Lamyl_hhlco From United States of America, joined Aug 2000, 621 posts, RR: 2 Posted (14 years 4 months 1 week 2 days 3 hours ago) and read 3728 times:
Here's some funny stuff:
Air Force One : "Requesting Radar".
"What is you position?" asked ATC
"You got radar you find us" Air Force One replied.
After a few minutes ATC announced "Air Force One we're changing frequency"
"What frequency are you changing to?" asked Air Force One
"You've got 720 channels - you find us!" ATC replied.
Speedbird: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active."
Ground: "Guten morgan, taxi to your gate.
The BA 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?!"
Speedbird: "Standby ground, I'm looking up the gate location now.
Ground (with typical German patience): "Speedbird, have you never been to Frankfurt before?!"
Speedbird (coolly): "Yes, in 1944, but I didn't stop."
Lots of commercial aircraft are stacked up waiting for approach to O'Hare Int'l, ATC has inflicted numerous delays, and some planes are already 1-2 hours late. The WX is good, it's just that there is a traffic bottleneck somewhere. Pilots, passengers, crew are all getting quite frustrated and angry.
ATC: "All aircraft holding, expect 20 minutes additional delay."
Unknown A/C: "Ahhh . . . bullshit!"
ATC: "Aircraft making last transmission, identify yourself."
ATC: "Aircraft making last transmission, identify yourself immediately!"
ATC: "Aircraft using 'bullshit' in last transmission, identify yourself.
American 411, was that you?"
American 411: "Approach, American 411: negative on the 'bullshit,' sir."
NW 202: "Approach, NW 202: negative on the 'bullshit.'"
Delta 55: "Approach, Delta 55: negative on the 'bullshit.'"
NW 33: "Approach, NW 33: we have a negative on that 'bullshit.'"
. . . and so on, right through the entire pattern.
BOAC: Heathrow Centre, British Airways Speedbird Flight 723
HC: British Airways Speedbird Flight 723, Heathrow Centre, go ahead
BOAC: Heathrow Centre, British Airways Speedbird Flight 723 has a message for you
HC: British Airways Speedbird Flight 723, Heathrow Centre is ready to copy message
BOAC: Heathrow Centre, British Airways Speedbird Flight 723, message is as follows: Mayday, Mayday, Mayday ....
Lost student pilot: "Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling overhead, identify yourself."
Tower : "Wind calm. No reported traffic. Use runway 32 or 14, your choice."
Pilot : "Which runway is longer?"
Tower : "Have you got enough fuel or not ?"
Pilot : "Yes"
Tower : "Yes what?"
Pilot : "Yes, SIR !"
First Pilot Voice : "Roger, I am holding at 3000 over NF beacon."
Second voice : "NO ! You can't be doing that ! I AM holding at 3000 over that beacon !!!
(brief pause, then first voice again) "You idiot, you're my co-pilot..."
Pilot : "The first officer says he's got the field in sight."
Tower : "Roger, the first officer is cleared for a visual approach runway 27; you captain, continue on that 180° heading, and descend to 3000 feet."
Pilot : "... Tower, call me a fuel truck."
Tower : "Roger, you are a fuel truck."
Senliture From Australia, joined May 2000, 431 posts, RR: 0
Reply 3, posted (14 years 4 months 1 week 1 day 19 hours ago) and read 3532 times:
I heard once like this one:
ATC: Dragonair 434, contact Hong Kong Radar 121.55.
KA434: Roger, 122.55, good day.
ATC: Dragonair 434, contact Hong Kong Radar 121.55, not 122.55.
(no reply from KA434)
KA434: Hong Kong Radar, this is Dragonair 434, heading 050, climbing to FL310.
(no reply from ATC--of course, wrong frequency )
KA434: anybody here?
KA434: opps, wrong frequency.
KA434: Hong Kong Radar, this is Dragonair 434, what's the frequency you've directed me to?
The Ticketor From Norway, joined Oct 2000, 434 posts, RR: 1
Reply 4, posted (14 years 4 months 1 week 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 3522 times:
I've read most of them before, but they're all funny. I especially like the BA captain declaring an emergency with typical British dignity. Great stuff. I'll post some good stuff (you might have seen it before) with topic "Maintenance Complaints".