Just received this in my email, thought I'd share it...


After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form,
called a "gripe
sheet,"which tells mechanics about problems with
the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their
repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next
flight. Never let it
be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
and the
solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that
has never had an
accident.

(P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and
be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit. (This one's great, too!)
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget






Aeroflot777