FlyAUA From Austria, joined May 2005, 4604 posts, RR: 55 Posted (9 years 3 months 3 weeks 4 days 8 hours ago) and read 54626 times:
If you're a pilot/controller or have overheard any funny ATC conversations post them here... Here's the last one I heard in the en-route simulator today (I was wetting myself!!!):
A student ATCer was confused about what to do regarding 2 aircraft that were vectored on parallel (in normal english that means they are flying at the same flight level both on the same headings with a bunch of nautical miles between them). The aircraft were on the wrong side (i.e the one on the left had to go right and the one on the right had to go to the left and were not supposed to climb or descend).
Coach: So, how will you solve this situation?
Student: *raises finger* I'll show you how, gimme a moment
Student: Speedbird456, traffic 3 o'clock, 6 miles, type A332, FL340
Speedbird456: Maastricht Radar, traffic in sight
Student: Lufthansa332, traffic 9 o'clock, 6 miles, type B777, FL340
Lufthansa: Maastricht Radar, have the traffic in sight
Student: Allright... SWITCH!!!
Coach: *Starts strangling student*
Legacy135 From Switzerland, joined May 2005, 1052 posts, RR: 26
Reply 1, posted (9 years 3 months 3 weeks 4 days 7 hours ago) and read 54576 times:
Here is my favorite, they say it happened in Frankfurt, I don't know but anyhow:
US-Airforce C-130: TWR tell 747 in front of us to call us on 123.45
TWR: XX777 would you mind calling C-130 on 123.45?
xx777: Sorry TWR, we do not talk on 123.45, we are professional pilots
US-Airforce C-130: OK, TWR tell those professional pilots they still have the gear pins in!
Jtamu97 From United States of America, joined Mar 2001, 658 posts, RR: 2
Reply 2, posted (9 years 3 months 3 weeks 4 days 7 hours ago) and read 54571 times:
Heard on Houston frequency from what I remember:
Controller: CO 123 descend and maintain FL 180
CO123: Request Lower
Controller: In a lower Voice-Co123 how is this ?...Descend and maintain 120
Same Controller while directing many planes to the ILS:
Kids don't try this at Home!!!...Then rattles off instructions to 3 different airfraft to join the ILS..I have never heard a controlled use "break" as much as he did. He was a fast talker, but very easy to understand.
Yeah it's very easy to not realise how fast you're talking when it gets busy! Sometimes you don't even realise how close you're getting to the radar screen... I had my head pulled off the screen (by my coach) cus my nose was almost touching it on several occasions. And it was not because my eyesight was bad
S12PPL From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 4, posted (9 years 3 months 3 weeks 4 days 7 hours ago) and read 54479 times:
Ahhh, this one again....
Well, I can give you two from my experience....
First one is my favorite. My dad and I flew ourselves down to Oakland in October of 2003. While taxiing, the ground controller asked our destination and aircraft type. We told him we were just gonna do a little bay tour, and that we were a Cessna 182.
After take off:
Tower: Cessna 7226 November, what is your destination?
Us: We were hoping to take some people on a bay tour if that is ok, sir.
Tower: Us? What aircraft type are you?"
Us: Uh, we are a 182
Tower: Hum...Well, someone has you as a 152...Who did you tell you were a 182?
Us: The ground controller
Tower: I see...Well, just stay below 3,500, and you'll be fine, have fun, switch to xxx.xx!"
Upon our return to Oakland, he was still in a good mood:
Us: Oakland Tower, Cessna 7226 November is 5 miles south with Juliet to land"
Tower: Ahhh! 7226 November, welcome back to the party, enter right downwint 27R
Us: Yep, we're back, right downwind 27R, 26 November
As we were about mid feild:
Tower: Cessna 226 November, call your base, cleared to land 27R
Us: We'll call our base, cleared to land 27R, 26 November
Now, I was flying at this point, and after we called our base, and were lined up with the center about 3 miles out, I get the call
Tower: Cessna 7226 November, can you move it to 27L, I still have a damn truck on the runway doing a sweep for FOD"
My heart jumped pretty quick, and I did a quick check behind us to make sure no one was being dumb..
Us: Uh, sure tower, bumping to 27L 26 November
After touch down:
Tower: Very nice, 7226 November, looked like a nice soft landing as well?
Us: Ah, you flatter me, sir. You just owe me one for the last minute bump to 27L
Tower: All right, take your next right, and call ground .7. Have a good one.
Us: We'll exit at our next left and give ground a call, thanks for letting us play today.
The last one was when I was on a solo up to the Portland area. A Citation flew by me about 1,500 feet or so below me and a bit to the west.
Seattle Center: Cessna 25444, traffic is fast moving, south bound at 9 o'clock
Me: "Uh, it just passed me about 10 seconds ago..."
Center: .......Oh. Sorry.
Those German controllers at Frankfurt Airport tend to be a short-tempered lot. They not only expect pilots to know their parking location but how to get there without any assistance. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing.
Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt. Speedbird 206 clear of active."
Ground: "Good Morning. Taxi to your gate."
The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground. I'm looking up the gate location now."
Ground (impatiently): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly), "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop."
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. San,Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport.
Legacy135 From Switzerland, joined May 2005, 1052 posts, RR: 26
Reply 8, posted (9 years 3 months 3 weeks 4 days 6 hours ago) and read 54327 times:
For those of you not speaking German: The verb "to brush" can be used in German about as "to fuck" in English, so it can be very rude.
Once in winter we were flying in a lovely morning into Bern. Everything below was covered with snow. So we asked the controller maybe 20 minutes out if the runway was cleaned already. He wanted to say that the equipment was out, but what he said by mistake in German was:
They are all out, "brushing" on the runway.....
You should have heard all those comments after landing
FlyAUA From Austria, joined May 2005, 4604 posts, RR: 55
Reply 12, posted (9 years 3 months 3 weeks 4 days 6 hours ago) and read 54258 times:
Haha, thanks guys for the feedback, these stories are great
I remembered 2 more from the simulator when training students!
Student: Shamrock481, traffic is 12 o'clock, 5 miles, faster moving, crossing from right to left, same flight level, report traffic in sight.
Shamrock481: Maastricht Radar, have the traffic, it was pretty hard to miss
The range was actually 1 (not 5) miles
Student: Austrian437, traffic 3 o'clock, 3 miles crossing from right to left, descending from FL340 to FL250
Austrian437: Maastricht Radar, IFR conditions here, traffic not in sight
Student: Austrian437, errr... ummm.... correction, traffic is now at your 9 o'clock, distance increasing
727EMflyer From United States of America, joined Mar 2005, 547 posts, RR: 0
Reply 17, posted (9 years 3 months 3 weeks 4 days 4 hours ago) and read 53935 times:
When the winds are from the south in HNL the runways get very backed up and the tower controller has his hands very full. I got little chuckle after one controller lost track of who was who:
Tower: Cessna 727EM clear to land 22R, Cessna 46J Position and hold 22L, American 767 heavy hold short of 22R you're number 2 for 22L. (All acknowledge, I touch down in 727EM) Cessna 7EM turn left at delta, hold short of 22L traffic departing, Cessna 46J cleared for take-off 22L, American 767 heavy position and hold 22L (All acknowledge, 46J lifts off just prior to taxiway D) Cessna 46J cross 22L.
Not sure if he meant "7EM" or just wanted the departing pilot to expedite the procedural right turn to make way for the 767's straight out departure I gave the controller a few seconds...
Me: Tower, Cessna 7EM did you clear me to cross 22L?
Tower: (flustered) Yes for goodness sake, cross it! We're way backed up and there's a whole 767 waiting for you!
CO737 From United States of America, joined Dec 2000, 143 posts, RR: 0
Reply 19, posted (9 years 3 months 3 weeks 4 days 3 hours ago) and read 53768 times:
One of my favorite ATC dialogues happened last fall when during the final game of the Yankees and Red Sox for the division championship.
Northwest : "Grand Forks ground, Northwest XXX taxi to the gate and can we get an update on the game."
GFK Ground : "Northwest XXX taxi to the gate, and you guys aren't gonna like this, but its Boston 8, New York 2." (Or whatever the score was, but the Sox were up).
Northwest: "Well that's a little disappointing."
GFK Ground: "Yeah, I guess Steinbrener didn't write enough checks this year."
My flight instructor and I got a huge kick out of that one!
Every takeoff is optional, but every landing is mandatory.
RamerinianAir From United States of America, joined Nov 2003, 1486 posts, RR: 0
Reply 22, posted (9 years 3 months 3 weeks 4 days ago) and read 53563 times:
If any of you know KHWV, Brookhaven in Long Island, NY, you will find this funny! It is an airport that is uncontrolled and it has to perpendicular 4200' runways.
Bonanza: (In a South American accent) Brookhaven Beechcraft Bonanza here requesting Airport Advisories.
Bonanza: Brookhaven INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, Brookhaven Beechcraft Bonanaza is 5 miles out . . . .
Very funny considering that the airport is SO SMALL!