Hals From United Kingdom, joined Aug 2005, 44 posts, RR: 0 Posted (8 years 6 months 1 week 4 days 6 hours ago) and read 2554 times:
Got this as a joke in an email from a mate of mine. See what you think...knowing the Aussie sense of humour I can well believe it...
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded by the maintenance engineers (marked with an M).
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
M: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
M: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
M: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
M: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
M: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
M: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
M: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
M: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
M: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
M: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
M: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
M: Cat installed.
And the best one for last...
P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
M: Took hammer away from midget
Anyone got any similar stuff, especially all you maintenance guysgals...
EMBQA From United States of America, joined Oct 2003, 9364 posts, RR: 11
Reply 1, posted (8 years 6 months 1 week 4 days 5 hours ago) and read 2536 times:
Quoting Hals (Thread starter): Got this as a joke in an email from a mate of mine. See what you think...knowing the Aussie sense of humour I can well believe it...
Those jokes are far from new, and far from being from Qantas....especially since no Qantas or any commercial aircraft have IFF or Target radar installed. I've seen those listed as coming from any number of airlines and military services
[Edited 2006-02-13 23:02:47]
"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog"