Andz From South Africa, joined Feb 2004, 8359 posts, RR: 11 Reply 1, posted (8 years 11 months 1 week 11 hours ago) and read 3109 times:
This original enough?
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is captain Tobias Wilcock welcoming you aboard
Coconut Airways flight 372 to Bridgetown Barbados
We will be flying at an 'ight of 32000 feet and at an airspeed of approximately 600 miles per hour
Refreshments will be served after take-off, kindly fasten your safety belts
And refrain from smoking until the aircraft is airborne
After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF...
Cory6188 From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 2686 posts, RR: 6 Reply 3, posted (8 years 11 months 1 week 10 hours ago) and read 3029 times:
Here's what I could come up with after all of my flights on CO:
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard Continental Airlines Flight XXXX to YYYY. We would like to have an ontime departure today, so we would greatly appreciate it if everyone could please take their seats and stow their personal belongings so we can be off the ground as quickly as possible. Your peronal belongings can be stored in the overhead compartments above you as well as underneath the seat in front of you. Thank you very much and we will be pushing back momentarily."
Sometimes, when seat assignments have been screwed up, they say this after talking about where to stow your luggage:
"We understand that there are a few parties whose seats have been separated to various areas of the aircraft, so we would once again apreciate it if you could seat yourselves as quickly as possible so the flight attendants are able to reseat those parties."
AA777223ER From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 220 posts, RR: 2 Reply 4, posted (8 years 11 months 1 week 9 hours ago) and read 2976 times:
"And what about the cabin doors and cross check? What does that mean and how is announcement exactly?"
I believe what you're looking for is the following:
"Flight Attendants, prepare for departure and cross check"
This is the indication to the cabin crew to "arm" the doors, which engages the evacuation slides. The term "cross check" usually refers to a second cabin crew member, who is double checking that the crew member with the responsibility to "arm" the doors, has indeed done so. You might hear something over the PA system like "4L and R cross checked" meaning the task has been accomplished.
DHLSAN From United States of America, joined Jan 2005, 136 posts, RR: 1 Reply 5, posted (8 years 11 months 1 week 8 hours ago) and read 2926 times:
On board a WN flight, the Captain came on and announced that it was the co pilots first flight. Then announced that it was his also. Said he had flown before but had never landed so we will see what happens when we get to Phoenix. Once everybody realized he was kidding it was hilarious.
WeAreUnited From United States of America, joined Aug 2004, 423 posts, RR: 1 Reply 6, posted (8 years 11 months 1 week 3 hours ago) and read 2800 times:
Here's a typical one at Alaska.
"Good Morning Ladies and Gentleman and welcome aboard Alaska Airlines flight XXX with service into Ketchikan. As you are making your way to your seat today, we ask that you step into your row and enable those behind you to pass by. This will help expedite the boarding process and help us ensure an on-time departure. Please keep in mind that Federal Regulations require that all passenger carry-ons be properly stowed completely underneath the seat in front of you or in one of the shared overhead bins. However, if you are seated at a bulkhead row, all bags must be put in the overhead for takeoff and landing as the area at your feet, on the seat next to you, and on your lap is not FAA approved stowage. This includes ladies handbags, purses, briefcases, diaper bags, etc.
If you are seated in an emergency exit row today, please take a moment to review the safety information card found in your seat back pocket. If you have any questions or concerns about the added responsibilities of sitting in an exit row, please let a flight attendant know.
All portable electronic devices must be turned off and probably stowed for take off. This includes laptop computers, hand-held games, cd players, gameboys and PDA's. Cellphones must be turned off for departure. At no time do we allow the use of wireless internet devices, AM/FM radios, GPS or television sets.
Flight attendants, secure aft galley and cabin for departure.
WeAreUnited From United States of America, joined Aug 2004, 423 posts, RR: 1 Reply 9, posted (8 years 11 months 1 week 2 hours ago) and read 2708 times:
Alaska is different from most carriers as far as arming doors go. Once the boarding door is closed, the First Officier announces "Flight attendants prepare for departure and crosscheck." The C FA arms R2 and the B FA arms L2. Either flight attendant will announce "Aft crosscheck complete, cabin secure for movement."
Upon arrival at the gate, the A FA will announce "Flight attendants, prepare for arrival and crosscheck." Once aft doors are disarmed, the B or C announces "Aft crosscheck complete."
Ratypus From United Kingdom, joined Apr 2004, 176 posts, RR: 0 Reply 10, posted (8 years 11 months 6 days 22 hours ago) and read 2646 times:
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome aboard ShoddyAir flight 257 to Paris (Bratislava) - in the absence of pre-assigned seating, we invite you to sit in blocks according to which menial chore you would like to help us with today. If you'd like to help your cabin attendant sell sandwiches and drinks - on special offer today at only £11.99 - please sit towards the rear galley. Those who have logged over 6 hours on Microsoft Flight Simulator, please sit towards the front of the aircraft in order to assist your captain.
A safety card is located in the seat pocket in front of you. Passengers seated in window seats will, in addition, find a 1:2000000 map of Europe. Please note any visible landmarks you may see and sing out it looks like we're going the wrong way!! Passengers seated in emergency exit rows are advised that all hand luggage must be jettisoned immediately - I would also ask you to keep your seatbelt FIRMLY fastened throughout the flight.
We are completing our pre-departure checks - all portable electronic devices should now be switched off. For your entertainment, I'm sure someone left an old copy of AutoTrader somewhere in here on the 22nd flight sector this morning. Flight time today should be about 2 hours and we hope to be well on schedule, allowing you all to reach the city centre by lunchtime next Wednesday. We hope you enjoy your internment with us today. I mean flight.
Levent From France, joined Sep 2004, 1718 posts, RR: 5 Reply 13, posted (8 years 11 months 6 days 21 hours ago) and read 2601 times:
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
Well, you all think you paid your ticket for us to get you safely to your destination, but in fact you´re just paying my nice salary so that I can get this metal tube to my home base and enjoy a splendid week off afterwards in my huge villa and have some barbecues beside my pool."
Levent From France, joined Sep 2004, 1718 posts, RR: 5 Reply 15, posted (8 years 11 months 6 days 21 hours ago) and read 2563 times:
Ladies and gentlemen, a very warm welcome on this Jungle Air flight to Mombasa. You´ll be able to switch on the fans once the pilots start the engines, but first we´ll have to find a monkey to run the electricity generating belt to spool these up, so in the meantime if you want to take off your clothes it´s ok but remember, no fuzzing around with anyone else than your partner and no sex with any of the animals that are flying with us today.
So, what makes our airline special is that we are quite different to the others, just so you don´t forget us and will hopefully choose us the next time too. As for safety, just remember a few basic rules: 1) if the plane doesn´t get airborne, open the windows and throw some chicken out to make the plane lighter 2) keep the windows open for a while, because if it still doesn´t get airborne and we crash, just jump out and run! We have no seatbelts, just hold on to each other. We are known to heal marriages and start new affaires through this hugging policy. And now, just sit back and relax. Once in flight the entertainment will be music played by the Monkey Trio, followed by a delicious meal of freshly cooked Monkey Trio steak. Go Jungle!