Braybuddy From Ireland, joined Aug 2004, 5276 posts, RR: 35 Posted (7 years 3 weeks 3 days 13 hours ago) and read 2286 times:
The end came quicker than any of us ever imagined. On the Friday she was fine but by Saturday her speech was slurred and she seemed a little distant. Ever stubborn to the last, she refused point blank to see a doctor.
By Monday she seemed better, although tired, and unusually she stayed in bed for the day. She was at last persuaded to call a doctor, but it had to be her own, who wasn't available till the following day.
By early evening she had a snack of cheese, toast and tea, and after talking to her husband for a while said she was tired and wanted to rest.
He checked on her regularly and she seemed to be asleep, although breathing a little heavily. After two hours he tried to wake her. She continued to breathe, but wouldn't respond.
By the time the ambulance was on its way all her close family were around her and she slipped very quietly away.
She went the way she always wanted to go: at home and surrounded by her family and friends and in no pain.
She was the most considerate and generous of women, always concerned about other people, and was the person everybody in the family (and outsiders) would turn to in a crisis. Now that we all need her she's not there.
While we loved her very much and she didn't want to go so soon (she was going to be around for at least another 20 years), EVERYBODY in the family agrees that it was for the best, if the only other option was to be kept alive for years by medical devices.
She would have HATED that. Who wouldn't? Why do we insist on draining the last evidence of life from someone, sometimes cruelly, just for the sake of it?
If someone is religious, surely they have no need for men to play God and keep them alive aritifically; if they are not they should not have a problem with letting someone go when their time has come.
Ctbarnes From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 3491 posts, RR: 52 Reply 4, posted (7 years 3 weeks 3 days 12 hours ago) and read 2265 times:
Quoting Braybuddy (Thread starter): Why do we insist on draining the last evidence of life from someone, sometimes cruelly, just for the sake of it?
Why indeed! Prolonging life is in many cases not in someone's best interest if there is no improvement in one's quality of life. Yes you may live a few months longer, but if it is going to be in pain and suffering you really have to ask if this is humane?
What a wonderful tribute Braybuddy! Thank you!
The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
Kmh1956 From Bermuda, joined Jun 2005, 3324 posts, RR: 8 Reply 6, posted (7 years 3 weeks 3 days 12 hours ago) and read 2240 times:
That's one of the loveliest things I've ever read in this forum. You and your family have my deepest condolences, and thankfully great memories instead of rememberiing the constant whirr and click of life-support machines.
'Somebody tell me why I'm on my own if there's a soulmate for everyone' :Natasha Bedingfield
AR385 From Mexico, joined Nov 2003, 4833 posts, RR: 28 Reply 7, posted (7 years 3 weeks 3 days 12 hours ago) and read 2237 times:
I am very sorry for your loss. My father passed away rather suddenly 1 year and 3 months ago. He was my best friend and my best teacher. Even today, the pain has not gone away. Even today, when I come home from work I always expect to hear the greeting he had for me ever since I came home from kindergarten.
So I guess I am one of the few who can say that I understand how you feel right now.
On the other hand, I am not sure this thread was meant by you to start a discussion on keeping life at all costs. I will only say that I really share your pain, I hope you find resignation soon, and that maybe later we can start a discussion about those issues. Maybe right now is not the time. And I do not mean to be patronizing.
You and your family will be on my prayers and I will offer Sunday mass for you.
AndesSMF From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 13, posted (7 years 3 weeks 3 days 12 hours ago) and read 2209 times:
Sorry to hear about your loss, Braybuddy, and your tribute was magnificent. At least she went quietly w/o much pain or suffering.
The position of keeping someone alive is very difficult. We can all talk about it, but it must be difficult to make the decision to 'pull the plug' while knowing that your decision will end that person's life. I wish never to be placed in that situation, but much rather have my loved ones go quietly into the night, after living a long, full life.
Dougloid From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 15, posted (7 years 3 weeks 3 days 11 hours ago) and read 2192 times:
I think that it's a decision that's personal. I'm old enough to have seen a fair number of people in my family get on the boat with Brother Charon.
It's one thing for a person who's lived a long time. My father died in 2001 and I sometimes find myself having imaginary conversations with him about really interesting stuff-he was a metallurgical engineer and just about the smartest person I ever met. He worked his way through MIT on scholarships and ROTC-he was the son of a fisherman.
When he went, he'd been in declining health for some years, and his mobility was limited. It was a choice for him. He got baptized at the age of 81 and put his affairs in order.
My aunt, who I was devoted to, died of uterine cancer at age 54. But it was her choice that no heroic measures, chemotherapy, radiation, radical surgery etc be taken. As a result she went rather quickly. It was a choice she made.
See, here's the deal. The people we love and admire the most aren't cowards-they've already made up their mind to go forward into the unknown.
And that's why we miss them so much. Because that's what made them who they were-it's character and bravery, is what it is.
It's just my opinion that her symptoms were a sign of stroke and she should have gone to the hospital ASAP. Maybe it could have been fixed easily.
And that might be way people always say "hindsight is 20/20" Though this is life and life does not give you a do over. What is done is done, and adding you callous remark does nothing expect show a lack of respect in a difficult time.
ArmitageShanks From UK - England, joined Dec 2003, 3361 posts, RR: 16 Reply 20, posted (7 years 3 weeks 3 days 8 hours ago) and read 2128 times:
Quoting Luv2fly (Reply 19): And that might be way people always say "hindsight is 20/20" Though this is life and life does not give you a do over. What is done is done, and adding you callous remark does nothing expect show a lack of respect in a difficult time.
Don't get me wrong I feel terrible that he lost a loved one. That is one of the worst pains in the world, but to say that it's pointless to seek medical help when it is obvious is just not smart.
Luv2fly From United States of America, joined May 2003, 11957 posts, RR: 51 Reply 21, posted (7 years 3 weeks 3 days 8 hours ago) and read 2123 times:
Quoting ArmitageShanks (Reply 20): Don't get me wrong I feel terrible that he lost a loved one. That is one of the worst pains in the world, but to say that it's pointless to seek medical help when it is obvious is just not smart.
Well you can not change what has already happened, so what Mom always said to do, "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all!"
Bill142 From Australia, joined Aug 2004, 8320 posts, RR: 9 Reply 22, posted (7 years 3 weeks 3 days 8 hours ago) and read 2119 times:
Please accept my condolences on your loss. I know from experience that it is hard to deal with.
But I guess, in answer to the question of why people do it, I guess its a somewhat selfish thing in some cases. Ie a will cannot be executed while someone is still alive, or the though of them being alone and not being next to someone is too much to handle.
Braybuddy From Ireland, joined Aug 2004, 5276 posts, RR: 35 Reply 24, posted (7 years 3 weeks 3 days 6 hours ago) and read 2096 times:
Quoting ArmitageShanks (Reply 20): but to say that it's pointless to seek medical help when it is obvious is just not smart.
I understand your point ArmitageShanks, but we wonder now if she knew something we didn't. Twice in the previous month she had mentioned death in conversations with me. I don't believe in precognition, but maybe she had some indication of her illness and said nothing to anybody.
She HATED to see people kept alive artifically and always said to shoot her if she ever got like that. So maybe her refusal to see a doctor was a recognition that the game was up and she wanted to exit this life at home, and her death was a death to order, if ever there were such a thing.
[Edited 2006-04-26 07:52:50]
25 AndesSMF: Perhaps she did know something. But I still feel for you, and for her. But what else can you ask for. She was a grandmother in good health who died p
26 Searpqx: Braybuddy, I think you've made an important point. My Grandmother discovered that she had advanced liver cancer as well as a host of other health con
27 777DadandJr: Hey Braybuddy, My condolences and prayers to you and your family. It sounds like she was a wonderful woman. Having recently lost my mother, I can rela
28 Oly720man: Sorry for your loss Braybuddy, but I'm sure, as you say, she went the way she wanted to go, in her own home, and not kept going in some impersonal hos
29 Kazzie: im sure those words meant more to her than you will ever know. Amazingly written, May she rest in peace... Just Remember, A life is Lived, but only to
30 BHXFAOTIPYYC: My mum's twin sister died in 1987 at 52 with cancer. She looked like an inmate from Belsen by the time she died weighing about 70 lbs; seeing her nex
31 Braybuddy: Thanks to everyone for their heartfelt words and sympathy. I must add that I certainly didn't post this thread looking for any -- you'd need to be an
32 FOMEA: Braybuddy, Sorry to hear about you Loss. My Deep condolences. Regards F-OMEA.
33 Nordair: You have a very odd way of showing it. But it is nice to know that you are not the inhuman piece of trash you appear to be. Braybuddy, my condolences
34 AeroWesty: Braybuddy, my sincere condolences to you and your family. I was with my mother and grandmother when they passed, and it was a peaceful event for them
35 777DadandJr: Hey Braybuddy, My apologies for the assumtion that she was your grandmother. Though, after reading your reply 31, it seems she was mother, grandmother
36 Rolfen: Did you watch "million dollar baby"? see it.
37 Braybuddy: Thanks guys, and to anyone else above I've missed. No apoligies necessary 777DadandJr: I referred to someone else's grandmother in a post and I could
38 Pope: I read somewhere that in the US on average about 75% of your total lifetime health care spending will occur within 2 years of your death. There's a di
39 Braybuddy: Sounds a horrific way to go Pope, and your mother's reaction was unfortunate, if understandable at the time. At least you know you have nothing on yo
40 Pope: To this day I feel that my father's last lesson to me was in the way he died. The lesson, enjoy life everyday because it really is fragile and you'll
41 AndesSMF: In Latin America, aunt would be used for a non-relative as a sign of love and respect. As I said, this is a decision that no one wants to ever go thr
42 ArmitageShanks: Oh but I am. That's the beauty of internet forums... you can be anyone you want.
43 Saxdiva: Braybuddy... sorry for the loss of your friend. Kindred spirits are hard to come by, and it sounds like she meant a lot. Best wishes, Leanne
44 Luv2fly: Most likely the reality is dead on of the persona!
45 AR385: Pope, my experience was similar to yours. We found out my father had stomach cancer on the 23th Dec. 2004, after he collapsed on me vomiting blood. In
46 DrDeke: I too am very sorry about your loss. My grandparents are getting right up there in age and although they are doing well at the moment, I am all too a
47 Braybuddy: Thanks to both of you, Saxdiva and DrDeke. Much appreciated. You can rest assured that you did the right thing. Put yourself in your dad's place and
48 AndesSMF: It is very important to follow the wishes of a dying person, it is the last favor they are asking of you. It would be disrespectful to the person for
49 Rolfen: Fate, buddy, you'll miss the love of your life for the most stupid reasons, friendships that never had the chance to be... young people dying, it seem
50 Redngold: Braybuddy - I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I'm glad that it went "as well as can be expected." Your eulogy brought tears to my eyes. To aswer your qu
51 LO231: Buddy, I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, my deepest condolences. I know what you're talking about, my mother has passed away a year and a half a
52 Redngold: Sometimes even when you seek aggressive medical treatment, there is no help left. My grandfather died in the emergency room of a hospital where he ha
53 Braybuddy: Thanks to both of you, Redngold and LO231, and my condolences on both your losses.
54 Jetflyer: Why leave someone in pain and pointless misery and life if they're not capable of it, is what I say. Also I',m fed up of the idiots who tell us "you c
55 DrDeke: I understand where you're coming from and I'm not telling you to change, but a lot of people do seem to change their minds on this when they get a bi