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Funny Cabin Announcements!  
User currently offlineILUV767 From United States of America, joined May 2000, 3141 posts, RR: 8
Posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 20 hours ago) and read 6805 times:

I just wanted to share with some of you some funny cabin announcements. Please feel free to add to the list. Lets see how many we can get! Big grin

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Denver...please use caution when opening the overhead compartments as you may be KILLED by falling luggage items, and that would create a lot more paperwork for us!"


On a lightly booked flight, with about 15 people or so on it, the captain would make this announcement a few minutes before pushback.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, if you could help us out by moving to the window, we would greatly appreciate your help...(pause) so we can give our compeditors the impression that we have a full flight today. Thanks for your cooperation."

Here is an announcment that was made after a real hard landing.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain seated as our pilots are much better flyers than they are drivers!

Here is one of my favorites. This was made on a through flight to Orlando.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, here at United the flight attendants are required to clean the plane on through flights and we could certainly use some extra help today, so if you would like to help, please indicate yourself by standing up before the seatbelt sign is turned off. Thank you."

There are more...and i'll post them later. Also, I've actually never heard these made on a flight, but some f/a's have told me about them being made.

Lets see how long we can get our list!  Smile

69 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineBA From United States of America, joined May 2000, 11151 posts, RR: 59
Reply 1, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 20 hours ago) and read 6356 times:

LOL! Those are great!  Big thumbs up


"Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need." - Khalil Gibran
User currently offlineMarcus From Mexico, joined Apr 2001, 1766 posts, RR: 2
Reply 2, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 20 hours ago) and read 6325 times:

Once on a Southwest flight the cabin announcement went something like this:
"For those of you travelling with a child.......that's too bad"



Kids!....we are going to the happiest place on earth...TIJUANA! signed: Krusty the Clown
User currently offlineJFKspotter From United States of America, joined Jan 2001, 448 posts, RR: 7
Reply 3, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 20 hours ago) and read 6317 times:

On my flight from JFK to SJC last Summer, the AA f/a said: "Ladies and Gentlemen, good afternoon, and welcome aboard AA flight ### with nonstop service to San Juan, Puerto Rico (long pause, whispering among passengers) Oh, excuse me, I mean, San Jose, California."

Some guy yelled out "Yeah! Puerto Rico! I could use a vacation! Let's go!"

Thought that might fit into this category.

-JFKspotter


User currently offlineFutureatp From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 220 posts, RR: 0
Reply 4, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 20 hours ago) and read 6308 times:

On a wn flight into midway on a windy day after a hard landing " Ladies and gentalmen, this is your captian and we are going back up so I can show the other guy how it is done"

Also on WN "...and up front we have senoir captians orville and wilber"

And.....Folks we are all ready to go, and we imagine you are ready to go.....but we at southwest have figured out that you also like it if your luggage goes, so we are going to be a few more minuets.

On a awa flight in mci......Folks today we are going to lax....dont worry phx passengers, I am stopping their for gas and directions.


User currently offline767-332ER From United States of America, joined Mar 2001, 2030 posts, RR: 11
Reply 5, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 19 hours ago) and read 6269 times:


After landing from a gorgeous flight from ATL to San Diego, CA on a DL 757, the flight attendant came on an announced: "ladies and gentlement, we would like to be the first one's to welcome you to........(a pause for about 3 mins) and as we were rolling into the gate the flight attendant came back on and said, San Diego, and then continued.



Twinjets...if one fails, work the other one twice as hard!!!
User currently offlineBH346 From United States of America, joined Jan 2000, 3265 posts, RR: 15
Reply 6, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 19 hours ago) and read 6263 times:

I don't remember any of it, but on a Mesaba Airlines flight from Wichita to Memphis a few years ago, the FA's sung a rap song about the safety features of the RJ85. It was really catchy and every line rhymed. Has anyone heard this on their flight?

BH346



Northwest Airlines - Some People Just Know How to Fly
User currently offlineAn-225 From United States of America, joined Sep 2000, 3950 posts, RR: 41
Reply 7, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 19 hours ago) and read 6246 times:

On a flight from Moscow with multiple stops, every time they'd use a different crew. And every time, the crew would say - Welcome to our plane. Then after 3rd or fourth stop, someone gets up and yells - NO - That's our plane, we've been her longer than you!


Money does not bring you happiness. But it's better to cry in your own private limo than on a cold bus stop.
User currently offlineTom in NO From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 7194 posts, RR: 35
Reply 8, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 19 hours ago) and read 6251 times:

My favorites are also on Southwest, withthe all-time classic being (in the pre-flight announcements):

"There is no smoking anywhere on this aircraft, including the restrooms. Anyone caught smoking will be re-seated out on the wing, where they will be free to enjoy our double-feature movie: "Bye-Bye Birdie", and "Gone With the Wind".

Tom in NO (at MSY)




"The criminal ineptitude makes you furious"-Bruce Springsteen, after seeing firsthand the damage from Hurricane Katrina
User currently offlineCVG777 From United States of America, joined May 2000, 1251 posts, RR: 6
Reply 9, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 19 hours ago) and read 6239 times:

On a Delta 727 in SLC, we had been delayed for about 40 minutes due to bad weather in the area and bad weather along the route. We finally begin to taxi out and the pilot came on and said...

"Ladies and gentlemen...Due to less than favorable weather along the flight path we will be taxiing out towards our runway, but will have to sit around out there for a little while until we are able to take off."

15 minutes later...

"Ladies and gentlemen, due to a change in the winds, we must now taxi to the other end of the runway where we will continue our sitting around and waiting to take off..."


User currently offlineOakmad From Australia, joined Apr 2001, 55 posts, RR: 0
Reply 10, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 19 hours ago) and read 6228 times:

Virgin had just started flight from MEL to BNE and everyone was talking about how fun they were. On one flight after land they announced that we should be 'careful opening overhead lockers as shift happens during flight'

User currently offlineCx340 From Mexico, joined Sep 2000, 609 posts, RR: 3
Reply 11, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 19 hours ago) and read 6222 times:

On a recent Aeromexico 757 flight MEX-MTY, after landing and waiting on the ramp for almost 30 minutes, pilot says: "Ladies and Gentlemen, due to the severe stupidity of the airlines's staff at MTY, and even though we have available gates, we will have to wait another 5 minutes to arrive at our gate"

User currently offlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 39477 posts, RR: 75
Reply 12, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 18 hours ago) and read 6206 times:

United 737 ONT-SFO in 1997.
"Good morning everyone, I am your Captian Judge Lance Ito, our co-pilot is Johnny Cochran, flight engineer Marcia Clark. Your flight arttendants are Kato Kalin, Chris Darden, OJ Simpson, Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson".




Bring back the Concorde
User currently offlineATL Traveller From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 166 posts, RR: 0
Reply 13, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 16 hours ago) and read 6160 times:

Just yesterday on a Delta 767 going to Boston from Atlanta this happened:

There was a cold front causing rain and wind in both Atlanta and Boston. I figured there would be delays, but to my surprise we left the gate on time. The plane was pushed back and just as the movement stopped the captain came on the PA to say, "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Captain (name). It looked like we were ready to go, but now there's a ground hold in Boston. We're going to be towed back to the gate. We'll have to wait there about an hour. We'll keep you updated as info is passed on to us." The plane moved forward to the gate. But just as we got there the captain came on the PA to say, "Well, we've got an update. The hold is off. We can go now." The plane hadn't even stopped moving forward! Now they were backing us out again. After being backed out the second time, we taxied to the runway. As we got to the runway the co-pilot said, "This is First Officer (name). We're number three for take-off. It should be only a few minutes. Captain (name) and I will continue with our pre-flight checklist. Now that we've practiced our ramp procedures we'll prepare for take-off... which we figure we'll only do once." All on board laughed.


User currently offlineILOVEA340 From United States of America, joined Oct 1999, 2100 posts, RR: 4
Reply 14, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 15 hours ago) and read 6135 times:

Southwest..

Welcome aboard Southwest flight XXX with service to Las Vegas through MANCHESTER, BWI, MSY, Kansas city and Dallas.
Large male passengter stands up and yells (a little drunk) hell of a way to get to vegas.


User currently offlineTM From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 11 posts, RR: 0
Reply 15, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 6113 times:

On arrival LAS-SLC
Please remain in your seats until the Captain and Tenille have stopped at the gate and turned of the seatbelt sign.


User currently offlineQantasAirways From Australia, joined Mar 2001, 1273 posts, RR: 3
Reply 16, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 6117 times:

LOL!!! Some of these are really good!!!  Big thumbs up

Regards
QantasAirways



Spirit of Australia
User currently offlineGunfighter 6 From Netherlands, joined Jan 2001, 404 posts, RR: 0
Reply 17, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 6102 times:

We where waiting for the plane to ZRH. at AMS
when suddenly an FA came on the PA system:

Could all passengers who just took the plane to zurich please put it back, we need the plane.
 Big thumbs up


User currently offlineSushka From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 4784 posts, RR: 15
Reply 18, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 6101 times:

My friend told me about a time when he was on a Southwest flight and the captain came on the PA and told everybody to clap because they got done with the pushback on time.


Pershoyu Spravoyu Litaki!
User currently offlineFBU 4EVER! From Norway, joined Jan 2001, 998 posts, RR: 7
Reply 19, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 6100 times:

After one of those "arrivals":
While Captain Cangaroo bounces his way to the terminal,please remain seated with your seatbelts fastened.Thank you.



"Luck and superstition wins all the time"!
User currently offlineLewis From Greece, joined Jul 1999, 3592 posts, RR: 5
Reply 20, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 9 hours ago) and read 6060 times:

There is a pilot that works for Olympic who's surname is Makaritis. Makaritis in Greek is called someone who has died. My best friend though it was a joke during a fligh but he then found out that it was his real name. Many passengers were afraid...

User currently offlineMinolta-maiden From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 21, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 8 hours ago) and read 6045 times:

My friend Kate has just returned from a trip to Paris, on arrival the pa said:
"Would all British and Irish passengers remove any meat products they have in their baggage to help avoid the spread of "nose and mouth" disease"


User currently offlineTan flyr From United States of America, joined Aug 2000, 1897 posts, RR: 0
Reply 22, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 2 hours ago) and read 5985 times:

A number of years ago on a flight to IND, we arrived late one night due to weather and a very tired F/A came on the PA to announce "welcome to....." and she went blank, however she had the mic open as she asked anther F/A, where in the hell are we? Every one heard it, however she went on to announce that indeed we had arrived at Indianapolis.

I remember this was on a 72S, but it was either AA or DL.


User currently offlineNgr From United States of America, joined Apr 2001, 176 posts, RR: 0
Reply 23, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 2 hours ago) and read 5981 times:

Once, we flew on American Airlines from Miami to the Dominican Republic on vacation. We had a really bad landing, and I mean really bad. We hit the ground and heard a loud BOOM where it sounded like a tire had burst. Anyways, the Captain came on the PA and said "There you have it"
-NGR  Smile


User currently offlineNoUFO From Germany, joined Apr 2001, 7912 posts, RR: 12
Reply 24, posted (12 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 2 hours ago) and read 5962 times:

In the middle of a flight:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, as a special inflight entertainment service our f/a (...) will read poems by W.B. Yeats now for the next two hours. Those who already have enjoyed her readings before, know that the headphones are stored in the armrests."




I support the right to arm bears
25 EIPremier : "We have a very strict carrion policy. If you have additional carrions, feel free to give them to one of our resourceful flight attendant, who will fi
26 N757tw : Once on a flight from STL-MKE-STL on TWA, we had a crew that was hilarrious. They annouced to us that we had to ' discontinue the use of all portable
27 Post contains images Gobind : Last year on a vanguard flight after "heavy" turbulence, the captain says: "Wasn't that bad was it"
28 Heisan67 : On a flight on Braathens (BU) the female flight attendant said: "...nothing will be served between these two legs today" then bursting out inlaughter
29 EIPremier : Arriving in Seattle on a foggy evening: "We thank you for your choice of X airlines. You may have thought you had a choice of carriers today, but actu
30 ScottB : Most of these are from Southwest, of course: After landing: "We'd like to thank you for flying with us today, and the next time you want to be shot th
31 BlueJet : Where in the Dom Rep? I was on an AA flight MIA-LRM (La Romana) and when we landed the piloy said... "Welcome aboard La Romana" and the in the backrou
32 ILOVEA340 : not oin the funny side but interestying. On a swissair flight from ZRH-JFK apon arrival the FA says "welcome to beautiful Newark" (theres two erros in
33 Post contains images Tsully : UAL flt 933 LHR-LAX 16 April 2001: "...On behalf of all of us at United, welcome to Los Angeles International Airport, which is in the United States
34 Ironchain15 : In January of this year, I took a flight from MCI to LAX with a stop at IAH. The flight from IAH to LAX was on a Continental DC-10 and the flight atte
35 Rootsgirl : I like a little joke after a flight and when I make announcements I say "please remember to take all of your personal belongings with you, because wha
36 SophieMaltese : A flight attendant on an international flight came on the speaker and said, "Help me, help me, I'm stuck out on the wing." After everybody looked out
37 Rw774477 : "Welcome to Denver ........ and please remain seated until the AIRPORT has come to a complete standstill" - CO rw774477
38 Post contains images Boeing nut : Oh man! These are too funny! Here's a couple .... On a TWA flight, we had experince a ground hold, and the flight was only about half full. The Captai
39 Post contains images EyeSky : Southwest used to fly between GEG and BOI in the mid 90's. I had only flown Southwest once before from GEG to SEA and hadn't really encountered their
40 ATL Traveller : This really isn't an announcement, but I was on a Southwest flight once where the flight attendants were asking trivia questions over the PA. If you k
41 Post contains images Ngr : We were at La Romana International. -NGR
42 VASI : Hello! On a domestic LH flight from Frankfurt to Stuttgart the flight attendant began to explain the emergency exits and the life vests. When she expl
43 JetService : I read this one somewhere.. "..in the event of a water-landing, your seat cushion may be used as a toilet."
44 Post contains images EGGD : Hey, i've neer flown on WN, they sound great . Not really heard that many, an f/a on a Qantas Airlink had all faulty equipment to show us how to use t
45 VAMBRIDGE : This one is one I read somewhere. On an unknown flight a passenger gave a bag of frozen crabs to a flight attendant to keep for him. When they arrived
46 Post contains images United_Fan : My favorite is one that happens alot . "Please read the safety guide in the seatback in front of you,It outlines the safety features of this AAAAAAAA
47 Marcus : Once on SW the f/a said "In case of a water landing, the person next to you can be used as a flotation device"
48 Post contains images Julien.M : On an AF flight from CDG to YYZ (747) the FA explained through the PA that is was stricly forbidden to smoke even in the toilet! and she added: "To de
49 QANTAS747-438 : I was on a TWA flight and the steuardess told us after landing, "Thank you for flying TWA. We enjoy hearing how we can better serve you in the future.
50 I Like To Fly : On a recent turbulent United flight a F/A came on and said: "We hope you enjoy your drinks shaken, not stirred." It was actually a lot funnier on the
51 Exusair : After a bumpy landing in ATL on a DL 767 Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to ATL. I will need all of your credit card numbers as you deplane to charge you
52 N766AS : Never been on a flight with a funny anouncement, but... I was listening to ATC one day when a United flight over SEA inbound to YVR accidentally hit t
53 Tekelbery : This is what happened on one of my flights... Ladies and gentlemen welcome to flight (pause) 9-1-1 from (pause) Milwaukee to (pause) Atlanta. ...
54 Delta_fly_boy : After Hard landing "Please excersise caution when opening overhead bins, 'cause after that landing, sure as hell everything's shifted."
55 ILUV767 : I thought I would share this with you. This is "twas the night before christmas" safety announcments: Twas (?? Days//The night) before Christmas and a
56 V1-Rotate : "Ladies and gentlemen,welcome to Jeddah where the local time in Saudi Arabia is 200 years behind the rest of the world"!! If there are any Saudi A.net
57 V1-Rotate : "Ladies and gentlemen,this is Capt.XXX,we're making excellent progress,blah,blah,etc,etc.We're just about to start our decent into XYZ,so on a count o
58 LoneStarMike : These were from Southwest.Just prior to leaving the gate - "Ladies and Gentlemen on behalf of your ground crew we know how you hate these long drawn o
59 Pendrilsaint : On a flight from Den-Atl on United "This is your head flight attendant speaking and on behalf of the cabin crew we would like to welcome you to Denver
60 Jaspike : I was on ATA from Manchester to Orlando, and a woman had fainted. "Sorry to disturb you, but.....is there a doctor on board?" no reply from anyone. so
61 Sevenair : The funniest thing ive heard was: "Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, and welcome onboard Sunways flight SWW1571 to manchester and london Gatwick ai
62 EnginesRUs : And another Southwest classic: "The smoking section on this flight is located over the wing outside the emergency exits. If you can light it, honey, y
63 Shuttle3echo : on a flight between YYZ - LGW Caledonian flight, just about to descent ...the Captain announced "everyone please lean forward so we can start our desc
64 Cody : Once while flying in never ending clouds, the Captain told us, "forthose of you seated on the left side of the aircraft, if you take a look out the wi
65 MEGAPTERA : Not funny as such but unusual... On an evening BA 737 flight from LHR to INV over northern England the FA announced "those of you on the right hand si
66 XFSUgimpLB41X : "Those of you on the left side of the plane can see San Francisco....those of you on the right side of the plane can see the people on the left side
67 Jonnyboy : The funniest thing I heard was when I was coming into a reiny April LGW, on a redeye from EWR, when the CO F/A comes on: "Land of kings and queens, Ch
68 RNOcommctr : Once when I was on WN, the f/a wanted to find out if anyone was really listening to the safety announcement. As she was droning on through the announc
69 AndyEastMids : On a Virgin flight from LHR to LAX, the safety briefing began: "Ladies and gentlemen, there may be many ways to leave your lover, but there's only ten
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