EGGD From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2001, 12443 posts, RR: 37 Posted (12 years 2 months 1 week 1 day 14 hours ago) and read 1708 times:
If you know me, you will probably have heard that i haven't been going through a particularly good time over the past couple of years. So much stuff has happened that really made me feel down.
I thought the worst was over by the time my dad came home, but i didn't do anything over the summer holidays, and quite often slept in until 4pm and went to bed at 5am. By the time i got back to school, things were going ok. It was nearly my birthday, and i felt quite happy. But then, everything started up again.
Firstly, i got a chance to go to Heathrow, but everything went wrong. I ended up with a load of hazy pictures, we had a great time but the whole reasons for going out and wasting money was so that i could get some decent pictures.
Meanwhile, back at school, everything had started to go pear shaped. Teachers started clogging us with homework, and the teasing i used to recieve, although i coped with it, started again on a much larger scale. Now its got to a point where i can't walk into a classroom without someone shouting some abuse at me. Not because they hate me, but just because i was born in Holland and a certain friend of mine decided to turn it into an insult. But now its all blown out of proportion.
I recieved my pictures back a couple of weeks ago, ones from Bristol and from LHR too. Some weren't bad, but just 5 days after i could've gotten a Minolta Dual Scan II but didn't, i found out that my scanner had an unfixable problem. Also, the film that i was using (and spent £200 on) wasn't any good accept in Perfect conditions. So, i was back to step 1, a vicous cycle. I had loads of film, not many trips to the airport, and all of the time in the wrong conditions.
So, you know what i thought, this hobby is the only thing that really keeps me going, so i started looking at Digital Cameras. I was taking my mind off homework to find ways of raising money, which also kept my mind off school and work i could not do, and the people who made school so hard. I found a way, to use monthly payments.
So, i still needed alot of money, i looked at Pyramid schemes, second paper rounds, selling stuff etc etc.
Still i was short, now, since we have had so many family grievements, my Parents had over £159,000 to spend. They were looking at a house to buy near a university that me and my brother could use while we attended, along with renting it out to 2 or 3 more people, but we both declined saying it was a bad idea.
My Dad had been talking about the Olympus E10 with me, and i was looking at the D30, so i thought he was quite interested in a camera, so if he bought it and then i payed all my money per month towards it it would be ok.
Back at school, we started on some work that i knew i'd chosen to do yet it wasn't for me, what i really needed was buisness and Media Studies instead of stupid History, Geography and Systems+Control. The work was alot harder, and most was pointless. Also, because i have very bad choice of words and offend alot of people with what i come out with, others started to either leave me out of things and tell it to my face, or just go behind me with my friends who had stood by me, (although they were the ones who brought half it on).
Meanwhile, i asked about the camera, and we ended in one huge argument. Which included my Mom coming out with some complete crap about the internet, because she is grossly mis-informed about it, and uses generalizations and accusations when she has never experienced it for herself. My Dad, while still not agreeing was alot better about it, and i think he half knew where i was coming from, still rejected it because he didn't know half the story. But it didn't make me feel any better because of my moms dominance of the situation, and just made me a whole lot worse with the crap she came out with.
Schoolwork had started to piss me off, with the vicous( i should learn to spell that word) cycle that was appearing, staying up late to try and forget about things and be happy, not getting enough sleep from late nights, going to school half asleep and not concentration, not listening how to do the work and then not being able to do the work, then worrying about it and staying up late worrying about it and then it goes round again.
Over the past week or so i have come very close to completely blowing it and going physco on somebody, i did once after someone through a conker which hit me in the face, i didn't particularly like the arrogant little twat so i ran over and hit him in the face. Normally, i would go to hit someone and then not, but this time i was so angry i couldn't really stop myself, i've nearly come up to that point a couple of times over the recent weeks, but luckily i never did.
So tonight i was really feeling down, also knowing that i might not be able to spot at my local airport ever again, which would make it almost impossible to ever carry on my hobby. Knowing that we might have to go without my Dad on holiday in December, not being able to take any pictures anywhere else without perfect conditions and not being able to go to school without having constant teasing and work that half of it that just goes in one side of my head and out the other.
So, i had to channel all the hate, rage and pain into one thing, there wasn't much i could think of to do, so lying there invitingly was my pen knife, i had cut myself alot of times with a pencil sharpner blade at school, just for fun. Because its not very sharp, it was ok, i didn't cut myself deep, or so that it would bleed any ammount, but i know if school and home gets any worse i might, and if i am in a rage i might. But at the moment i have no clue what to do.
It felt good, It didn't hurt, except for the burning afterwards, and i felt emotionally so much better after that. But cutting my arms and my wrists is not the way i want to carry on, especially not knowing what i could do with a sharper blade. I'd rather do something else but i am not entirely sure what.
I guess, i am one of these people who can get pretty darned depressed, at not really that much, i don't know what name is given to people with this problem, but half the time it makes me feel terrible.
Has anyone gone through the same sort of thing, but found a better solution? I know there will be an end if i hold out, but how rewarding would it be?
For the meantime, hurting myself is the easy solution, and i would do it again, i probably will do it again. I just want to stop.
Teahan From Belgium, joined Nov 1999, 5275 posts, RR: 62 Reply 2, posted (12 years 2 months 1 week 1 day 13 hours ago) and read 1467 times:
STOP. Some day, the sun will come out again. I am having a particularly hard few weeks too, the many dead in America, the shooting in my home country Switzerland, my favourite airlines going bankrupt, losing my non rev flights, a personal loss which I prefer not to discuss here, school is getting worse since most of my friends left etc..... the list is long but I am confident, that this can't last.
EGDD, please email me.
Goodbye SR-LX MD-11 / 6th of March 1991 to the 31st of October 2004
Iwareboy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 3, posted (12 years 2 months 1 week 1 day 13 hours ago) and read 1447 times:
Sorry to hear things are not going so great lately... don't think you’re out of the ordinary, it just sounds like a lot of F*ed up things are happening at once and are manifesting themselves in this depression. I went through a similar period about 4 years ago when I was around your age, albeit for different reasons. It sounds cliché, but the only thing that makes it get better is time. And yes, it will be rewarding once you can look back at it and say I f*cking got through all that sh*t. Please don't hurt yourself, you are obviously a smart guy, and lots of people care about you! Feel free to email.
P.S. Iain, not everyone has things as easy as you, to recommend that a depressed person go to a bar is stupid... Lost my respect for you dude.
Jessman From United States of America, joined Jul 2001, 1506 posts, RR: 8 Reply 4, posted (12 years 2 months 1 week 1 day 13 hours ago) and read 1423 times:
I went through much the same stuff. I just wanted to be left alone, but I was a target and was made fun of relentlessly by kids at my school. What worked for me?
I moved, started over in a new school with new people. A fresh start stopped the idea of me being a target. I also started Wrestling, freestyle, like the olympics. You can inflict pain and recieve pain without concequences; It also gives you the confidence of knowing you could really beat the hell out of your antagonizers if need be. Wrestling's not the easiest sport, nor the most interesting, but It stopped me from cutting myself throughout my highschool years. I did cut myself before I moved, cut myself pretty deep on my arm, leaving a nasty scar, and once on my head. The scalp bleeds profusely.
I wish you the best of luck. One or two fights in a school year will not ruin your life, no matter what your teachers say.
VirginLover From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 958 posts, RR: 15 Reply 7, posted (12 years 2 months 1 week 1 day 13 hours ago) and read 1415 times:
Ok. Stop what ever you're doing. And go. Get. Help. I'm not the best advice giver, and I don't know how it feels to be desperate enough to cut myself, but if HS Health has taught me (Like in the USA special "Cutting Secrets"), you need to get help.
Right now is a tough time for us all. I live 30 minutes away from NYC, and that one black day in September changed everything so quickly. Luckily, none of my family or direct friends were killed, but some people from my school have been effected... the funerals held for the firefighters and policemen are right in my town.
In that one day, all my teenage junior year things were completely turned around. Italy and Greece, the one trip I've been looking forward to, my mom pulled me out. I doubt I'll go on a plane in the next few years. I was asked to attended a Journalism seminar in the city, my mom won't let me go, she's afraid of the city. My grandma was going to come visit, she won't come down, she's afraid. I've been having nightmares here and there, I just had one last night, how I watched on the news: "Something Bigger has Collapsed" and I saw whatever building it was go down. It's been rough. I know these last few lines sounded like "pity me!", but I just wanted to let them out so you know that everyone's going through rough times, even if yours aren't related to the WTC.
You are given the best gift when you're born: your life. Make the most of it, times may seem crappy, but the light is there, everything will turn around. And please: Get Help.
Iainhol From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 8, posted (12 years 2 months 1 week 1 day 13 hours ago) and read 1399 times:
Maybe my pub suggestion was typically British! The pub over here is not jst a place to drink, but to hang out with friends and relax! I can see why you guys thought my comments where innapropiate, I too strongly suggest EGGD to seek help! Hurting yourself will not solve anything, speak to some one you trust!!!
PS I have been to that place tonight.
EGGD From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2001, 12443 posts, RR: 37 Reply 10, posted (12 years 2 months 1 week 1 day 13 hours ago) and read 1398 times:
Please don't speak of Iain so harshly, after all he was only making a suggestion.
Seeking help for me would be a last resort, most of the time i think coping with it myself was the best way to deal with it, but i am at a stage where i don't really know what could happen.
If anyone else has done this, no matter how much or little could they PLEASE CONTACT ME. If i would be capable of slitting my wrists in a rage, i would seek help IMMEDIATLY. But i don't see myself in any danger at the moment, i will ride it out over the next few weeks, if things deteriorate it might be time for serious action
Hope i don't end up in a loony bin, that'd be terrible
btw. You guys might not believe this, but listening to hate music helps SO MUCH, its quite hard to explain, but the lyrics and the music and the words show that other people feel pain too, these guys are not out to make music that people will buy, they are just making it to express their rage and depression in the most creative way they can. I was listening to some outtakes from Korn and Slipknot, you could TELL these guys weren't in it just for the music, there was so much underneath, and they all seemed to be hurting in some way. I couldn't say what, you could just here it in there voices.
Iainhol From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 11, posted (12 years 2 months 1 week 1 day 12 hours ago) and read 1369 times:
I stand by my pub comment, your profile says you live in NY, so I highly doubt you know about the village way of life. The pub is one of the most relaxing places over here, everyone seems so friendly. I know when I go back to Cali the closest thing I saw was a coffee shop, where people sit down and chill, talk, and enjoy! Pubs are not only about drinking, they are about friendship!
I Like To Fly From United States of America, joined Feb 2001, 1188 posts, RR: 2 Reply 12, posted (12 years 2 months 1 week 1 day 12 hours ago) and read 1346 times:
That is one of the saddest things I have ever read. Dan, you are one of the most respected people here, so you are obviously a great person. There should be no reason to feel that bad about yourself. Everyone gets ridiculed somewhat in school, some more than others. It means nothing, people don't really hate you. If the name isn't too bad, turn it into a nickname & laugh it off. There was a group of people at my old school who thought it would be funny to make up a nickname for me that was "embarrassing" & called me it all the time. I went with it, even making a name tag one day. Everyone thought it was hilarious and it shows you aren't affected by that stuff. Now if it is truly something degrading, then tell them to stop or make something up for them. Don't just let your emotions bottle up & take it out on yourself. Fuck them, if someone is treating you that horribly then take it out on them. Call them names or just get revenge in some other way. I would much rather you take your anger out on them then on yourself, you don't deserve it. Maybe just explaining how much it bothers you will help, they might not realize you hate it so much. The bottom line is do something about it! Things may only get worse in you continue this cycle. About the camera and your hobby... is it really that bad? I understand sometimes things seem much worse than they are, and I think that is what is happening. Tell your parents how important it is to you & request it as a Christmas present. I can't really comfort you about some of the other issues you mentioned, but surely things will get better. Don't ponder all the bad things, you will just get more depressed. Give it all time & don't do anything stupid, you have to live with the bad times just as you enjoy the good times. Things might not get better for a long while, maybe years. But you are still young & have so much ahead of you. Don't screw it all up because at the moment things aren't going well. I didn't mean to ramble on this long, but I really feel bad for you & I wanted to let you know everyone hits times like this. Just ride out the storm and wait for the sunny times to return.
About the "pub" argument. Honestly, if I feel bad I like to go party with friends, meet a girl, get wasted, and forget everything from that day. I know for me I no longer care about anything that is getting me down and it is just a night of good times. That's how I see it, but for some people that might make things worse, who knows. There are abviously better solitions, but it isn't necessarily a "bad" idea.
Airbus380 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 13, posted (12 years 2 months 1 week 1 day 11 hours ago) and read 1331 times:
Dan, don't get into drugs, but it is better than inflicting pain on yourself. My parents are exactly like yours. I thought about suicide many times as well and was not brave enough. So...just sift through it and things will get better.
174thfwff From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 14, posted (12 years 2 months 1 week 1 day 11 hours ago) and read 1321 times:
iain- You are making it sound as though us British are drinkers 24/7. There are many more places we go to to talk then just pubs. Resturants, soccer matches, the airport...
Getting help should be your first resort. Not your last.
Please, by the time you think you need help, it's going to be too late, and you will seem even more depressed.
Trust me, from a fellow teen. Get help now. It will make you feel alot better.
USAir1489 From United States of America, joined Oct 2000, 363 posts, RR: 0 Reply 15, posted (12 years 2 months 1 week 1 day 10 hours ago) and read 1308 times:
Dan, I would seek professional help as soon as possible. Don't end up resorting to injury to keep yourself calm. I, myself, have been going through problems like work (which stresses me out so much that I want to quit), school (homework in general), and my love life (I've given up looking for a girl). Only time will tell what will happen.
My freshman year in high school was difficult for me to find where I would be, so to speak, among the crowd. I fit in nicely sophomore year but in my junior, I started to show how really nice I am to everyone, especially to girls (and super complimentive). I am a senior right now and who knows what could happen in the coming weeks. Hopefully it'll be something good. As far as aviation goes, I've had no real problems with that except I've had to get rid of my plans to go to four airshows since May (four good ones!). Oh well.
Zinger Aviation Delta Oscar Tango Charlie Oscar Mike
FlyBoeing From United States of America, joined May 2000, 866 posts, RR: 2 Reply 16, posted (12 years 2 months 1 week 1 day 10 hours ago) and read 1289 times:
You should try to break yourself out of your vicious cycle. The cycle seems to be what's bothering you right now. My general concept when things start to get too hectic is to take 15 minutes and prioritize my schedule for the next week. I make up a routine and stick to it, come hell or high water. Sticking to your routine gives you something to hold on to. As you check off items that get done each day, you'll feel a lot better.
Force yourself to sleep at 11:00 each evening and wake up early and eat breakfast. That'll help quite a lot with the schoolwork. Also, you can mend bridges with your parents if you just touch base with them every morning. Find something to talk about in the newspaper.
As for the school stuff, just grit your teeth and bear it. These assholes are not your equals and you should always remember that after you graduate you will hold the advantage over those SOBs. If you're in a better state of mind due to eating breakfast in the morning you'll be better able to take it.
You should also try to schedule your life so that you have something constructive to do. Find a charity or a newspaper or some sort of business venture where you get paid. You'll get to know people and you get paid. It's better than sulking, I can tell you.
LoneStarMike From United States of America, joined Jul 2000, 3761 posts, RR: 36 Reply 17, posted (12 years 2 months 1 week 1 day 9 hours ago) and read 1278 times:
Here's another suggestion - Volunteer work of some kind. It can be just a few hours a week.
For one thing, it often puts you in touch with people who are worse off than you and sometimes, that helps you to put things in perspective. Your life may not seem so bad after you learn of the hardships that others go through.
Also, you'd be helping out those in your community who are less fortunate than you and that should make you feel good about yourself. When you feel good about yourself things don't seem so bad.
Aloha 737-200 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 19, posted (12 years 2 months 1 week 1 day 8 hours ago) and read 1265 times:
It's very sad to hear that your going through this. I knew you were having a few problems, but I had no idea just how bad they were.
I've read a few responses but not all, I apologize if what I'm about to say has already been pointed out by others.
EGGD, you've been my friend since I first joined the forums. In fact I think you were one of the first people to respect me, me trying out a new username and a fresh start on the forum in which I happily reside now.
In fact, my friends on this forum are very special to me, as I am able to communicate and express feelings to forum members, who I consider friends, more than I ever could to my parents, to which most problems fall on deaf ears.
In my family, my father has alot of power and demands respect. He lives in his own mode, "The Williams Way" discipline and hard work, no emotional sidetracks and no wild dreams.
My mother is a wonderful person, my guiding light, my support when things go utterly wrong. But she leads a busy life. She has a demanding job, she has packaging, sorting, and arranging to do at home....she has little time for herself.
And my sister...God I love her dearly, but she's gropwing up, and she's getting more distant every day. She's nearly a teen now and it won't be long befor Big Brother, the one who taught her to read, soon fades into the background as she grows interested in boys and the people of Junior High.
This is a time of turmoil, you would think, and yet I'm still smiling.
Perhaps its in my nature, but I'm able to take all these hits at once and remain very happy, take a care-free approach to life.
I consider myself a "Social sponge", a term I think I might have coined. the meaning I have defined for it mean that I can take a hit, and soak it in, forgetting it ever happened.
I can wear my emotions on a sleeve, I can have the biggest heart, and yet, sometimes, and unfortunately, be a jerk, though rare, it happens...sometimes.
This is my life, and I see alot of parallels to yours.
Your parents give you quite a hard time. I have known for God-knows-how-long that your parents do not approve of nor support your hobbies. You don't have alot of enouragement, and you hurt, profusely, inside.
But look at who you are on the forum. You've always been the happy-go-lucky guy, the cool dude. Inside you know that's who you want to be in real life, but there's so many things that prevent it from happening. There's peer pressure and there's your parents. that in itself is the weight of the world. But then you have the knowledge that there's tons of work to do, and know it or not, your angry at yourself for not being able to concentrate.
Your lack of concentration is a direct result of your relationship with your parents. And your relationship with your peers stems from the EXACT SAME SOURCE.
First, your self-esteem is loweed by your parents, whether they intent to or not. They may not even realise that they are doing it. By weakening your confidence and drive, you are more open to insults and harsh treatment by your peers. It's a subconscious thing that they can pick up. they know a weak person when they see one, and most people don't even realise that we, as human beings, have this ablility, to see, vaguely, into someone else's emotions without even talking to them.
Now, weakened in two places, the mind will tend to blame itself for all that has happened. You think, whether you realise it or not, that you are the cause of all this trouble. As a result, you lash out against yourself. This "cutting" is merely one form of release that you have found yourself comfortable with. And yes, you are right, one hates loneliness and the "hate" music you describe reminds you of others wha are in pain. You have, in fact, become comfortable with pain.
You've entered a cycle you must break before you self-destruct.
Am I a psychologist? No, not at all, I think it's boring. I only read people the way I do for FRIENDS, as I think it helps them sort things out.
So why is it I know the things I do?
Cause I've been there. That's right. When I was younger, from about 3rd grade all the way through 7th grade, I was in nearly the same situation, though I was exposed to quite harsh conditions.
I had dreams which were shattered, and I had no social life. It seemed no one liked me. For four long years I had not one single friend. I was friendly enough, but I wasn't "popular" I didn't do things or talk like other people. I didn't "hang out".
I walked in my own world because I knew I didn't belong within the herd of cattle. I knew I had a different life to lead and I did. And I survived.
But I did get to the point where I was so depressed that I began killing myself. I attempted, in very childish ways, and fortunately never succeeded. In 8th grade, I dropped out of school, I couldn't take it anymore. I was on the verge of mental collapse for the loneliness and rejection which had become a constant part of my everyday existance.
And in that year, with just me and my parents...something changed....I found myself. Without the insults, the inferiority, and class system and cliques of Junior High, I began to realise who I really was inside, began to believe in myself again. My shattered dream was to become an astronaught. A cliche in itslef, but that is what I REALLY wanted to do. I had it planned, and I was alot smarter then than I am now. I could baffle my teachers with all that I KNEW. I won the PRESIDENTIAL AWARD FOR ACADEMIC ACHIVEMENT in my 6th grade year. I was two years ahead of my grade, according to my academic reports, but in the end it was peer pressure that destroyed me, and my dream along with it.
That year, 8th grade, I began building a new dream, a dream of flying. I always wanted to be above the earth, I felt that flying was the next best thing to space travel, and I went for it.
I re-entered school in 9th grade, and a stange thing happened. I had friends. I had a girlfriend. I was no more attractive than I had been in the years before what I call my "recovery period", or was I.
I was and you know why? Because the life was back, I was who I was supposed to be. Now that I had people I knew I could trust, I began looking at further ways to improve myself. I cut my hair, got contacts instead of glasses, and began working out. Now I wasn't a fat slob looking like something out of the 60s, I was a PERSON.
And I was happy, and I've been happy ever since. I now know and am friends with perhaps 200 people at my high school. I'm asked my opinions all the time by the school newspaper, people I've never met come to me for advise. I help friends out of trouble, repair relationships, and generally just am a nice guy. Not to put myself up, but that is what has happened.
At work, I am the most social person there, and the youngest. there isn't aperson who comes throuhg my line at Kmart and doesn't leave without a smile. It just comes naturally.....and all because I found myself.
So, here is what I suggest you do, EGGD. Step back for a moment. Look at you life from an outside perspective. Imagine you are someone else.
go to school with as much confidence as you can muster. If you recive insults, ignore them. When you can't do that, ricochet the comment. That means if they shoot an insult at you, let it bite them in the ass. Pause for a moment, then say something clever that makes them look like an idiot for calling you one, or whatever you cna think of.
It ain't gonna happen overnight, it might take a year, but the more confidence and drive you have, the less apt they are to pick on you.
Also, smile. Smiling is the best medicine for anything. IF someone says "Here's the dork from Holland!" You say "That's right!" and give them the biggest smile you can, and don't let it look cheesy. You'll find, that even though the smile is fake, it makes you ahppy. PRetty soon, they won't be serious in their comments, but will soon taper off to just "Playing wiht you", and at that point, you can relax and joke with them. you've all the sudden made a friend. Once you reach that step, it's a free ride.
But, you do have your parents to contend with. Do what I do. Any thing that they say that degrades your passion for aviation and your other interests, take it with a grain of salt. Listen to them, then, once they are gone, remind them of just how little they know about your hobbies, and that, in two or three years, they'll see. when you're flying left seat for an airline and are making money off professional photographs, they'll see. They'll see that you didn't give up, you never gave up, you never gave up.
It is he who tries who makes it in the end. Put all your drive and energy into being who you are. It'll p[ay off in enourmous amounts.
Sorry about writing a book here but this is how I see it.
Don't do something stupid and end your life, because all you need to do is believe in yourself, and the results will be extraordinary.
Mls515 From United States of America, joined Jun 2000, 3071 posts, RR: 9 Reply 21, posted (12 years 2 months 1 week 1 day 8 hours ago) and read 1259 times:
Advice from mls515
About the teasing at school, if I could do it all over again I'd definately hit more people in the face. I mean, some people are just assholes and there isn't any other way to get through to them. Sure you'll get in trouble but you've got to do it at school for the humiliation effect. Just two things with this, don't use a weapon of any kind because that's a big time red flag and don't kick 'em in the balls, that's just a no-no.
About the digital camera and money thing....I guarantee you'll think in a few months that it was silly to stress over this. Material things just aren't worthy of your mental health. Try to live without it.
OK, school work does suck. It still sucks for me. I'm pondering whether or not I should graduate in May or continue with my studies longer to get my second degree. One suggestion, kinda off the track a little, but I'd definately look into going to uni in the USA if at all possible. I think the pace and intensity is so much more relaxed here. But anyway, in the short term, just try to stay after it. Make a weekly calender of what has to get done and when and try to stick to it. Procrastination is my biggest enemy. I don't know how the
And holy shit, I don't see why cutting yourself makes you feel better. I can only say that if it continues and goes on and on secretly, it will build up into something worse. Try to stop doing this! Maybe seeking help is the answer.
Drugs? I've never done any drugs so I don't know what they do for you, but I have seen what they do to other people, and as you probably know it isn't good. If you want to turn to drugs, go for the one drug that is legal and socially acceptable....alcohol. Be careful though. Some people can handle their booze, and some can't. And you can get into a lot of trouble so be careful.
Miguel From Portugal, joined May 2001, 101 posts, RR: 0 Reply 22, posted (12 years 2 months 1 week 1 day 8 hours ago) and read 1254 times:
I see you have lots of friends here, so, not everything is bad. And all these friends gave good advices and also Iainhol is right when he tells you to smile! Smiling can change the world and our view from it.
My advice is one that I read already: talk to a doctor! He can lead you throught the right assistence.
And like others here, let me tell you a bit of me. I felt the same you are feeling for many years. One day I decided to go to a doctor and she told the name of a psychiatric. I went there and I can assure it was my best move. Don't be afraid! I suppose you have a doctor in school, so talk to him (her) and cry "HELP"!
I can assure you that hurting yourself or drugs, not only is the wrong way, but also there is a nice live ahead that deserves to be enjoyed!
All my best
We're Nuts From United States of America, joined Jun 2000, 5722 posts, RR: 21 Reply 23, posted (12 years 2 months 1 week 1 day 7 hours ago) and read 1257 times:
Dan, if you turn to drugs I swear I will fly out to the UK just to kick your butt. Why f*ck up your life for 5 minutes of happiness (not giving much credit to the married folks here, am I...)? That's like digging your way out a hole, IT WILL ONLY GET YOU IN DEEPER.
I'm sure most people here will be on that plane with me.