Braybuddy From Ireland, joined Aug 2004, 6396 posts, RR: 30 Posted (10 years 1 month 3 days 14 hours ago) and read 4311 times:
The end came quicker than any of us ever imagined. On the Friday she was fine but by Saturday her speech was slurred and she seemed a little distant. Ever stubborn to the last, she refused point blank to see a doctor.
By Monday she seemed better, although tired, and unusually she stayed in bed for the day. She was at last persuaded to call a doctor, but it had to be her own, who wasn't available till the following day.
By early evening she had a snack of cheese, toast and tea, and after talking to her husband for a while said she was tired and wanted to rest.
He checked on her regularly and she seemed to be asleep, although breathing a little heavily. After two hours he tried to wake her. She continued to breathe, but wouldn't respond.
By the time the ambulance was on its way all her close family were around her and she slipped very quietly away.
She went the way she always wanted to go: at home and surrounded by her family and friends and in no pain.
She was the most considerate and generous of women, always concerned about other people, and was the person everybody in the family (and outsiders) would turn to in a crisis. Now that we all need her she's not there.
While we loved her very much and she didn't want to go so soon (she was going to be around for at least another 20 years), EVERYBODY in the family agrees that it was for the best, if the only other option was to be kept alive for years by medical devices.
She would have HATED that. Who wouldn't? Why do we insist on draining the last evidence of life from someone, sometimes cruelly, just for the sake of it?
If someone is religious, surely they have no need for men to play God and keep them alive aritifically; if they are not they should not have a problem with letting someone go when their time has come.
Ctbarnes From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 3491 posts, RR: 47
Reply 4, posted (10 years 1 month 3 days 14 hours ago) and read 4290 times:
Quoting Braybuddy (Thread starter): Why do we insist on draining the last evidence of life from someone, sometimes cruelly, just for the sake of it?
Why indeed! Prolonging life is in many cases not in someone's best interest if there is no improvement in one's quality of life. Yes you may live a few months longer, but if it is going to be in pain and suffering you really have to ask if this is humane?
What a wonderful tribute Braybuddy! Thank you!
The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
Kmh1956 From Bermuda, joined Jun 2005, 3324 posts, RR: 6
Reply 6, posted (10 years 1 month 3 days 13 hours ago) and read 4265 times:
That's one of the loveliest things I've ever read in this forum. You and your family have my deepest condolences, and thankfully great memories instead of rememberiing the constant whirr and click of life-support machines.
'Somebody tell me why I'm on my own if there's a soulmate for everyone' :Natasha Bedingfield
AR385 From Mexico, joined Nov 2003, 7515 posts, RR: 41
Reply 7, posted (10 years 1 month 3 days 13 hours ago) and read 4262 times:
I am very sorry for your loss. My father passed away rather suddenly 1 year and 3 months ago. He was my best friend and my best teacher. Even today, the pain has not gone away. Even today, when I come home from work I always expect to hear the greeting he had for me ever since I came home from kindergarten.
So I guess I am one of the few who can say that I understand how you feel right now.
On the other hand, I am not sure this thread was meant by you to start a discussion on keeping life at all costs. I will only say that I really share your pain, I hope you find resignation soon, and that maybe later we can start a discussion about those issues. Maybe right now is not the time. And I do not mean to be patronizing.
You and your family will be on my prayers and I will offer Sunday mass for you.
AndesSMF From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 13, posted (10 years 1 month 3 days 13 hours ago) and read 4234 times:
Sorry to hear about your loss, Braybuddy, and your tribute was magnificent. At least she went quietly w/o much pain or suffering.
The position of keeping someone alive is very difficult. We can all talk about it, but it must be difficult to make the decision to 'pull the plug' while knowing that your decision will end that person's life. I wish never to be placed in that situation, but much rather have my loved ones go quietly into the night, after living a long, full life.
Dougloid From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 15, posted (10 years 1 month 3 days 12 hours ago) and read 4217 times:
I think that it's a decision that's personal. I'm old enough to have seen a fair number of people in my family get on the boat with Brother Charon.
It's one thing for a person who's lived a long time. My father died in 2001 and I sometimes find myself having imaginary conversations with him about really interesting stuff-he was a metallurgical engineer and just about the smartest person I ever met. He worked his way through MIT on scholarships and ROTC-he was the son of a fisherman.
When he went, he'd been in declining health for some years, and his mobility was limited. It was a choice for him. He got baptized at the age of 81 and put his affairs in order.
My aunt, who I was devoted to, died of uterine cancer at age 54. But it was her choice that no heroic measures, chemotherapy, radiation, radical surgery etc be taken. As a result she went rather quickly. It was a choice she made.
See, here's the deal. The people we love and admire the most aren't cowards-they've already made up their mind to go forward into the unknown.
And that's why we miss them so much. Because that's what made them who they were-it's character and bravery, is what it is.
It's just my opinion that her symptoms were a sign of stroke and she should have gone to the hospital ASAP. Maybe it could have been fixed easily.
And that might be way people always say "hindsight is 20/20" Though this is life and life does not give you a do over. What is done is done, and adding you callous remark does nothing expect show a lack of respect in a difficult time.
ArmitageShanks From Costa Rica, joined Dec 2003, 3926 posts, RR: 14
Reply 20, posted (10 years 1 month 3 days 9 hours ago) and read 4153 times:
Quoting Luv2fly (Reply 19): And that might be way people always say "hindsight is 20/20" Though this is life and life does not give you a do over. What is done is done, and adding you callous remark does nothing expect show a lack of respect in a difficult time.
Don't get me wrong I feel terrible that he lost a loved one. That is one of the worst pains in the world, but to say that it's pointless to seek medical help when it is obvious is just not smart.
Luv2fly From United States of America, joined May 2003, 12341 posts, RR: 45
Reply 21, posted (10 years 1 month 3 days 9 hours ago) and read 4148 times:
Quoting ArmitageShanks (Reply 20): Don't get me wrong I feel terrible that he lost a loved one. That is one of the worst pains in the world, but to say that it's pointless to seek medical help when it is obvious is just not smart.
Well you can not change what has already happened, so what Mom always said to do, "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all!"
Bill142 From Australia, joined Aug 2004, 8508 posts, RR: 8
Reply 22, posted (10 years 1 month 3 days 9 hours ago) and read 4144 times:
Please accept my condolences on your loss. I know from experience that it is hard to deal with.
But I guess, in answer to the question of why people do it, I guess its a somewhat selfish thing in some cases. Ie a will cannot be executed while someone is still alive, or the though of them being alone and not being next to someone is too much to handle.
Braybuddy From Ireland, joined Aug 2004, 6396 posts, RR: 30
Reply 24, posted (10 years 1 month 3 days 7 hours ago) and read 4121 times:
Quoting ArmitageShanks (Reply 20): but to say that it's pointless to seek medical help when it is obvious is just not smart.
I understand your point ArmitageShanks, but we wonder now if she knew something we didn't. Twice in the previous month she had mentioned death in conversations with me. I don't believe in precognition, but maybe she had some indication of her illness and said nothing to anybody.
She HATED to see people kept alive artifically and always said to shoot her if she ever got like that. So maybe her refusal to see a doctor was a recognition that the game was up and she wanted to exit this life at home, and her death was a death to order, if ever there were such a thing.
[Edited 2006-04-26 07:52:50]
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