Any funny / disturbing things you heard on ATC?
Here's a disturbing on I heard:
Control: Aeroflot XXX, welcome to Dusseldorf. Take next exit to the left and hold short off RWY 23L. You position will be 19.
Pilot: Aeroflot XXX, cleared to cross RWY 19.
Control: Negative, Aeroflot XXX, hold short off 23L!
Pilot: Aeroflot XXX, correction, cleared cross 23L, not 19
Control (getting a little nervous) : Aeroflot, you are not cleared to cross. Stop right there
Pilot: Stopping on RWY 23L
3rd voice : I would not do that if I were you
Control : Who said that ?
3rd voice : This is LTU 113. You gave us a landing clearance for 23L a moment ago.
Control : OK, LTU 113, be prepared to pull up and go around.
LTU113 : We certainly will be.
Meanwhile the Aeroflot has almost reached the holding point off 23L.
Control : Aeroflot XXX, stop right where you are. Now !
The Aeroflot aircraft stops, but there is no answer.
Control : Aeroflot XXX, don`t move until I tell you to.
Pilot : OK
The LTU MD11 makes a long landing
Control : Aeroflot XXX, behind the LTU MD11 cross runway 23L and follow the marshaller to your position.
Pilot : Where is LTU MD11
Conrol : Geesh, that is the big red bird about 600 feet to your left.
Pilot : OK, following the red bird to our position
LTU113 (after a moment of silence) : Tower, this is LTU113, we fail to see the purpose of the russian following us to Hangar 8.
Control : What was that ? Aeroflot XXX repeat last message !
Pilot : Following red bird to position.
Control (really angry now) : Aeroflot XXX, you will not follow the red bird. After you cross the runway, you will follow the little yellow and black car to your position right in front of the green grass next to the gray building.
Pilot : OK, following the yellow car.
The Aeroflot aircraft finally arrives at its position safely, but that is when the funny part started :
4th voice : Dusseldorf Tower, this is the white, blue and yellow Boeing 737 on the grey taxiway Mike and we are ready to fly into the blue sky.
Control : Lufthansa 207, is that you ?
LH 207 : Yes, that`s us.
Control : OK LH 207, taxi to holding point 23L.
LH 207 : That is OFF the runway, isn't it ?
Control : I suppose so.
It went on like that for quite a while.