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Rants From A Pilot  
User currently offlineMiller22 From United States of America, joined Nov 2000, 720 posts, RR: 4
Posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 16 hours ago) and read 1548 times:

In light of N866DA's post, I've been encouraged to rant a little myself. I get the stupidest questions asked to me when I walk through the terminal. So for all of you non-pilots out there, listen-up and take notes! These are answers to your questions before you even ask.


-Yes, I am a pilot. Perhaps the dark sport coat with epilets and stripes on the sleave, or the cap with wings, or the wings pinned on my jacket, or the huge bumber-sticker on my flight bag that says "PILOT" didn't give you enough evidence so you were obliged to ask the obvious question.

-No, sitting in a coach seat during a lightning strike isn't the equivalent of being strapped into the electric chair.

-No, I've never flown this before. Oh wait, yes I have...every day for the past 5 years!

-No, you can't push that button.

-No, you can't open the windows.

-No, the engines aren't in the wheels. (I couldn't believe they actually asked that)

-Yes, I've flown in airplanes by myself.

-No, I can't just "sneak" you onto the airplane for a free ride.

-Yes, we all get seperate rooms during overnights.

-Yes, I like "driving" airplanes, and we fly airplanes, we don't drive them.

-No, we won't die, but keep asking and I'll see what I can do.

-Yes, its just like a video game. Now sit down, buckle up and pray I don't lose.

-No that doesn't fire the guns, that activates the microphone which means O'hare ground control just heard you ask if this 727 has guns.

-No, we don't still call the flight attendants, "Air Waitresses!"

-No, we can't "honk" as we go over your house.


I will no longer field any questions which can be answered by the above answers. Have a nice day  Smile

29 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineToady From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2001, 724 posts, RR: 0
Reply 1, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 16 hours ago) and read 1370 times:

Do you get to take your plane home with you at night?

User currently offlineTwotterwrench From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 16 hours ago) and read 1366 times:

Last time we were late, the flight attendant said it was because you forgot your keys to the plane. Does every pilot get their own set of keys? Why can't they keep a spare set in a Hide-A-Key under the bumper?

User currently offlineMiller22 From United States of America, joined Nov 2000, 720 posts, RR: 4
Reply 3, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 16 hours ago) and read 1362 times:

Ah Totterwrench, I almost forgot!

-No, we don't have ignition keys.

thx for reminding me  Smile


User currently offlineMDL_777 From United States of America, joined Aug 2001, 267 posts, RR: 0
Reply 4, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 16 hours ago) and read 1343 times:

"-No, we won't die, but keep asking and I'll see what I can do.

-Yes, its just like a video game. Now sit down, buckle up and pray I don't lose."

LOL...great stuff!  Laugh out loud



User currently offlineMarrty From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 5, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 15 hours ago) and read 1328 times:

Do pilots score lots of chicks?

User currently offlineMark_D. From Canada, joined Aug 2001, 1447 posts, RR: 5
Reply 6, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 15 hours ago) and read 1318 times:


Miller22

Great stuff indeed  Smile/happy/getting dizzy  Big thumbs up

(but.. talk about occupational hazards, having to put up with all that malarkey on a routine basis!)


User currently offlineTwotterwrench From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 7, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 15 hours ago) and read 1291 times:

I have done a lot of contract work for the Forest Service and the questions are about as stupid. While in Yellowstone for a summer, I was asked more than once:

"What time do they turn the geysers off?"

"Where do they usually feed the animals?"

"How big does a deer have to be before you call it an elk?"

As an Alaskan, we often are asked if we take American money here.

My all time favorite was the man who called fish and game and asked them to take down the "Deer Crossing" sign in front of his house becuase the deer kept getting hit out there and he wanted them to cross somewhere else.

Slightly off the topic, but entertaining nonetheless.


User currently offlineMilldoh From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 8, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 14 hours ago) and read 1265 times:

why is it called the cockpit?

do you ever try to bang the flight nurses if you get bored on long flights?

how much do planes cost?

would your airline get mad if you wrecked a plane?

ease up there...


User currently offlineAzjubilee From United States of America, joined Apr 2000, 3975 posts, RR: 28
Reply 9, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 14 hours ago) and read 1262 times:

Great post Miller22!! I concur and roger everything you've said. I'd like to add a few things though. My response is... "yes I am old enough to fly this airplane!" I get it everyday. And also, in the Avro, WE CAN HONK as we fly over your house. You just won't be able to hear it. hehe... but yea, we have a horn to get ground workers attention. You can even honk while taxiing and sometimes people hear it. it's one of the cooler things on the Avro... =)


AZJ


User currently offlinePanAm747 From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 4242 posts, RR: 8
Reply 10, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 14 hours ago) and read 1248 times:

"Yes, I like "driving" airplanes, and we fly airplanes, we don't drive them."

If you were in the military they will call you an "Eagle driver", "Hornet driver", or whatever, depending on the plane you fly.



Pan Am:The World's Most Experienced Airline - P(oor) S(ailor's) A(irline): San Diego's Hometown Airline-Catch Our Smile!
User currently offlineIMissPiedmont From United States of America, joined May 2001, 6326 posts, RR: 33
Reply 11, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 14 hours ago) and read 1246 times:

You really get asked these questions? The only one I could understand being asked are about you being a pilot.
As a smart ass, I would answer some of them like this.
Have you ever flown a plane by yourself? I'd answer yes and then come out and chat with that person for half an hour after reaching cruise.
Can I open the windows? Yes but you need to ask a flight attendant for a window wrench when we reach our cruising altitude.
Have you ever flown this airplane before? I might throw a little truth at this one by answering no, if I hadn't flown that particular airplane yet.
Of course I am not a professional pilot and I do understand that most airlines wouldn't like these answers.
I get the same type of stupid, or stupider, questions in my line of work. I think we all do. The difference is that most of us have a hard time convincing the other person that we know more about the subject than they.



Damn, this website is getting worse daily.
User currently offlineXFSUgimpLB41X From United States of America, joined Aug 2000, 4223 posts, RR: 37
Reply 12, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 13 hours ago) and read 1227 times:

This plane doesnt crash does it?


Chicks dig winglets.
User currently offlineAirlinelover From United States of America, joined Jun 2001, 5580 posts, RR: 22
Reply 13, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 12 hours ago) and read 1203 times:

I once heard a lady ask a pilot

"Are we actually going to fly IN THE AIR??"

Geez..

Chris



Lets do some sexy math. We add you, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply
User currently offlineGoldenshield From United States of America, joined Jan 2001, 6092 posts, RR: 14
Reply 14, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 11 hours ago) and read 1199 times:

I work Air cargo, and i get some pretty lame ones myself. well these are more customer service stories, but its the same premise.

I do cargo for 6 airlines, so it gets pretty interesting when people try to ship things.

-

THEM: X airlines lost my dog last time i sent it, so i dont trust them, i want to put them on XXX airline becuase they never lose anything, but also i want to put it on a direct flight, so it will stay on the same plane.

ME in my head: X airline only tends to lose your dogs, and if you want to put it on that airline, you are going to have to drive yourself to TPA, MIA, BUF, ORD, or the hub city if you want to put it on the direct flight.

-

THEM:I ship a lot out of XXX, and becuase they know me there, you dont need to inspect my things.

ME: I dont care what XXX does with you, your here now, so open your packages.

THEM: No, i wont, call up XXX and verify that i am.

ME: no.

THEM: if you dont ill report you!

ME: go ahead, do that

THEM: I want you to fill out the forms for me.

ME: no, thats your responsibility

THEM: #$#%#$

ME: Your shipment is now denied. Goodbye!

-

(shipper walks in when the plane leaves in 10 minutes)

THEM: i need this to get to XXX tonight!

ME: well, our last flight leaves in 10 minutes, it will have to go tommorrow.

THEM: i cant have that, it has to get there tonight.

ME: sorry sir, your about 90 minutes past cutoff time for that!
-
I can think of others, but it would take too much time!




Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.
User currently offlineDE727UPS From United States of America, joined Nov 2000, 814 posts, RR: 13
Reply 15, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 11 hours ago) and read 1189 times:

I hate it when I'm in my pretty brown uniform walking through the pax terminal trying to catch a jumpseat and everyone automatically thinks I work there and know where the bathroom is......

Miller22....I thought you were doing 135 stuff? Did you get hired by an airline? Are you an ALPA guy yet?


User currently offlineTwotterwrench From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 16, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 11 hours ago) and read 1178 times:

~CRINGE~ Just what we need.. one more mindless ALPA thug.. please don't miller.. you seem ok so far...

User currently offlineCkw From UK - England, joined Aug 2010, 762 posts, RR: 16
Reply 17, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 1132 times:

Every profession suffers from seemingly stupid questions, but, to any aircrew reading this, while flying may have become routine to you, for many, esp. young kids, it is still very exciting.

I hope that when I next take my kids (5,8,12) on a flight, and in their enthusiasm ask a silly question or use the wrong terminology, the aircrew will have a little more sensitivity than Miller22.

I still possess a BOAC Junior Jet Club log book from some 35 years ago, and think that the VC10 crew who "presented" it to me had some part in my developing a life long love of aviation.

Cheers,

Colin



Colin K. Work, Pixstel
User currently offlineVS744 From United Kingdom, joined Aug 2001, 677 posts, RR: 1
Reply 18, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 1135 times:

How do you know where you're flying when its dark outside?

User currently offlineSushka From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 4784 posts, RR: 15
Reply 19, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 4 hours ago) and read 1122 times:

Pax: Is that a 747?
Pilot: No thats a DC10
Pax: Ok is that a 747
Pilot: No thats an A319



Pershoyu Spravoyu Litaki!
User currently offlineBobnwa From United States of America, joined Dec 2000, 6509 posts, RR: 9
Reply 20, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 4 hours ago) and read 1107 times:

Miller22,
I'll bet you are not a pilot with a major carrier. FYI, most senior airline and military pilots refer to themselves as (fill in type) drivers.


User currently offlineJared From United States of America, joined May 2001, 685 posts, RR: 0
Reply 21, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 4 hours ago) and read 1105 times:

Goldenshield,

You ARE the weakest shipment, GOODBYE!

Heh.


User currently offlineMiller22 From United States of America, joined Nov 2000, 720 posts, RR: 4
Reply 22, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 3 hours ago) and read 1094 times:

CkW,

I am involved in both Habitat for Humanity, Big Brothers, Big Sisters and used to teach a Sunday School class. In fact, I have been told I spend too much time showing kids the cockpit. Don't lecture me about sensitivity. The entire purpose to this post was to rant, and for those of you who take everything literally, I feel sorry for you. This rant was directed to the people, like you, who speak before thinking.

A child's innocence is one thing. Being an ass is another. If you ask me a smart ass question, you'll get one of the above answers.



User currently offlineTAA_Airbus From Australia, joined Nov 1999, 726 posts, RR: 0
Reply 23, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 3 hours ago) and read 1089 times:

Many people at Qantas refer to the pilots as Drivers, so do the pilots themselves for that matter!

I refer to myself as an aeroplane driver when I fly.


User currently offlineL-1011Alpha From Puerto Rico, joined Feb 2000, 331 posts, RR: 0
Reply 24, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 1060 times:

HeHeHe  Smile Smile Smile
I couldn't stop laughing



"For Us, Sky is not the limit.. Its Ground" / L-1011Alpha.
25 Crj 900 : A- MEN Miller!
26 DE727UPS : Hey Miller..... So who do you fly for and what do you fly?
27 Miller22 : Beech 400A in 135 operation...why's that?
28 Delta737 : Good post Miller! This is my favorite: Passenger: "Are you a pilot?" Me: "Yup" Passenger: "Hey, my neighbor's uncle was in the Navy and I think he wor
29 DE727UPS : Just wondering..... Doug...you're a nice ALPA thug. Thanks to your pilot group....young, upstarting, pilots will someday reap the benefits of your har
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