SUDDEN From Sweden, joined Jul 2001, 4131 posts, RR: 6
Reply 2, posted (12 years 10 months 3 weeks 21 hours ago) and read 1486 times:
Didn't want anyone to take it the wrong way, that's all.
Ok, I'm on go here, so here's another one.
A mother and her son were flying "Southwest Airlines" from Kansas to
Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his
mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats,
why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother (who couldn't think of
an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the
stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why
don't big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess asked, "Did your
mother tell you to ask me?" He said that his mother had. So the
stewardess said, "Tell your mother that Southwest always pulls out on
707CMF From France, joined Mar 2002, 4885 posts, RR: 28
Reply 3, posted (12 years 10 months 3 weeks 20 hours ago) and read 1449 times:
Maybe this one has been already posted (I'm quite newhere )
During the seventies, a british airliner lands at Francfort, and no jetway driver is here to greet her.
The pilot asks on the radion "Francfort, can you indicate me a gate?
- Roger, you can taxi to gate 12.
- Er, would it be possible to send me sombody to guide me there, I don't know how to go to gate 12 ?
- What do you mean, you don't know how to get there. Have you never flown to Francfort ?"
rather irritated, the british pilot answerd
"Well, I've flown to Francfort in 1944, but never landed there."
While taxiing the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where ar you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway!You turned right on Delta!Stop right there, I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C's and D's, but get it right!" Continuing her tirade to the embarresed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that US Air 2771?"
"Yes ma'am", the humbled crew responded."
Naturally the groud control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to engagethe irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at FLL was running high. Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
The controller working a busy patterntold the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty -- do a complete circle, a move normally used to provide spacing between aircraft. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Don't you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make even a one-eighty in this airplane?"
A DC-10 had an exceeding long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high. San Jose tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport."
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking allocation, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following conversation between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, callsign "Speedbird 206":
Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning, Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."
Ground: "Guten Morgen. You vill taxi to your gate."
The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, I have actually, in 1944. In another type of Boeing, but just to drop something off. I didn't stop."
Thom@s From Norway, joined Oct 2000, 11955 posts, RR: 46
Reply 7, posted (12 years 10 months 3 weeks 19 hours ago) and read 1412 times:
"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
(P) = Problem (S) = Solution
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire
(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough