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Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice  
User currently offlineTbar220 From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 7013 posts, RR: 25
Posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 1653 times:

Hi all,

I screwed up in my relationship (not cheating or anything like that) and my girlfriend is pretty upset with me. She's not ready to forgive me yet and is having a really hard time dealing with it. I apologized to her without making any excuses, but she's not ready to talk to me yet. Any advice? I told her to call me whenever she's comfortable, no matter how many days it takes.


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38 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineLuv2fly From United States of America, joined May 2003, 12110 posts, RR: 48
Reply 1, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 1641 times:
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Give her space, I know it is hard though keep your distance and wait for her to contact you, and do not talk about this problem with any mutual friends.


You can cut the irony with a knife
User currently offline9VSPO From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 1634 times:

Quoting Tbar220 (Thread starter):
a really hard time dealing with it.

Dealing with what?

Quoting Tbar220 (Thread starter):
Any advice?



Quoting Tbar220 (Thread starter):
she's not ready to talk to me yet

There's your answer!  Wink


User currently offlineCosec59 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 3, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 17 hours ago) and read 1612 times:

Quoting Tbar220 (Thread starter):
I told her to call me whenever she's comfortable, no matter how many days it takes.

Right thing to do...In the meantime get out there and try to find a reserve


User currently offlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 39887 posts, RR: 74
Reply 4, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 17 hours ago) and read 1600 times:

Did you talk to your sister about this?


Bring back the Concorde
User currently offlineSearpqx From Netherlands, joined Jun 2000, 4344 posts, RR: 10
Reply 5, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 17 hours ago) and read 1586 times:

Quoting Luv2fly (Reply 1):
Give her space, I know it is hard though keep your distance and wait for her to contact you, and do not talk about this problem with any mutual friends.

 checkmark 
And, under no circumstances, tell her you posted on an internet chat board for advice!  Wink



"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity"
User currently offlineMidnightMike From United States of America, joined Mar 2003, 2892 posts, RR: 14
Reply 6, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 17 hours ago) and read 1573 times:

Quoting Tbar220 (Thread starter):
Hi all,

I screwed up in my relationship (not cheating or anything like that) and my girlfriend is pretty upset with me. She's not ready to forgive me yet and is having a really hard time dealing with it. I apologized to her without making any excuses, but she's not ready to talk to me yet. Any advice? I told her to call me whenever she's comfortable, no matter how many days it takes.

Giver her time & keep your distance, what you may want to do, is wait a week & mail her a letter. Offer your apology, if you were wrong, make it nice & simple, but, in the letter, do not beg for her to take you back.

Basically lay it out there & tell her that you want to be with her, but, if she does not want you back, you are cool with that as well.

Don't try to call her, just go with the letter, the only thing that I can suggest, is that if she has a favorite movie, get it for her and write a little note, something like, "I thought you may like to have this."

Don't make the mistake & beg her to take you back, that would be a mistake, you will lose her respect....



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User currently offlineTbar220 From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 7013 posts, RR: 25
Reply 7, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 16 hours ago) and read 1547 times:

Thanks guys for the help. I'm a bit of a mess right now, we've only been dating for a year and a half but I would be totally empty without her. And I feel really bad because I hurt her badly and I didn't even realize what I was doing. I'm not going to contact her because that's just pushing it and if she calls me I'll tell her we'll talk about it later once she's figured everything out and thought about what she wants to do. I just hope this ends well.


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User currently offlineArmitageShanks From UK - England, joined Dec 2003, 3625 posts, RR: 15
Reply 8, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 11 hours ago) and read 1496 times:

What did you do to her?

User currently offlineTbar220 From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 7013 posts, RR: 25
Reply 9, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 11 hours ago) and read 1496 times:

Its too complicated to go into detail here, but I will say that it wasn't anything like cheating on her or similar. I didn't even realize I did it at the time and now I'm pissed off at myself for doing it, and pissed off because it hurt her so much.


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User currently onlineN1120A From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 26496 posts, RR: 75
Reply 10, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 11 hours ago) and read 1493 times:

Quoting Tbar220 (Reply 9):
I didn't even realize I did it at the time and now I'm pissed off at myself for doing it, and pissed off because it hurt her so much.

Actually, that might be something to talk to her about after she does call you (and she will). Don't make an excuse for it, just explain how you didn't realize what your were doing (reiterate that it isn't an excuse) and make sure she knows that something like that will never, ever happen again.



Mangeons les French fries, mais surtout pratiquons avec fierte le French kiss
User currently offlineArmitageShanks From UK - England, joined Dec 2003, 3625 posts, RR: 15
Reply 11, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 11 hours ago) and read 1489 times:

Nah, its not too difficult to say here...

Here, something like this:

"I called her fat and fucked up the apology."

or

"I lied to her about something. I tried to apologize and here I am."

Etc...


User currently offlineTbar220 From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 7013 posts, RR: 25
Reply 12, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 11 hours ago) and read 1485 times:

See, I understand what it was that I did now. The scary thing to me was, that its something my mom did to me my entire life growing up and I hated it. Told myself I would never do something like that. But without even conciously understanding what was going on when it happened, I just did it and that was a big oops.

Quoting N1120A (Reply 10):
just explain how you didn't realize what your were doing (reiterate that it isn't an excuse)

I did exactly that, I just hope she understands. If she does decide to take me back, it will be a slow healing process.



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User currently offlineTbar220 From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 7013 posts, RR: 25
Reply 13, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 11 hours ago) and read 1485 times:

Quoting ArmitageShanks (Reply 11):
Nah, its not too difficult to say here...

I would, but I'm too ashamed of it honestly. I'd rather not say what it was, so please don't ask me to.



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User currently offlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 39887 posts, RR: 74
Reply 14, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 11 hours ago) and read 1478 times:

Ok, so you didn't cheat on her, we want to know what you did.

-Did you scream out another woman's name while having sex?
-Did she catch you wearing her panties?
-Did you tell her to loose weight?

Those are the only things I can think of that would piss off a girlfriend/wife.



Bring back the Concorde
User currently offlineArmitageShanks From UK - England, joined Dec 2003, 3625 posts, RR: 15
Reply 15, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 11 hours ago) and read 1475 times:

Quoting Tbar220 (Reply 13):
I would, but I'm too ashamed of it honestly. I'd rather not say what it was, so please don't ask me to.

I then petition that nobody should respond with advice if you aren't going to own up.

How are we supposed to know what to tell you if we don't know what you did? Dealing with calling her fat is different than her catching you smelling her mom's panties.


User currently offlineTbar220 From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 7013 posts, RR: 25
Reply 16, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 11 hours ago) and read 1468 times:

Quoting Superfly (Reply 14):
-Did you scream out another woman's name while having sex?

We're quiet

Quoting Superfly (Reply 14):
-Did she catch you wearing her panties?

She'd laugh at me

Quoting Superfly (Reply 14):
-Did you tell her to loose weight?

We'd both laugh at it, considering she's five feet tall and 100 lbs.



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User currently offlineAeroflot777 From Russia, joined Mar 2004, 3008 posts, RR: 26
Reply 17, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 11 hours ago) and read 1465 times:

Quoting Tbar220 (Reply 7):
we've only been dating for a year and a half

That's not "only", actually that's quite a lot. But that's a good thing. If you have been together for so long that means you really do have a great relationship. I believe if you lasted together that long, she will forgive you. It just might take some time depending on what you did. But be patient. I don't think such a strong couple can part so easily...

Aeroflot777


User currently offlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 39887 posts, RR: 74
Reply 18, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 11 hours ago) and read 1465 times:

Tbar220:
Well I guess it's a mystery to us all on how you 'screwed up'.  Wink

Look at the bright side. If she can't forgive you for this, then maybe she isn't the one for you and is a bit irrational. That means you are SINGLE AGAIN and can go after hotter chicks that are more understanding and fun!  bigthumbsup 

Don't be a pussy!



Bring back the Concorde
User currently offlineSATX From United States of America, joined Apr 2005, 2840 posts, RR: 6
Reply 19, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 11 hours ago) and read 1462 times:

Quoting Tbar220 (Reply 12):
The scary thing to me was, that its something my mom did to me my entire life growing up and I hated it.



Quoting Superfly (Reply 14):
-Did you scream out another woman's name while having sex?
-Did she catch you wearing her panties?

Hmm.  Wink



Open Season on Consumer Protections is Just Around the Corner...
User currently offlineTbar220 From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 7013 posts, RR: 25
Reply 20, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 11 hours ago) and read 1455 times:

Armitage,

Look, I'm not going to "own up" on what I did because A) its too complicated and B) I just don't want to. Now you don't have to give me advice, but you don't have to be a jerk and "petition" everybody else not to.

This is too complicated, it so much an emotional and trust thing that I can't explain it here and I'm not feeling inclined to at the moment. Its not a "calling her fat" thing or "saying something mean". That is trivial and can be overcome. As simply as I can put it, it was a betrayal of trust. I fear that because this is what happened, that if we do stay together our relationship will be tainted. This is what I need help with, how to avoid this.



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User currently offlineArmitageShanks From UK - England, joined Dec 2003, 3625 posts, RR: 15
Reply 21, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 11 hours ago) and read 1452 times:

I never understood why people say its too complicated. ITS NOT.

Just say it. It takes 20 words. You don't have to go into detail, just say I did/said X and she did/said X. Bam! Done.

Anyway, if you're going to talk about your silly relationship problems on a PUBLIC forum you can't complain that I want to know how you fucked up.


User currently offlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 39887 posts, RR: 74
Reply 22, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 11 hours ago) and read 1444 times:

SATX:
Thanks for pointing that out, I missed that sentence. Embarrassment

So I guess you pinched her cheeks in public?



Bring back the Concorde
User currently offlineMidnightMike From United States of America, joined Mar 2003, 2892 posts, RR: 14
Reply 23, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 10 hours ago) and read 1435 times:

Quoting ArmitageShanks (Reply 15):
then petition that nobody should respond with advice if you aren't going to own up.

How are we supposed to know what to tell you if we don't know what you did? Dealing with calling her fat is different than her catching you smelling her mom's panties.

We don't need the specifics to pass out advice over a breakup, he did something wrong, no matter what it was, the things to do are all the same....



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User currently offlineKiwiinOz From New Zealand, joined Oct 2005, 2165 posts, RR: 5
Reply 24, posted (8 years 7 months 4 weeks 1 day 8 hours ago) and read 1406 times:

The reality is, coming on this board and asking for advice without giving anyone the slightest inkling of what the problem is, what it is you have meant to have done etc is a pretty futile exercise, and you know it is. That being the case, this seems more like some sort of sad ploy to gain attention and sympathy, rather than a real attempt to gain any solutions.

And if you're that insecure with yourself, then I'm with her, she should dump you and move on.


25 LOT767-300ER : I dont get it why you cant just say it? Not only is it simple to tell its hard to figure out what to do if we dont know what you did.
26 Tbar220 : I've figured it out thanks with help from MidnightMike and other friends. Since apparently you can't offer advice without me telling you what the prob
27 HAWK21M : Wrong place for Advice seekng but anyway.... Give your partner time & space.Try after a few days,use some romantic moves like flowers,small gifts. You
28 Tbar220 : Thanks for the advice. I also would never lay a finger on her in anger. If I did, she would break up with me on the spot. I'm sorry I can't explain w
29 GOCAPS16 : Good luck, Tbar. I hope you and your babycakes can find a way to get back together. If not, there are many better women out there. If you are too emba
30 Post contains images NWOrientDC10 : It sucks being in the "doghouse" (I've been there myself ) Good advice! My personal favorite is a "care package" consisting of Peppridge Farms "Milano
31 Post contains images Cxsjr : 6,080 posts and you didn't even realise you'd been having an affair with a.net?!? Good luck with sorting it all out; I believe in destiny and whateve
32 ZKSUJ : Agree with others here. All you can do is give her space and not push her right now. I hope the situation ends well and has a happy outcome for the bo
33 Jush : You really can't complain that people wanna know what happened cause you made them curious in the first place. Regds jush
34 HAWK21M : Since it wasn't physical injury. Im confused. regds MEL
35 Post contains images Lindy : Then just wait until you get married. After the wedding you can slap her daily
36 Post contains images CO7e7 : I tried that once.... it didn't work out too well! As everyone said: Time, Space and a Sincere Apology (at the right time) should get you back on tra
37 Post contains images Matt72033 :
38 Post contains images NWOrientDC10 : In your situation, some groveling and "suckng up" may be in order if/when she speaks to you. Good luck Russell
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