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Aviation Jokes!  
User currently offlineMas a330 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Posted (11 years 10 months 3 days 10 hours ago) and read 1671 times:

OK, here goes:

Passengers on a MAS flight heard
this announcement from the captain:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to
inform you that we have lost power to
all of our engines and will shortly
crash into the ocean"

The passengers were obviously very worried about
this situation but were somewhat
comforted by the captain's next announcement.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at MAS have prepared for
such an emergency and we would now
like you to rearrange your seating so that
all the non-swimmers are on the left
side of the plane and all the swimmers
are on the right side of the plane"

After this announcement all the passengers
rearranged their seating to comply with the
captain's request. Two minutes later the captain made a
belly landing in the ocean.

The captain once again made an announcement:
"Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the
ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the
plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim
away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the
left side of the plane,

THANK YOU FOR FLYING MAS."

+++++++++

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my
crew. I'd like to
welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from
New York to London.

We are currently flying a height of 35,000 feet midway
across the Atlantic.

"If you look out of the windows on the starboard
side of the aircraft, you will observe that b
oth the starboard engines are on fire. If you look
out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that
the port wing has fallen off.

"If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you
will see a little yellow life raft with three
people in it waving at you. That's me your
captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air
stewardesses. This is a recorded message."

++++++++

 Smile

3 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineSydneysider From Germany, joined Jun 2000, 193 posts, RR: 0
Reply 1, posted (11 years 10 months 3 days 10 hours ago) and read 1648 times:

Ok, but it´s an old one:

------------------
Pilot (on final, on a dark night , is switching off the landing lights): "Tower, guess who´s coming now?"

Controller (switching off runway lights): "Don´t know, but guess where we are!"

------------------
Old but still funny

Good night to everyone

Christian


User currently offlineShankly From United Kingdom, joined Jan 2000, 1547 posts, RR: 1
Reply 2, posted (11 years 10 months 3 days 10 hours ago) and read 1631 times:

Apparently true on a flight some time in the early 1990's:

After the long 27 hour slog from London, the BA 747 finally touched down in Auckland.

As the jet cleared the runway, the captain came on the PA:

"Good morning ladies and gentleman; as you can see the weather if fine, 68 degrees with a gentle breeze from the East. Thank you for choosing to fly BA and we hope you enjoyed your flight and we will see you again in the near future. The local time here in New Zealand is Nineteen Sixty One."



L1011 - P F M
User currently offlineBoeing764 From Canada, joined Apr 2001, 298 posts, RR: 0
Reply 3, posted (11 years 10 months 3 days 5 hours ago) and read 1550 times:

What's the difference between a Pilot and God?

God doesn't think he's a pilot!



From Dr. King's America to Nelson Mandela's Africa, the journey of equality moves on.
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