Pilot: Clipper..., we are reaching FL 140 and we checked FL 80, it's still there.
2.
Pilot: Good morning Tower, TWA 740, we're twlve miles out for zero seven left.
Twr: Good morning, you are eight miles out, continue.
Pilot: We are twlve miles out from the VOR.
Twr: You sure won't put it down by the VOR, would you ?
Pilot: Tower, you leave that up to us where we put it down.
Twr: wilco.
3.
Pilot : Tower, could you give me a rough timecheck ?
Twr : Today is tuesday.
4.
Contr.: Clipper 655 make an orbit to the left.
Capt.: Do you realize it costs 500 Dollar ever time we turn this aircraft through 180 degrees ?
Contr.: Well, give me 1000 dollar turn then.
5.
Contr.: Speedbird 968 unidentified traffic one o'clock two miles from right to left.
Pilot: We have one in sight at two o'clock.
Contr.: Affirm, one o'clock UTC.
6.
Pilot: Bremen Radar, Clipper 614, confirm, did you clear me direct hamburg COR or via amluh intersection ?
Contr.: Clipper 614, Affirm.
Pilot: Thank you, that's what I thought.
7.
Twr: Are you in case of emergency ?
Pilot: ( british ) No, I'm not nervous.
8.
Contr.: United 103, descend to FL 290.
Pilot: Roger, leaving FL 330 for FL 290, what is the reason for that ?
Contr.: It's due to noise abatement.
Pilot: For noise abatement ? We are cruising at high level, Sir, what kind of noise abatement is that ?
Contr.: I know but there is opposite traffic at FL 330 and there will be a lot of noise if you both meet in FL 330.
9.
Contr: Speedbird 663, at what point or altitude did you get the lights in sight ?
Pilot: at minimum.
Contr: Roger
Pilot: Weel, it might have been one foot higher.
10.
Pilot:Good morning Ground, KLM 242 request start up.
Gnd: KLM 242, expect start up in about two hours.
Pilot: Please confirm two hours delay ?
Gnd: Affirm.
Pilot: In that case, cancel good morning.
11.
Contr.: Clipper 234, turn right HDG 090 to avoid a military area.
Pilot: what are they doing there ?
Contr: Ground to Air gunnery and they are shooting especially at Boeings wearing big blue letters on their belly.
Pilot: Roger, turning.
12.
Pilot: Lufthansa 791, rejected take-off, we got a bird strike.
Twr: Roger, turn right next taxiway and taxi to apron.
Pilot: Roger
Twr: and where are the birds now ?
Pilot: ...where are the birds... in the engine of course.
13.
pilot: what is my distance to the preceding aircraft ?
Twr: would you believe three miles ?
14.
Pilot: Ground, any news about our departure, we requested start-up two hours ago ?
GND: Sorry, delay not yet determined, but expect at least another two hours delay.
Pilot: Jesus loves you.
15.
Capt. to his First officer: Did he say fast moving traffic six o'clock ?
16.
Contr: Kindly report your heading.
Pilot: Of course, 080.
Contr: Confirm you are off course ?
Pilot: Negative, we are on course, of course.
17.
Contr: Speedbird 234, confirm you are turning right on heading 180 ?
Captain: Affirm, I just ordered twelve degrees starboard
18.
Twr: Speedbird 958, did you pass the outer marker already ?
Pilot: Oh yes, we are sorry. We passed it about 30 seconds ago.
Twr: Never mind, it happens to the best.
Pilot: Right you are, even to us.
19.
Tower: November..., use caution jet wash.
Pilot: In sight.
20.
Tower: United 335, hold position, Marshall will park you.
Pilot: Roger, looking out for John Wayne.
21.
Pilot: Bratislava Tower, this X-Line 246, established ILS Runway 16.
Twr: X-Line 246, cleared to land 16, wind calm, by the way this is vienna tower.
Pilot: Bratislava Tower, X-Line 246, passed the outer marker.
Twr: X-Line 246, once more, you are approaching VIENNA.
Pilot: EEhh, confirm this is not Bratislava ???
Twr: You can belive me, this is VIENNA.
Pilot: But why ? We want to go to Bratislava, not vienna
Twr: Roger, discontinue Approach, turn left HDG 030 and climb 5000 ft, vectors for Bratislava.
22.
Controller after the landing of British Airways Boeing:
Just to let you know on the approach you were a little left of the centerline.
Pilot: That is correct, and my first officer was slightly to the right.
FaisZ From Singapore, joined Sep 2000, 106 posts, RR: 0 Reply 1, posted (12 years 4 months 3 days 10 hours ago) and read 2068 times:
"Controller after the landing of British Airways Boeing:
Just to let you know on the approach you were a little left of the centerline.
Pilot: That is correct, and my first officer was slightly to the right. "
AJ From Australia, joined Nov 1999, 2376 posts, RR: 27 Reply 3, posted (12 years 4 months 3 days 6 hours ago) and read 2044 times:
Another two for you, both legend:
1.
Controller: Speedbird XX, reduce speed
Speedbird: Unable
Controller: Speedbird XX, can you use speedbrakes?
Sppedbird: The speedbrakes are for my mistakes, not yours!
2.
United: Sydney Control, this is my last flight before retirement, and let me tell you that you are the second best controllers in the world
Sydney Control: Why thank you, but who is the best?
United: The rest of the world!
Ikarus From United Kingdom, joined Jan 2001, 3524 posts, RR: 2 Reply 6, posted (12 years 4 months 3 days 2 hours ago) and read 1974 times:
"Rodscher - Komik zwischen Himmel und Erde":
ISBN 3-89365-467-4
That is my copy, but a friend of mine who looked at it said it was only part 2 or 3, as he has the original (he quoted some of your jokes, as examples from his book). Originally, these snippets were published (one or two at a time) in a small section of the "Flieger Magazin", at least that's what it says in the introduction:
"... Das ist einer von 300 Funk-Kurzdialogen, sie seit vier Jahren im fliegermagazin unter der Rubrik >>Rodscher<< publiziert werden.....
.... Die fliegermagazin-Rodschers sind immerhin so beliebt, dass sie regelmaessig in einem internen Monatsbericht der deutschen Flugsicherung - der obersten Funksprechbehoerde - abgedruckt werden. Nicht weniger beliebt sind die Zeichnungen von fliegermagazin-Autor Helmut Mauch. ....
.... Beides - die Rodschers und die Mauch-Cartoons - sind bei fliegermagazin-Lesern so beliebt, dass sie die Redaktion geradezu beknieten, diese Schmankerl in einem Sammelband herauszubringen. Hier ist er. ..."
Sponsor Message: 
From Germany, joined Jan 2001, 28 posts, 
ILS
From Singapore, joined Sep 2000, 106 posts, 
From United Kingdom, joined Jan 2001, 3524 posts, 
From Australia, joined Nov 1999, 2376 posts, 
From UK - Scotland, joined Jun 2000, 24621 posts, 
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