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Important Announcement For All US Citizens  
User currently offline7LBAC111 From United Kingdom, joined Jul 2004, 2566 posts, RR: 35
Posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 2993 times:

To the citizens of the United States of America

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

3. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation.

4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

5. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

6. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).

7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. February 16th will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."

8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables.



Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") - roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.

14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "football". Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

20. An Inland Revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due backdated to 1776.

Thank you for your co-operation


Debate is what you put on de hook when you want to catch de fish.
88 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineMhodgson From United Kingdom, joined Dec 2002, 5047 posts, RR: 25
Reply 1, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 2990 times:

Uh oh - repost. and last time this escalated into an American politics flamewar. Somehow.


No trees were harmed by this message. However, several million electrons were terribly inconvenienced
User currently offline7LBAC111 From United Kingdom, joined Jul 2004, 2566 posts, RR: 35
Reply 2, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 2983 times:

Quoting Mhodgson (Reply 1):
Uh oh - repost. and last time this escalated into an American politics flamewar. Somehow.

I guessed it might be a repost. EIther way, lets leave it for a bit - just for the craic! Big grin



Debate is what you put on de hook when you want to catch de fish.
User currently offlineMhodgson From United Kingdom, joined Dec 2002, 5047 posts, RR: 25
Reply 3, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 2962 times:




No trees were harmed by this message. However, several million electrons were terribly inconvenienced
User currently offlineBN747 From United States of America, joined Mar 2002, 5613 posts, RR: 51
Reply 4, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 2962 times:

Being desperate and under duress (Bush)... we'll comply under THREE Conditions that are termed 'deal killers'.

1) You guys dump Blair immediately!

2) Ears HAS to abdicate (Charles).

3) You guys keep 'Tea Time' to yourselves!

..and..

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):
16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

Quit yer' complainin' , whattaya talkin' about? Heath Ledger's gonna win an Oscar for Brokeback Mountain! Wait... is he aussie or brit.. aww hell it really doesn't matter now does it?


BN747



"Home of the Brave, made by the Slaves..Land of the Free, if you look like me.." T. Jefferson
User currently offlineMhodgson From United Kingdom, joined Dec 2002, 5047 posts, RR: 25
Reply 5, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 2958 times:

Quoting BN747 (Reply 4):
1) You guys dump Blair immediately!

Don't think you'd get much argument from most of us about that. Though by the sounds of it he is looking at quitting soon anyway.



No trees were harmed by this message. However, several million electrons were terribly inconvenienced
User currently offlineCornish From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2005, 8187 posts, RR: 54
Reply 6, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 2945 times:

Quoting BN747 (Reply 4):
Being desperate and under duress (Bush)... we'll comply under THREE Conditions that are termed 'deal killers'.

1) You guys dump Blair immediately

Fine by me

Quoting BN747 (Reply 4):
2) Ears HAS to abdicate (Charles).

Fine by me (althoguh technically he can't as he isn't actually king yet Wink )

Quoting BN747 (Reply 4):
3) You guys keep 'Tea Time' to yourselves

Hmmmm this could be the dealbreaker me'thinks Big grin



Just when I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel, it was some B*****d with a torch bringing me more work
User currently offlineGary2880 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 7, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 2939 times:

 rotfl   rotfl   rotfl 

my favourite's are 17, 13, 11, 9, and 1.

Welcome back Ladys and Gents Big grin

and say hello to this blast from the past, also your new flag!



from now on you may refer to me as sir garyalot the great.

 rotfl 


User currently offlineIAH777 From United States of America, joined Mar 2008, 0 posts, RR: 5
Reply 8, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2898 times:

This flag flew at the Battle of Gonzales - the first battle of the War For Texas Independence. I believe it just might fly again....



We'll use our secret weapon. One that's possibly outlawed by the Geneva Convention and certainly outlawed by the Magna Carta. Bring forth...



....the Dentist's Chair!

 duck 


User currently offlineGary2880 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 9, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2892 times:

Quoting IAH777 (Reply 8):

why use a picture of a condom with a fly on it as a flag


User currently offline7LBAC111 From United Kingdom, joined Jul 2004, 2566 posts, RR: 35
Reply 10, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2892 times:

Quoting Gary2880 (Reply 9):
Quoting IAH777 (Reply 8):


why use a picture of a condom with a fly on it as a flag

 rotfl 

7L



Debate is what you put on de hook when you want to catch de fish.
User currently offlineIAH777 From United States of America, joined Mar 2008, 0 posts, RR: 5
Reply 11, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2879 times:

Quoting Gary2880 (Reply 9):

why use a picture of a condom with a fly on it as a flag

Obviously, we're insinuating that we'd like to keep our soiled condom out of your filthy paws.  taekwondo 

[Edited 2006-03-02 14:15:43]

User currently offlineStuckinMAF From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 12, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2879 times:

Quoting IAH777 (Reply 8):
This flag flew at the Battle of Gonzales - the first battle of the War For Texas Independence. I believe it just might fly again....

And BTW, on this day (March 2) in 1836, Texas declared her independence from Mexico! Happy Texas Independence Day, everyone!

7LBAC111, thanks for posting, quite amusing! I hope everyone keeps a sense of humor and we just have fun with it!


User currently offlineANCFlyer From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 13, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2879 times:

Hilarious . . .

#7, Long as I still get double time pay, I don't give a shit what you call it.

#11, we're putting roundabouts in Anchorage anyway - it's frackin' hilarious to watch these people navigate them having never seen one before!

#10 is BS, I'm keeping my truck . . .

#15 . . . hallelujah! Real Beer.

#17 Green Bay quit playing it last year - no worries.

#18 Baseball sucks anyway, no loss.

Sir Garyalot - nice flag!

 rotfl 


User currently offlineUsnseallt82 From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 4891 posts, RR: 52
Reply 14, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2873 times:

Another Bush flamer. Haven't heard this before.



Humorous though.  Big grin

Edit: spelling

[Edited 2006-03-02 14:25:02]


Crye me a river
User currently offlineOzvirginuk From Australia, joined Jan 2005, 396 posts, RR: 5
Reply 15, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2866 times:

Quoting BN747 (Reply 4):
1) You guys dump Blair immediately!

Great idea. No-one will disagree.

Quoting BN747 (Reply 4):
2) Ears HAS to abdicate (Charles).

Agreed. Prince Harry for King. He's much better looking and clearly has a father who doesn't have big ears!!!! (oooh controversial!)

Quoting BN747 (Reply 4):
3) You guys keep 'Tea Time' to yourselves!

Of course we'd keep tea time to ourselves. We don't want to share it anyway....

Oz


User currently offlineGary2880 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 16, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2855 times:

Quoting ANCFlyer (Reply 13):
#11, we're putting roundabouts in Anchorage anyway - it's frackin' hilarious to watch these people navigate them having never seen one before!

have you seen the simpsons episode where they go to london and homer encoutners a roundabout while in a mini cooper  laughing 


User currently offlineNighthawk From UK - Scotland, joined Sep 2001, 5157 posts, RR: 33
Reply 17, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2855 times:

you missed off point 21:

21) Your flag will be removed from airliners.net. Instead you will be forced to bear the union jack for the next 4 years. Anyone who complains about having to do so will be banned. Consider this punishment for not supporting the Scottish campain.



That'll teach you
User currently offlineAirTran737 From United States of America, joined Apr 2004, 3704 posts, RR: 12
Reply 18, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2849 times:
Support Airliners.net - become a First Class Member!

Well, it's been awhile since we beat the shit out of the British, maybe we can call up the French and have them join in. We'll pound you 1776 style!


"No taxation without representation!"



Nice Trip Report!!! Great Pics, thanks for posting!!!! B747Forever
User currently offlineGreasespot From Canada, joined Apr 2004, 3084 posts, RR: 20
Reply 19, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2840 times:

Quoting Usnseallt82 (Reply 14):
Another Bush flamer. Haven't heard this before.

People complain bout low quality posts...Plese tell me why the above rquoted post is an example of a high quality one?

Why say anything. People are having fun with thei becasue it is a JOKE...That is all


Hey now the USA and Canada can for the western arm or the EU now....

GS



Sometimes all you can do is look them in the eye and ask " how much did your mom drink when she was pregnant with you?"
User currently offlineANCFlyer From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 20, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2840 times:

Quoting Gary2880 (Reply 16):
have you seen the simpsons episode where they go to london and homer encoutners a roundabout while in a mini cooper

Don't really watch the Simpsons . . . but, with what little knowledge I have, I can only imagine it was like the first time I got stuck going around the Arch de Triumph in Paris in a Volkswagen Beetle (1981) . . . now that was interesting. Why is it the French don't pay attention to properly signaled lane changes and a desire to get the helloutta there???  rotfl 


User currently offlineME AVN FAN From Switzerland, joined May 2002, 13920 posts, RR: 25
Reply 21, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2826 times:

Texas independent again -- nice. And Alaska plus Northern California ? Russian again of course ! Farbankov and Ankorov as major cities of Alaska. And what about San Franziskitch ! Kansas and Oklahoma united with Texas . And Continental Airlines and American Airlines merged as Texas Republic Airlines = TRA

User currently offlineFlyingbabydoc From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 22, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2826 times:

Quoting ANCFlyer (Reply 20):
Why is it the French don't pay attention to properly signaled lane changes and a desire to get the helloutta there???

Ever tried driving in Rome, ANCFlyer?

Makes Paris look like driving-school.  crazy 

Alex


User currently offlineANCFlyer From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 23, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2807 times:

Quoting Flyingbabydoc (Reply 22):
Ever tried driving in Rome, ANCFlyer?

Ha - so I've heard. I did drive down to a little place called Positano to visit a friend, never in Rome.

I believe you're quite right, driving on the Italian countryside was more sport than anything else . . . .

Quoting ME AVN FAN (Reply 21):
Farbankov and Ankorov as major cities of Alaska.

 Wow!

Independence! Excellent . . . you schmucks want oil - how 'bout $150US per bbl?  laughing  After we take our share.


User currently offlineIAH777 From United States of America, joined Mar 2008, 0 posts, RR: 5
Reply 24, posted (8 years 6 months 3 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2800 times:

Quoting ME AVN FAN (Reply 21):
Kansas and Oklahoma united with Texas

The only reason Texas hasn't fallen-off into the Gulf of Mexico is because Oklahoma sucks so hard.  biggrin 


25 Flyingbabydoc : This is our favourite vacations spot, Positano. But still, you must have driven the A3 then from Naples.. enough to clog your coronaries and make you
26 Greasespot : Oh and do not forget ANC as a newly formed Russian cop you are now going to have to extrot money from tourists.....take bribes and generally be corrup
27 IAH777 : @Greasy: Does that mean Texas will be given back to Mexico? I'll be issued a 1977 Dodge pick-up to carry myself and eleven co-workers?
28 Post contains images Flyingbabydoc : Hey, ANCFlyer, if you need some nice russian fur hats I can get you some here in eastern Europe... Seriously, at least you would be seeing a lot more
29 Miamiair : And swill vodka from a flask every five minutes, give up the glock in favor of one of those Makarovs, and start driving a Lada.
30 Post contains images Greasespot : rofl....I almost spit my coffee on the my computer......... youmay want to move to New Russia and since there is no more mexican border you will have
31 Post contains images Halls120 : I wish you could, you know, ah, do something about this, uh, problem we have. Agree 100%! Sorry, but watching people running around for 90 minutes ch
32 Post contains images IAH777 :
33 Post contains images Oli80 : Ever tried driving in Doha? Worst drivers I've EVER seen!! They appear not to have traffic laws.
34 Post contains images Gary2880 : oh dear god yes. i saw once the top gear team driving around the Arch, its a death trap! like a destruction derby for civilians. i imagine it was lik
35 Post contains images Slider : Huah! Hell, the volunteer militia out in Odessa could topple the UK. Come and Take it you limey bastids!! LOL!
36 DesertJets : What about the British cars that we should be driving once we become a part of the empire??? Oh wait, there isn't a British automobile industry anymo
37 Post contains images 7LBAC111 : It says German cars you halfwit.
38 Post contains images Cornish : Of course there is. We build Nissans, Toyotas, Hondas, Peugeots, BMWs......
39 Dougloid : This is worth the price of admission on a.net... On the other hand, if anyone's to blame for American Independence it woulda been Farmer George. I mea
40 Greasespot : You say that as if it is a bad thing.... GS
41 Post contains images Usnseallt82 : Aren't you the bright one today? (hint: mine was a joke as well)
42 Post contains images TWISTEDWHISPER : Not "soccer"? Bush flamer? I'd say it was flaming just about everything about the US, but Bush... Yes, and you drench everything in it. It's a spice,
43 ME AVN FAN : THIS expression will be (ought to be actually) banned by law that is a nice idea as "HP" really is good
44 DeltaGator : Thank you all for making me laugh today. This thread was great although I disagree with the starter. We're doing just fine thank you. If I wasn't Amer
45 Post contains images Gunsontheroof : **** him. Ditto. Deal, but you have to agree to incorporate the use of "izzle" into the British vocabulary. It'll give both of us something to work o
46 Gary2880 : ill see your soccar mom and raise you a footballers wife. chavtrumps everybody! tell your friends.
47 Slider : OK, I'll bite...what the hell is HP brown sauce?
48 Derico : I think the world would rather see an independent United States than one run by England.... My word, what would McDonalds food taste then if it was th
49 Post contains images Gary2880 : nice? nah i jest. good food. over black poodin what your life will now revolve around when you tuck into your full english and haggis on the side. sh
50 Derico : I would probably like black pudding, I eat a relative of it all the time grilled. But it is still very ironic that some of the bestrestaurant pizza a
51 Post contains images Gary2880 : ye well, after i saw them being made on a tv program ''lets see... 2 ounces of this... a wee dash of that.... a little bit of this.... AND TWELVE TON
52 Smokescreen : Pardon me... Sorry for interrupting, but since you're taking the USA back do you think you would be able to return Maine and the upper Midwest? After
53 Post contains images Usnseallt82 : Read reply 41. Eventually you'll figure it out.
54 Msllsmith : Very funny post.... as I mentioned in another post (somewhere...it slips my mind at the moment).....my family only fought in the original conflict 'ca
55 AAFLT1871 : How is that any different from what he is doing right now? How do you think he is paying his way + 1 to Vegas?
56 Post contains images Gary2880 : quite right *gets out the empire map* which parts would you like. if your taking parts on the west you should take some parts on the east as well jus
57 Post contains images StuckinMAF : Yeah, here's a picture from the latest MAF meet!
58 Gary2880 : wow look at all the cool people!
59 CHRISBA777ER : Done.
60 CHRISBA777ER : I am absolutely heartbroken for you mate. If only you knew what a part of your life you are missing. In fact - PM your address and ill send you some
61 CHRISBA777ER : Hammering round in their Kevved-up Golf Cart by the looks of it. Better hope the looters dont have a fast car eh boys?
62 ANCFlyer : Funny Picture MAF . . . Can you count the number of Gun Safety Violations in there? Just giving it a cursory glance, I'm counting 11 . . . and that's
63 Scott2187 : did they ever hear of using the lawnmower to cut ALL of the grass?
64 Traindriver : When you take us back, are we going to have to pronounce the letter Z as zed. Are we going to have to change the "tyres" on our cars? Most important,
65 Gary2880 : they gunna shoot that damned commy grass into submission! does the cool guy 3rd from the left have a S&W 500 or is it something else... just wonderin
66 ANCFlyer : Only one of the idiots is properly carrying a rifle (1st on the left, in the Pocket Carry position), and all of the idiots with handguns are covering
67 Gary2880 : i think maybe the guy first right has his finger on the trigger? but yes most of them do look like they are about to blow something off of someone els
68 Post contains images StuckinMAF : No, I think that's probably a short-cylinder BFR (I have the long-cylinder version in 45-70) or it's a Freedom Arms or some other type of single-acti
69 Gary2880 : well that narrows it down. ANC arrest that man! is it possible you are the only one handling a weapon responsibly on the left?
70 StuckinMAF : Naw, it's a spoof! It's an old picture that's been around the internet since shortly after Katrina hit. I'm not really in it. Purely for comedic valu
71 Gary2880 : ahhh i suppose it too much to ask that the sign has been photoshoped into saying that as well.....
72 Usnseallt82 : Do you remember when Katrina hit the U.S.? There were signs like this all over the place. I highly doubt the sign was photoshopped.
73 Gary2880 : i was afraid of as much
74 Usnseallt82 : Why? A storm comes through and now you have every bastard out there trying to loot your property. You'd be holding a gun too if you knew how bad it w
75 Gary2880 : the unspeakable damage and destruction of their homes in the background.... shockin' so they are protecting their familys at home from looters by sta
76 StuckinMAF : Oh, get over it already! It's a joke, can't you possibly understand that?
77 Post contains images Gary2880 : i was and do, its just our friend that had his humor sucked out as a child has a problem with me. see, happy me
78 Captainjon : oh i wish it were true!
79 Post contains images Klaus : It should be mentioned, by the way, that the revocation of US independence would also imply that the USA would automatically become part of the Europe
80 StuckinMAF : Yeah, I went back and read the context again when I got home from work and I give my most sincere apologies! I hereby "unflame" Gary!
81 Dc10s4ever : Anything that gets Bush out of office for I am all for! I have another idea, banish all rednecks to Texas...Oh wait that already been done!
82 Post contains images Gary2880 : :D atleast they wont have to use the euro
83 Post contains images Klaus : And it would be pretty much the only way the Pound could become a viable currency again...!
84 FLAIRPORT : So if they didn't Bush wouldn't be president!?!? So, if you Brits want to do anything, mess with Texas, according to the above they're independent an
85 Smokescreen : Ooh, I just thought of something else: When the Mother Country takes you back over, you will have to kiss Denny's and IHOP goodbye - It's nowt but del
86 Gary2880 : as a kind note of leniency king gary the great (ive been promoted) i decree that you may keep mcdonalds and dunkin doughnuts. think i could keep your
87 Dc10s4ever : Boy that was a HUGE mistake. We should give TX back to MX. MX sure put one over on us. Giving us the wasteland that TX is.
88 BHMBAGLOCK : 4. Like, we're not all from the valley dude. 13. Mayonnaise, wtf? This is not a US thing, it's a South American thing. I'm with you on it though, it's
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