HSV From Australia, joined Sep 2001, 171 posts, RR: 0 Posted (7 years 1 month 2 weeks ago) and read 202 times:
I really need some advise. Today I was told by a friend (lets call him A) that another friend (let's call her B) was doing drugs and may have a drug problem.
However, B told A confidentially, which means that I shouldn't really know this. A doesn't know how to approach B and tell her that it is wrong.
I would consider B to be my friend but I don't really know her too well. We've had a few chats in the past but I wouldn't say that she was a close friend. But on hearing the news I became really worried. A does not have the courage and/or enough concern to help her.
I can not personnally approach B because as I said, I am not supposed to know this and since she is not really a close friend should would probably not take my advice anyway.
I just found out from A today that B has been using light drugs like pot and ecstacy since she was 15 (she just turned 20 last Sunday). She is now getting into the harder drugs and at an increased frequency.
I am worried that if nothing is done, in a few month's she may be lying overdosed in a street gutter at 3am in the morning. I don't think the current events in the world are going to help either. When you turn on the TV all you see is death and I'm afraid that B, and sadly many other people around the world, will turn to drugs to escape reality.
Although many factors may have caused her to turn to drugs (because she's been using them since she was 15) I think the events of September 11 may end up taking many more victims than what is reported in the media. That's what I think could happen, does anyone else agree with me?
When I use to see overdosed drug users on TV, I use to think "Who cares, if they choose to do drugs then they deserve to suffer". But after hearing the news about my friend, my view has been completely turned around. She is a really great person and it would be a tragedy if she was lost to drugs.
Can someone give me some advice on what I should tell A to do. I think A is the only person that knows about B's drug problem that is also not part of the drug problem. But A doesn't know what to do. I gave A the above scenario about her lying overdosed in the street, but he was unmoved. I personally think A is the only one that can help her. What should I do?
Matt D From United States, joined Nov 1999, 9502 posts, RR: 52 Reply 3, posted (7 years 1 month 2 weeks ago) and read 164 times:
A tough quandry to be in indeed.
If you are not supposed to know this, then clearly, approaching "B" about it could jeapordize all of your friendships.
As hard as this may be, you may have no recourse but to just do nothing. Perhaps you need to go to "A" and tell him that HE needs to say something. After all, if it's none of your business, then it's none of your business.
Case closed.
Plus, if "B" doesn't care or want to be helped, then it's a moot point anyway.
Let her run her course. Hopefully she'll wise up.
Otherwise, sticking your nose where it doesn't belong will only create more problems than it will solve.
FLY 8 From Austria, joined Dec 2000, 329 posts, RR: 0 Reply 4, posted (7 years 1 month 2 weeks ago) and read 155 times:
Try to do something with her! Go out to dinner or just to drink something!
For sure you will get a chance that you notice that she takes drugs! Maybeshe behaves a little strange and than you can ask her.
So than you can react as you´ve never heard something about her problem from A!
You just need to be very carfully, that she doesn´t notice your plan!
yes i can handle that alone. - - -famous last words
174thfwff From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 6, posted (7 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 20 hours ago) and read 134 times:
He didn't mean having sex Iain, and I think you know that.
Yesterday and today were two totaly different topics.
You were telling a teen who was cutting himself to go drink. That will solve nothing except now open up to that teen that drinking very much will make him happy, because it is fun to be drunk.
Today he is talking about taking her out to get to know her. Maybe she will confess once he becomes close to her. And drinking in this case is much more better then doing heavy drugs, and she is over the legal drinking age.
EGGD From United Kingdom (England), joined Feb 2001, 12376 posts, RR: 37 Reply 7, posted (7 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 19 hours ago) and read 126 times:
Ask him what sort of drugs. If it is Cannabis (or one of its many disguises ) she should be ok unless she is always after money. After all, the mis-informed don't understand that although it is a Class B drug there aren't many side effects except more risk of lung cancer and slight clumsiness. The only problem is getting addicted and stealing to get money. In this scenario you do need to talk to her and tell her its not worth it, although losing friends wouldn't be such a good idea, and the girl might lose trust in everyone and rely on drugs even more. Best bet is to talk to the Girls friend to get her off drugs.
If she is doing anything harder (Crack, Heroin, LSD, poppers etc), then she needs help. No talking to her, turn her into a drug clinic or whatever you can. Most drugs are extremely dangerous, and she runs the risk of killing herself.
Iainhol From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 8, posted (7 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 16 hours ago) and read 112 times:
>>You were telling a teen who was cutting himself to go drink. That will solve nothing except now open up to that teen that drinking very much will make him happy, because it is fun to be drunk<<
All I said was go to the pub! I never said you have to drink booze, or become a drunk! I can tell from you posts you have never been to an English pub, it is one of the warmest friendliest places! You can go in there knowing no one, and by the time you will leave you will know atleast a dozen people!
Iain
Gyro From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 11, posted (7 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 14 hours ago) and read 96 times:
Well if he is A, she is B, then you must be C. Let's look at some formulas here...
A=B They're both weak denominators A because he doesn't know how to tell her it's wrong and B because she does drugs.
C>A You want to tell her and you're trying to figure out how.
C>B You don't do drugs (I beleive)...
C>B+A You seems to be the only one on the right track, so don't depend on A to tell her.
B+X=C She can be like you but you need to find out the value for X.
A+C= B+X Here we can see how you and your friend can give her what she needs to get off drugs...
Now all we do is to substitute X with values to make B+X=C
Here are some values to try with:
Take A+B out to the movies.
Take A+B for a picnic in a nice natural setting.
Take B and build up a friendship with her if you get her of drugs, she'll be your friend for life.
Point is, show B that X is out there, don't tell her, show her. She doesn't want someone to tell her, because she doesn't think she needs it, eventually it be clear to her that X is needed to make B=C...
HSV From Australia, joined Sep 2001, 171 posts, RR: 0 Reply 12, posted (7 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 9 hours ago) and read 79 times:
Thanks for your advice guys, although some of it is very confusing!!
I'll try and use your advise but it is very difficult. If I even start suddenly talking to her more often than usual she will suspect something. I think my best bet is to make A see a way to help her, because I talk to A a lot more often.
I use to talk to B more often when she was doing the same uni course as me. But after last semester she dropped out of the course and now I only occassionally see her at uni.
Airlinelover From United States, joined Jun 2001, 5578 posts, RR: 31 Reply 13, posted (7 years 1 month 1 week 6 days 9 hours ago) and read 74 times:
We can give you all the advice in the world and more, but in the end, you have to do what YOU feel is right, and in doing so, accept ANY consequence of your decision.. I know I have posted for advice here, and I like to see what options are open, but sometimes I just do what I think is right (after I figure it out..)
Chris
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) she should be ok unless she is always after money. After all, the mis-informed don't understand that although it is a Class B drug there aren't many side effects except more risk of lung cancer and slight clumsiness. The only problem is getting addicted and stealing to get money. In this scenario you do need to talk to her and tell her its not worth it, although losing friends wouldn't be such a good idea, and the girl might lose trust in everyone and rely on drugs even more. Best bet is to talk to the Girls friend to get her off drugs.
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