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Qantas Maintenance...  
User currently offlineHals From United Kingdom, joined Aug 2005, 44 posts, RR: 0
Posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 12 hours ago) and read 2570 times:

Got this as a joke in an email from a mate of mine. See what you think...knowing the Aussie sense of humour I can well believe it... Big grin


After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded by the maintenance engineers (marked with an M).

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
M: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
M: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
M: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
M: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
M: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
M: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
M: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
M: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
M: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
M: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
M: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
M: Cat installed.

And the best one for last...

P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
M: Took hammer away from midget


Anyone got any similar stuff, especially all you maintenance guysgals...  Cool

7 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineEMBQA From United States of America, joined Oct 2003, 9364 posts, RR: 11
Reply 1, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 12 hours ago) and read 2552 times:

Quoting Hals (Thread starter):
Got this as a joke in an email from a mate of mine. See what you think...knowing the Aussie sense of humour I can well believe it...

Those jokes are far from new, and far from being from Qantas....especially since no Qantas or any commercial aircraft have IFF or Target radar installed. I've seen those listed as coming from any number of airlines and military services

[Edited 2006-02-13 23:02:47]


"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog"
User currently offlineFlyboyOz From Australia, joined Nov 2000, 1986 posts, RR: 25
Reply 2, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 7 hours ago) and read 2428 times:

yeah...we know that already looooooooooooooong time ago...I read this in 1998 or 1997


The Spirit of AustraliAN - Longreach
User currently offline777STL From United States of America, joined Dec 2004, 3656 posts, RR: 3
Reply 3, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 3 hours ago) and read 2337 times:

This is about as old as the internet....

And yeah, I've seen this listed for any number of airlines/countries.



PHX based
User currently offline777ER From New Zealand, joined Dec 2003, 12189 posts, RR: 18
Reply 4, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 3 hours ago) and read 2305 times:
AIRLINERS.NET CREW
FORUM MODERATOR

Boy I've totally lost count on how many times I've read those 'QF' jokes on a.net and on other internet sites (non aviation sites) now or via e-mail, but some of them still make me laugh

User currently offlineNumberTwelve From Germany, joined Dec 2004, 1431 posts, RR: 9
Reply 5, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks ago) and read 2223 times:

Quoting FlyboyOz (Reply 2):
yeah...we know that already looooooooooooooong time ago...I read this in 1998 or 1997

Ok, I have seen that joke as PPS in 2003 , but there is a very good saying:
"There is no 'old' or 'new' joke, there are jokes you know or you don't know."

For people who hear them the first time, it's fun.



signature censored by admin - so check my profile
User currently offlineAirlineAV8tr From United States of America, joined Feb 2006, 191 posts, RR: 4
Reply 6, posted (8 years 7 months 2 weeks 6 days 14 hours ago) and read 2075 times:

Quoting Hals (Thread starter):
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
M: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
M: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
M: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
M: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
M: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
M: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
M: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
M: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
M: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
M: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
M: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
M: Cat installed.

And the best one for last...

P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
M: Took hammer away from midget

Yes, very old, but they never become un-funny! Glad you posted them as I was just looking for them!



If we went into the funeral business, people would stop dying.-Martin S. (PanAm CEO)
User currently offlineDalb777 From United States of America, joined May 2005, 2192 posts, RR: 0
Reply 7, posted (8 years 7 months 2 weeks 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 2042 times:

I've never read these jokes before. I got a good laugh out of them. Thanks for posting.


Geaux Tigers! Geaux Hornets! Geaux Saints! WHO DAT!!!
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