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Funny Airplane Deboarding Announcements...Chuckle  
User currently offlineSFOintern From United States of America, joined Oct 2001, 770 posts, RR: 5
Posted (13 years 5 months 4 days 2 hours ago) and read 15808 times:

Was on an ORD-SJC flt. At the very end, after the aircraft comes to a complete stop and the seatbelt sign flashes off and the cabin dings to signal that we are free to get up, the F/A announces:

"All rise."

Which is met by a few minutes of laughter from the deboarding passengers.

Anyone else experienced strange/sick/humorous deboarding announcements?

58 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineNice Tail From United States of America, joined May 2001, 80 posts, RR: 0
Reply 1, posted (13 years 5 months 4 days 2 hours ago) and read 15388 times:

Mind the Gap!!!

User currently offlineXFSUgimpLB41X From United States of America, joined Aug 2000, 4229 posts, RR: 37
Reply 2, posted (13 years 5 months 4 days 2 hours ago) and read 15345 times:

On my friend's flight on Southwest:

"We're there."


Nothing else was said.



Chicks dig winglets.
User currently offlineTeXstud323 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 3, posted (13 years 5 months 4 days 1 hour ago) and read 15319 times:

"On behalf of our Dallas/Ft. Worth Based crew, American would like to welcome you to the Ft. Lauderdale area, for those of you continueing onward please check the flight monitors for your gate assignments, for those of you who have reached your final destination we wish a pleasant stay"

we had just landed at LAX!


User currently offlineLoneStarMike From United States of America, joined Jul 2000, 3868 posts, RR: 33
Reply 4, posted (13 years 5 months 4 days ago) and read 15254 times:

I saw this posted on a message board on another website regarding Southwest fight that had just arrived in PHX.

"For those of you who will be leaving us here in PHX, I have a traffic alert to pass along to you, especially if you will be driving east on I-10 toward Gilbert and Ahwautukee. You need to be on the lookout for a black Chevy Cavalier coupe travelling at a very high rate of speed. That will be me--I'm going home!"

And although this other one wasn't a deboarding announcement, I'm throwing it in here anyway because I thought it was funny.

On a US Airways flight - "After takeoff, we'll be dimming the cabin lights to make our flight attendants look more attractive."

LoneStarMike

User currently offlineN509JB From United States of America, joined Nov 2007, 0 posts, RR: 1
Reply 5, posted (13 years 5 months 4 days ago) and read 15257 times:

"welcome to XXX folks...last one off has to help us clean."

"folks, if you noticed you arrived 15 minutes early, so if we're ever 15 minutes late, we can just call it even."

"welcome to Guadaloupe Mexico!" (jetblue doesnt dont fly there)

"good afternoon folks, welcome to XXX. your baggage can be found in Salt Lake City, Utah."

i need some new material...

N


User currently offlineAmerica West From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 6, posted (13 years 5 months 4 days ago) and read 15229 times:

Southwest Airlines.....

"There is no smoking anywhere on this aircraft, including in the restrooms. Anyone caught smoking will be re-seated on the wing where they will get to enjoy our double feature movie: Bye Bye Birdie and "Gone With the Wind"."

Hehe. Big thumbs up


User currently offlineGoingboeing From United States of America, joined Dec 1999, 4875 posts, RR: 16
Reply 7, posted (13 years 5 months 3 days 23 hours ago) and read 15192 times:

Southwest into OKC, as the plane was parking, it stopped just short of the jetway. The FA came on and said "Not yeeeetttt...", then as it parked and the chime went off she came back on and said (really rapidly) "Okay everybody get off".

User currently offlineDTA From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 8, posted (13 years 5 months 3 days 23 hours ago) and read 15181 times:

At Heathrow in a BA Super-shuttle 757. As I was boarding, the captain came on the PA. "Heathrow delivery, this is Shuttle 5VJ, a 757 at stand B21 requesting clearance to Manchester please." "Heathrow delivery, this is Shuttle 5VJ, requesting clearance." "Heathrow delivery--" followed by an expletive and "sorry, wrong button".


On a heavily delayed bmi flight to Manchester "ladies and gentlemen, welcome to manchester. The time is 2am and the weather outside is yadda yadda...it's late. You don't really wanna know all this, do you? Thank's for flying us."


User currently offlineSearpqx From Netherlands, joined Jun 2000, 4344 posts, RR: 10
Reply 9, posted (13 years 5 months 3 days 23 hours ago) and read 15169 times:

On a 3AM (very late arrival) in Juneau after flying between Seattle and Anchorage three times waiting for the weather to clear (same aircraft, 2nd crew):

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to........ummm, if there's snow on the ground Anchorage, if its water, Juneau"



"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity"
User currently offlineScottB From United States of America, joined Jul 2000, 6826 posts, RR: 32
Reply 10, posted (13 years 5 months 3 days 23 hours ago) and read 15135 times:

On landing in Providence, R.I. in December while flying with Southwest: "Welcome to sunny Honolulu!"

After a landing where the captain had applied brakes hard, "Whoooooaaaaaaaa!"

While taxiiing at Manchester, N.H. on Southwest: "We hope that the next time you get the crazy idea of shooting yourself through the air at five hundred miles per hour in a pressurized metal tube, you'll think of us because nobody loves you or your money more than Southwest Airlines!"

Just before arrival at the gate: "Please be careful when opening the overhead bins because shift happens."

And similarly: "Please check the overhead bins and the space under the seat in front of you for any personal belongings you may have brought onboard. Anything left behind will be divided up among the crew!"


User currently offlineFlight152 From United States of America, joined Nov 2000, 3413 posts, RR: 6
Reply 11, posted (13 years 5 months 3 days 22 hours ago) and read 15137 times:

These are some of the best ones I could find.

From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best fight attendants in the industry.... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight..!"


"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments!"



"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."


User currently offlineN400QX From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 12, posted (13 years 5 months 3 days 22 hours ago) and read 15125 times:

I always like the deplaning announcements on flights from Seattle that detail the location of the nearest Starbucks or other espresso stand...  Big thumbs up


User currently offlineBlink182 From United States of America, joined Oct 1999, 5485 posts, RR: 15
Reply 13, posted (13 years 5 months 3 days 22 hours ago) and read 15114 times:

This wasn't a debriefing announcement, I read this in Airways:
At Houston, a Continental flight to Los Angeles was at at a double gate and was at the "A" jetway. The flight at "B" jetway was going to somewhere in the carribean.

Both Continental flights were boarding at the same time, and there were countless announcements about which flight was at which gate.

On the Carribean(forgot what city) flight, somebody over heard this message from two girls,

" I never knew we had to go over so much water to get to Los Angeles."

If you don't get it, those people were on the wrong flight.
rgds,
blink182



Give me a break, I created this username when I was a kid...
User currently offlineAKelley728 From United States of America, joined Dec 1999, 2194 posts, RR: 5
Reply 14, posted (13 years 5 months 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 15076 times:

I was on a late Continental flight (757) from IAH to EWR. The plane was a third full.

Before (or after, can't remember when) the safety announcement the FA said:

"If everybody could please move to a window seat, that way our competitors will see we have a full flight."

You had to be there, it was quite funny when he said it.


User currently offlineDavus From Australia, joined Oct 2000, 174 posts, RR: 5
Reply 15, posted (13 years 5 months 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 15089 times:

Oddly enough one of the Virgin Blue FA's pulled off a line that was almost identical to Flight152's Dont leave spouse and children line!!!.......I wonder if the FA's are given a book with a number of jokes in it!!..

SOme others on the same Virgin BLue flight were:

1) After arriving at 1800 the FA says "Baggage can be collected any time after 0600 tomorrow morning!"

2) On the MEL - ADL flight (australia) "Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to Barbados".
The funniest part pf this was the group of Americans who actually thought the FA was serious!!..... Appoliges to all the amercians reading this.

3) "Would cabin crew please disarm doors and re-apply makeup".

4) While going through emergency procedure. "Put the life vest over your head like this........and please mind your hairdo!"

Thats all i can remember off the top of my head. Comapred to the regular Qantas and Ansett boredom drone.........it was a very refreshing flight!!

Dave Faulkner
Melbourne
Australia


User currently offlineMiguel From Portugal, joined May 2001, 101 posts, RR: 0
Reply 16, posted (13 years 5 months 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 15026 times:

Flying once from London to Lisbon, on a BA flight, the capitan made this announcement to the passengers:
"For the passengers seating on the left side of the plane, you can see the Channel Islands, for those on the right side, if you look carefully, you can see New York"
Miguel


User currently offlineTrickijedi From United States of America, joined May 2001, 3266 posts, RR: 4
Reply 17, posted (13 years 5 months 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 15019 times:

Funny stuff guys!!!

Here's a few that I've envountered:

On a Southwest Airlines flight MDW-CLE, as the plane landed and the brakes were applied HARD... the captain says, "Whooooaah, slow down big mama!!!!"

Recent United flight (just last week) from ORD-LGA, captain comes on the PA as we were boarding and says: "For those of you just joining us, we would like to inform you that we might have a bit of a delay. Our oil gauge seems to have a slight malfunction as it is not giving us the reading that we want so we called and dispatch one of our fine United mechanics to take a look at our dipstick to see if we have enough oil to make it New York. Running out of oil is a bad thing, especially on airplanes, so we appreciate your patience." And then a few minutes later when the flight attendants were performing their safety routine, the announcement said: "We would like to point out several safety features on this oil-filled Boeing 727..."

Coming back from LGA to ORD on the same trip, again on United, we experienced heavy delay (close to 4 hours) due to a bad storm in ORD so all flights from all airlines to Chicago were delayed. Needless to say, once the weather was cleared, all flights from different airlines to Chicago were reinstated and left pretty much at the same time. Finally, we were airborne and the pilot gets on about 20 minutes after take-off: "Ladies and gentlemen, as some of you may have noticed, we are currently performing numerous 360's, in fact we are currently heading eastbound towards the Atlantic Ocean at this time. This is what we were instructed to do and is neccesary for seperation of aircraft due to the large amount of flights going to Chicago at this time. And more importantly, we would like to assure you that WE ARE NOT LOST! We know exactly what we are doing and we promise to be headed westbound in just a few minutes. In the meantime, just sit back and enjoy the flight......" I thought this was hilarious and gave a lot of angry passengers a good laugh.



Its better to be on the ground wishing you were in the air than be in the air wishing you were on the ground. Fly safe!
User currently offlineBHopsde From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 18, posted (13 years 5 months 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 14981 times:

I was on a Delta flight from DFW to ABQ and there was some very rough air coming into ABQ, and the captain played the song "who let the dogs out...woof woof woof!"

User currently offlineBHopsde From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 19, posted (13 years 5 months 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 14973 times:

"Lufthansa would like to welcome you to Frankfurt, please use caution when retrieving items from the overhead bins, by the way, the gentleman in Seat XX swallows."

User currently offlineAirlinelover From United States of America, joined Jun 2001, 5580 posts, RR: 22
Reply 20, posted (13 years 5 months 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 14959 times:

Anyone have any from NWA?

Chris



Lets do some sexy math. We add you, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply
User currently offlineTAA_Airbus From Australia, joined Nov 1999, 726 posts, RR: 0
Reply 21, posted (13 years 5 months 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 14953 times:

A few weeks before the infamous QF1 incident/accident (whatever you want to call it), Qantas had an incident at Perth where a 747-238 was battling heavy crosswinds and windshear. It aborted 1 landing and tried to land on the other runway, which incidently is just over 2kms long. It landed , but very heavily and also struck an engine on the ground. However, the next comment from the FA was "Welcome to Earth, errrr, I mean Perth"

User currently offlineSuper80 From United States of America, joined Dec 2006, 148 posts, RR: 0
Reply 22, posted (13 years 5 months 3 days 16 hours ago) and read 14945 times:

just had one today, we came into pensacola in our DL 727 and approach was smooth, but we had quite a smack into the runway. No bounce, the plane was just really planted onto the runway and it got a lot of comments out of everyone  Smile Well as we came to the gate the captain came on the PA and said

" Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the delay of our flight and I would also like to explain our bumpy landing, we have a new captain on board in the back of the a/c with us today and I was showing him how not to land a 727... hopefully he can forget his navy training and learn the art of greasing  Smile "

it so happened that the pilot he was referring to was sitting right in front of me and the whole planned laughed really hard. It was hilarious. It takes a great pilot to make people forget about the sometimes serious things. Anyhow, it was real smooth and something I will not likely forget


User currently offlineXFSUgimpLB41X From United States of America, joined Aug 2000, 4229 posts, RR: 37
Reply 23, posted (13 years 5 months 3 days 14 hours ago) and read 14913 times:

Well here is one from NW... not too funny but here goes:

We were on approach into MEM on a 757 this last June and passing through the tops of the usual cumulus build ups that happen in the south. The captain came on explaining the bumps caused by the clouds and said we were about to pass through another in about 7 seconds. We passed through the top, and he came back on and said "well, that was 8 seconds, but who's counting?"



Chicks dig winglets.
User currently offlineLehpron From United States of America, joined Jul 2001, 7028 posts, RR: 21
Reply 24, posted (13 years 5 months 3 days 13 hours ago) and read 14866 times:

Holy god you guys, my stomach hurts I'm laughing so hard!

I was on a flight from LA to Seoul in '94 and I remember the captian saying something rather odd:

"Hello everyone, we welcome you to Korean Air flight something ... something, our flight today will take 11 hours and 59 minutes -- not 12 hours!"




The meaning of life is curiosity; we were put on this planet to explore opportunities.
25 FLAIRPORT : this is just odd!!! in '95 or so on A Delta flight (SFO-DFW) we fly over Death Valley... he pilot announces this... then he comes back on, not 10 minu
26 DouglasDC8 : I recall one spring trip I took from ORD to EWR in a UAL DC-10. It was a rough flight, the flight attendants were in their jumpseats for the entire fl
27 N863DA : On arrival in Atlanta in an ASA ATR-72... 'Ladies & Gentlemen... if you look out to the Right Side of the aircraft, you would normally see Stone Mount
28 XFSUgimpLB41X : I heard about this one: "Ladies and gentlemen, those of you on the right side of the airplane can see the Golden Gate Bridge, those of you on the left
29 747buff : I read this in "Airways" magazine: On an NW flight at MEM, after landing in thunderstorms... "Please take care when opening the overhead bins, after a
30 EIPremier : "Be careful when opening the overhead bins, as well all know that shift happens."
31 Boeing 747-311 : We arrived in our location 30 minutes early, so we went to the holding bay, and the pilot asked for everyone to be seated, This one guy had to go to t
32 BH346 : Welcome aboard Southwest Airlines flight *** from Kansas City to Nashville. As we have open seating, you can choose any seat on the plane....except fo
33 Us330 : On a Southwest flight I flew on today, the flight attendant kept on saying, instead of Dallas Love-Field, Dallas Fort Field.
34 Post contains links Bigo747 : http://www.geocities.com/altimaklr/pic21530.jpg http://www.geocities.com/altimaklr/pic13686.jpg
35 SouthRebels : This did not happen to me, but I can't remember if it was a friend or I just heard it somewhere. In any event, after a rather hard landing at DFW, on
36 United_Fan : When I flew USAir Express Beach 1900D ,the captain said welcome to flight XXX with service to Dulles. An old passenger yelled up in a panicked tone '
37 FlyVS007 : About 20 minutes after boarding a BA 747 @ Heathrow for a flight to JFK we still hadn't moved. Then the Captain comes on and announces that one of the
38 FLYNGA : I was on a delta flight from atl to mob and the f/a played a song , "biggie biggie bigge, can't you see, sometimes you words just hypnotize me" and s
39 Milemaster : On a CO flight from DAL to Houston: "We will soon start beverege service after the crew finishes off their own cocktails... We may be out of Jack Dani
40 764 : Here's two different ones from ORD : Coming in from Düsseldorf on UA953 the captain taxied towards terminal five, all the way past it, back onto the
41 Post contains images SFOintern : Coming into ORD on an AA F-100... "Ladies and Gentlemen, on behalf of the crew, we'd like to thank you for flying our Fokker 100 today... If you look
42 LOT767-300ER : LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
43 Timmsp : I was on an NW 727 from MSP to CLE. At the beginning of the flight the pilot announced that the copilot would be flying this segment. After a smooth a
44 EWRvirgin : how 'bout this for starters: "In the likely event of an emergency..." on board a VS flight to LGW
45 KonaB777 : On a United flight into Chicago O'Hare, the flight attendant was doing the gate connection announcements, and then said "... and for those of you in l
46 Tguman : This one was still while we were in the air but we were on aproach to BWI in a CO flight from IAH. We had been delayed in HOuston because of rain. "La
47 CroFlight : In summer 1994, ATA was regularly transporting bosnian refugees to US trough Zagreb airport. It was a mid-day and there was no bigger movements on the
48 DLL10 : On a CO 735 from MSP to EWR one late afternoon, after we had been standing on the taxiwaz for a while, because there was some emergency landing coming
49 LY772 : CRJ from YYZ to MCI. I was sitting next to the emergency exit and the flight attendant came over and talked to us (me and the guy on the other side of
50 Krushny : On a MAD-BCN flight, "Commander Fernández, who is back to work after recent eye surgery, wants to welcome you onboard" . Actually, this is from an E
51 Dash80 : On a WN OAK-LAX flt: Upon arrival the FA says the following about the Captain turning off the seat belt light: "...which is your indication to leap up
52 Lewis : These are so amusing. No such experience for me :-(
53 TimeForFlight : after a mdw-bna flight and during a long taxi to the gate a flight attendant came over the pa to annouce: "you wander why are fares here at southwest
54 GRZ-AIR : Safety information bla bla bla , for additional information please look at the safety card , which can also be used as a fan , located in your seat p
55 Continental : I was on a Continental Airlines flight from MSP-EWR, and they also said that they are going to dim the lights to make the FAs more attractive.
56 XFSUgimpLB41X : On a rather empty (17/33) Saab 340 going from MEM to Tallahassee, the guy behind me was in the emergency row. The F/A came back and asked the usual qu
57 ILUV767 : Twas (?? Days//The night) before Christmas and all thru the plane, Not a creature was stirring so I might explain. Our engines are started, your seatb
58 777236ER : Just after I landed on an easyJet flight (i forget to where), totally dead-pan, "ladies and gentlemen, if you enjoyed your easyJet flight with us toda
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