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Some More Humor! (It's Friday)  
User currently offlineSUDDEN From Sweden, joined Jul 2001, 4130 posts, RR: 6
Posted (12 years 6 months 1 week 1 day 14 hours ago) and read 1495 times:

Before you start to read I want to point out that I'm not a rasist in any way!
I just found this joke funny!  Smile/happy/getting dizzy



Captain and First Officer

The Captain was Jewish, and the new First Officer was Chinese. It was the
first time they had flown together, and it was obvious by the silence that
they didn't get along.

After 30 minutes, the Captain finally spoke. He said, " I don't like
Chinese. "

The F.O. replied, " Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why is that? "

The Captain said, " You bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese. "

The F.O. said, " Nooooo, noooo ... Chinese not bomb Pearl Harbah. That
JAPANESE, not Chinese. "

And the Captain answered, " Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese ... it doesn't
matter. They're all alike. "

Another 30 minutes of silence.

Finally the First Officer said, " No like Jew. "

The Captain replied, " Why not? Why don't you like Jews? "

" Jews sink Titanic. " Said the F.O.

The Captain tried to correct him, " No, no. The Jews didn't sink the
Titanic. It was an iceberg. "

" Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg .. no mattah .. all same "









When in doubt, flat out!
11 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineTR From UK - England, joined May 2001, 953 posts, RR: 0
Reply 1, posted (12 years 6 months 1 week 1 day 14 hours ago) and read 1436 times:

Aren´t they both equally stupid?? No rasism in my opinion!  Big thumbs up

User currently offlineSUDDEN From Sweden, joined Jul 2001, 4130 posts, RR: 6
Reply 2, posted (12 years 6 months 1 week 1 day 14 hours ago) and read 1423 times:

Didn't want anyone to take it the wrong way, that's all.

Ok, I'm on go here, so here's another one.



On Time

A mother and her son were flying "Southwest Airlines" from Kansas to
Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his
mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats,
why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother (who couldn't think of
an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the
stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why
don't big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess asked, "Did your
mother tell you to ask me?" He said that his mother had. So the
stewardess said, "Tell your mother that Southwest always pulls out on
time."





When in doubt, flat out!
User currently offline707CMF From France, joined Mar 2002, 4885 posts, RR: 29
Reply 3, posted (12 years 6 months 1 week 1 day 13 hours ago) and read 1386 times:

Maybe this one has been already posted (I'm quite newhere Big grin )

During the seventies, a british airliner lands at Francfort, and no jetway driver is here to greet her.

The pilot asks on the radion "Francfort, can you indicate me a gate?
- Roger, you can taxi to gate 12.
- Er, would it be possible to send me sombody to guide me there, I don't know how to go to gate 12 ?
- What do you mean, you don't know how to get there. Have you never flown to Francfort ?"

rather irritated, the british pilot answerd
"Well, I've flown to Francfort in 1944, but never landed there."


User currently offlineSUDDEN From Sweden, joined Jul 2001, 4130 posts, RR: 6
Reply 4, posted (12 years 6 months 1 week 1 day 13 hours ago) and read 1373 times:

Welcome to A.net 707CMF!


When in doubt, flat out!
User currently offlineVunz From Netherlands, joined Jun 2001, 360 posts, RR: 1
Reply 5, posted (12 years 6 months 1 week 1 day 13 hours ago) and read 1363 times:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

While taxiing the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where ar you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway!You turned right on Delta!Stop right there, I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C's and D's, but get it right!" Continuing her tirade to the embarresed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that US Air 2771?"

"Yes ma'am", the humbled crew responded."

Naturally the groud control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to engagethe irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at FLL was running high. Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The controller working a busy patterntold the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty -- do a complete circle, a move normally used to provide spacing between aircraft. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Don't you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make even a one-eighty in this airplane?"

Without missing a beat the controller replied,

"Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

A DC-10 had an exceeding long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high. San Jose tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a Piper Malibu was being vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land at Kansas City.

KC Approach: "Malibu three-two Charlie, you're following a 727, one o'clock and three miles."

Three-two Charlie: "We've got him. We'll follow him."

KC Approach: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven o'clock and three miles. Do you have that traffic."

Delta 105 (in a thick southern drawl, after a long pause): "Well, I've got something doen there. Can't quite tell is it's a Malibu or a Chevelle."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unknown aircraft: "I'm fucking bored!"

ATC: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was fucking bored, not fucking stupid!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7."

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal at the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking allocation, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following conversation between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, callsign "Speedbird 206":

Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning, Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."

Ground: "Guten Morgen. You vill taxi to your gate."

The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, I have actually, in 1944. In another type of Boeing, but just to drop something off. I didn't stop."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

O'Hare approach Control: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."

United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this....I've got that Fokker in sight."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Pan Am 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German) : "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"



User currently offlineFly707 From United States of America, joined Oct 2001, 350 posts, RR: 0
Reply 6, posted (12 years 6 months 1 week 1 day 13 hours ago) and read 1357 times:

 Smile  Smile


Without mistakes we will never learn
User currently offlineThom@s From Norway, joined Oct 2000, 11953 posts, RR: 46
Reply 7, posted (12 years 6 months 1 week 1 day 12 hours ago) and read 1349 times:

Airplane maintenance:

"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

(P) = Problem (S) = Solution


------------------------------------------------------
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement

(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire


------------------------------------------------------
(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough

(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft


------------------------------------------------------
(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid

(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage


------------------------------------------------------
(P) Something loose in cockpit

(S) Something tightened in cockpit


------------------------------------------------------
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear

(S) Evidence removed


------------------------------------------------------
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud

(S) Volume set to more believable level


------------------------------------------------------
(P) Dead bugs on windshield

(S) Live bugs on order


------------------------------------------------------
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent

(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground


------------------------------------------------------
(P) IFF inoperative

(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)


------------------------------------------------------
(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick

(S) That's what they're there for


------------------------------------------------------
(P) Number three engine missing

(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search


------------------------------------------------------
(P) Aircraft handles funny

(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious


------------------------------------------------------
(P) Target Radar hums

(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics


Thom@s Big grin



"If guns don't kill people, people kill people - does that mean toasters don't toast toast, toast toast toast?"
User currently offlineSUDDEN From Sweden, joined Jul 2001, 4130 posts, RR: 6
Reply 8, posted (12 years 6 months 1 week 1 day 12 hours ago) and read 1327 times:

Guess we went to the same site Thom@s. Saw those jokes there as well.  Smile/happy/getting dizzy


When in doubt, flat out!
User currently offline707CMF From France, joined Mar 2002, 4885 posts, RR: 29
Reply 9, posted (12 years 6 months 1 week 1 day 12 hours ago) and read 1318 times:

> Sudden
thanks for the welcoming.  Smile/happy/getting dizzy

>thom@s and Vunz. You've almost made me loose my job ! I've laughed so much my boss is beginning to suspect I'm not working at this moment ( Innocent)


User currently offlineVunz From Netherlands, joined Jun 2001, 360 posts, RR: 1
Reply 10, posted (12 years 6 months 1 week 1 day 12 hours ago) and read 1313 times:

You're welcome Big grin

User currently offlineThom@s From Norway, joined Oct 2000, 11953 posts, RR: 46
Reply 11, posted (12 years 6 months 1 week 1 day 8 hours ago) and read 1239 times:

Yes you are. Big grin

Thom@s



"If guns don't kill people, people kill people - does that mean toasters don't toast toast, toast toast toast?"
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