ILUV767 From United States of America, joined May 2000, 3141 posts, RR: 8 Posted (13 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 22 hours ago) and read 7007 times:
I just wanted to share with some of you some funny cabin announcements. Please feel free to add to the list. Lets see how many we can get!
"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Denver...please use caution when opening the overhead compartments as you may be KILLED by falling luggage items, and that would create a lot more paperwork for us!"
On a lightly booked flight, with about 15 people or so on it, the captain would make this announcement a few minutes before pushback.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, if you could help us out by moving to the window, we would greatly appreciate your help...(pause) so we can give our compeditors the impression that we have a full flight today. Thanks for your cooperation."
Here is an announcment that was made after a real hard landing.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain seated as our pilots are much better flyers than they are drivers!
Here is one of my favorites. This was made on a through flight to Orlando.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, here at United the flight attendants are required to clean the plane on through flights and we could certainly use some extra help today, so if you would like to help, please indicate yourself by standing up before the seatbelt sign is turned off. Thank you."
There are more...and i'll post them later. Also, I've actually never heard these made on a flight, but some f/a's have told me about them being made.
JFKspotter From United States of America, joined Jan 2001, 448 posts, RR: 7
Reply 3, posted (13 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 6519 times:
On my flight from JFK to SJC last Summer, the AA f/a said: "Ladies and Gentlemen, good afternoon, and welcome aboard AA flight ### with nonstop service to San Juan, Puerto Rico (long pause, whispering among passengers) Oh, excuse me, I mean, San Jose, California."
Some guy yelled out "Yeah! Puerto Rico! I could use a vacation! Let's go!"
767-332ER From United States of America, joined Mar 2001, 2030 posts, RR: 10
Reply 5, posted (13 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 6471 times:
After landing from a gorgeous flight from ATL to San Diego, CA on a DL 757, the flight attendant came on an announced: "ladies and gentlement, we would like to be the first one's to welcome you to........(a pause for about 3 mins) and as we were rolling into the gate the flight attendant came back on and said, San Diego, and then continued.
Twinjets...if one fails, work the other one twice as hard!!!
BH346 From United States of America, joined Jan 2000, 3265 posts, RR: 14
Reply 6, posted (13 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 6465 times:
I don't remember any of it, but on a Mesaba Airlines flight from Wichita to Memphis a few years ago, the FA's sung a rap song about the safety features of the RJ85. It was really catchy and every line rhymed. Has anyone heard this on their flight?
Northwest Airlines - Some People Just Know How to Fly
An-225 From United States of America, joined Sep 2000, 3950 posts, RR: 40
Reply 7, posted (13 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 6448 times:
On a flight from Moscow with multiple stops, every time they'd use a different crew. And every time, the crew would say - Welcome to our plane. Then after 3rd or fourth stop, someone gets up and yells - NO - That's our plane, we've been her longer than you!
Money does not bring you happiness. But it's better to cry in your own private limo than on a cold bus stop.
Tom in NO From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 7194 posts, RR: 33
Reply 8, posted (13 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 6453 times:
My favorites are also on Southwest, withthe all-time classic being (in the pre-flight announcements):
"There is no smoking anywhere on this aircraft, including the restrooms. Anyone caught smoking will be re-seated out on the wing, where they will be free to enjoy our double-feature movie: "Bye-Bye Birdie", and "Gone With the Wind".
Tom in NO (at MSY)
"The criminal ineptitude makes you furious"-Bruce Springsteen, after seeing firsthand the damage from Hurricane Katrina
CVG777 From United States of America, joined May 2000, 1251 posts, RR: 6
Reply 9, posted (13 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 6441 times:
On a Delta 727 in SLC, we had been delayed for about 40 minutes due to bad weather in the area and bad weather along the route. We finally begin to taxi out and the pilot came on and said...
"Ladies and gentlemen...Due to less than favorable weather along the flight path we will be taxiing out towards our runway, but will have to sit around out there for a little while until we are able to take off."
15 minutes later...
"Ladies and gentlemen, due to a change in the winds, we must now taxi to the other end of the runway where we will continue our sitting around and waiting to take off..."
Oakmad From Australia, joined Apr 2001, 55 posts, RR: 0
Reply 10, posted (13 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 6430 times:
Virgin had just started flight from MEL to BNE and everyone was talking about how fun they were. On one flight after land they announced that we should be 'careful opening overhead lockers as shift happens during flight'
Cx340 From Mexico, joined Sep 2000, 609 posts, RR: 3
Reply 11, posted (13 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 6424 times:
On a recent Aeromexico 757 flight MEX-MTY, after landing and waiting on the ramp for almost 30 minutes, pilot says: "Ladies and Gentlemen, due to the severe stupidity of the airlines's staff at MTY, and even though we have available gates, we will have to wait another 5 minutes to arrive at our gate"
Superfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 39721 posts, RR: 75
Reply 12, posted (13 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 6408 times:
United 737 ONT-SFO in 1997.
"Good morning everyone, I am your Captian Judge Lance Ito, our co-pilot is Johnny Cochran, flight engineer Marcia Clark. Your flight arttendants are Kato Kalin, Chris Darden, OJ Simpson, Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson".
ATL Traveller From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 166 posts, RR: 0
Reply 13, posted (13 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 6362 times:
Just yesterday on a Delta 767 going to Boston from Atlanta this happened:
There was a cold front causing rain and wind in both Atlanta and Boston. I figured there would be delays, but to my surprise we left the gate on time. The plane was pushed back and just as the movement stopped the captain came on the PA to say, "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Captain (name). It looked like we were ready to go, but now there's a ground hold in Boston. We're going to be towed back to the gate. We'll have to wait there about an hour. We'll keep you updated as info is passed on to us." The plane moved forward to the gate. But just as we got there the captain came on the PA to say, "Well, we've got an update. The hold is off. We can go now." The plane hadn't even stopped moving forward! Now they were backing us out again. After being backed out the second time, we taxied to the runway. As we got to the runway the co-pilot said, "This is First Officer (name). We're number three for take-off. It should be only a few minutes. Captain (name) and I will continue with our pre-flight checklist. Now that we've practiced our ramp procedures we'll prepare for take-off... which we figure we'll only do once." All on board laughed.
ILOVEA340 From United States of America, joined Oct 1999, 2100 posts, RR: 4
Reply 14, posted (13 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 6337 times:
Welcome aboard Southwest flight XXX with service to Las Vegas through MANCHESTER, BWI, MSY, Kansas city and Dallas.
Large male passengter stands up and yells (a little drunk) hell of a way to get to vegas.
Lewis From Greece, joined Jul 1999, 3623 posts, RR: 5
Reply 20, posted (13 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 11 hours ago) and read 6262 times:
There is a pilot that works for Olympic who's surname is Makaritis. Makaritis in Greek is called someone who has died. My best friend though it was a joke during a fligh but he then found out that it was his real name. Many passengers were afraid...
Minolta-maiden From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 21, posted (13 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 10 hours ago) and read 6247 times:
My friend Kate has just returned from a trip to Paris, on arrival the pa said:
"Would all British and Irish passengers remove any meat products they have in their baggage to help avoid the spread of "nose and mouth" disease"
Tan flyr From United States of America, joined Aug 2000, 1904 posts, RR: 0
Reply 22, posted (13 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 6187 times:
A number of years ago on a flight to IND, we arrived late one night due to weather and a very tired F/A came on the PA to announce "welcome to....." and she went blank, however she had the mic open as she asked anther F/A, where in the hell are we? Every one heard it, however she went on to announce that indeed we had arrived at Indianapolis.
I remember this was on a 72S, but it was either AA or DL.
Ngr From United States of America, joined Apr 2001, 176 posts, RR: 0
Reply 23, posted (13 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 3 hours ago) and read 6183 times:
Once, we flew on American Airlines from Miami to the Dominican Republic on vacation. We had a really bad landing, and I mean really bad. We hit the ground and heard a loud BOOM where it sounded like a tire had burst. Anyways, the Captain came on the PA and said "There you have it"
NoUFO From Germany, joined Apr 2001, 7943 posts, RR: 12
Reply 24, posted (13 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 3 hours ago) and read 6164 times:
In the middle of a flight:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, as a special inflight entertainment service our f/a (...) will read poems by W.B. Yeats now for the next two hours. Those who already have enjoyed her readings before, know that the headphones are stored in the armrests."
I support the right to arm bears
: "We have a very strict carrion policy. If you have additional carrions, feel free to give them to one of our resourceful flight attendant, who will fi
: Once on a flight from STL-MKE-STL on TWA, we had a crew that was hilarrious. They annouced to us that we had to ' discontinue the use of all portable
: Last year on a vanguard flight after "heavy" turbulence, the captain says: "Wasn't that bad was it"
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: Arriving in Seattle on a foggy evening: "We thank you for your choice of X airlines. You may have thought you had a choice of carriers today, but actu
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: Where in the Dom Rep? I was on an AA flight MIA-LRM (La Romana) and when we landed the piloy said... "Welcome aboard La Romana" and the in the backrou
: not oin the funny side but interestying. On a swissair flight from ZRH-JFK apon arrival the FA says "welcome to beautiful Newark" (theres two erros in
: UAL flt 933 LHR-LAX 16 April 2001: "...On behalf of all of us at United, welcome to Los Angeles International Airport, which is in the United States
: In January of this year, I took a flight from MCI to LAX with a stop at IAH. The flight from IAH to LAX was on a Continental DC-10 and the flight atte
: I like a little joke after a flight and when I make announcements I say "please remember to take all of your personal belongings with you, because wha
: A flight attendant on an international flight came on the speaker and said, "Help me, help me, I'm stuck out on the wing." After everybody looked out
: "Welcome to Denver ........ and please remain seated until the AIRPORT has come to a complete standstill" - CO rw774477
38 Boeing nut
: Oh man! These are too funny! Here's a couple .... On a TWA flight, we had experince a ground hold, and the flight was only about half full. The Captai
: Southwest used to fly between GEG and BOI in the mid 90's. I had only flown Southwest once before from GEG to SEA and hadn't really encountered their
40 ATL Traveller
: This really isn't an announcement, but I was on a Southwest flight once where the flight attendants were asking trivia questions over the PA. If you k