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Jafa's Speakeasy (Official Off-Topic Thread)  
User currently offlineJafa39 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 4 hours ago) and read 1690 times:

Tired of being deleted for being off-topic? Fed up with having to stay focussed and relevant?

Welcome to "Jafa's Speakeasy", the only thread on a.net where going off at a tangent is actively encouraged, come inside and ramble on freely but remember boys and girls, staying on topic won't earn you any brownie points!!!

So, to start you all off, here's a topic you're bound not to want to stay on for too long:

What would you rather fly in, an Airbus Piloted by G W Bush, a Boeing Piloted by Osama Bin Laden, an Embraer Piloted by Tony Blair or an Antonov with a Gay Pilot?

Let the slip the lateral thinkers!!!!!

105 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineScarletHarlot From Canada, joined Jul 2003, 4673 posts, RR: 56
Reply 1, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 4 hours ago) and read 1681 times:

I want a margarita. Mmmmmmargarita!


But that was when I ruled the world
User currently offlineSkidmarks From UK - England, joined Dec 2004, 7121 posts, RR: 55
Reply 2, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 4 hours ago) and read 1679 times:

Oh dear, such a choice. Bush is senile, so he's out. Bin Laden is a nutter, so thats him off the list, Blair - wanker, thats a no. Has to be the Antonov with the poof! Big grin

Andy  old 



Growing old is compulsory, growing up is optional
User currently offlineKiwiandrew From New Zealand, joined Jun 2005, 8572 posts, RR: 13
Reply 3, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 4 hours ago) and read 1674 times:
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Jafa39 : you can go off topic if you want
crowd ( in unison ) : we can go off topic if we want
Jafa39 : you can think for yourselves
crowd (in unison) : we can think for ourselves
Jafa39 : you are all individuals
crowd ( in unison ) :we are all individuals
Kiwiandrew : I'm not



Moderation in all things ... including moderation ;-)
User currently offlineScarletHarlot From Canada, joined Jul 2003, 4673 posts, RR: 56
Reply 4, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 4 hours ago) and read 1672 times:

Hey Kiwiandrew, wanna li'l drinkie?


But that was when I ruled the world
User currently offlineKiwiandrew From New Zealand, joined Jun 2005, 8572 posts, RR: 13
Reply 5, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 4 hours ago) and read 1670 times:
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Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 4):
Hey Kiwiandrew, wanna li'l drinkie?

always! are you buying ?



Moderation in all things ... including moderation ;-)
User currently offlineSkidmarks From UK - England, joined Dec 2004, 7121 posts, RR: 55
Reply 6, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 4 hours ago) and read 1666 times:

Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 4):
Hey Kiwiandrew, wanna li'l drinkie?

What a wanton woman!!!!!!!!!!!! Never offered me one  Sad

Andy  old 



Growing old is compulsory, growing up is optional
User currently offlineScarletHarlot From Canada, joined Jul 2003, 4673 posts, RR: 56
Reply 7, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 4 hours ago) and read 1666 times:

It's Jafa's speakeasy, so I think he provides the alcohol. Right, Andy old pulse?  Wink


But that was when I ruled the world
User currently offlineKiwiandrew From New Zealand, joined Jun 2005, 8572 posts, RR: 13
Reply 8, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 4 hours ago) and read 1659 times:
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Quoting Skidmarks (Reply 6):
What a wanton woman!!!!!!!!!!!! Never offered me one

never offered you a drink ? or a wanton woman? ( or either?)



Moderation in all things ... including moderation ;-)
User currently offlineSearpqx From Netherlands, joined Jun 2000, 4344 posts, RR: 10
Reply 9, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 4 hours ago) and read 1657 times:

The Antonov, but only if Scarlet is serving


"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity"
User currently offlineKiwiandrew From New Zealand, joined Jun 2005, 8572 posts, RR: 13
Reply 10, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 4 hours ago) and read 1655 times:
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so once and for all time which is better A or B ?

personally I think B - because the Beriev A-40 Albatros is way cooler than anything that Antonov ever came up with



Moderation in all things ... including moderation ;-)
User currently offlineMhodgson From United Kingdom, joined Dec 2002, 5047 posts, RR: 25
Reply 11, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 4 hours ago) and read 1655 times:

Living for the weekend Big grin


No trees were harmed by this message. However, several million electrons were terribly inconvenienced
User currently offlineRedngold From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 6907 posts, RR: 44
Reply 12, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 4 hours ago) and read 1655 times:

As far as I know, none of those situations involve a *real* pilot except for the Antonov with the gay pilot (dig at GWB definitely implied) so I'd definitely choose the last option.

Besides, I'd fly on Seven3Seven's plane anytime...  Wink



Up, up and away!
User currently offlineSkidmarks From UK - England, joined Dec 2004, 7121 posts, RR: 55
Reply 13, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 4 hours ago) and read 1648 times:

Quoting Kiwiandrew (Reply 8):
never offered you a drink ? or a wanton woman? ( or either?)

Either lol Big grin

Andy  old 



Growing old is compulsory, growing up is optional
User currently offlineKiwiandrew From New Zealand, joined Jun 2005, 8572 posts, RR: 13
Reply 14, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 4 hours ago) and read 1646 times:
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actually a 'wanton woman' would be a great name for a cocktail... I wonder what the ingredients would be


Moderation in all things ... including moderation ;-)
User currently offlineJafa39 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 15, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 3 hours ago) and read 1646 times:

Quoting Kiwiandrew (Reply 3):
Kiwiandrew : I'm not

Damn you Andrew, everyone else has fallen under my evil spell......

Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 7):
Right, Andy old pulse?

I figured the Oilive Oil from the "Lube a Boob" thread has probably started to ferment by now, we could serve "Loobaritas".


User currently offlineSFOMEX From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 16, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 3 hours ago) and read 1643 times:

Why is Gkirk such an obnoxious fella?

User currently offlineSearpqx From Netherlands, joined Jun 2000, 4344 posts, RR: 10
Reply 17, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 3 hours ago) and read 1637 times:

Quoting Kiwiandrew (Reply 14):
I wonder what the ingredients would be

Sloe Gin?



"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity"
User currently offlineTheCoz From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 18, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 3 hours ago) and read 1637 times:

Hey Jafa39, what's like being that gay?

User currently offlineKiwiandrew From New Zealand, joined Jun 2005, 8572 posts, RR: 13
Reply 19, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 3 hours ago) and read 1634 times:
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actually 'the wanton woman' would be a great name for a pub. ( shouts to other half ) "I'm just off to 'the wanton woman' for a quick one" ( imagines look of confusion on partners face as he tries to figure out whether I have suddenly turned straight )


Moderation in all things ... including moderation ;-)
User currently offlineScarletHarlot From Canada, joined Jul 2003, 4673 posts, RR: 56
Reply 20, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 3 hours ago) and read 1630 times:

So have I become the bawdy bar wench of Jafa's speakeasy?

Get your drink orders in, boys, before I have too many margaritas and can't remember who ordered what!

And Skiddy...you just showed up! Now I'll offer you a drink. What are you having?



But that was when I ruled the world
User currently offlineJafa39 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 21, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 3 hours ago) and read 1624 times:

Quoting TheCoz (Reply 18):
Hey Jafa39, what's like being that gay?

I'm as gay as you are cool (Said the straight guy..ha ha!)

Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 20):
So have I become the bawdy bar wench of Jafa's speakeasy?

We'll need a doorman, and possibly a chef, Logan22L...can you chuck a band together?


User currently offlineKiwiandrew From New Zealand, joined Jun 2005, 8572 posts, RR: 13
Reply 22, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 3 hours ago) and read 1623 times:
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Thanks Scarlet , I'll have a Caiparinha to start .


Moderation in all things ... including moderation ;-)
User currently offlineTheCoz From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 23, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 3 hours ago) and read 1620 times:

Quoting Jafa39 (Reply 21):
I'm as gay as you are cool (Said the straight guy..ha ha!)

 rotfl   banghead 


User currently offlineSearpqx From Netherlands, joined Jun 2000, 4344 posts, RR: 10
Reply 24, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 3 hours ago) and read 1616 times:

It's just barely past noon here - I'll start w/ a mimosa for now. Oh, and a bar menu please


"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity"
25 Logan22L : Apparently. However, since it is something like 11:00 AM Saturday down in Jafa's neck of the woods, he'll be abstaining until noon or so (isn't that
26 XORDLLAA : ALL OF KIWIS RULES !!!!!!!!!!!!
27 Kiwiandrew : anyone seen Jake and Elwood recently?
28 Post contains images Jafa39 : Its a Scottish version of polite and requires years of practice in sub-zero temperatures, plus a diet of deep-fried chocolate bars and pizza
29 BDKLEZ : "The totalistic presumptions of philosophy are in themselves idealistically a theoretical pile of steaming dog poo!" - Anon (As quoted on the wall of
30 Kiwiandrew : heeeeeeyyyyyy "the wonton woman" would be a great name for a chinese takeaway !
31 Jafa39 : Ah, but its saturday and too windy for fishing, a man needs a hobby!
32 Kiwiandrew : unless he is still going from last night
33 Logan22L : On a completely appropriate off-topic note, BaylorAirBear is on-line. Not sure if he's still in Iraq or not.
34 Post contains images TheCoz : That could be new thread material.
35 BA380 : excellent notion - let's go off-topic! right up my street... At the risk of going off topic, I think it is scandalous that Bruce Forsysth was not give
36 Muddydwagon : Hey we got a chinese takeaway round here called the Poon Palace. Cheers Peter
37 Jafa39 : And why would he? Or is it for services to comedy when he retired?
38 Aerobalance : A squid in the Nile is not as delighted as a shrimp in the gulf....
39 BA380 : 60 years at the top of light entertainment... that deserves a K - rather than the CBE he got.
40 ScarletHarlot : All right, guys, here are your drinks. The service around here isn't the best, because you are served at my whim. A caiparinha for KiwiAndrew... A mim
41 Searpqx : Chinese take out sounds good - how about sending Kiwi out for some?
42 Jafa39 : Hmmmm, I'll buy a bed for you to collapse on methinks!!! Or we can starch your clothes and put you on a skateboard, that'll keep you upright and spee
43 Logan22L : Four of fish and finger-pie, methinks.
44 Post contains images Searpqx : And here I thought this was a family joint . . .
45 Post contains images Jafa39 : Sabena332 sells them in the smoking room
46 KiwiinOz : You're onto something there. Anyone watching the tennis?
47 Kiwiandrew : 60 years of telling the same 'jokes' merits an award ?
48 Post contains images ScarletHarlot : Hey boys, I'm back. Anybody need a drink? Can somebody get me some Thai while they're out? Please don't starch my clothes, that'll make me itch. How a
49 Kiwiandrew : hmmm , it's 8:13 in the morning here in BRU .... so why not , it will help me blend in with the locals . I'll have a Mort Subite please
50 Jafa39 : You and me both!!! I'll have a Tequila sunrise to wash down this foul cheapass beer that wizened old corpse of a father in law bought me.
51 Kiwiandrew : how about the "one tonne woman" for a clothing shop catering for the 'fuller figure' ?
52 Logan22L : My hemorrhoids are acting up...
53 Jafa39 : Then you should stop sleeping in shop doorways when you are shitfaced!!
54 Post contains images TheCoz : or atleast have the common sense to carry vaseline in your purse when you go out.
55 Jafa39 : Logan22L carrying a purse....not a nice image to go to sleep on.
56 Post contains images Marambio : Speaking of illnesses, I for the first time ever have torticollis, or wry neck. Let me tell you guys just one thing - IT SUCKS! I couldn't sleep at al
57 Kiwiandrew : if you ask nicely ScarletHarlot may give you a massage , strictly speaking it isn't in her job description as bawdy bar wench , but she seems to have
58 Marambio : Thanks for the tip. Let's wait until she shows up. I'd gladly take one of those famous massages right now! Saludos, Marambio
59 Jafa39 : And access to litre upon litre of Olive Oil from the Loob a Boob thread!
60 Kiwiandrew : as fond as I am of olive oil I dont know whether I would want someone to use it as a massage oil on me - it would be a bit too much like basting !
61 Post contains images Jafa39 : Come on dude...live a little!
62 Kiwiandrew : ok , you have sold me on it .... I'll take the 'Greek Salad" massage with some olive oil , oregano , feta , tomato , black olives and red onion
63 Flyingbabydoc : I need badly a drink. And rest. And probably an Adonis to massage you, right? Your poor partner.... Cheers everyone. Alex
64 Post contains images Kiwiandrew : my poor partner ? humph .... he's the one away skiing in Switzerland while I stay home on dogwalking duty .... and I have the flu ( which is why I am
65 Post contains images Skidmarks : I am never drinking again!!!!!! My headache has only just left after last night Andy
66 Flyingbabydoc : What can I say? He is a smart guy... That's why we only have cats. Hope you get better from your cold, before the siberian winterblast hits us tomorr
67 Post contains images Kiwiandrew : he must be ... he ended up with me ! our cats were smarter than us or the dog ... they stayed in New Zealand siberian winterblast???? .... oh @$*%&#$
68 Flyingbabydoc : Brace yourself. Maximum predicted High here of -11°C, lows of -23°C. Nice!!!
69 Jafa39 : It could well save your lives, temps that low may hit the HN51 Bird Flu virus right where it hurts. LOL!!!!!! Homesick by any chance Andrew?
70 Kevinl1011 : What's it take to get some SERVICE around here! And....where the white women at?
71 Kiwiandrew : if I wasn't before I certainly am now after that forecast .... these 'minus' temperatures are just ...unnatural ... a zero should be an endpoint on a
72 Jafa39 : That reminds me, I must find my shoes, haven't worn them in days, but the tarmac is so hot I might burn my feet........wassat you say? .....Minus how
73 Post contains images Kiwiandrew : Good god man ... you've gone native ! ( oh how I miss bare feet on grass ... even in summer you can't do it here 'cos Belgians don't believe in clean
74 Flyingbabydoc : -11°C to -23°C in Dresden. Nice stuff! I love winter and the colder, the better for me. Bring on the ice. Actually, more snow would be nice. My wif
75 Jafa39 : Ever considered a doc's post on Antarctica? I turned down the chance of a job as a Skiddoo mechanic there, something I have regretted ever since!
76 Post contains images Kiwiandrew : if you are looking for a housesitter to look after your mansions during those pesky summers I know the perfect person
77 Flyingbabydoc : Actually, I have been to Antartica before. On a cruise, after we left Cape Horn we went as far as the tip of the Peninsula closest to South America o
78 Post contains images Jafa39 : You'd love my home county of Norfolk then and in NZ Fjordland was made just for you!
79 Flyingbabydoc : I am sure it was. I have read so much about NZ. Looking forward to going there. Made it to Oz a few times but not yet to NZ. Maybe next winter...
80 Searpqx : I go out for a siesta on the beach and find you guys talking about winter? Yech. By the way, wasn't someone going out for Chinese?
81 Jafa39 : Sort of, no-one really assumed responsibility and Scarlot has passed out under the bar, she was saying something about South Park having got it right
82 Kevinl1011 : Who's passed out in the loo? .....and what a mess!
83 Kiwiandrew : yes , but they misunderstood the instructions ....ended up by chatting up an Asian girl , and going home with her ... to HKG ! that sort of thing jus
84 Flyingbabydoc : As long as there is no poultry involved... he might bring back some nasty virus. How is your cold, BTW? Alex
85 Kiwiandrew : it seems to be getting slightly less horrid - but that could just be the decongestants I took last night - thanks for asking ...hows the siberian win
86 DLKAPA : So who likes smoked turkey?
87 Jafa39 : Buggers to keep alight so i gave up.
88 Flyingbabydoc : Delightful. Snow and -10°C this morning. I am still at the hospital (was on call last night) so I have quite enjoyed it fully yet. Siberian Winterbl
89 Kiwiandrew : sounds good to me ... what sort of Vodka ?
90 Post contains images Flyingbabydoc : Moskowskaya. We get it at the russian shops here in Dresden. I like it much better than Stoly. Alex
91 Searpqx : Since it's a winterblast, instead of the chocolate liqueur, how about white creme de cacao?
92 Flyingbabydoc : Very good idea. Or the white chocolate mozart liqueur.
93 Searpqx : Sounds like the perfect nitecap before I head off to bed - Bartender, I'll have a newly invented Siberian Winterblast - and a round for Kiwi and the
94 Kiwiandrew : thanks Searpqx , the next round is on me cheers/prost/salud/kampai/chahckseequay ( never could figure out the spelling on that one )
95 Jafa39 : What would you put in a cocktail called "A.net"? I reckon to start we must have Absinthe and Creme de Menthe to truly capture the vibe.
96 QANTASforever : I'm at war with a certain prominent (ha!) Sydney radio personality. Anyone catch the Today show this morning, by any chance? QFF
97 Jafa39 : Tell us more, before the VooDoo dolls kick in!
98 QANTASforever : That clicky little group of media personalities, the Prime Minister and Governor General are at it again. This morning on breakfast television the rad
99 Jafa39 : Hmmmm, subtlety my dear boy, subtlety is needed, never mix your shit with Shock-Jocks, they'll hang you out to dry and enjoy every minute of it, they
100 QANTASforever : Perhaps I've missed my calling? lol Fortunately for me - he has. I should be fine. And I'm bloody glad I stood up for what I believe in, even in the
101 Post contains images Logan22L : Imagine getting paid for arguing on the internet? Hell, I'd be able to afford property in Boston after all.
102 QANTASforever : The GDP of A.net would exceed Luxembourg's! QFF
103 BA380 : Brucey has entertained and brought amusement to millions for over half a century. OK, it's low brow, but the honours system is very snobbish...
104 Post contains images ScarletHarlot : Damn I have a headache! And what the heck is that written on my shoulder? Let me go have a shower and get tidied up. Then I'll reopen the bar.
105 Post contains images Jafa39 : Take more than a shower to remove that "I love Airbus" tattoo
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