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United Warns, "Goodwin May Perish"  
User currently offlineSFOintern From United States of America, joined Oct 2001, 770 posts, RR: 5
Posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 3 days 13 hours ago) and read 1846 times:

Company Faces Worst Managment Crisis in History

(FP - Facetious Press)
by Senior Staff Writer

United Airlines employees, investors, analysts, customers, and observers rejoiced at the possibility of Goodwin being put on the figurative chopping block, according to unconfirmed reports.

Interested parties are reported to have stated, "before Sept. 11 we were not in a comfortable management state, with incompetence exceeding the single-cell organism degree on a daily basis."

"Today the situation is exacerbated, with tomfoolery exceeding logical action at four times the pre-Sept. 11 rate. Today, we are literally hemorrhaging confidence and trust in management."

"Clearly, this asinine behavior has to be stopped--and soon--or Goodwin (& his cronies!!!) will perish sometime in the next 48 hours."

Uncomfirmed reports indicate a mob uprising at Elk Grove Township, Illinois, where members from all areas of the United family gathered around a grey and blue guillotine.

They christened the guillotine Frienship One.

18 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineLowfareair From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 1, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 3 days 9 hours ago) and read 1675 times:

LOL!

User currently offlineUALfa@jfk From United States of America, joined May 2000, 311 posts, RR: 0
Reply 2, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 3 days 9 hours ago) and read 1659 times:

Now THAT was funny!!!

 Big thumbs up





User currently offlineSingapore_Air From United Kingdom, joined Nov 2000, 13738 posts, RR: 19
Reply 3, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 3 days 9 hours ago) and read 1633 times:

Muahahahah! Great play on words. Kudos. Although I like him.


Anyone can fly, only the best Soar.
User currently offlineOrdual24 From United States of America, joined Sep 2001, 60 posts, RR: 0
Reply 4, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 3 days 8 hours ago) and read 1615 times:

I HATE GOODWIN!!!!  Pissed

He has made over 100,000 lives miserable....look what he has done to our ESOP! I hope he has a long, hard fall to the bottom. Let me also say that our new slogan "We are United" does not include Jim....for he is a terrorist.

I am proud to give my opinion here and appreciate all others who do also.


User currently offlineDCA-ROCguy From United States of America, joined Apr 2000, 4488 posts, RR: 33
Reply 5, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 3 days 8 hours ago) and read 1596 times:

More from the FP:

CHICAGO, IL--United Airlines CEO James Goodwin today 'perished' from his position after angry UA employees and the company's Board of Directors deluged him with livestock as he approached the company's terminal 1 at O'Hare airport.

Goodwin's attempt to enlist UA employees in a quest for the Holy Grail of Avolar was foiled when they announced from atop T1's ramparts, "We've already got one! It's very nice! It's called United Airlines."

When Goodwin asked if "he could have a look," they told him no, that he and his knights Sir Rono and Sir Andrew were "incompentent management types."

Goodwin, Sir Rono, and Sir Andrew withdrew behind the O'Hare parking garage and constructed a wooden Trojan airplane by which they hoped to enter the terminal.

However, the three UA executives forgot to enter the airplane before parking it outside the terminal. UA employees pulled the trojan airplane into the terminal.

A few minutes later, livestock pulled from UA Worldwide Cargo flights began sailing over T1's ramparts and buried Goodwin, Sir Rono, and Sir Andrew. The last object to come flying over was the Trojan airplane which crashed atop a flailing heap of mooing livestock and the three executives.

Moments later, UA's board of directors emerged atop the T1 ramparts and began to issue strange insults, and blew raspberries while patting the top of their heads. They concluded by announcing the firing of Goodwin, Sir Rono, and Sir Andrew.

"Hello, daffy Goodwin-Dutta-Studdert," the Board cried." "You are nothing but a bunch of animal-food-trough wipers! We fart in your general di-rection! Your management strategies were written by hamsters, and your advertising slogans sound yike you smelt of elderberries when you wrote them!"

It was not known where King Goodwin, Sir Rono, and Sir Andrew would go after they wiped off the animal essences and brushed off the wreckage of the Trojan Airplane. Speculation centered on new positions in care for livestock, particularly in the area of barn sanitation.

Copyright 2001 Facetious Press, Inc.

Jim


User currently offlineCactusA319 From United States of America, joined Jan 2000, 2918 posts, RR: 25
Reply 6, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 1518 times:

Watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail one too many times haven't we Jim????

 Laugh out loud


User currently offlineSFOintern From United States of America, joined Oct 2001, 770 posts, RR: 5
Reply 7, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 1524 times:

Jim--

LMAO! Great Monty Python reference!


User currently offlineCritter592 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 8, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 3 days 1 hour ago) and read 1465 times:

Jim, THAT WAS GREAT... THAT IS THE MOST HILARIOUS THING I HAVE READ IN A LONG TIME... Where did you make that up. (Although I really wish it was true.)

GREAT WORK JIM.


User currently offlineSFOintern From United States of America, joined Oct 2001, 770 posts, RR: 5
Reply 9, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 3 days 1 hour ago) and read 1444 times:

That's right, these Press Releases are copyright the FP. A totally credible source.

Anyone else manage to 'find' any other FP news?  Big thumbs up


User currently offlineDCA-ROCguy From United States of America, joined Apr 2000, 4488 posts, RR: 33
Reply 10, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 3 days ago) and read 1423 times:

During high school in the mid 1980's I got hugely into Monty Python, due to the influence of my older brother. For a couple of years, our parents listened to Don and I screech at each other in old British ladies' voices over the dinner table. Strangely, my mom and dad enthusiastically supported my decision to attend a college 500 miles from Rochester.

Maybe we could release the fluffy little bunny rabbit in the UA executive suite? It's just a little rabbit. ;+)

Jim


User currently offlineKaiTakFan From United States of America, joined Oct 1999, 1588 posts, RR: 6
Reply 11, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 22 hours ago) and read 1376 times:

Enough jokes about this situation. that rat bastard goodwin needs to be gone! He has made the lifes of anyone envolved with UAL a nightmare since sept 11th. I am sure all of you from the UAL family can agree! This guy has done no good what so ever. I really hope this airline can finally find a well rounded CEO. This piece of crap goodwin sure is the worse excuse for a CEO! what piece of trash he is!

User currently offlineILUV767 From United States of America, joined May 2000, 3141 posts, RR: 8
Reply 12, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 21 hours ago) and read 1354 times:

This was well worth several chuckles!  Laugh out loud  Laugh out loud

I L U V 7 6 7


User currently offlineAloha 737-200 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 13, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 21 hours ago) and read 1347 times:

Forgive me for not knowing, but what has Goodwin done since Sept. 11 that has made UAL employees' lives a living hell?

I know he's a bad manager I'm just wondering what else he's done lately.

Thanks,

Aloha 737-200


User currently offlineLuckySevens From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 14, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 19 hours ago) and read 1312 times:

I soiled my armor, Jim!  Big thumbs up

User currently offlineKaiTakFan From United States of America, joined Oct 1999, 1588 posts, RR: 6
Reply 15, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 17 hours ago) and read 1286 times:

Aloha... he wrote a letter to all UAL employees (my mom being one of them) with a bunch of bull shi*t propoganda about the doom of United Airlines future. When this warning was made public thousands of scared travellers had their travel agents and so on cancel reservations. The word at United last week was that res agents in detroit were getting so swamped with phone calls to cancel, that some employees just up and left the job. Also if im not mistaken Mr. Goodwin was the only airline CEO that was not present to accept the bail out money. And how many other airline ceo's out there have cut the remainder of this years salary in order to help the airline in any way? well goodwin wasnt one of them. What a great leader of United eh? Well besides that you can only imagine the thousands of other employees out there that are fearing for their job. Here in Phoenix the cuts of employees have already reached the 1989 year for seniority! god willing this airline will get its act together and fly right here in the future! Anyone else who either works with UAL or has family with UAL hear the same or something different?

Cheers!
Brian


User currently offlineUALfa@jfk From United States of America, joined May 2000, 311 posts, RR: 0
Reply 16, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 16 hours ago) and read 1271 times:

Kaitakfan:

Let's also not forget to remind Aloha that, not only did Goodwin eventually accept the U.S bailout money, but he IMMEDIATELY turned right around and sent gazillions of dollars in checks to the European Aircraft manufacturer, Dussault (sp), for that stupid Avolar bizjets venture. Yep, the same ill-timed venture that will be staffed with NON-UNION outside people, rather than any recently furloughed UA employees.

The U.S. government rightfully has raised eyebrows & frowns towards UA because of this. Naturally, does anyone seriously think Capitol Hill EVER look favorably upon UA politically for any future help (regarding possible mergers, favors or anything that will need to be approved by Washington)?

I don't know who's *really* the enemy at UA -- Goodwin? The BOD? ALL of senior management? Who????

If this is the truth about Goodwin remaining, I'm now 100% convinced that certain individuals over at Elk Grove really do want United Airlines to fail.

Although I didn't get involuntarily furloughed, it is clear that I need to get out from UA, like, A.S.A.P. It's just not worth all of the drama, plus I REFUSE to go through what the employees of Eastern, PA, and TWA went through.

UA is speeding down that way at breathtaking speed, and I certainly don't want to be injured in the inevitable wreckage.

Go to hell Goodwin, Dutta, Studdert, and the entire BOARD OF DIRECTORS. All of you need to be arrested.

 Angry


User currently offlineTsully From United States of America, joined Mar 2001, 651 posts, RR: 4
Reply 17, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 16 hours ago) and read 1261 times:

3 words: IT'S ABOUT TIME! Goodwin has spelled nothing but trouble for UA. Just take a look at the stock prices...over $70 before he took office and now down to $15.

Complete Moron! That man is not capable of managing a McDonalds, much less an airline.

I hope that bastard takes a hike... right off a cliff.



I love America. I guess that makes me Bush's poodle, but I'd rather be a dog in New York City than a prince in Riyadh.
User currently offlineILUV767 From United States of America, joined May 2000, 3141 posts, RR: 8
Reply 18, posted (12 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 14 hours ago) and read 1251 times:

TSully wrote:
Complete Moron! That man is not capable of managing a McDonalds, much less an airline.

Isnt that letting him off easy? That man is not even capable of flipping burgers at McDonalds!

UALfa@JFK:
I agree with you completly. I've been trying to talk my dad into possibly leaving and going to a regional carrier. They right now are in the best position for growth. After all, look at SkyWest come 11/1/01. They take over most of AirWisky's operations in DEN.

Goodwin is also making cut after cut after cut. In his recient letter to the employee's, he said the following:
James Goodwin wrote:
"However, much of our sucess in generating revenue will depend upon you. Once we bring customers back to our ticket counters, gate areas and airplane cabins, it will be up to you to make them comfortable and provide them with the service they've come to expect from United."


Now, when I look at this, I think of all of the cuts. I think of the CRJ's being sent to places that now are having customers leave like mad. I think of the meal cuts, and the cuts in inflight service. He expects that the employees given nothing to make the customer happier, can make them happier.

Just be glad that you got out before doing DEN-IAD with a beverage service only. Imagine how many passengers that you would have to apologize to. Long term, I dont belive that making cuts in every which way is the solution to the problem. United needs to focus on its strenghts. One of those strengths is inflight service. I've done transcons and midcons on both Delta, United and US Airways. I can by far tell you that UA had the best service. If only United advertized about that, maybe some people would still be flying us? I cant help to think that if they didnt cut meals, but maybe charged a passenger somewhere in the lines of $1 to $15 for inflight amenties that they could keep meals, and advertize them. Its stuff like that where Goodwin shows his studpidy.

That was evident last summer, and through out the year. You may remeber my post in April entitled "No more Lemonade at United." It was about all of the service cuts back in April to help fund US Airways. Now, he is cutting service even more. I know that it is for survival reasons, but then again...WHY IS HE STARTING AVOLAR? I guess we will never know.

Also, what I want to know is how does he expect to bring the passengers back? Many of our high yeild passengers are fed up with United...and the sad thing is that I dont blame them! Jim Goodwin, would you mind explaining how you are going to recapture our business traffic again?

UALfa@JFK, I agree with you that UA managment wants United to die. The sad thing is that United is worth more broken up, then it is as a whole. What is even worse is what about the now close to 80,000 member workforce? I wonder what will happen to them?

Support another ESOP! GOODWIN MUST GO! http://www.goodwinmustgo.com

I L U V 7 6 7


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