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Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.  
User currently offlineFlyASAGuy2005 From United States of America, joined Sep 2007, 7004 posts, RR: 11
Posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 20 hours ago) and read 20682 times:

I know everone has ran across these websites before. Haven't seen a funny thread in a while since airline/aviation acronyms.

DAL1176, say speed.
DAL1176, we slowed it down to two-twenty.
DAL1176 pick it back up to two-fifty...this ain't Atlanta, and them ain't grits on the ground.


Pilot: Radar, Good Day, Airforce Blackbird, request FL 600(!)
Controller (amused): Sir, if you can reach, you are cleared FL 600
Pilot: US Air Force Blackbird, leaving FL 800, decending Level 600


What gets measured gets done.
64 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineWAH64D From United Kingdom, joined Jan 2005, 966 posts, RR: 13
Reply 1, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 20 hours ago) and read 20651 times:

Frankfurt Tower: American ***, vacate left and taxi stand ***
AAL***: Roger

2 minutes and 1 wrong turn later.......................

FT (irate tone of voice): American ***, where are you going, haven't you been here before?
AAL***: Affirmative sir, we were here a couple of times in 1944 but it was dark and we didn't land...........

:D



I AM the No-spotalotacus.
User currently offlineTrekster From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 20 hours ago) and read 20638 times:

Quoting WAH64D (Reply 1):

Thats better coming from a BAW pilot then a AA pilot

Thats the joke I have heard


User currently offlineNbgskygod From United States of America, joined May 2004, 791 posts, RR: 1
Reply 3, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 19 hours ago) and read 20609 times:

Tower: Cessna 12345, traffic 5 south of the airport is a beaver inbound for the left downwind.

Cessna 12345: roger we are looking for the beaver.

Tower: Aren't we all.



"I use multi-billion dollar military satellite systems to find tupperware in the woods."
User currently offlineIrish251 From Ireland, joined Nov 2004, 964 posts, RR: 4
Reply 4, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 19 hours ago) and read 20569 times:

Have you any original ones - these have all been around for decades!

User currently offlineThepilot From Canada, joined Jan 2010, 5 posts, RR: 0
Reply 5, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 19 hours ago) and read 20541 times:

Original one from me...

Whidbey Approach: Cessna 97PD, how high are the clouds around you.
Me: Around 2000 broken to overcast, 7PD.
Whidbey Approach: Roger, let us know if those guys come in hard behind you.
Unknown pilot: That's what she said!"
I nearly lost control of the plane I was laughing so hard at this one.



From YVR
User currently offlineIrish251 From Ireland, joined Nov 2004, 964 posts, RR: 4
Reply 6, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 19 hours ago) and read 20519 times:

And one I did hear myself at Dublin many years ago and which I have sometimes seen quoted:

"Shamrock 105 (a Boeing 747), cleared for takeoff, caution wake turbulence from the Cessna 150 that just departed before you"!


User currently onlineMir From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 21424 posts, RR: 56
Reply 7, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 17 hours ago) and read 20398 times:

Somewhat paraphrased:

Tower: Delta xxx I have good news and I have bad news, which would you like first?
Delta: We'll take the good news.
Tower: There is no ground stop to Atlanta.
Delta: Ok.
Tower: Want the bad news?
Delta: Sure.
Tower: I can't let you leave until 44 past the hour because there are too many of you going down that way.
Delta: Well, they should let us leave first because it's our last flight of the day.
Tower: I have even more good news though.
Delta: Yeah, what's that?
Tower: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to GEICO.

Also:



-Mir



7 billion, one nation, imagination...it's a beautiful day
User currently offlineManu From Canada, joined Dec 2004, 406 posts, RR: 7
Reply 8, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 15 hours ago) and read 20278 times:

Many years ago I flew on Canadian Airline's from YYZ to YVR in the flight deck on an A320. Approaching the rockies, about 2 hours to go the captain noted the starboard engine had low oil. After we landed he switched his radio and started talking to CP maintenance (from my memory):

Pilot: "Maintenance this is CP241, the oil is a little low on the starboard engine can you check it on the maintenance tonight?"

Pilot pauses 5 seconds.... no response from anyone

Pilot: "Ooops, sorry. Helps to change to the correct frequency"

Radio: "Yeah, I was wondering where the dip stick was"

Pilot: "Sitting right here"

He then switched to the correct frequency and made the call... I laughed for about 10 minutes straight after that.


User currently offlineLAXspotter From India, joined Jan 2007, 3650 posts, RR: 5
Reply 9, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 15 hours ago) and read 20215 times:

Quoting WAH64D (Reply 1):
FT (irate tone of voice): American ***, where are you going, haven't you been here before?
AAL***: Affirmative sir, we were here a couple of times in 1944 but it was dark and we didn't land...........

:D

OMG, lol rotfl, must have pissed of the controller even more.



"Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel" Samuel Johnson
User currently offlineStrandedInBGM From United States of America, joined Jul 2007, 349 posts, RR: 0
Reply 10, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 14 hours ago) and read 20192 times:

Quoting Mir (Reply 7):
Also:

I love listening to those guys from JFK.

Good night... good flight.



It's 737s, 747s and 380s. Not 737's, 747's and 380's. Learn to use the apostrophe for crying out loud.
User currently offlineSnaiks From Panama, joined Mar 2005, 216 posts, RR: 0
Reply 11, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 14 hours ago) and read 20171 times:

i was missing this thread, i havnt seen it in a while. I still laugh every time I read em

User currently offlineAlbird87 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 12, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 14 hours ago) and read 20103 times:

Quoting WAH64D (Reply 1):
Frankfurt Tower: American ***, vacate left and taxi stand ***
AAL***: Roger

2 minutes and 1 wrong turn later.......................

FT (irate tone of voice): American ***, where are you going, haven't you been here before?
AAL***: Affirmative sir, we were here a couple of times in 1944 but it was dark and we didn't land...........

:D

Have another one like this.

Lufthansa arriving at Frankfurt.
ATC: 'Lufthansa 132 turn left onto taxiway Charlie, Right onto Delta then Gate 42'

Lufthansa: '(responds in german to ATC)'

ATC: 'Lufthansa 132 you must speak in English... Over'

Lufthansa: '(in english now) why do i have to speak in english... I am in germany at a german airport working for a german company!! Why do i have to speak in ENGLISH!!'

British Airways flight departing: 'cause we won the war!!'

When i heard this i just cracked up and was laughing for a while!!


User currently offlineSpoke2Spoke From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 190 posts, RR: 0
Reply 13, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 10 hours ago) and read 19968 times:

Quoting Irish251 (Reply 4):
these have all been around for decades!

They have, but don't they make you laugh each time nonetheless?  Smile



...carelessness and overconfidence are usually far more dangerous than deliberately accepted risks. - Wilbur Wright
User currently offlineN774UA From Netherlands, joined Aug 2004, 343 posts, RR: 0
Reply 14, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 10 hours ago) and read 19929 times:

Something more recent. Last month I heard an AMS controller saying to a KL 747: Regarding the wake of the just departed F70, you're cleared for take off. Thought it was pretty funny.

N774UA



...follow his instructions, switch off at the stand.
User currently offlineG4LASRamper From United States of America, joined Dec 2006, 170 posts, RR: 0
Reply 15, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 10 hours ago) and read 19912 times:

I think I've posted this one here before, but what the heck. This one happened to me at John Wayne (SNA) many years ago. As I taxied out in a PA-44 to depart for home, a Cactus flight called ground for his taxi clearance. Ground gave it to him thus:

Ground: "Cactus xxx taxi to 19L, follow the Piper... Piper... uh..."
Me: "Seminole"
Ground: "That's right. Cactus xxx follow the Seminole to 19L. All those Indians look alike to me."

Another one I listened to while descending into Burbank (BUR) - it was very windy that day and approach was in the middle of a runway change and issuing lots of vectors:

Approach: "Mooney 4BB, turn left heading 340 vectors for the visual runway 26."
A few seconds later, after issuing several other vectors:
Approach: "Mooney 4BB, left turn, left turn to 340 Sir, the hand with the rock in it."

My favorite heard here (secondhand, probably anecdotal) was also from quite a few years ago when we had a former New York Common I Room controller working LAS approach (back in the days of the FAA Air Traffic Service' "Gimme Five" program):

Republic xxx: "Approach, Republic xxx with you for the ILS 25R."
Approach: "Republic xxx roger, fly heading 270 vectors to the ILS, reduce to 180 for spacing."
Republic xxx: "Approach, we'd like to keep the speed up to the marker if we can."
Approach: "Republic xxx unable, reduce to 180."

About a minute later apparently the Republic wasn't slowing quite fast enough:

Approach: "Republic xxx, Sir the number's 180. Make it either your airspeed or your heading."



"A pig that doesn't fly is just a pig." - Porco Rosso
User currently offlinePhishphan70 From United States of America, joined Oct 2006, 264 posts, RR: 0
Reply 16, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 9 hours ago) and read 19897 times:

i wanted to quote my favorite ones so far and give feed back, but they are all so frickin' funny! great, great, great thread invoking a lot of laughter over here. really enjoyed the video with VS. "my mother-in-law's house"....Classic!
keep the laughs commin ya'll!


User currently offlineSmcmac32msn From United States of America, joined May 2004, 2211 posts, RR: 4
Reply 17, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 9 hours ago) and read 19873 times:

Here at MSN a few years ago, there were a bunch of seagulls at the departure end of runway 18. Here was the communications paraphrased:

Tower: Skyway XXXX, your cleared to land, runway 18, beware of a flock of seagulls on the rollout.
Skyway: Flock of seagulls, god I miss that band.
Tower: *singing* And I Ran....
Skyway: *giggles* .....So Far Away, from Milwaukee to Madison. Clear to land runway 18.
Tower: Think they'll do a reunion tour?
Skyway: I hope so.



Hey Obama, keep the change! I want my dollar back.
User currently offlinePennStation From United States of America, joined May 2006, 45 posts, RR: 0
Reply 18, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 9 hours ago) and read 19858 times:

I was sitting right next to the guy who said: "...unable higher, traffic coming in your face."

User currently offlineTS-IOR From Tunisia, joined Oct 2001, 3442 posts, RR: 6
Reply 19, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 9 hours ago) and read 19832 times:

N774UA, have you once heard that girl at AMS, always giving such a clearance : Cleaaaaaaaaaared for take-offfff...

User currently offlineN774UA From Netherlands, joined Aug 2004, 343 posts, RR: 0
Reply 20, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 8 hours ago) and read 19768 times:

Quoting TS-IOR (Reply 19):

Yeah sure, hearing it almost every day. Big grin There's a guy up there that's doing the same things. He is also the one I "quoted".

N774UA



...follow his instructions, switch off at the stand.
User currently offlineEDICHC From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 21, posted (6 years 9 months 3 weeks 1 hour ago) and read 19524 times:

Another classic...

Approach "United XXX you have traffic 12 O'clock 5 miles level 080 Fokker 100, confirm visual"

United XXX "Approach, I've always wanted to say this, I have the little Fokker in sight!"

and....

(Indianapolis, I think) Center "United XXX please execute noise abatement turn to heading 330"

United XXX "Center, United XXX we are at FL350, what do you mean noise abatement turn?"

Center "United XXX have you ever heard the noise when a 747 & a 727 collide?"


User currently offlinePilotboi From United States of America, joined Sep 2007, 2366 posts, RR: 9
Reply 22, posted (6 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 23 hours ago) and read 19429 times:

A secondhand quote from DAB...yes, a student pilot. Apparently he was still a little sketchy at taxing and was swerving all over taxiway N. .For those who don't know, N is about 100 ft wide and is normally used as a two-way taxiway for small aircraft, always staying on the right side, like driving. Taxiway P is parallel, on the other side of 7L. Like I said, secondhand quote so it's not word for word, but you get the point.

Ground: Riddle XXX, having any problems?
Student: No, were fine.
(a few seconds later)
Ground: Riddle XXX, you sure you're doing okay?
Instructor: Yeah, just have a student pilot still learning to taxi.
Ground: Roger, I'll just have to bring the departures out on Papa.

I'm sure the student had to be a little embarassed, but we all start somewhere!


User currently offlineAirfoilsguy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 23, posted (6 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 23 hours ago) and read 19367 times:

Quoting Albird87 (Reply 12):
When i heard this i just cracked up and was laughing for a while!!

That joke is older then you are.


User currently offlineAmazonphil From United States of America, joined Oct 2003, 561 posts, RR: 1
Reply 24, posted (6 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 22 hours ago) and read 19312 times:

I heard in the air once some years ago when I was flying in Colorado I believe...some pilot wanting to do a straight in approach into an airport. The wind was such that from the pilot's position he (about 5miles out) was in a down wind to the airport. But the controller I guess wanted to run with this one and assumed the pilot did not listen to ATIS so he told him " Sir if you would like to do a straight in approach then I suggest you to do a 180 degree turn from your position, fly 25,000 miles and come straight in to the runway.

Thought it was clever timing on the controllers part as well as humorous.. I laughed for while with that one.  laughing 



If it ain't Boeing, I ain't goeing!
25 71Zulu : Tower: Cessna 172, state your intentions Student Pilot: Uh, I want to be airline pilot sir Tower: Cessna 172, your intentions NOW, not in the next 20
26 Doug_Or : COxxx: COxxx, Newark with alpha Clearance: COxxx I've got good news and bad news for you COxxx: What's the good news? Clearance: The weather is beufti
27 Post contains links and images OHLHD : http://www.forpilots.com/archive/rec.aviation.piloting/4/msg4471.htm http://www.schiratti.com/humour.html Endless conversations Have fun!
28 Thepilot : Here are some classics from Grand Forks from a controller who loves to screw with student pilots... Student: Grand Forks Tower, Green 45... Tower: Gre
29 Post contains images Amazonphil : A Piper Archer had just landed on a busy runway and was taxing off the high speed, then turned in the opposite direction when an MD80 landed. It then
30 Planespotting : Ahh - I miss Roger on 133.95 out of Chicago Center. For those of you upper Midwest regulars, you know who I'm talking about. Big cubs fan, retired a f
31 LAXspotter : LOL, ROTFL hahaha I love all these funny exchanges with ATC and pilots, makes being an aviation hobbyist so much more thrilling and enjoyable.
32 UCLAX : Wasn't intended to be funny, but this was entertaining: On a UA 757 IAD-LAX a few years ago (a channel 9 flight), the captain and an enroute controlle
33 KevinSmith : Not from ATC but from a formation flight. Lead A/C:Dash two say fuel Wing A/C:Fuel Lead A/C:Thanks Dash Two Wing: I'm sorry lead I couldn't resist We
34 Post contains images Flyboyseven : This summer on the glider scholarship course. ------------------------------- Tower: Glider x please hold, 737 inbound for landing. Glider: Comox towe
35 Post contains images Ajd1992 : One from my local. A DHC-6 was shooting an approach, guided down by the tower. It's from a while back, but real. Tower: ABC123, you're at 5 miles Chec
36 Elcableguy77 : I have a couple, one second-hand and one first-hand: First-Hand: At CHS, an AN-124 taxied by the passenger ramp to do a quick engine runup, then taxi
37 IAHFLYR : That is pretty common if the ground controller has hosed the local controller......but does sound funny unless you're the local controller who is the
38 LAXspotter : wow, isnt it a small world, that is really surprising how impropable that really seems.
39 Coal : Not funny in particular, but I flew UA SIN-NRT-ORD a few months back and listening to Ch 9 I found it pretty cool that the pilot would say hi and good
40 BravoGolf : Gary Tower Cessna 1234 15 to the southeast landing Cessna 1234 squwk 1200 Cessna 1234 I have you 15 to the northeast Gary tower Cessna 1234 I'm 15 to
41 JCKastrup : Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" From an unknown aircraft wait
42 Uadc8contrail : JCK, I believe that was in CLT...not LGW when referring to the usair flight and the ual flight....still funny though overheard on ual channel 9 on a o
43 ShyFlyer : This happened a few years ago @ ABQ: Four F-16s from the NM Air National Guard had lined up on Runway 8 for departure. In rapid succession, they depar
44 WestJetForLife : As a former Air Cadet, I used to go "fam flying" for a couple hours on selected weekends. This one time, we were on approach for 34 at YYC, trailing b
45 Post contains images G4LASRamper : Here's one that's been issued a few times within the LAS TRACON to LIDs (Limited Intellectual Development) in the airspace... but audible only to thos
46 Aerofede : This is first hand. In Malpensa MXP we havo nground taxing guidance like in LHR, where sometimes the pilots are instructed just to "follow the green"
47 EDICHC : Another I recall reading was between an F16 and a US AFB tower, sorry but I can't remember which one. The F16 pilot had requested an emergency landing
48 Boeing747_600 : Hey Mir, I'm calling that Virgin/JFK banter bit on you tube a fake! A controller could possibly get fired for non-pertinent chatter like that.
49 G4LASRamper : As for formations, here's one that was in AvWeb a couple of months ago that went something like this: ATC: Trick 123 say how many are in your flight t
50 Pilotboi : Just heard this one a few mins ago while listening for our next plane to land. A riddle plane was very short final: DAB Tower: Riddle 4xx, caution, fl
51 Mir : I'm pretty sure it's real. New York controllers (as well as pretty much every other controller) will say non-pertinent stuff from time to time if the
52 Graphic : I see you've talked to Chuck then? NDU37 (me): Dispatch, 437 back on Charlie no discrepancies Tower/Ground/the lonely bastard who has to sit up there
53 Mjzair : Are you serious? There wouldnt be a contoller left in this country if that were the case.
54 InnocuousFox : Go look up the JFK clips available on YouTube. They break protocol just fine over there.
55 Post contains images IAHFLYR : Happens all the time boss, not to the extend of the JFK on the tube but it does.....get a few chapel visits for phraseology, letter of reprimand, may
56 DC10sRULE : Hello All!!! Just a couple I've come across over the years. I've periodically had to bud someone to the front of the line so they could make an ORD sl
57 Flavio340 : A classic going to ORD, brought to you by channel 9: First of all a little set up: When: Summer 2006 Where: ORD Who: American Eagle and ATC Why: Storm
58 BlueShamu330s : Not really and ATC story, but I've been storing this one up for ages, and MATT, yes, YOU MATT, deserve this............ Moral of story: Don't "flit th
59 Scrumpy492003 : Is this really a tell all topic? I got my PPL in 1902, flew from CED6 to CYXD on my First X-Country - real trip after my licence. I had never been to
60 Post contains images Graphic : The smithsonian would be interested in your story
61 APFPilot1985 : I was told this one second hand. Apparently at DFW when eagle was still operating shorts aircraft there, a couple were on approach while a very hurrie
62 Post contains images InnocuousFox : Hehe... that would be "Pushing Tin"! They don't have the right clip on YouTube - the one where he jams one aircraft into the middle of the arrival st
63 Scrumpy492003 : OK, change the PPL to 1982 Peter and then there was the time that a Pilot reported a coyote at the intersection of Rwy 34 and Rwy 28 at CYYC. The Towe
64 Post contains images ZuluLima : He must have been departing to DFW because I saw him taxiing! Who knew coyotes had a nominal range of over 1500 miles?
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