Turbolet From Cape Verde, joined Nov 2007, 0 posts, RR: 1 Posted (11 years 9 months 5 days 15 hours ago) and read 587 times:
Does anyone here have a crush on a guy/girl but the guy/girl he has a crush on is indifferent to him? This seems to be a common problem. I have it, too.
Last November, I met this really good looking girl, Larissa*, in Italian lessons outside school. We hardly ever talked, but I liked her a lot. One day, I decided to take the big step. I talked to her outside the building and told her I was in love with her. I admit this was a bit too strong, but she said her mum was waiting for her, went off and I never saw her in Italian lessons again.
This April, she started coming on ICQ (I had found her in November but she never went online). We talked and I asked her out several times. She always refused. So we became "just friends" instead.
In July, I arranged to meet her in person. She brought along two friends so we didn't have a private conversation but I realised how much I still liked her. But I told her I felt nothing for her apart from friendship some time ago in an attempt to get her attention and she also told me online that she has a boyfriend now. I haven't met her in person since.
What do I do now? I like her a lot and I'm dying to have a date with her! But how do I get it? She lives in Malta and I live in Gozo (around 30mins by ferry + 1hr by car away) so we don't have a big chance to see each other. Still, I'm in Malta at least once a week.
I can't get Larissa* out of my head. She has beautiful hazel eyes, straight, long, fair hair (chemically modified, though), a pleasing skin tan, a lovely voice and also quite a nice personality (although I have the impression she pulls my leg sometimes!)
Advice please, I'm desperate!!!!!
C172Akula From Canada, joined Mar 2001, 980 posts, RR: 5 Reply 1, posted (11 years 9 months 5 days 10 hours ago) and read 553 times:
Give up...sounds harsh but you blew it early on with the "I love you" thing. I think the "L" word is something you might say on your 40th wedding anniversary, but not when you are approaching someone. As well you are now in the friendship trap, so I hate to say it but there is really nothing you can do.
Tbar220 From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 7011 posts, RR: 28 Reply 2, posted (11 years 9 months 5 days 10 hours ago) and read 550 times:
Turbolet, I didn't want to say it at first, but I agree with C172. You probably scared her with the "I love you". But if you really want it, just be patient...and don't overdoo it. It may sound harsh, but don't be too desperate over one girl, maybe its a sign to move on and fine someone different.
It also sounds like you are attracted to her looks, because you mentioned her attractive qualities, but put her personality last.
Hepkat From Austria, joined Aug 2000, 2341 posts, RR: 2 Reply 4, posted (11 years 9 months 5 days 10 hours ago) and read 541 times:
Oh Turbojet, I feel so sorry to say this, but I agree with the guys above, I think you were a bit too anxious in the beginning, and the L word definitely scared her away. Plus, she has a boyfriend. My advice to you is, do not pretend to be friends with her if you're hoping for a date when she breaks up with her boyfriend (I know this game very well). She'll only resent you more when she finds out you were really pretending, and that will be the end of your little friendship.
As awful as it sounds, it's probably better just to swallow hard when she walks by, and try to find someone else to fall in love with. Next time, go easy on the L word. Tell her you like her, and you'd like to get to know her better, and really mean it. Girls will appreciate that.
SophieMaltese From United States of America, joined Feb 2001, 2064 posts, RR: 3 Reply 7, posted (11 years 9 months 5 days 9 hours ago) and read 525 times:
Just remember, there are tons of girls out there and you'll get over it. Sure it sucks, but one day you'll look back and realize it's not that big a deal. The others may be right. You tell a girl you barely know you lover and it will freak her out, unless of course she's very much attracted to you too. However, she's had her chance to make that known and has told you she's taken. Oh, and if all guys let girls come after them, I'd never have a date, so that doesn't always work!
Turbolet From Cape Verde, joined Nov 2007, 0 posts, RR: 1 Reply 9, posted (11 years 9 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 509 times:
Hmm... thanks for your advice everyone. Well, I admit I'm mostly attracted by her looks though, as I said, she has quite a nice personality, too. Yeah, I was wrong to tell her I was in love with her, I admit that, and I'll never do that to a girl again. As for the friendship, I'm not really sure I'm pretending... I'm happy to be friends with her if I can't have a date... still, deep inside I hope she'll break up with her boyfriend and find some good quality in me which she hadn't seen before. Well, I asked her and she told me she's not physically attracted to me, she just considers me a friend.
I know I'll eventually fall in love with some other girl but at the moment I can't help myself but I like (am in love with) her and her only. So I can't do anything else but keep on hoping.
Thanks for the advice to everyone!