Sponsor Message:
Non Aviation Forum
My Starred Topics | Profile | New Topic | Forum Index | Help | Search 
Oil Change Time!  
User currently offlineScott2187 From United States of America, joined Feb 2006, 304 posts, RR: 0
Posted (10 years 2 months 1 week 1 day ago) and read 1793 times:

ok, while surfing the "net" i have come across detailed instructions for changing your own oil... upon reading, i have concluded this is the most precise way to change it properly:

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last
oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8 ) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total - - $4,165.00

But you know the job was done right!

“Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.”
4 replies: All unread, jump to last
User currently offlineMIAspotter From Spain, joined Nov 2001, 3027 posts, RR: 22
Reply 1, posted (10 years 2 months 6 days 21 hours ago) and read 1753 times:

 rotfl   rotfl   rotfl   rotfl   rotfl   rotfl 

That was hilarious! and so true!


I think, therefore I don´t fly Ryanair.
User currently offlineMyt332 From Australia, joined Sep 2003, 9120 posts, RR: 67
Reply 2, posted (10 years 2 months 6 days 21 hours ago) and read 1741 times:

I'm changing my own car oil soon.


(It's true)

One Life, Live it.
User currently offlineJAGflyer From Canada, joined Aug 2004, 3754 posts, RR: 4
Reply 3, posted (10 years 2 months 6 days 20 hours ago) and read 1723 times:

1. Drive to dealer 20 minutes from here because the local one is full of idiots who get grease on steering wheel and make a mess of the car
2. Give car to lube dept. Look at nice cars in the showroom.
3. Play race car driver with the sports cars.
4. Get free coffee and pick up car in 30 mins.
5. Drive to Beer Store and get beer
6. Drive home and drink the beer upon arrival.


[Edited 2006-03-21 22:41:23]

Support the beer and soda can industry, recycle old airplanes!
User currently offlineMirrodie From United States of America, joined Apr 2000, 7459 posts, RR: 60
Reply 4, posted (10 years 2 months 6 days 20 hours ago) and read 1719 times:
Support Airliners.net - become a First Class Member!

where can you find an oil change for 21.00 these days?

ranges from 20 to 30 here!

Forum moderator 2001-2010; He's a pedantic, pontificating, pretentious bastard, a belligerent old fart, a worthless st
Top Of Page
Forum Index

This topic is archived and can not be replied to any more.

Printer friendly format

Similar topics:More similar topics...
Kaz Takes Her Car In For A Oil Change... posted Mon Oct 30 2006 09:02:01 by AAFLT1871
Poll: Lube & Oil Change For Your Automobile posted Mon Nov 14 2005 03:01:11 by September11
Car Defunct After Oil Change - What To Do? posted Sat Feb 5 2005 19:14:07 by Rabenschlag
Oil Change: A Rip Off? posted Thu Jul 1 2004 10:47:29 by Mhsieh
Oil Change Frequency posted Mon Apr 5 2004 09:49:24 by Mhsieh
Do You Change Your Cars Oil Yourself? posted Mon Apr 24 2006 02:58:44 by Cadet57
I Am Fed Up, Time For Some Serious Change. posted Tue Mar 28 2006 06:51:59 by Jdwfloyd
It's Time To Change Jobs posted Tue Jan 10 2006 02:00:12 by Nancy
Winter Time Change: Why? Why? posted Tue Nov 1 2005 22:32:56 by RootsAir
Time To Acknowledge Peak Oil And To Do Something posted Thu Sep 1 2005 15:04:51 by GoogleBoy