DLMD-11 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Posted (15 years 2 weeks 5 days 3 hours ago) and read 2215 times:
This a funny thing that a friend of mine e-mailed me a few days ago. I thought others on the forum would appreciate it, so here it is;
For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. It's a classic! In tribute to those 'special' customers we all love.
An Award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded United flight to Los Angeles was canceled. A single hard-pushed agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced passengers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the head of the line. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on THIS FLIGHT and it has to be in FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try and help you, but I have got to help out these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"
Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her Public Address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. IF anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "F*** you!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to wait in line for that, too."
Brissie_lions From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 5, posted (15 years 2 weeks 5 days ago) and read 1948 times:
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
1. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
2. Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land...it's a bit cold outside, and if
you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
5. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when
opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
6. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and
pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.
7. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."
9. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
10. "Last one off the plane must clean it."
11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!"
12. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight
Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
13. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that
someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I as
you a question?" "Why no, Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"
15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage
to the terminal."
16. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement : "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane
urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways.
Matt D From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 9502 posts, RR: 45
Reply 6, posted (15 years 2 weeks 5 days ago) and read 1936 times:
Overheard on a delayed Western Pacific flight delayed nearly an hour leaving COS....
"Sorry about the delay. We'll try to make up some time in flight. We'll do our best to make this a pleasant flying experience with you today. If still you did not enjoy our flight, remember, this was America West flight 1234."
B744 From New Zealand, joined Dec 1999, 491 posts, RR: 0
Reply 9, posted (15 years 2 weeks 4 days 23 hours ago) and read 1917 times:
Most of you that travel regularly will know what little attention you pay to pre-flight safety briefings... However a couple of weeks ago, I was on United Express flying from SFO to LAX. The F/A started her briefing with "Hello, my name's Monica Lewinsky"! Needless to say, it went down well with the pax. A great way to get people's attention.
Tifosi From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 12, posted (15 years 2 weeks 4 days 6 hours ago) and read 1844 times:
On a Southwest flight from Manchester to BWI last year, I heard the FAs say things like this:
On takeoff: OK! everyone pick up your feet!
On landing with Reversers deployed: Whoa! horsie Whoa there!
During the taxi to the gate a flight attendant sang this to the tune of the Barney song: We love you. You love us. Were much faster than the bus. So come back and enjoy our hospitality. Marry one of us and you'll Fly for free!