Thepilot From Canada, joined Jan 2010, 5 posts, RR: 0 Reply 5, posted (6 years 2 months 3 weeks 3 days 13 hours ago) and read 18948 times:
Original one from me...
Whidbey Approach: Cessna 97PD, how high are the clouds around you.
Me: Around 2000 broken to overcast, 7PD.
Whidbey Approach: Roger, let us know if those guys come in hard behind you.
Unknown pilot: That's what she said!"
I nearly lost control of the plane I was laughing so hard at this one.
Mir From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 20540 posts, RR: 56 Reply 7, posted (6 years 2 months 3 weeks 3 days 11 hours ago) and read 18805 times:
Tower: Delta xxx I have good news and I have bad news, which would you like first?
Delta: We'll take the good news.
Tower: There is no ground stop to Atlanta.
Tower: Want the bad news?
Tower: I can't let you leave until 44 past the hour because there are too many of you going down that way.
Delta: Well, they should let us leave first because it's our last flight of the day.
Tower: I have even more good news though.
Delta: Yeah, what's that?
Tower: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to GEICO.
7 billion, one nation, imagination...it's a beautiful day
Manu From Canada, joined Dec 2004, 406 posts, RR: 8 Reply 8, posted (6 years 2 months 3 weeks 3 days 9 hours ago) and read 18685 times:
Many years ago I flew on Canadian Airline's from YYZ to YVR in the flight deck on an A320. Approaching the rockies, about 2 hours to go the captain noted the starboard engine had low oil. After we landed he switched his radio and started talking to CP maintenance (from my memory):
Pilot: "Maintenance this is CP241, the oil is a little low on the starboard engine can you check it on the maintenance tonight?"
Pilot pauses 5 seconds.... no response from anyone
Pilot: "Ooops, sorry. Helps to change to the correct frequency"
Radio: "Yeah, I was wondering where the dip stick was"
Pilot: "Sitting right here"
He then switched to the correct frequency and made the call... I laughed for about 10 minutes straight after that.
LAXspotter From India, joined Jan 2007, 3650 posts, RR: 5 Reply 9, posted (6 years 2 months 3 weeks 3 days 9 hours ago) and read 18622 times:
Quoting WAH64D (Reply 1): FT (irate tone of voice): American ***, where are you going, haven't you been here before?
AAL***: Affirmative sir, we were here a couple of times in 1944 but it was dark and we didn't land...........
OMG, lol rotfl, must have pissed of the controller even more.
"Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel" Samuel Johnson
G4LASRamper From United States of America, joined exactly 7 years ago today! , 170 posts, RR: 0 Reply 15, posted (6 years 2 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 18319 times:
I think I've posted this one here before, but what the heck. This one happened to me at John Wayne (SNA) many years ago. As I taxied out in a PA-44 to depart for home, a Cactus flight called ground for his taxi clearance. Ground gave it to him thus:
Ground: "Cactus xxx taxi to 19L, follow the Piper... Piper... uh..."
Ground: "That's right. Cactus xxx follow the Seminole to 19L. All those Indians look alike to me."
Another one I listened to while descending into Burbank (BUR) - it was very windy that day and approach was in the middle of a runway change and issuing lots of vectors:
Approach: "Mooney 4BB, turn left heading 340 vectors for the visual runway 26."
A few seconds later, after issuing several other vectors:
Approach: "Mooney 4BB, left turn, left turn to 340 Sir, the hand with the rock in it."
My favorite heard here (secondhand, probably anecdotal) was also from quite a few years ago when we had a former New York Common I Room controller working LAS approach (back in the days of the FAA Air Traffic Service' "Gimme Five" program):
Republic xxx: "Approach, Republic xxx with you for the ILS 25R."
Approach: "Republic xxx roger, fly heading 270 vectors to the ILS, reduce to 180 for spacing."
Republic xxx: "Approach, we'd like to keep the speed up to the marker if we can."
Approach: "Republic xxx unable, reduce to 180."
About a minute later apparently the Republic wasn't slowing quite fast enough:
Approach: "Republic xxx, Sir the number's 180. Make it either your airspeed or your heading."
"A pig that doesn't fly is just a pig." - Porco Rosso
Phishphan70 From United States of America, joined Oct 2006, 260 posts, RR: 0 Reply 16, posted (6 years 2 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 18304 times:
i wanted to quote my favorite ones so far and give feed back, but they are all so frickin' funny! great, great, great thread invoking a lot of laughter over here. really enjoyed the video with VS. "my mother-in-law's house"....Classic!
keep the laughs commin ya'll!
Smcmac32msn From United States of America, joined May 2004, 2211 posts, RR: 4 Reply 17, posted (6 years 2 months 3 weeks 3 days 3 hours ago) and read 18280 times:
Here at MSN a few years ago, there were a bunch of seagulls at the departure end of runway 18. Here was the communications paraphrased:
Tower: Skyway XXXX, your cleared to land, runway 18, beware of a flock of seagulls on the rollout.
Skyway: Flock of seagulls, god I miss that band.
Tower: *singing* And I Ran....
Skyway: *giggles* .....So Far Away, from Milwaukee to Madison. Clear to land runway 18.
Tower: Think they'll do a reunion tour?
Skyway: I hope so.
Hey Obama, keep the change! I want my dollar back.
Pilotboi From United States of America, joined Sep 2007, 2366 posts, RR: 10 Reply 22, posted (6 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 17 hours ago) and read 17836 times:
A secondhand quote from DAB...yes, a student pilot. Apparently he was still a little sketchy at taxing and was swerving all over taxiway N. .For those who don't know, N is about 100 ft wide and is normally used as a two-way taxiway for small aircraft, always staying on the right side, like driving. Taxiway P is parallel, on the other side of 7L. Like I said, secondhand quote so it's not word for word, but you get the point.
Ground: Riddle XXX, having any problems?
Student: No, were fine.
(a few seconds later)
Ground: Riddle XXX, you sure you're doing okay?
Instructor: Yeah, just have a student pilot still learning to taxi.
Ground: Roger, I'll just have to bring the departures out on Papa.
I'm sure the student had to be a little embarassed, but we all start somewhere!
Amazonphil From United States of America, joined Oct 2003, 561 posts, RR: 1 Reply 24, posted (6 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 17 hours ago) and read 17719 times:
I heard in the air once some years ago when I was flying in Colorado I believe...some pilot wanting to do a straight in approach into an airport. The wind was such that from the pilot's position he (about 5miles out) was in a down wind to the airport. But the controller I guess wanted to run with this one and assumed the pilot did not listen to ATIS so he told him " Sir if you would like to do a straight in approach then I suggest you to do a 180 degree turn from your position, fly 25,000 miles and come straight in to the runway.
Thought it was clever timing on the controllers part as well as humorous.. I laughed for while with that one.
If it ain't Boeing, I ain't goeing!
25 71Zulu: Tower: Cessna 172, state your intentions Student Pilot: Uh, I want to be airline pilot sir Tower: Cessna 172, your intentions NOW, not in the next 20
26 Doug_Or: COxxx: COxxx, Newark with alpha Clearance: COxxx I've got good news and bad news for you COxxx: What's the good news? Clearance: The weather is beufti
27 OHLHD: http://www.forpilots.com/archive/rec.aviation.piloting/4/msg4471.htm http://www.schiratti.com/humour.html Endless conversations Have fun!
28 Thepilot: Here are some classics from Grand Forks from a controller who loves to screw with student pilots... Student: Grand Forks Tower, Green 45... Tower: Gre
29 Amazonphil: A Piper Archer had just landed on a busy runway and was taxing off the high speed, then turned in the opposite direction when an MD80 landed. It then
30 Planespotting: Ahh - I miss Roger on 133.95 out of Chicago Center. For those of you upper Midwest regulars, you know who I'm talking about. Big cubs fan, retired a f
31 LAXspotter: LOL, ROTFL hahaha I love all these funny exchanges with ATC and pilots, makes being an aviation hobbyist so much more thrilling and enjoyable.
32 UCLAX: Wasn't intended to be funny, but this was entertaining: On a UA 757 IAD-LAX a few years ago (a channel 9 flight), the captain and an enroute controlle
33 KevinSmith: Not from ATC but from a formation flight. Lead A/C:Dash two say fuel Wing A/C:Fuel Lead A/C:Thanks Dash Two Wing: I'm sorry lead I couldn't resist We
34 Flyboyseven: This summer on the glider scholarship course. ------------------------------- Tower: Glider x please hold, 737 inbound for landing. Glider: Comox towe
35 Ajd1992: One from my local. A DHC-6 was shooting an approach, guided down by the tower. It's from a while back, but real. Tower: ABC123, you're at 5 miles Chec
36 Elcableguy77: I have a couple, one second-hand and one first-hand: First-Hand: At CHS, an AN-124 taxied by the passenger ramp to do a quick engine runup, then taxi
37 IAHFLYR: That is pretty common if the ground controller has hosed the local controller......but does sound funny unless you're the local controller who is the
38 LAXspotter: wow, isnt it a small world, that is really surprising how impropable that really seems.
39 Coal: Not funny in particular, but I flew UA SIN-NRT-ORD a few months back and listening to Ch 9 I found it pretty cool that the pilot would say hi and good
40 BravoGolf: Gary Tower Cessna 1234 15 to the southeast landing Cessna 1234 squwk 1200 Cessna 1234 I have you 15 to the northeast Gary tower Cessna 1234 I'm 15 to
41 JCKastrup: Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" From an unknown aircraft wait
42 Uadc8contrail: JCK, I believe that was in CLT...not LGW when referring to the usair flight and the ual flight....still funny though overheard on ual channel 9 on a o
43 ShyFlyer: This happened a few years ago @ ABQ: Four F-16s from the NM Air National Guard had lined up on Runway 8 for departure. In rapid succession, they depar
44 WestJetForLife: As a former Air Cadet, I used to go "fam flying" for a couple hours on selected weekends. This one time, we were on approach for 34 at YYC, trailing b
45 G4LASRamper: Here's one that's been issued a few times within the LAS TRACON to LIDs (Limited Intellectual Development) in the airspace... but audible only to thos
46 Aerofede: This is first hand. In Malpensa MXP we havo nground taxing guidance like in LHR, where sometimes the pilots are instructed just to "follow the green"
47 EDICHC: Another I recall reading was between an F16 and a US AFB tower, sorry but I can't remember which one. The F16 pilot had requested an emergency landing
48 Boeing747_600: Hey Mir, I'm calling that Virgin/JFK banter bit on you tube a fake! A controller could possibly get fired for non-pertinent chatter like that.
49 G4LASRamper: As for formations, here's one that was in AvWeb a couple of months ago that went something like this: ATC: Trick 123 say how many are in your flight t
50 Pilotboi: Just heard this one a few mins ago while listening for our next plane to land. A riddle plane was very short final: DAB Tower: Riddle 4xx, caution, fl
51 Mir: I'm pretty sure it's real. New York controllers (as well as pretty much every other controller) will say non-pertinent stuff from time to time if the
52 Graphic: I see you've talked to Chuck then? NDU37 (me): Dispatch, 437 back on Charlie no discrepancies Tower/Ground/the lonely bastard who has to sit up there
53 Mjzair: Are you serious? There wouldnt be a contoller left in this country if that were the case.
54 InnocuousFox: Go look up the JFK clips available on YouTube. They break protocol just fine over there.
55 IAHFLYR: Happens all the time boss, not to the extend of the JFK on the tube but it does.....get a few chapel visits for phraseology, letter of reprimand, may
56 DC10sRULE: Hello All!!! Just a couple I've come across over the years. I've periodically had to bud someone to the front of the line so they could make an ORD sl
57 Flavio340: A classic going to ORD, brought to you by channel 9: First of all a little set up: When: Summer 2006 Where: ORD Who: American Eagle and ATC Why: Storm
58 BlueShamu330s: Not really and ATC story, but I've been storing this one up for ages, and MATT, yes, YOU MATT, deserve this............ Moral of story: Don't "flit th
59 Scrumpy492003: Is this really a tell all topic? I got my PPL in 1902, flew from CED6 to CYXD on my First X-Country - real trip after my licence. I had never been to
60 Graphic: The smithsonian would be interested in your story
61 APFPilot1985: I was told this one second hand. Apparently at DFW when eagle was still operating shorts aircraft there, a couple were on approach while a very hurrie
62 InnocuousFox: Hehe... that would be "Pushing Tin"! They don't have the right clip on YouTube - the one where he jams one aircraft into the middle of the arrival st
63 Scrumpy492003: OK, change the PPL to 1982 Peter and then there was the time that a Pilot reported a coyote at the intersection of Rwy 34 and Rwy 28 at CYYC. The Towe
64 ZuluLima: He must have been departing to DFW because I saw him taxiing! Who knew coyotes had a nominal range of over 1500 miles?