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Indian Spirituality And The TSA Transvestite  
User currently offlineBHMBAGLOCK From United States of America, joined Jul 2005, 2698 posts, RR: 5
Posted (9 years 2 weeks 11 hours ago) and read 6176 times:

I recently met with ANCFlyer and the subject of conversation turned to one of his favorite subjects - the competence (or lack thereof) of TSA personnel. At this point, the transvestite TSA story from my recent trip to COS came out and he suggested the story as a thread starter so here it is:

During my trip, we visited Manitou Springs at the base of Pike's Peak. In one of the little shops there I found an interesting framed print of a number of horses from a painting that was done in the style of a primitive cave painting by an Indian artist(if you're going to make a pc stink - forget it, I'm part Cherokee).

When leaving DEN, my co-worker and I entered a very long security line. The good news is that they were very efficient and it moved quickly. The bad news is that I managed to get the 6'4" transvestite inspector who just happened to be an enthusiastic expert on the subject of Indian sprituality and associated symbolism in their art.

She(He?) actually grabbed me by the arm and was pretty much in my face. I honestly don’t remember a thing about the symbolism described as I was slightly in shock. Maybe somebody here can clue me in. I’ll try to post a picture in the next day or two(of the print, unfortunately my camera was in my checked bag so didn’t get a pic of the TSA transvestite).

The truth is, the fact that this person is a transvestite is not offensive to me, it was the sudden and complete invasion of my personal space that made me uncomfortable. After all, I was fine with a WN flight to New Orleans that was about 60-70% full of transvestites (no, I have no clue as to why, convention maybe?) and also had the unique experience of having a brief lapdance from the Lady Chablis of Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil fame at a rather rowdy church school fundraiser.

In any case, there was a big line and we did have a plane to catch so after politely declining an offer to have Indian spiritual info mailed to us by the helpful TSA tranny we headed for our plane.

So, what’s your most bizarre experience with TSA? I’m confident that somebody has an even better story and look forward to seeing it!


Where are all of my respected members going?
17 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineDeltaGator From United States of America, joined Sep 2005, 6341 posts, RR: 13
Reply 1, posted (9 years 2 weeks 10 hours ago) and read 6134 times:

Quoting BHMBAGLOCK (Thread starter):
She(He?)

I call them "shem" for lack of a better term.

Quoting BHMBAGLOCK (Thread starter):
also had the unique experience of having a brief lapdance from the Lady Chablis of Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil fame at a rather rowdy church school fundraiser.

Now that sounds like a cool church to me.  biggrin  God Bless the South and our weird ways!

As for my strange TSA encounter it was when they decided to ban screwdrivers. I got the bag search and the guy pulled it out of my bag and asked me what it was. I deadpanned "a screwdriver" and he went off on me how I could hijack the plane, kill the pilot, and cause another 9/11. I held up my hands (they are quite large) and said I could also strangle the pilot so was he going to take my hands as well. He thought about it for a second and then told me that "hands aren't a restricted item." I started laughing and he continued to read me the riot act about how he could have me arrested for bringing a weapon into the airport. I packed up, asked him if was done making an ass of himself and walked off to catch my flight.



"If you can't delight in the misery of others then you don't deserve to be a college football fan."
User currently offlineANCFlyer From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (9 years 2 weeks 10 hours ago) and read 6136 times:

Quite a treat meeting another A-Netter . . . . had lunch, talked a while, wasted away an hour between checkin and plane ride . . . ANC-DEN-BHM-DEN-ANC 10/8 And 10/14 (by ANCFlyer Oct 16 2005 in Trip Reports)
Just a small self glossing plug   

Quoting BHMBAGLOCK (Thread starter):
She(He?)

It . . . . ?

Quoting BHMBAGLOCK (Thread starter):
She(He?) actually grabbed me by the arm

Don't touch me . . . he, she or it . . . Don't touch me . . . unless I'm under arrest . . . not a good idea.

Quoting BHMBAGLOCK (Thread starter):
The truth is, the fact that this person is a transvestite is not offensive to me,

  

Quoting BHMBAGLOCK (Thread starter):
it was the sudden and complete invasion of my personal space that made me uncomfortable.

Bad enough those idiots have jobs that invade everything including your dirty socks - should you be wearing them - I don't require nor want them invading my personal space any more than they must . . .

Quoting BHMBAGLOCK (Thread starter):
also had the unique experience of having a brief lapdance from the Lady Chablis of Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil fame at a rather rowdy church school fundraiser.

   Interesting . . . .

Quoting BHMBAGLOCK (Thread starter):
In any case, there was a big line and we did have a plane to catch so after politely declining an offer to have Indian spiritual info mailed to us by the helpful TSA tranny we headed for our plane.

So, don't those morons have anything better to do than pass their personal experiences on to the public. Don't we have enough bullshit conversation in the TSA line without those pinheads making personal conversation.

Here, TSA idiot, is what I want you to do. . .

X-Ray my bag because you must. X-Ray my shoes (on the belt, not on my feet because if I wear them surely, and positively, you'll give me the secondary inspection horsecrap you so profusely deny you do). Make me run my Toshiba laptop thru the system separately - although God only konws why we are like only the second country in this whole frickin' world that does that (but DVD players, Tape Recorders, etc are exempt - WTF kind of sense does that make????), Check my ID and my Boarding pass and STFU. You're generally useless and I want my experience with you to be as little and as quiet as possible . . .

Even my 11 year old daughter laughs at you. (Yes, 11 years old, female caucasian, non-terrorist stereotype, blonde, about 55 pounds). Apparently, you're BHM TSA idiots have never seen a Clarinet . . . (hint: Musical instrument, member of the woodwind family, they come in various sized, B flat, Bass, Contra Bass) when we departed there last Friday the TSA morons did a hand search on her bag . . . because of a clarinet . . . "I never seen one of those before".

She (my daugher - not the TSA idiot) was funny too . . . . "It's a clarinet, haven't you ever seen a clarinet?". "That's not the way you lock the case". "That's not how I had it in my bag, put it back right". Ha Ha Ha . . . .That's My Girl!!!!!

Rant Over . . . nothing so bizarre as my friend BHMBAGLOCK . . . but I assure you . . . it would have gotten interesting had the pinhead put his/her/it's hand on me and decided we were gonna be friends . . . . . . .

TSA=THOUSANDS STANDING AROUND=USELESS

[Edited 2005-10-19 07:53:39]

User currently offlineDeltaGator From United States of America, joined Sep 2005, 6341 posts, RR: 13
Reply 3, posted (9 years 2 weeks 10 hours ago) and read 6122 times:

By the way. That has to be the best topic name I have ever seen. Perhaps a good name for a short story or the next boy band from Orlando.

I also got the bag search in SAN a few weeks ago because they thought my Don Drysdale bobblehead doll might be something bad. I suppose the springy head bobble action looks like a suitcase nuke on the X-Ray machine?



"If you can't delight in the misery of others then you don't deserve to be a college football fan."
User currently offlineKevi747 From United States of America, joined Apr 2001, 1058 posts, RR: 12
Reply 4, posted (9 years 2 weeks 9 hours ago) and read 6052 times:

Quoting BHMBAGLOCK (Thread starter):
The truth is, the fact that this person is a transvestite is not offensive to me, it was the sudden and complete invasion of my personal space that made me uncomfortable.

Let me get this straight: A unique person with indepth knowledge of a subject that you obviously found interesting enough to purchase an example of struck up a conversation with you? How awful, you poor thing!  Yeah sure

You should be glad that you managed to find the one TSA agent with a functioning personality, be it masculine or feminine.  Wink



"Reality has a well-known liberal bias." --Stephen Colbert
User currently offlineBHMBAGLOCK From United States of America, joined Jul 2005, 2698 posts, RR: 5
Reply 5, posted (9 years 2 weeks 4 hours ago) and read 5939 times:

Quoting ANCFlyer (Reply 2):
Apparently, you're BHM TSA idiots have never seen a Clarinet . . . (hint: Musical instrument, member of the woodwind family, they come in various sized

General resemblance to a stick of dynamite maybe? Remember we're probably not dealing with the sharpest tool and he probably didn't actually have a picture of the dynamite with him to compare it to. If Monty Python were still together I would suggest a remake of the Defense against Fruits skit with band instruments. - "But he attacked me with a French Horn - I had to defend myself! He left me no choice."

Quoting DeltaGator (Reply 3):
By the way. That has to be the best topic name I have ever seen. Perhaps a good name for a short story or the next boy band from Orlando.

Thanks. All time best name for a band(also worst band btw) has to be a few of my friends in college. The keyboard player was Christian and the rest were Jewish so they named the band "Goy George and Kosher Club".

Quoting Kevi747 (Reply 4):
Let me get this straight: A unique person with indepth knowledge of a subject that you obviously found interesting enough to purchase an example of struck up a conversation with you? How awful, you poor thing! Yeah sure

Read the post slowly and try to understand what I am saying. I can assure you that if this had been a hetero inspector grabbing me and getting in my face I would have been equally offended. It is the flamboyance of the space invader that makes this funny not what makes it offensive. Flamoyent people, straight or gay tend to be more memorable and interesting - that's why Trump has a show instead of Alan Greenspan.

btw, the fact that this individual looked like Ward Churchill didn't even occur to me until later and makes the incident even funnier.

[Edited 2005-10-19 14:04:20]


Where are all of my respected members going?
User currently offlineLH459 From United States of America, joined Aug 2005, 886 posts, RR: 1
Reply 6, posted (9 years 1 week 6 days 20 hours ago) and read 5696 times:

I must say, this thread had the best title I've seen in ages! I can just imagine the whole scene unfolding!
My partner had a run in with the TSA in Knoxville last year: he was carrying a set of lead-crystal wine glasses in his hand luggage, which were a gift from his mother. Needless to say, they were packed very carefully and there was no way in hell he would check that bag. Apparently the lead content was enough to mess with the x-ray, and the TSA inspectors grabbed the bag off the belt, saying "Looks like we've got a weapon of mass destruction!" Yes, they actually used the phrase weapon of mass destruction.  boggled 
Fortunately, the wine glasses made it to California in one piece, in spite of the TSA riffling through the bag, searching for WMDs.



"I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is temporary; the evil it does is permanent" - Ghandi
User currently offlineBrokenrecord From United States of America, joined Jul 2005, 772 posts, RR: 0
Reply 7, posted (9 years 1 week 6 days 18 hours ago) and read 5595 times:

What a classic thread title...

Along the same line I had a flight attendant on Sunday who looked and talked exactly like the character "Flame" from Soul Plane. I couldn't help but laugh.


User currently offlineDeltaGator From United States of America, joined Sep 2005, 6341 posts, RR: 13
Reply 8, posted (9 years 1 week 6 days 14 hours ago) and read 5488 times:

Quoting BHMBAGLOCK (Reply 5):
All time best name for a band(also worst band btw) has to be a few of my friends in college. The keyboard player was Christian and the rest were Jewish so they named the band "Goy George and Kosher Club".

OMFG! That is the best name ever for a band...not the worst.



"If you can't delight in the misery of others then you don't deserve to be a college football fan."
User currently offlineFlyBoy84 From United States of America, joined May 2005, 382 posts, RR: 4
Reply 9, posted (9 years 1 week 6 days ago) and read 5317 times:

Quoting BHMBAGLOCK (Thread starter):
She(He?)



Quoting DeltaGator (Reply 1):
I call them "shem" for lack of a better term.

Shim.

Quoting Brokenrecord (Reply 7):
Along the same line I had a flight attendant on Sunday who looked and talked exactly like the character "Flame" from Soul Plane. I couldn't help but laugh.

Was it CO? I also had the same type of flight attendant!

It was on a CO 757 IAH-MSY in 2001 IINM. I was on my way to an NA convention and it was my first time going to New Orleans. I noticed something a little strange about the make up of the passengers, but I didn't want to rush to judgment. I saw the flight attendant and went  scratchchin  but was so excited about meeting my friends and going to some great workshops that I didn't waste a lot of precious time on him either.

After a  crowded  and bumpy flight, we were finally touching down at MSY when the male flight attendant got on the intercom to make a Very Important Announcement:

"Divas to the dance floor!" And as the plane slowed down and turned off the runway, he repeated this instruction, "Divas to the dance floor."

After being  Wow! boggled  confused  crazy  I simply went  Yeah sure and chalked it up to the fact that it was New Orleans and things certainly do get crazy there. A friend of mine came back from his previous trip there with a picture of a man wearing nothing but a sock (or wearing nothing and holding up a sock with...)

So the plane finally parks and I make my way into the airport and there's nothing but gay men, drag queens, transvestites, transsexuals, leather daddies/Village People-types, and men just wearing ridiculous outfits as far as the eye could see. For some reason, I was more disturbed by the last category than the trannies.

It turns out that Labor Day weekend is Southern Decadence - an annual pilgrimage for gay men the world over.


User currently offlineFlyBoy84 From United States of America, joined May 2005, 382 posts, RR: 4
Reply 10, posted (9 years 1 week 6 days ago) and read 5311 times:

Quoting BHMBAGLOCK (Thread starter):
She(He?)



Quoting DeltaGator (Reply 1):
I call them "shem" for lack of a better term.

Shim...although some of them will give you a very severe tongue-lashing (non-sexual) if you use that term to refer to them as they see themselves as women.

Quoting Brokenrecord (Reply 7):
Along the same line I had a flight attendant on Sunday who looked and talked exactly like the character "Flame" from Soul Plane. I couldn't help but laugh.

Was it CO? I also had the same type of flight attendant!

It was on a CO 757 IAH-MSY in 2001 IINM. I was on my way to an NA convention and it was my first time going to New Orleans. I noticed something a little strange about the make up of the passengers, but I didn't want to rush to judgment. I saw the flight attendant and went but was so excited about meeting my friends and going to some great workshops that I didn't waste a lot of precious time on him either.

After a and bumpy flight, we were finally touching down at MSY when the male flight attendant got on the intercom to make a Very Important Announcement:

"Divas to the dance floor!" And as the plane slowed down and turned off the runway, he repeated this instruction, "Divas to the dance floor."

After being Wow! I simply went and chalked it up to the fact that it was New Orleans and things certainly do get crazy there. A friend of mine came back from his previous trip there with a picture of a man wearing nothing but a sock (or wearing nothing and holding up a sock with...)

So the plane finally parks and I make my way into the airport and there's nothing but gay men, drag queens, transvestites, transsexuals, leather daddies/Village People-types, and men just wearing ridiculous outfits as far as the eye could see. For some reason, I was more disturbed by the last two categories than the trannies.

It turns out that Labor Day weekend is Southern Decadence - an annual pilgrimage for gay men the world over.

[Edited 2005-10-20 17:51:24]

User currently offlineBrokenrecord From United States of America, joined Jul 2005, 772 posts, RR: 0
Reply 11, posted (9 years 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 5156 times:

Quoting FlyBoy84 (Reply 10):
Was it CO? I also had the same type of flight attendant!

No, It was on USXP, CLT-ORF.


User currently offlineANCFlyer From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 12, posted (9 years 1 week 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 5119 times:

Quoting BHMBAGLOCK (Reply 5):
If Monty Python were still together I would suggest a remake of the Defense against Fruits skit with band instruments. - "But he attacked me with a French Horn - I had to defend myself! He left me no choice."

 rotfl  rotfl  rotfl  rotfl 

"What to do if someone attacks you with a Banana?!"

"Right, come on, come at me with those Bananas!"

"Simply pull the lever on the wall and a 5000 ton weight will fall upon their heads"!!!

One of my favorite Monty Python skits . . . . along with the kamikaze parchustists . . . . practicing!

 rotfl  rotfl  rotfl  rotfl 


User currently offlineDarthRandall From United States of America, joined Mar 2005, 302 posts, RR: 3
Reply 13, posted (9 years 1 week 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 5066 times:

This thread has renewed my faith in A.net. Great stories! It's going to be hard to keep from cracking up for the rest of my shift, though.


Ninjas can kill anyone they want! Ninjas cut off heads all the time and don't even think twice about it.
User currently offlineOttoPylit From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 14, posted (9 years 1 week 3 days 16 hours ago) and read 5042 times:

I actually met The Lady Chablis in Savannah airport once, of all places, right? A very nice woman...er...guy....er...person. Very personable and down to earth, and the only person of Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil fame to play herself in the movie. She was flying on a Delta flight and is a regular customer, and I mentioned to the crew if they noticed her onboard and the flight attendants almost went out of their mind. "She was onboard and I didn't notice? Oh my God, what is wrong with me? It's not like she's hard to notice?", one said. Thats right, she is kind of hard to notice. She dresses better than most everyone else for anything.

A little off topic, but it was a nice meeting with her. I just wished I had a copy of the Good and Evil book I could have had her sign.


OttoPylit


User currently offlineContnlEliteCMH From United States of America, joined Mar 2005, 1464 posts, RR: 44
Reply 15, posted (9 years 1 week 3 days 16 hours ago) and read 5017 times:

True story about the TSA at CMH:

Big Lots (one of my favorite hometown institutions) was selling Lava brand glitter lamps on the cheap. I had purchased one for my home office, and I enjoyed it so much that I decided to buy another just like it for my long-term hotel room in Atlanta, to where I was and still am sojourning weekly for my gainful employment.

Since (at the time) I wasn't checking a bag, I had to take it as a "personal item" carry on. I knew this was going to be interesting. It's a large glass container filled with about a quart of a paraffin-ish substance. I suppose it could burn if you lit it. One man was killed when he decided to experiment with it on his stovetop, and it exploded, providing a shard through the heart. Even the instructions of the lamp say not to use it over a certain number of consecutive hours, for fear of explosion.

This was combined with a *surety* that the TSA is not just Thousands Standing Around, but Thousands Standing Around with the average intensity and ambition of a department store clerk.

I loaded both my laptops into bins, and sent my bag and three bins through the machine. I raced through the metal detector and purposefully stood right behind the guy who had just initialed my boarding pass. Sure enough, the wonk behind the glowing monitor got a puzzled look on his face. What happened next was something right out of Star Wars. I started speaking into the ear of the guy right in front of me. I said, "It's just a Lava lamp." He hollers, "It's just a Lava lamp." Then I said, "It's not on the prohibited list." He hollers, "It's not on the prohibited list." The guy behind the screen shrugs and sends it on through. The only thing I didn't do was wave my hand as I said it.

I collected my things, put up the hood on my long brown robe, tightened my belt, and hustled to my X-wing for my leg to Cleveland.



Christianity. Islam. Hinduism. Anthropogenic Global Warming. All are matters of faith!
User currently offlineBHMBAGLOCK From United States of America, joined Jul 2005, 2698 posts, RR: 5
Reply 16, posted (9 years 1 week 2 days 13 hours ago) and read 4874 times:

Quoting OttoPylit (Reply 14):
A little off topic, but it was a nice meeting with her. I just wished I had a copy of the Good and Evil book I could have had her sign.

I can send you a picture of mine.

Quoting ContnlEliteCMH (Reply 15):
I collected my things, put up the hood on my long brown robe, tightened my belt, and hustled to my X-wing for my leg to Cleveland.

Go Obi-Wan!



Where are all of my respected members going?
User currently offlineANCFlyer From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 17, posted (9 years 3 days 5 hours ago) and read 4656 times:

Quoting ContnlEliteCMH (Reply 15):
I said, "It's just a Lava lamp." He hollers, "It's just a Lava lamp." Then I said, "It's not on the prohibited list." He hollers, "It's not on the prohibited list." The guy behind the screen shrugs and sends it on through. The only thing I didn't do was wave my hand as I said it.

Brilliant . . .

I will certainly have to try this next time my Daughter carries her Clarinet . . .

"It's just a Clarinet" . . . .
Faint echo "It's just a Clarinet" . . .

"It plays pretty music" . . . .
Faint echo again "It plays pretty music" . . .

 rotfl 


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