Miller22 From United States of America, joined Nov 2000, 721 posts, RR: 4 Posted (13 years 3 months 3 weeks 5 days 20 hours ago) and read 1564 times:
In light of N866DA's post, I've been encouraged to rant a little myself. I get the stupidest questions asked to me when I walk through the terminal. So for all of you non-pilots out there, listen-up and take notes! These are answers to your questions before you even ask.
-Yes, I am a pilot. Perhaps the dark sport coat with epilets and stripes on the sleave, or the cap with wings, or the wings pinned on my jacket, or the huge bumber-sticker on my flight bag that says "PILOT" didn't give you enough evidence so you were obliged to ask the obvious question.
-No, sitting in a coach seat during a lightning strike isn't the equivalent of being strapped into the electric chair.
-No, I've never flown this before. Oh wait, yes I have...every day for the past 5 years!
-No, you can't push that button.
-No, you can't open the windows.
-No, the engines aren't in the wheels. (I couldn't believe they actually asked that)
-Yes, I've flown in airplanes by myself.
-No, I can't just "sneak" you onto the airplane for a free ride.
-Yes, we all get seperate rooms during overnights.
-Yes, I like "driving" airplanes, and we fly airplanes, we don't drive them.
-No, we won't die, but keep asking and I'll see what I can do.
-Yes, its just like a video game. Now sit down, buckle up and pray I don't lose.
-No that doesn't fire the guns, that activates the microphone which means O'hare ground control just heard you ask if this 727 has guns.
-No, we don't still call the flight attendants, "Air Waitresses!"
-No, we can't "honk" as we go over your house.
I will no longer field any questions which can be answered by the above answers. Have a nice day
Twotterwrench From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (13 years 3 months 3 weeks 5 days 20 hours ago) and read 1382 times:
Last time we were late, the flight attendant said it was because you forgot your keys to the plane. Does every pilot get their own set of keys? Why can't they keep a spare set in a Hide-A-Key under the bumper?
Twotterwrench From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 7, posted (13 years 3 months 3 weeks 5 days 19 hours ago) and read 1307 times:
I have done a lot of contract work for the Forest Service and the questions are about as stupid. While in Yellowstone for a summer, I was asked more than once:
"What time do they turn the geysers off?"
"Where do they usually feed the animals?"
"How big does a deer have to be before you call it an elk?"
As an Alaskan, we often are asked if we take American money here.
My all time favorite was the man who called fish and game and asked them to take down the "Deer Crossing" sign in front of his house becuase the deer kept getting hit out there and he wanted them to cross somewhere else.
Slightly off the topic, but entertaining nonetheless.
Azjubilee From United States of America, joined Apr 2000, 4026 posts, RR: 27
Reply 9, posted (13 years 3 months 3 weeks 5 days 18 hours ago) and read 1278 times:
Great post Miller22!! I concur and roger everything you've said. I'd like to add a few things though. My response is... "yes I am old enough to fly this airplane!" I get it everyday. And also, in the Avro, WE CAN HONK as we fly over your house. You just won't be able to hear it. hehe... but yea, we have a horn to get ground workers attention. You can even honk while taxiing and sometimes people hear it. it's one of the cooler things on the Avro... =)
IMissPiedmont From United States of America, joined May 2001, 6340 posts, RR: 33
Reply 11, posted (13 years 3 months 3 weeks 5 days 18 hours ago) and read 1262 times:
You really get asked these questions? The only one I could understand being asked are about you being a pilot.
As a smart ass, I would answer some of them like this.
Have you ever flown a plane by yourself? I'd answer yes and then come out and chat with that person for half an hour after reaching cruise.
Can I open the windows? Yes but you need to ask a flight attendant for a window wrench when we reach our cruising altitude.
Have you ever flown this airplane before? I might throw a little truth at this one by answering no, if I hadn't flown that particular airplane yet.
Of course I am not a professional pilot and I do understand that most airlines wouldn't like these answers.
I get the same type of stupid, or stupider, questions in my line of work. I think we all do. The difference is that most of us have a hard time convincing the other person that we know more about the subject than they.
Goldenshield From United States of America, joined Jan 2001, 6119 posts, RR: 14
Reply 14, posted (13 years 3 months 3 weeks 5 days 15 hours ago) and read 1215 times:
I work Air cargo, and i get some pretty lame ones myself. well these are more customer service stories, but its the same premise.
I do cargo for 6 airlines, so it gets pretty interesting when people try to ship things.
THEM: X airlines lost my dog last time i sent it, so i dont trust them, i want to put them on XXX airline becuase they never lose anything, but also i want to put it on a direct flight, so it will stay on the same plane.
ME in my head: X airline only tends to lose your dogs, and if you want to put it on that airline, you are going to have to drive yourself to TPA, MIA, BUF, ORD, or the hub city if you want to put it on the direct flight.
THEM:I ship a lot out of XXX, and becuase they know me there, you dont need to inspect my things.
ME: I dont care what XXX does with you, your here now, so open your packages.
THEM: No, i wont, call up XXX and verify that i am.
THEM: if you dont ill report you!
ME: go ahead, do that
THEM: I want you to fill out the forms for me.
ME: no, thats your responsibility
ME: Your shipment is now denied. Goodbye!
(shipper walks in when the plane leaves in 10 minutes)
THEM: i need this to get to XXX tonight!
ME: well, our last flight leaves in 10 minutes, it will have to go tommorrow.
THEM: i cant have that, it has to get there tonight.
ME: sorry sir, your about 90 minutes past cutoff time for that!
I can think of others, but it would take too much time!
Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.
Miller22 From United States of America, joined Nov 2000, 721 posts, RR: 4
Reply 22, posted (13 years 3 months 3 weeks 5 days 7 hours ago) and read 1110 times:
I am involved in both Habitat for Humanity, Big Brothers, Big Sisters and used to teach a Sunday School class. In fact, I have been told I spend too much time showing kids the cockpit. Don't lecture me about sensitivity. The entire purpose to this post was to rant, and for those of you who take everything literally, I feel sorry for you. This rant was directed to the people, like you, who speak before thinking.
A child's innocence is one thing. Being an ass is another. If you ask me a smart ass question, you'll get one of the above answers.