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Teliban TV  
User currently offlineIainhol From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Posted (12 years 11 months 6 days 14 hours ago) and read 748 times:

For all those of you with satellite TV you might like to tune in ....
05.30 "Rise and Shine - Exercising with Osama" Those of you with AK47s bring them to add weight to your arm extensions. We'll also be working on the lower body so you might like to bring your ammo boxes for the Step session.

06.00 Morning Prayers

08.30 Talitubbies. Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher. La-La & Po show how to grow Anthrax.

09.00 "Shouts of Praise" More prayers.

11.00 "Jihad's Army" The Kandahar-on-Sea home guard repel another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels. Fraser has his hand hacked off for stealing some of Corporal Jones's sausages. Corporal Jones executived for possessing food of the devil.

12.00 "Ready, Steady, Shoot!" Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.

12.30 "Panoramadan" The programme reports on America's plans to take over the world.

13.30 "Xena: Modestly Dressed Housewife" Xena stays at home in a mask and does some cooking.

14.00 "Only Fools and Camels" Dhal-Boy offloads some dodgy Chinese rocket launchers to a bloke from Hizbollah.

14.30 "Green Peter" The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed. Also; three ways to burn a flag, and how to make a President Bush effigy.

15.00 "Madrasah Challenge" Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambar Gaskhain asks the questions. 'Starter for ten, no praying.'

15.30 "The Rock n Roll Years 629 AD" A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.

16.00 "Question Time" Members of the public face awkward questions from religious leaders.

17.00 "Koranation Street" Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery. Bennie has a wall pushed on top of him for being a homosexual.

17.30 "Middle-East Enders" The entire cast is beheaded for un-Islamic behaviour.

18.00 "Holiday" The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again.

18.30 "Top of the Prophets" Will the Koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running?

19.00 "Who wants to be a Mujahadin?" Mahmoud Tarrant asks the questions. Will contestants phone a mullah, commit suicide, or ask the Islamic Council?

20.00 FILM: "Shariah's Angels" The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate and emancipate women.

21.30 "Big Brother" Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week?

22.30 "Shahs in their Eyes" More hopefuls imitate famous Muslim lunatics.

23.30 "They think it's Allah over" Quiz culminating in the 'don't feel the Mullah' round.

00.00 "When Imams attack" Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The film-makers were also secretly shot.

00.30 "The West Bank Show" Arts programme looking at anti-Israeli graffiti art in the occupied territories.

01.30 "Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer"

02.00 "A Book at Bedtime" The Koran. Again.

02.30 "The Sky At Night" What to see in the night sky during October. Includes B2 bombers, stealth fighters and Tomahawk missiles.

03.30 "Cell Block Infidel" Lifers (formerly Western journalists) compare notes on the pros and cons of dressing as a woman in Afghanistan.

04.30 "The Learning Zone" How to say the Koran forwards and backwards.

6 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineMilldoh From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 1, posted (12 years 11 months 6 days 14 hours ago) and read 733 times:

I like these, too  Big thumbs up

AFGHAN TV GUIDE

MONDAYS:
8:00 - "Husseinfeld"
8:30 - "Mad About Everything"
9:00 - "Suddenly Sanctions"
9:30 - "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"
10:00 - "Allah McBeal"

TUESDAYS:
8:00 - "Wheel of Terror and Fortune"
8:30 - "The Price is Right If Usama Says Its Right"
9:00 - "Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things"
9:30 - "Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
10:00 - "Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer"

WEDNESDAYS:
8:00 - "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
8:30 - "When Northern Alliance Attack"
9:00 - "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread"
9:30 - "Just Shoot Everyone"
10:00 - "Veilwatch"


THURSDAYS:
8:00 - "Matima Loves Chachi"
8:30 - "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"
9:00 - "Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and
Veils"
9:30 - "My Two Baghdads"
10:00 - "Diagnosis: Heresy"

FRIDAYS:
8:00 - "Judge Laden"
8:30 - "Funniest Super 8 Home Movies"
9:00 - "Captured Northern Alliance Rebels Say the Darndest Things"
9:30 - "Achmed's Creek"
10:00 - "No-witness News"


User currently offlineRyanb741 From United Kingdom, joined Mar 2002, 3221 posts, RR: 15
Reply 2, posted (12 years 11 months 6 days 14 hours ago) and read 728 times:

ROFLMAO!!!  Big thumbs up Especially the 'Shouts of praise!'


I used to think the brain is the most fascinating part of my body. But, hey, who is telling me that?
User currently offlineJaSpiKE From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2008, 1 posts, RR: 2
Reply 3, posted (12 years 11 months 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 700 times:

ROFLMAOSTUDIEOWNHOSJRPFAMILO!

JaSpiKE
 Big thumbs up


User currently offlineEIPremier From United States of America, joined Sep 2000, 1549 posts, RR: 1
Reply 4, posted (12 years 11 months 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 686 times:

Well, this just shows why its actually a blessing that the Taliban banned TV/film...it definitely limits the potential of the Taliban to brainwash their people. Even just one "movie house" per village/town could do its fair share of damage.


BTW, I especially like "Koranation Street" and "Only Fools and Camels"...that was truly inspired!

La-La & Po show how to grow Anthrax

Oh, come on...that's going a bit far. Can't we at least stick to opium??  Big grin



User currently offlineAirlinelover From United States of America, joined Jun 2001, 5580 posts, RR: 22
Reply 5, posted (12 years 11 months 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 684 times:

Jaspike..WHAT??

Chris



Lets do some sexy math. We add you, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply
User currently offlineGoodbye From Australia, joined Jan 2001, 913 posts, RR: 10
Reply 6, posted (12 years 11 months 6 days 2 hours ago) and read 661 times:

Smile! You're on Yank Racist TV

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