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Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!  
User currently offlineMiCorazonAzul From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 11 hours ago) and read 3689 times:

So I have two things to "inform" my family.

1. I no longer want to be an architect. I want to be a pilot! This is not really breaking news because I said it since I was little but my mom refused to pay for anything related to being a pilot so I got stuck with architect. Now that I am in the industry, I have realized, even more, how BAD I WANT IT!

2. The gay thing. LOL. Sad how this day in age, "coming out" is such a huge deal. My family is a very traditional, catholic family with OBVIOUS issues regarding homosexuality. It doesn't look good!!!!!!

So ladies and gentlemen, how on earth can I break these news to the family yet not send my mother to an early grave?

61 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineKROC From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 1, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 3663 times:

You can man up and just tell them...

User currently offlineClassicLover From Ireland, joined Mar 2004, 4624 posts, RR: 23
Reply 2, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 3651 times:

I would agree with KROC, quite frankly...

The pilot thing - she just has to deal.
The gay thing - she just had to deal.

It does sound like you're under her thumb a bit though. Perhaps you might want to move out first so she can see you're being independent and can make your own decisions?

Trent.



I do quite enjoy a spot of flying - more so when it's not in Economy!
User currently onlineOzarkD9S From United States of America, joined Oct 2001, 4982 posts, RR: 21
Reply 3, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 3644 times:

Just don't do it on Thanksgiving...

Unless you wanna do it with "style"! Big grin



Next Up: STL-LGA-RIC-ATL-STL
User currently offlineFlyingbabydoc From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 4, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 3631 times:

The job thing:
I am the only physician in a family of lawyers (grandparents, both parents, brother, sister and in-laws). I had to struggle a bit to "break the tradition" of the family, but eventually my folks came around. I think your mother will just have to deal with it. After all, it is a great job.

The gay thing:
Not quite sure. I think if she knows you well, she already knows that you are gay. I would take the approach I take with my patients: thoughtful, slowly: the truth given bits at a time. Gives her time to adjust, I think.

Good luck.

Alex


User currently offlineNordair From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 5, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 3631 times:

It's your life. There is no way you should be "stuck" being anything to please your family.

If you don't want to be an architect, then simply explain that. If your mother refuses to pay for your training to become a pilot, then so be it. You'll have to do it on your own....others have. Not everyone in life has the silver spoon to rely upon.

As for the gay thing...your mother probably already suspects, but is deeply in denial. Start by informing one or two family members who will be supportive of you and enlist their help to be there when you tell your mother. But, for gawdsake, keep the drama to a minimum. Drama will only make things worse for everyone around you.

Don't expect your mother to be happy about it. Parents seldom are, but most thankfully get used to it and even become totally accepting. Remember though, you are who you are and what Mummy thinks about it will not change that. Once you've come out to her, carry on as usual and don't inflict any boyfriends on her just yet. Let her adjust at her own pace and if she cannot, it's her problem and not yours. Don't plead, don't beg, don't apologize. Be the sort of son you've always been..no more and no less. If she refuses it, then that's her choice, isn't it.


User currently offlineLuv2fly From United States of America, joined May 2003, 12090 posts, RR: 49
Reply 6, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 3610 times:

Grow a set, and like the Nike slogan "Just do it!"


You can cut the irony with a knife
User currently offlineEGGD From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2001, 12443 posts, RR: 35
Reply 7, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 3604 times:

Quoting KROC (Reply 1):
You can man up and just tell them...

Oxymoron if ever I heard one.....  Wink


User currently offlineTrekster From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 8, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 3594 times:

Job thing- Well, its your job, not theres so i dont see why it a problem,

Gay thing- Your mother already proberbly knows,mine did (saying that the whole family were not shocked) Just have to take things one step at a time.

Good luck dude


User currently offlineMiCorazonAzul From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 9, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 3574 times:

Quoting KROC (Reply 1):
You can man up and just tell them...

Its not that easy. I'm 2 years away from finishing the 5 year program for architecture.....so after 3 years in school for it and LOTS of money spent..... she will want to kill me!

Quoting OzarkD9S (Reply 3):
Just don't do it on Thanksgiving...

I know right. LOL

Quoting Nordair (Reply 5):
You'll have to do it on your own....others have. Not everyone in life has the silver spoon to rely upon.


   Have already started to cut the "connections" and have my own jobs etc. So that when sh*t hits the fan, I'm ready to live on my own.

Quoting Trekster (Reply 8):
Your mother already proberbly knows,mine did (saying that the whole family were not shocked) Just have to take things one step at a time.

That's what my friends tell me. So I guess it could be true but she must be in deep denial because sometimes she doesn't say nice things about gays.

Quoting Nordair (Reply 5):
Once you've come out to her, carry on as usual and don't inflict any boyfriends on her just yet.

Let me first find a boyfriend and THEN worry about presenting him to her....     

Quoting ClassicLover (Reply 2):
It does sound like you're under her thumb a bit though. Perhaps you might want to move out first so she can see you're being independent and can make your own decisions?

Once again, done that already. I have completly changed from how I used to be in preparation for the worst, if you will.

Quoting Nordair (Reply 5):
Start by informing one or two family members who will be supportive of you and enlist their help to be there when you tell your mother

   Already told my sister-in-law, who already suspected it. She was very supportive about it. I DEFINETLY have her on my side and she'll help me with the rest.

[Edited 2005-11-22 19:18:56]

User currently offlineKROC From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 10, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 3566 times:

Quoting MiCorazonAzul (Reply 9):
Its not that easy. I'm 2 years away from finishing the 5 year program for architecture.....so after 3 years in school for it and LOTS of money spen..... she will want to kill me!

It is that easy. People change their minds on what they want to do in life...usually during the middle of schooling for one thing. If you would have manned up 3 years ago, you may not be in this situation.


User currently offlineUsnseallt82 From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 4891 posts, RR: 53
Reply 11, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 3559 times:

Quoting KROC (Reply 10):
If you would have manned up 3 years ago, you may not be in this situation.

 checkmark  checkmark  checkmark  checkmark  checkmark  checkmark 

I was going to stay out of this thread because it think its pretty obvious what this guy needs to do. But, since he doesn't seem to get it, my vote is definitely for manning up, find your sack and just tell the truth.



Crye me a river
User currently offlineConcord977 From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 1261 posts, RR: 26
Reply 12, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 9 hours ago) and read 3550 times:

If you are keeping your mother happy by lying to her, then you aren't REALLY keeping her happy.

Do the right thing and introduce your true self to her, for the first time.



No info
User currently offlineKiwiandrew From New Zealand, joined Jun 2005, 8527 posts, RR: 14
Reply 13, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 8 hours ago) and read 3485 times:
Support Airliners.net - become a First Class Member!

first thing ... your mother probably knows already - they usually do

second thing ... coming out is a personal decision ... you do not have to come out to absolutely everyone all at once ... especially if it is going to cause you more stress ... you decide when the moment is right for you .



Moderation in all things ... including moderation ;-)
User currently offlineCtbarnes From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 3491 posts, RR: 50
Reply 14, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 4 hours ago) and read 3417 times:

#1: Tell them, the sooner the better (but not necessarily over the holiday). It will be painful but it will be quick.

#2: I agree with the above. Your mother may already know so it might not be such a shock. Secondly, ask yourself, how important is it that they know. On the one hand, If they have trouble with the fact you're gay, well, that's their problem, not yours. On the other, since you're an adult how you live your life is not really their business.

Charles, SJ



The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
User currently offlineSkySurfer From United Kingdom, joined Sep 2004, 1136 posts, RR: 12
Reply 15, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 4 hours ago) and read 3412 times:

If they don't know by now, they never will  Wink

Cheers



In the dark you can't see ugly, but you can feel fat
User currently offlineWhiteHatter From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 16, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 3 hours ago) and read 3386 times:

Quoting Usnseallt82 (Reply 11):

I was going to stay out of this thread because it think its pretty obvious what this guy needs to do. But, since he doesn't seem to get it, my vote is definitely for manning up, find your sack and just tell the truth.

No other way.

The alternative is that she finds out some other way, then he's in even more shit for not being honest.


User currently offlineVSLover From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 1897 posts, RR: 23
Reply 17, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 3 hours ago) and read 3378 times:

just be sure to exhibit absolute confidence in what you are saying when you say it.

parents, like dogs, can sense discomfort and if they sens that in what you are saying, it will make it just that much easier for them to pick you apart.

confidence, confidence, confidence.


User currently offlineCaptaingomes From Canada, joined Feb 2001, 6413 posts, RR: 56
Reply 18, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 3 hours ago) and read 3370 times:

You can finish the architect course then do your flying, or you can just pull a George Constanza and pretend that you're an architect ...

And I'm with Stu on this ... trust us, she knows, you don't hide it well!



"it's kind of like an Airbus, it's an engineering marvel, but there's no sense of passion" -- J. Clarkson re: Coxster
User currently offlineCtbarnes From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 3491 posts, RR: 50
Reply 19, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 3 hours ago) and read 3345 times:

Another thing hit me reading the responses: Have you ever considered airport architecture and design?

Charles, SJ



The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
User currently offlineUsnseallt82 From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 4891 posts, RR: 53
Reply 20, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 2 hours ago) and read 3331 times:

Quoting WhiteHatter (Reply 16):
The alternative is that she finds out some other way, then he's in even more shit for not being honest.

Exactly. And telling your mom that you're gay is enough to give her a heart attack, let alone telling her after you've already lied about it. Poor woman might kill him!  yes 



Crye me a river
User currently offlineWhiteHatter From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 21, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 2 hours ago) and read 3321 times:

Honesty is the only option.

If you are not prepared to be open with your own family, then when (not if, as it always happens) they DO find out the seed is planted. What else are you hiding or being dishonest about?

Two strands here. Gaining respect for being honest with your family and gaining self-respect for doing the right thing. Hiding in that closet is not an option as sooner or later it'll cause ten times the trouble that just coming out to them would.

I would think she would rather have a gay kid than a liar she can't trust. Same goes for the career choice. She'll get over it, just be upfront and if necessary get off your ass and pay for your own training.


User currently offlineNWA742 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 22, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 2 hours ago) and read 3319 times:

Quoting MiCorazonAzul (Thread starter):
The gay thing. LOL.........It doesn't look good!!!!!!

If you ever communicate to your family in writing, trust me, they already know that you're gay.





-NWA742


User currently offlineUsnseallt82 From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 4891 posts, RR: 53
Reply 23, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 2 hours ago) and read 3289 times:

Quoting NWA742 (Reply 22):
If you ever communicate to your family in writing, trust me, they already know that you're gay.

Hahaha!  bigthumbsup 



Crye me a river
User currently offlineMir From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 21425 posts, RR: 56
Reply 24, posted (8 years 7 months 3 weeks 3 days 22 hours ago) and read 3243 times:

Quoting MiCorazonAzul (Reply 9):
I'm 2 years away from finishing the 5 year program for architecture.....so after 3 years in school for it and LOTS of money spent..... she will want to kill me!

I would give serious thought to finishing that degree if I were you. First of all, you need a degree to get hired by the airlines (and a five-year degree from a reputable institution says something). Second, there's no sure pilot job anymore, and it would do you a lot of good to have that degree as a backup in a field that you would want to work in. It's somewhat worrying that many of the people who are going to school to become pilots aren't thinking about what should happen if they can't pass a first class medical somewhere down the line, or if they just don't get hired.

With you being in Florida, there's no shortage of pilot schools that you can go to while finishing your degree.

Quoting Ctbarnes (Reply 19):
Another thing hit me reading the responses: Have you ever considered airport architecture and design?

 checkmark  If the flying doesn't work out, you might want to look into that.

-Mir



7 billion, one nation, imagination...it's a beautiful day
25 Post contains images MiCorazonAzul : Yes and I could see how that would work. However, I want to be flying the planes, not just designing airports.
26 Post contains images Airlinelover : Chris
27 TNboy : Wasting three years of fees is better than wasting five years, IF, repeat IF you are absolutely sure about the career direction. Trying to tackle two
28 WhiteHatter : Save your money (or whoever would pay for it). With your attitude you will NEVER be a pilot. Pilots need to be strong characters who can make decisio
29 AA777 : Thats really harsh and I dont think its up to you to judge whether he will make a good pilot or not. The fact that he is unsure about telling his fam
30 Post contains images MiCorazonAzul : and you're saying this because? I mean seriously, you don't even know me yet you can make such assasin comments about me? I think you're one of those
31 Aggieflyboi04 : arrogant much??? dude you seriously need to lighten up the guy is in a tuff sitiution. Tell your family that after 3 years of school are you chaing w
32 Usnseallt82 : I can't believe this thread is still active..... Grab some balls and tell her already. Get into a flight school and work your happy ass off. You can b
33 Ctbarnes : Sensititivity, parental pressure and a prevailing environment of homophobia are not indicators by which we can judge how someone will behave under pr
34 Usnseallt82 : Well, yes.........no shit. But I have no place to tell him or any other that they cannot be a pilot if they want it bad enough. While his talents and
35 Ctbarnes : Are you equally zealous about pointing out peoples strengths too? I think you're making an assumption here which may or may not be accurate and canno
36 Usnseallt82 : You must not have read my posts before then. Did you not read what I wrote? I posted it with the idea of just getting the job done. You can talk abou
37 Csavel : Well I don't want to be the 876th person to tell WhiteHatter why he is wrong, but I'd like to merely point out that people often have situational gut
38 Ctbarnes : To use your own words, no shit. Of course he will have to work hard. That much is obvious. Why, then are you reacting the way you are when I suggest
39 Usnseallt82 : Because it seems like this guy is having some problems with courage. You have to suck it up and get the job done. It just seems like you were taking
40 Ctbarnes : Not to me it doesn't. I suggest you re-read the following: Where, specifically, do we disagree? There was no need for your sarcastic response to my s
41 Sleekjet : Well, you can always do the right thing and denounce homosexuality.
42 Post contains images BR715-A1-30 : Saw: Uncut edition NOW ON DVD THAT is an Oxymoron
43 Post contains images TNboy : What you are saying seems pretty clear to me. The guy has some big issues which he is having trouble dealing with. He has the choice of just going on
44 JpetekYXMD80 : You can mind your own damn business. Stop putting yourself up on a pedestal like always and flaunting your Christianity. It's disgusting. You deserve
45 Greasespot : It is funny how people like this tend to pick and chose which part of the Bible they chose to live under.. They seem to have no problem denying slave
46 Post contains images MD80fanatic : Correct, the Lord knows how difficult it is....which is why He strongly suggested that the other path be taken instead. About the fellow that is havi
47 Ryangooner : Easy solution..... kill the 2 bits of news with 1 stone, tell them you want to be ..... A Gay Pilot
48 Luv2fly : Yes the Christian answer to judging, pick and chose the points that work best to win your argument. What happen to love the neighbor? Just not if he
49 Jmc1975 : You said not "just" designing airports. Well, if you have that talent of gift, you should at least encourage it, perhaps its ultimately on a freelanc
50 Aggieflyboi04 : or he could do the right thing and denounce heterosexual hypocrits like you
51 Post contains images Jmc1975 : Now now let's let keep the childish name-calling and attacks to ourselves. I believe that Micorazonazul can accomplish both careers as it will make h
52 JpetekYXMD80 : Nice to see you waited for someone to denounce sleekjet instead of calling him out yourself for a thoroughly useless and degrading post.
53 Jmc1975 : It's not my job to call him down. What he says is between him and God. But I do see an oppotunity to encourage Micorazonazul in his professional ambi
54 JpetekYXMD80 : It's not about calling him down. You respectfully confronted aggieflyboy04, i'm just sayings curious how you would do that with him, but not with sle
55 Jmc1975 : Aggieflyboy04 resorted to name calling with the intent of character degradation. Sleekjet never called anybody any names or made a spiteful insult. W
56 JpetekYXMD80 : No, he went deeper than superficial name calling. My point exactly.
57 Post contains images Jmc1975 : My point exactly, too. He didn't resort to the superficial namecalling.
58 JpetekYXMD80 : So you'd rather have a big gay dig like then have superficial namecalling reply to that BS. Now THAT is pathetic.
59 Jmc1975 : Thanks for expressing your opinion. Now I'm sure Micorazonazul would appreciate your input regarding his original post as well. Like I said earlier,
60 Airlinelover : So.. What'd you end up doing? Or is that why you haven't posted in ages.. Chris
61 Post contains images MiCorazonAzul : LOL!!!!!!! I LOVE IT....and I just might break the news that way! LOL Well, I have read everyone's posts and those who offered constructive advice ha
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