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Being Anti-Social. The Big Deal?  
User currently offlineTsaord From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Posted (8 years 7 months 6 days 14 hours ago) and read 3061 times:

I'm a nice person, introverted, but I feel im an all around good person I think.

Me being introverted causes me to be a bit anti-social. I have friends but most of the time I do my own thing. Or when I get invited somewhere I don't try to stand out or make friends with other people. So why do other people who see someone else as being anti-social to be stuck up or "not liking them" at all? I never understood this concept. Sometimes its like everyone expects everyone else to be their friend or fit into some click and when you don't or you dont like them. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with being anti-social. Some people just follow their own light and like to do their own things by themselves.

Well whats your take? Any members here considers themself anti-social?

11 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineNewark777 From United States of America, joined Dec 2004, 9348 posts, RR: 29
Reply 1, posted (8 years 7 months 6 days 14 hours ago) and read 3048 times:

If you are happy with yourself, I don't see any problem with it. It is the anti-social people who WANT to have more friends and be more outgoing, but just can't, that have a problem.

Harry



Why grab a Heine when you can grab a Busch?
User currently offlineNordair From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (8 years 7 months 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 3029 times:

Quoting Newark777 (Reply 1):
If you are happy with yourself, I don't see any problem with it.

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User currently offlineJap From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 3, posted (8 years 7 months 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 3029 times:

Being an "aspie" (asperger syndrome), I am often considered anti-social... as "anti-social" means that you don't WANT to be social, this is not true...

I'm simply afraid of being perceived as rude- because sometimes I say or do stuff that isn't quite "normal" because i don't think first...

I'm slowly getting over this- this IS a problem for me, because I really am sick of being SO different it's a burden. It caused a lot of problems in my school years (bullying), and I'm definitely not gonna let people step on me anymore. To me, it's overcoming the syndrome- people normally do this in their school years, but as I wasn't diagnosed before I was 19 (5 months ago)

What the big deal is, I don't know... I guess every time people see someone who's different, they get this unbeatable urge to say something nasty or exclude them  Yeah sure


User currently offlineAa757first From United States of America, joined Aug 2003, 3350 posts, RR: 7
Reply 4, posted (8 years 7 months 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 3028 times:

There is a huge difference between being introverted and anti-social. I'm introverted but not anti-social.

AAndrew


User currently offlineSATX From United States of America, joined Apr 2005, 2840 posts, RR: 6
Reply 5, posted (8 years 7 months 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 3014 times:

Quoting Tsaord (Thread starter):
Me being introverted causes me to be a bit anti-social.

I used to think like that. However, now I understand that being introverted is not quite the same thing as being anti-social. Being anti-social is more about impacting others than being on your own. Driving down the block with your car stereo on full-blast or letting your dog poop all over your neighbor's yard is being anti-social. Just keeping to yourself when you're around others isn't even in the same ballpark. As long as you're happy about your life and you're not messing with anyone else's then I see no immediate problem with that. Just keep in mind that the longer you intentionally stay away from everyone else the harder it will be to change later on. If you don't see yourself ever wanting to change, then more power to you.





Edited to remove double quote.

[Edited 2006-02-19 19:54:40]


Open Season on Consumer Protections is Just Around the Corner...
User currently offlineTheCoz From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 6, posted (8 years 7 months 6 days 11 hours ago) and read 2968 times:

Quoting Tsaord (Thread starter):
So why do other people who see someone else as being anti-social to be stuck up or "not liking them" at all?

IMO, I think this has a lot to do with people and their insecurities. People tend to act out defensively upon feeling rejected. They choose to see you as "stuck up" vs. introverted to protect themselves from rejection.


User currently offlineChiGB1973 From United States of America, joined Mar 2004, 1615 posts, RR: 1
Reply 7, posted (8 years 7 months 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2903 times:

Quoting Tsaord (Thread starter):
I'm a nice person, introverted, but I feel im an all around good person I think.

Me being introverted causes me to be a bit anti-social.

I can explain it this way. Being introverted requires you to "recharge your batteries" alone and being extraverted requires crowds or a some group of people to "recharge your batteries."

Introverted people, like myself, are not necessarily anti-social, but after being in a crowd, I have to go home and be alone for a while. Being anti-social, you would never experience this, because you would not be in the situation to need to recharge. I have to say, I am like a horse to the stable on getting home. I love home! I am a bit more anti-social at times.

It was explained to me like that in the past and I can relate to it, hope you can too.

M


User currently onlineOA412 From United States of America, joined Dec 2000, 5279 posts, RR: 24
Reply 8, posted (8 years 7 months 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2901 times:

Quoting Tsaord (Thread starter):
Sometimes its like everyone expects everyone else to be their friend or fit into some click and when you don't or you dont like them



Quoting TheCoz (Reply 6):
IMO, I think this has a lot to do with people and their insecurities. People tend to act out defensively upon feeling rejected. They choose to see you as "stuck up" vs. introverted to protect themselves from rejection.

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You both hit the nail on the head. Most of the time, other peoples reaction's are not about you, they are about their own insecurites about always wanting to be liked and accepted. Their insecurities about themselves, their own self worth, etc., make them react in the way's you have listed above. Many peoples entire self-image is predicated upon being liked by others and finding someone who doesn't immediately warm to them can be difficult to accept.

I myself am also an introvert but not anti-social and, quite frankly, don't see anything wrong with it. I've received the same reactions that you have. After getting to know me, many have admitted that their initial impression of me was that I was rude or cold when it is simply my nature not to want to be the center of attention. In the end, if you're happy with who you are, that's all that really matters.



Hughes Airwest - Top Banana In The West
User currently offlineThepilot From Canada, joined Jan 2010, 5 posts, RR: 0
Reply 9, posted (8 years 7 months 6 days 1 hour ago) and read 2846 times:

Quoting Aa757first (Reply 4):
There is a huge difference between being introverted and anti-social. I'm introverted but not anti-social.

Well said. That just about sums me up. I am definetely not outgoing, but I am not anti-social. When people approach me, I am nice to them and try to act social. I steer away from social gatherings and social events. There is definetely nothing wrong with keeping to yourself. As mentioned before, if you are happy, don't try to fix it.
Happy Flying!



From YVR
User currently offlineBhill From United States of America, joined Sep 2001, 972 posts, RR: 0
Reply 10, posted (8 years 7 months 6 days ago) and read 2835 times:

Are you "civil?" Or do not like public spaces with lots of people in them?


Carpe Pices
User currently onlineMir From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 21640 posts, RR: 55
Reply 11, posted (8 years 7 months 5 days 23 hours ago) and read 2830 times:

Quoting SATX (Reply 5):
being introverted is not quite the same thing as being anti-social. Being anti-social is more about impacting others than being on your own. Driving down the block with your car stereo on full-blast or letting your dog poop all over your neighbor's yard is being anti-social. Just keeping to yourself when you're around others isn't even in the same ballpark.

Excellent point. I consider myself introverted (extremely so), but I don't think I'm anti-social. However, I am sometimes told that I am being anti-social when I don't think that I am, by people whose definition of the term I trust. That troubles me.

The question you need to ask yourself, tsaord, is whether your being "anti-social" is hurting your job, your relationships with others, or simply your general quality of life. If the answer is no, then I'd just keep doing what you're doing and accept who you are for who you are. If the answer is yes, then I would definitely look into dealing with the problems that it causes.

-Mir



7 billion, one nation, imagination...it's a beautiful day
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