengers tend to shift around during turbulence, and we're sure you don't want an unexpected seatmate."  Smile


The Proud Bird with the Golden Tail
User currently offlineMiguel0881 From United States of America, joined Sep 2004, 75 posts, RR: 0
Reply 23, posted (9 years 10 months 1 week 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 12916 times:

On South Africa's new LCC kalula.com, the FA warned us not to smoke in the lavatories because it carried a large fine and "for that price you could have flown SAA tonight!"

User currently offlineHawaijahaz From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 352 posts, RR: 0
Reply 24, posted (9 years 10 months 1 week 6 days 8 hours ago) and read 12767 times:

Heard this on a Pinnacle flight from AUS to MEM (CRJ) the flight attendant was making her announcement:

Welcome aboard ladies and gentlemen. As you know, all airlines have been making cuts during this time of financial uncertainty. Northwest Airlines has also been making several cuts...first of which is putting you on this small plane.

Enjoy!!


25 Erj145lr : on a swa flight "please put your oxygen mask on before helping your children...if you want to..." another SWA-- "if you look out your window at the wi
26 Flairport : my favorite has to go to B6's LGA ground crew: After boarding: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is jetBlue flight XXX to Fort Lauderdale, if you are not go
27 Post contains images JuniorSpotter : N1120a, Do you really think that I'd tell you guys where to find this sort of action? Heeeell no. At least wait until I open a popcorn stand and get s
28 Post contains images AA777223ER : A couple weeks ago coming in to JFK from ZRH, we had a very hard landing. As we approached the gate, the FO came over the PA and said "ladies and gent
29 Mas777 : Landing back at LGW from Amsterdam on a very gusty wintry evening - we bounced several times on touched down and swayed to a stop at the end of the ru
30 Aviationman : JuniorSpotter, this picture was taken @ Montreal Trudeau....Only in Montreal!
31 Chiguire : After the pilot had to fight agains some upwinds to get the BA 777 on to the runway in ANU: "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Antigua. And remember, w
32 BOSugaDL : "Welcme aboard Continental flight 1234 from Boston to Newark 'Intergalactic' airport...if you have an uncontrollable desire to smoke on this 45 min fl
33 MIAspotter : On an EZY flight from LTN-BCN "Ladies and gentlemans... we shall be pushing back in a few seconds as soon as our flight attendant figures out how to c
34 OttoPylit : I was once working the gate in SAV and was advised by a Comair crew to make an announcement, the kind of announcement that any gate agent will tell yo
35 Wheelsatc : Not a pilot announcement but a cabin crew announcement on landing at EDI on an EZY flight from STN. "Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to Edinburgh. Myself
36 Post contains images JuniorSpotter : Aviationman - and hoooooow would you know? Recognize that @ss? Nightynight! /Danny
37 XFSUgimpLB41X : Whenver i have the FA prepare for departure.. i go over hte PA and say "(name), please prepare the cabin for blast off." I always refer to the lav as
38 Speedbudgie : I was on a Southwest flight where the flight attendant handed each person in the front of the row a roll of toilet tissue. She then announced that we
39 BAViscount : This happened just last night on arrival at the gate at LGW on an easyJet flight from AMS: "Ladies and gentleman, this is the captain. As we have a ve
40 Frugalqxnwa : Feb. 2000, UA 777 DEN-SFO "The weather in San Francisco, well, it depends on your definition of a nice day. If you define a strong south wind, overcas
41 VS045 : F/A announcement upon landing at LHR "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to London etc. (usual stuff) Then "Please take all items with you including small
42 Planespotting : All of these were on a WN flight from Houston to Love Field (all by the same male flight attendant) "I am the Flight Attendant, and I approved this me
43 Post contains images AirEMS : I have a few: ORD-DEN on UAL: Right after we pull in to the gate in Den..... as the Capt. turns out the fasten seat belts sign he announces "All rise"
44 Aviationman : No, not recognizing that ass. just obviously Montreal.......Read the large green big sign on the terminal building "Montreal"
45 Aviationman : JuniorSpotter, can you read?
46 Cubsrule : CLT-ORD on UA, on encountering some rough air: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the Controller who told me that we would have a smooth ride is clearly related t
47 Post contains images DragonRapide : To juniorspotter: Damn, I thought I was making her scream from pleasure...
48 YUL2010 : I am all of a sudden embarrassed of coming from Montreal.... Who the hell took that pic anyway??
49 UAXDXer : SWA HOU-OKC: after arriving at the gate in OKC FA says, "Welcome to Oklahoma City, home of the University of Texas at Oklahoma." I think the FA had on
50 Post contains images JuniorSpotter : Aviationman - if you really noticed that Montreal sign, you ARE in need of professional help. DragonRapide - yeah...you made HER scream, huh? You, wat
51 Bigblack : Ha ha ha ha @ that pic. Oh my, talk about the 'moment'. What a rush!
52 Post contains images Airtrainer : On a TU flight from DJE to ORY, back in the 80's. As we were over the alps, after a great view over the sea, pilot said " here are the clouds, don't e
53 Vio : This wasn't made by the pilots, but rather flight attendant (lady) on a Westjet flight from YVR to YYC. "Today, flying this beautiful state of the art
54 Clipperaurora : these PA's are great, it's nice to have some fun every now and then while talking all about bankruptcy
55 COAMiG29 : this was not an announcement but rather somthing that i did. on my 8th grade class trip we flew wn to corpus christi and i HAD to take advantage of th
56 HPA320 : About 2 years ago or so. On an HP flight PHX to BUR I was non reving. I was talking to a lady next to me when a really strong turbulence started. I ke
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