TeXstud323 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 3, posted (14 years 9 months 1 week 6 days 22 hours ago) and read 16308 times:
"On behalf of our Dallas/Ft. Worth Based crew, American would like to welcome you to the Ft. Lauderdale area, for those of you continueing onward please check the flight monitors for your gate assignments, for those of you who have reached your final destination we wish a pleasant stay"
LoneStarMike From United States of America, joined Jul 2000, 4028 posts, RR: 31
Reply 4, posted (14 years 9 months 1 week 6 days 21 hours ago) and read 16243 times:
I saw this posted on a message board on another website regarding Southwest fight that had just arrived in PHX.
"For those of you who will be leaving us here in PHX, I have a traffic alert to pass along to you, especially if you will be driving east on I-10 toward Gilbert and Ahwautukee. You need to be on the lookout for a black Chevy Cavalier coupe travelling at a very high rate of speed. That will be me--I'm going home!"
And although this other one wasn't a deboarding announcement, I'm throwing it in here anyway because I thought it was funny.
On a US Airways flight - "After takeoff, we'll be dimming the cabin lights to make our flight attendants look more attractive."
America West From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 6, posted (14 years 9 months 1 week 6 days 20 hours ago) and read 16218 times:
"There is no smoking anywhere on this aircraft, including in the restrooms. Anyone caught smoking will be re-seated on the wing where they will get to enjoy our double feature movie: Bye Bye Birdie and "Gone With the Wind"."
Goingboeing From United States of America, joined Dec 1999, 4875 posts, RR: 15
Reply 7, posted (14 years 9 months 1 week 6 days 20 hours ago) and read 16181 times:
Southwest into OKC, as the plane was parking, it stopped just short of the jetway. The FA came on and said "Not yeeeetttt...", then as it parked and the chime went off she came back on and said (really rapidly) "Okay everybody get off".
DTA From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 8, posted (14 years 9 months 1 week 6 days 19 hours ago) and read 16170 times:
At Heathrow in a BA Super-shuttle 757. As I was boarding, the captain came on the PA. "Heathrow delivery, this is Shuttle 5VJ, a 757 at stand B21 requesting clearance to Manchester please." "Heathrow delivery, this is Shuttle 5VJ, requesting clearance." "Heathrow delivery--" followed by an expletive and "sorry, wrong button".
On a heavily delayed bmi flight to Manchester "ladies and gentlemen, welcome to manchester. The time is 2am and the weather outside is yadda yadda...it's late. You don't really wanna know all this, do you? Thank's for flying us."
ScottB From United States of America, joined Jul 2000, 7499 posts, RR: 31
Reply 10, posted (14 years 9 months 1 week 6 days 19 hours ago) and read 16124 times:
On landing in Providence, R.I. in December while flying with Southwest: "Welcome to sunny Honolulu!"
After a landing where the captain had applied brakes hard, "Whoooooaaaaaaaa!"
While taxiiing at Manchester, N.H. on Southwest: "We hope that the next time you get the crazy idea of shooting yourself through the air at five hundred miles per hour in a pressurized metal tube, you'll think of us because nobody loves you or your money more than Southwest Airlines!"
Just before arrival at the gate: "Please be careful when opening the overhead bins because shift happens."
And similarly: "Please check the overhead bins and the space under the seat in front of you for any personal belongings you may have brought onboard. Anything left behind will be divided up among the crew!"
Blink182 From United States of America, joined Oct 1999, 5499 posts, RR: 14
Reply 13, posted (14 years 9 months 1 week 6 days 18 hours ago) and read 16103 times:
This wasn't a debriefing announcement, I read this in Airways:
At Houston, a Continental flight to Los Angeles was at at a double gate and was at the "A" jetway. The flight at "B" jetway was going to somewhere in the carribean.
Both Continental flights were boarding at the same time, and there were countless announcements about which flight was at which gate.
On the Carribean(forgot what city) flight, somebody over heard this message from two girls,
" I never knew we had to go over so much water to get to Los Angeles."
If you don't get it, those people were on the wrong flight.
Give me a break, I created this username when I was a kid...
Davus From Australia, joined Oct 2000, 174 posts, RR: 5
Reply 15, posted (14 years 9 months 1 week 6 days 18 hours ago) and read 16078 times:
Oddly enough one of the Virgin Blue FA's pulled off a line that was almost identical to Flight152's Dont leave spouse and children line!!!.......I wonder if the FA's are given a book with a number of jokes in it!!..
SOme others on the same Virgin BLue flight were:
1) After arriving at 1800 the FA says "Baggage can be collected any time after 0600 tomorrow morning!"
2) On the MEL - ADL flight (australia) "Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to Barbados".
The funniest part pf this was the group of Americans who actually thought the FA was serious!!..... Appoliges to all the amercians reading this.
3) "Would cabin crew please disarm doors and re-apply makeup".
4) While going through emergency procedure. "Put the life vest over your head like this........and please mind your hairdo!"
Thats all i can remember off the top of my head. Comapred to the regular Qantas and Ansett boredom drone.........it was a very refreshing flight!!
Miguel From Portugal, joined May 2001, 101 posts, RR: 0
Reply 16, posted (14 years 9 months 1 week 6 days 16 hours ago) and read 16015 times:
Flying once from London to Lisbon, on a BA flight, the capitan made this announcement to the passengers:
"For the passengers seating on the left side of the plane, you can see the Channel Islands, for those on the right side, if you look carefully, you can see New York"
Trickijedi From United States of America, joined May 2001, 3266 posts, RR: 4
Reply 17, posted (14 years 9 months 1 week 6 days 16 hours ago) and read 16008 times:
Funny stuff guys!!!
Here's a few that I've envountered:
On a Southwest Airlines flight MDW-CLE, as the plane landed and the brakes were applied HARD... the captain says, "Whooooaah, slow down big mama!!!!"
Recent United flight (just last week) from ORD-LGA, captain comes on the PA as we were boarding and says: "For those of you just joining us, we would like to inform you that we might have a bit of a delay. Our oil gauge seems to have a slight malfunction as it is not giving us the reading that we want so we called and dispatch one of our fine United mechanics to take a look at our dipstick to see if we have enough oil to make it New York. Running out of oil is a bad thing, especially on airplanes, so we appreciate your patience." And then a few minutes later when the flight attendants were performing their safety routine, the announcement said: "We would like to point out several safety features on this oil-filled Boeing 727..."
Coming back from LGA to ORD on the same trip, again on United, we experienced heavy delay (close to 4 hours) due to a bad storm in ORD so all flights from all airlines to Chicago were delayed. Needless to say, once the weather was cleared, all flights from different airlines to Chicago were reinstated and left pretty much at the same time. Finally, we were airborne and the pilot gets on about 20 minutes after take-off: "Ladies and gentlemen, as some of you may have noticed, we are currently performing numerous 360's, in fact we are currently heading eastbound towards the Atlantic Ocean at this time. This is what we were instructed to do and is neccesary for seperation of aircraft due to the large amount of flights going to Chicago at this time. And more importantly, we would like to assure you that WE ARE NOT LOST! We know exactly what we are doing and we promise to be headed westbound in just a few minutes. In the meantime, just sit back and enjoy the flight......" I thought this was hilarious and gave a lot of angry passengers a good laugh.
Its better to be on the ground wishing you were in the air than be in the air wishing you were on the ground. Fly safe!
TAA_Airbus From Australia, joined Nov 1999, 726 posts, RR: 0
Reply 21, posted (14 years 9 months 1 week 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 15942 times:
A few weeks before the infamous QF1 incident/accident (whatever you want to call it), Qantas had an incident at Perth where a 747-238 was battling heavy crosswinds and windshear. It aborted 1 landing and tried to land on the other runway, which incidently is just over 2kms long. It landed , but very heavily and also struck an engine on the ground. However, the next comment from the FA was "Welcome to Earth, errrr, I mean Perth"
Super80 From United States of America, joined Dec 2006, 148 posts, RR: 0
Reply 22, posted (14 years 9 months 1 week 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 15934 times:
just had one today, we came into pensacola in our DL 727 and approach was smooth, but we had quite a smack into the runway. No bounce, the plane was just really planted onto the runway and it got a lot of comments out of everyone Well as we came to the gate the captain came on the PA and said
" Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the delay of our flight and I would also like to explain our bumpy landing, we have a new captain on board in the back of the a/c with us today and I was showing him how not to land a 727... hopefully he can forget his navy training and learn the art of greasing "
it so happened that the pilot he was referring to was sitting right in front of me and the whole planned laughed really hard. It was hilarious. It takes a great pilot to make people forget about the sometimes serious things. Anyhow, it was real smooth and something I will not likely forget
XFSUgimpLB41X From United States of America, joined Aug 2000, 4300 posts, RR: 34
Reply 23, posted (14 years 9 months 1 week 6 days 11 hours ago) and read 15902 times:
Well here is one from NW... not too funny but here goes:
We were on approach into MEM on a 757 this last June and passing through the tops of the usual cumulus build ups that happen in the south. The captain came on explaining the bumps caused by the clouds and said we were about to pass through another in about 7 seconds. We passed through the top, and he came back on and said "well, that was 8 seconds, but who's counting?"