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Really Bad Christmas Jokes  
User currently offlineTbar220 From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 7011 posts, RR: 26
Posted (8 years 3 months 3 weeks 4 days 7 hours ago) and read 4370 times:

- Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper? He sold his soul to Santa.

- One reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

- What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate clauses.

- What is Santa's helpers union called? The AF or elves.

- What does Santa like to do in his garden? He likes to ho ho ho.

Flame away, I know they're bad Big grin

(credit to Garrison Keiler)


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5 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineAislepathLight From United States of America, joined Dec 2005, 562 posts, RR: 0
Reply 1, posted (8 years 3 months 3 weeks 4 days 6 hours ago) and read 4351 times:

WOW, those are special. The Clauses has got to be the best.
WOW



"We have slain a large dragon, but we now live in a jungle filled with a bewildering variety of poisonous snakes."
User currently offlineANCFlyer From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (8 years 3 months 3 weeks 4 days 6 hours ago) and read 4347 times:

Quoting Tbar220 (Thread starter):
Flame away, I know they're bad

Well, we completely agree at last  wink 


User currently offlineVH-KCT* From Australia, joined May 2001, 479 posts, RR: 2
Reply 3, posted (8 years 3 months 3 weeks 4 days 4 hours ago) and read 4317 times:

The family was decorating their christmas tree, when suddenly they ran out of decorations. "Let's get one christmassy thing each to decorate our tree!" they said, and off they went.

The father found a small angel for the top of the tree, the mother made some stars out of cardboard, the younger sister found some extra tinsel, and the older brother brought out some of his girlfriend's hot pink knickers. "What on earth are they?" yelled his rather upset and confused parents, to which he indignantly replied, "They're Carol's!"


Santa's running late, the presents are behind schedule and there are problems with the elf union again, so he's understandably a little tense. On Christmas Eve, there are still thousands of presents to make, and only a few hours left. Luckily an angel sees Santa is upset, so she brings him a large and brushy christmas tree to cheer him up. "Here you are, Nick" she says, "where can I stick this lovely tree?"

And there started the tradition of an angel atop the christmas tree.



I am The Stig
User currently offlineCfalk From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 4, posted (8 years 3 months 3 weeks 4 days 4 hours ago) and read 4311 times:

Quoting VH-KCT* (Reply 3):
Nick" she says, "where can I stick this lovely tree?"

And there started the tradition of an angel atop the christmas tree.

Ooooohh! You're goin' to hell for that one Big grin Big grin Big grin


User currently offlineTbar220 From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 7011 posts, RR: 26
Reply 5, posted (8 years 3 months 3 weeks 3 days 16 hours ago) and read 4258 times:

Quoting VH-KCT* (Reply 3):
And there started the tradition of an angel atop the christmas tree.

LOL, excellent Big grin

If you've ever been on an ELAL flight, you'll understand the next one...

***

El Al Flight - mid December - landing in Tel-Aviv... As the El Al plane settled down at Ben Gurion airport, the voice of the captain came on: "Please remain seated with your seat belts fastened until this plane is at a complete standstill and the seat belt signs have been turned off. We also wish to remind you that using cell phones on board this aircraft is strictly prohibited. To those of you who are seated, we wish a Merry Christmas and hope that you enjoy your stay, and to those of you standing in the aisles and talking on your cell phones, we wish you a Happy Chanukah and welcome back home."



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