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Why The Stigma And Hatred On "Coming Out"?  
User currently offlineCadet57 From United States of America, joined Jul 2005, 9085 posts, RR: 30
Posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 22 hours ago) and read 3826 times:

This is something that has really bothered me. Why do folks react so hatefully when a friend or loved one comes out and says they are gay/lesbian/bi? Its something that really disturbs me. I have several friends who are gay or lesbian and Id say less then half were receved with kindness when they came out. The worst was of a classmate who, when he came out over the summer all, and I mean ALL his friends stopped talking to him. To this day, few have started talking to him again, but most just dont. Now im not his friend because of a seperate incident, but to be treated like that is just wrong.


Doors open, right hand side, next stop is Springfield.
88 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineSeb146 From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 11582 posts, RR: 15
Reply 1, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 21 hours ago) and read 3812 times:

It could be that some people feel they have been lied to. Maybe they feel that there has been one representation of a person for so long, they feel sleighted. Or, it could be their own upbringing. I have never said to my childhood friends, in so many words, that I am gay. I fear that the environment we grew up in (conservative town) may have fed a stigma against gays. I have never understood the reason for turning your back on a person that comes out, either. IMHO, the only thing that has changed is the declaration of which gender they prefer to "play" with.

GO CANUCKS!!



Life in the wall is a drag.
User currently offlineTrav110 From Canada, joined Jun 2005, 536 posts, RR: 3
Reply 2, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 21 hours ago) and read 3811 times:

Um... I think you're making a pretty extreme generalization. I've never had any problems with friends I've told. Maybe he should've chosen more wisely who he outed himself to.

EDIT: BTW, I no longer reside in Canada... I've lived in rural Georgia for the past 13 or so years. These are native southerners who have no problem with it. Sure, you'll always have your foes, but they're the kind of people too narrow minded to worry about losing their presence anyways. He'll move on.

[Edited 2006-05-19 03:44:20]

User currently offlineCadet57 From United States of America, joined Jul 2005, 9085 posts, RR: 30
Reply 3, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 21 hours ago) and read 3811 times:

Quoting Trav110 (Reply 2):
Um... I think you're making a pretty extreme generalization.

As I've said. that was an extreme case. But like I said, few of my friends were supported in their outting. Im just going by experiance of sorts.



Doors open, right hand side, next stop is Springfield.
User currently offlinePhotopilot From Canada, joined Jul 2002, 2731 posts, RR: 18
Reply 4, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 21 hours ago) and read 3796 times:

Maybe it's as simple as most people see it as degenerate behaviour and choose not to be around the perversion.

If you don't condone that type of deviant behaviour, why on earth would you want to be around it or the people who practice it.

What you do in the privacy of your own bedroom and with whom is entirely your own business, but most normal people are tired of the agenda of the in-your-face gay and lesbian crowd. Most normal people are tired of being labled homophobes whenever they object, or are seen not to support what is euphamistically termed "your lifestyle".


User currently offlineGreasespot From Canada, joined Apr 2004, 3079 posts, RR: 20
Reply 5, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 21 hours ago) and read 3783 times:

Quoting Photopilot (Reply 4):
degenerate behaviour



Quoting Photopilot (Reply 4):
don't condone that type of deviant behaviour



Quoting Photopilot (Reply 4):
normal people



Quoting Photopilot (Reply 4):
homophobes

Yup your right, your a beacon of tolerance there.....  
Maybe your are labled a homophobe because you ARE....

GS

[Edited 2006-05-19 04:08:30]


Sometimes all you can do is look them in the eye and ask " how much did your mom drink when she was pregnant with you?"
User currently offlineDtwclipper From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 6, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 21 hours ago) and read 3777 times:

Quoting Photopilot (Reply 4):
Maybe it's as simple as most people see it as degenerate behaviour and choose not to be around the perversion.

If you don't condone that type of deviant behaviour, why on earth would you want to be around it or the people who practice it.

What you do in the privacy of your own bedroom and with whom is entirely your own business, but most normal people are tired of the agenda of the in-your-face gay and lesbian crowd. Most normal people are tired of being labled homophobes whenever they object, or are seen not to support what is euphamistically termed "your lifestyle".

Wow, remind me not to invite you over for dinner!


User currently offlineDLKAPA From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 7, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 21 hours ago) and read 3764 times:

Quoting Photopilot (Reply 4):

What you do in the privacy of your own bedroom and with whom is entirely your own business, but most normal people are tired of the agenda of the in-your-face gay and lesbian crowd. Most normal people are tired of being labled homophobes whenever they object, or are seen not to support what is euphamistically termed "your lifestyle".

Couldn't have said it better myself. It takes all kinds to make the world spin, but sometimes people just get annoying, when you tell them they're annoying, they label you a homophobe. Personally, I just grit my teeth because any word I say seems to have me automatically branded homophobe.


User currently offlineBasas From Canada, joined Jun 2005, 216 posts, RR: 0
Reply 8, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 20 hours ago) and read 3753 times:

Quoting Photopilot (Reply 4):
Maybe it's as simple as most people see it as degenerate behaviour and choose not to be around the perversion.

If you don't condone that type of deviant behaviour, why on earth would you want to be around it or the people who practice it.

What you do in the privacy of your own bedroom and with whom is entirely your own business, but most normal people are tired of the agenda of the in-your-face gay and lesbian crowd. Most normal people are tired of being labled homophobes whenever they object, or are seen not to support what is euphamistically termed "your lifestyle".

Agreed. Some of us just don't accept the behavior and are tired of having it 'forced' on us, and being forced to consider it 'normal' or be subject to being labled a billion insulting-names by the left.


User currently offlineGreasespot From Canada, joined Apr 2004, 3079 posts, RR: 20
Reply 9, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 20 hours ago) and read 3745 times:

I ask this...

When was the last time you were beaten up for being straight? When is the last time you were teased for being straight?



You do not need to like it or accept it but why do you have to use derogatory terms like Degenerate, deviant behavior. If you said you did not agree with homosexuality fine...You are labled a homophobe because you have to show your disgust with it by using derogatory terms...

GS



Sometimes all you can do is look them in the eye and ask " how much did your mom drink when she was pregnant with you?"
User currently offlineDtwclipper From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 10, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 20 hours ago) and read 3745 times:

Quoting Basas (Reply 8):
be subject to being labled a billion insulting-names

well after being labled a billion insulting names by people like you...what goes around comes around.


User currently offlineDLKAPA From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 11, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 20 hours ago) and read 3737 times:

Quoting Greasespot (Reply 9):
When was the last time you were beaten up for being straight? When is the last time you were teased for being straight?

It's not just gays that get teased for the choices they make. It happens to everybody everyday so don't think you're the exception.


User currently offlineBasas From Canada, joined Jun 2005, 216 posts, RR: 0
Reply 12, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 20 hours ago) and read 3737 times:

Quoting Greasespot (Reply 9):
When was the last time you were beaten up for being straight? When is the last time you were teased for being straight?

I never promoted using physical force, or even teasing them...simply, if you don't want to be involve with person "X", then don't be.

Quoting Dtwclipper (Reply 10):
well after being labled a billion insulting names by people like you...what goes around comes around.

Once again, I never said to label anyone names...but if you don't agree with someones lifestyle choices, simply don't involve yourself in that person's life.

I don't think that it is that different from anyone else...if someone is doing something/living a lifestyle you don't agree with, you tend to simply not-associate with them anymore. Nothing wrong with that.

[Edited 2006-05-19 05:04:42]

User currently offlineDtwclipper From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 13, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 20 hours ago) and read 3728 times:

Quoting Basas (Reply 12):
simply don't involve yourself in that person's life.

I feel sorry for you. You would not interact with someone because they happen to be gay? You are missing out on meeting a lot of interesting people, your loss.


User currently offlineBasas From Canada, joined Jun 2005, 216 posts, RR: 0
Reply 14, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 20 hours ago) and read 3720 times:

Quoting Dtwclipper (Reply 13):
I feel sorry for you. You would not interact with someone because they happen to be gay? You are missing out on meeting a lot of interesting people, your loss.

Once again, I never said I personally would not interact with someone because they were, but simply there was nothing wrong if someone chose not too because of their beliefs.


User currently offlineAeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 20534 posts, RR: 62
Reply 15, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 20 hours ago) and read 3712 times:

I don't know what the fuss is about. I can fully accept someone after they come out to me as straight.


International Homo of Mystery
User currently offlineDtwclipper From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 16, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 20 hours ago) and read 3712 times:

Quoting Basas (Reply 14):
Quoting Dtwclipper (Reply 13):
I feel sorry for you. You would not interact with someone because they happen to be gay? You are missing out on meeting a lot of interesting people, your loss.

Once again, I never said I personally would not interact with someone because they were, but simply there was nothing wrong if someone chose not too because of their beliefs.

Like the way you edited your post. So what is it that you really want to say this time?


User currently offlineDLKAPA From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 17, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 19 hours ago) and read 3692 times:

Quoting Dtwclipper (Reply 13):
You would not interact with someone because they happen to be gay?

Hypocrite. Would you not distance yourself from a person if you found out that they were of the very conservative religious persuasion?


User currently offlineDtwclipper From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 18, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 18 hours ago) and read 3670 times:

Quoting DLKAPA (Reply 17):
Hypocrite. Would you not distance yourself from a person if you found out that they were of the very conservative religious persuasion?

One word, no. I have some very, but very conservative friends, many with very deep and strong felt religious beliefs.

It makes for great fun and debate.


User currently offlineYOWza From Canada, joined Jul 2005, 4878 posts, RR: 15
Reply 19, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 18 hours ago) and read 3658 times:

I can see one of these trainwrecks coming!! I have a really close buddy who has a brother that I am SURE is gay, thing is he hasn't come out yet and I just know my buddy is gonna lose his mind when it happens. He won't know how to process it. Hopefully I'll be around to talk some sense into him. This buddy of mine is a top guy but he is a little backward when it comes to dealing with gays.

I'm so sure that this is going to happens that I've even prepared the spiel I plan to give him when all this goes down!

YOWza



12A whenever possible.
User currently offlineAeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 20534 posts, RR: 62
Reply 20, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 18 hours ago) and read 3655 times:

Quoting DLKAPA (Reply 17):
Would you not distance yourself from a person if you found out that they were of the very conservative religious persuasion?

This is actually a good, honest question. The differences, I believe, are that if your friend tells you they're gay, does he/she outwardly try to convert you all the time? Do the very conservatively religious?

I think you'll find it's rarely the former (unless he/she is stupid), but hell, all the time from the latter.

When was the last time a gay friend told you they'd have your blood on their hands for eternity if you didn't swing that way?



International Homo of Mystery
User currently offlineDLKAPA From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 21, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 18 hours ago) and read 3651 times:

Quoting AeroWesty (Reply 20):

When was the last time a gay friend told you they'd have your blood on their hands for eternity if you didn't swing that way?

Well they didn't quite put it that way but I know a few who'd like to point out that things were so much better "their way" if you get what I'm saying.


User currently offlineAeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 20534 posts, RR: 62
Reply 22, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 18 hours ago) and read 3649 times:

Quoting DLKAPA (Reply 21):
I know a few who'd like to point out that things were so much better "their way" if you get what I'm saying.

Yes, yes, we get it too now and then, from some very attractive women even!  faint 



International Homo of Mystery
User currently offlineSovietjet From Bulgaria, joined Mar 2003, 2604 posts, RR: 17
Reply 23, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 15 hours ago) and read 3625 times:
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I don't necessarily agree with the lifestyle but I dont go around hating either. I agree to disagree and that's it. If a friend told me he's gay I wouldn't mind and unless he asks my opinion I won't say anything concerning it. What pisses me off though is everytime I or anyone else says something that criticizes homosexuals we get labeled as homophobes right away. That's just as ignorant as being a homophobe in the first place.

User currently offlineOly720man From United Kingdom, joined May 2004, 6701 posts, RR: 11
Reply 24, posted (8 years 3 months 1 week 5 days 14 hours ago) and read 3622 times:

Quoting Sovietjet (Reply 23):
What pisses me off though is everytime I or anyone else says something that criticizes homosexuals we get labeled as homophobes

or if you say something about

foreigners....... racist
non-white.... racist
immigrants.... racist
women.... sexist
children.... paedophile



wheat and dairy can screw up your brain
25 KiwiinOz : Us hetero's having been ramming straight activity down everyone's throat for years, with little regard for how it might be received. Macho crotch grab
26 Nordair : And when you refer to "normal people" is this a euphemism for judgemental, hate filled, pieces of filth who delight in removing the dignity of other
27 Post contains images Cadet57 : What could possibly go down as one of the most intollerant, dis-sensitve thigs i've ever read. You are the exact type of person I am speaking about.
28 Nordair : Choice? Such a fascinating concept. Are you attempting to justify being a bigot by suggesting that homosexuality is a choice? Or are you enlightened
29 Nordair : If you were truely a friend, the only opinion on his sexual orientation should be, "I'm your friend and I want you to be happy and have the good thin
30 Post contains images ClassicLover : Do you understand WHY people tell others? Don't you think it might be because we're concerned that we might get invited to dinner by someone like you
31 ManuCH : Same here, I didn't have any problems either. Probably the OP had an unfortunate mix of friends. Yeah right. Let's put it that way: if I tell you I'm
32 Sovietjet : You can't honestly sit here and tell me you agree on everything with your friends. There's always a topic of debate...that's what makes us different
33 ManuCH : No, but sexual orientation isn't just yet another preference, it's something more important, that you can't change. It's a fundamental part of a pers
34 Maury : Wow...cool thread. It's easy to spot the political bigots on a.net, and now I know who a few of the social bigots are too! "Coming out" is a lot like
35 Misbeehavin : I agree, though I have a slightly more direct approach than that, it seems. A couple of years ago, one of my closest friends came out to me. My immed
36 Sovietjet : I don't believe it is genetic. And if it is...show me the proof and evidence to prove me wrong if I am. Not trying to start a flamefest here, just tr
37 KiwiinOz : And let's not forget. If you're gay you have to come out. People's "gaydars" just ain't that good and how are you going to pick up if you don't, "adve
38 Nordair : Of course you don't. No??? Get this through that dormant organ you consider a brain....GAY PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE TO PROVE ANYTHING TO YOU. Do you honest
39 Sovietjet : I didn't attack you, hence you should give me the respect of not attacking me. I simply asked for scientific evidence of homosexuality in genes and y
40 KiwiinOz : I think we get a little bogged down in the choice versus genetics debate anyway. I suspect it is about genetics. I certainly don't remember making a
41 Nordair : No, they cannot. That is because your question is rude, offensive, and an attempt to diminish the self respect of homosexuals. Therefore, the lack of
42 DLKAPA : There are parts of the male physique I find attractive and parts of the female physique I find attractive. I choose to be hetero because a) I want ki
43 Texan : This might help explain it some, bear with me here for a second. Let us say that you are attracted to someone. You find her to be an amazing person.
44 Luv2fly : Well said! THANKS!
45 Sovietjet : OK Nordair, for example African-Americans are dark skinned because of genetics...or is that offensive too? Perhaps you misread my post...I disagree w
46 Post contains images Nordair : I've been a paragon of grace considering what I really want to say to you.
47 Post contains links Nordair : Here you go Sovietjet....I expect this is what you REALLY are trying to confirm about homosexuals. Enjoy that which you have hoped for. http://www.you
48 Basas : Simply...any way you choose to live your life is a choice. A lifestyle choice. No...but if it was against your beliefs, simply walk out of the store,
49 KiwiinOz : " target=_blank>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNFSI...j-ct4 There's some classic lines in that film! Would be a great one to do a comedy voiceover to
50 Post contains images NWA742 : Yeah that pisses me off as well. Hell, I think it's a pretty ridiculous word in the first place. Phobia implies an actual fear of something - I've ne
51 Post contains images Basas : But...if you don't agree with, and support it...you must be afraid, and you must be a homophobe!
52 NWA742 : Seems to be the message being spead with the use of the word. Not very logical. -NWA742
53 AeroWesty : Oi, let's just stop this. I'm not straight, but I certainly don't take every straight person as a homophobe. Do you post "that's disgusting!" in a DI
54 NWA742 : If the answers to your questions are all "yes" for a person, that means that person doesn't agree with homosexuality, doesn't accept it, doesn't unde
55 AeroWesty : "a person who hates or fears homosexual people" Walk a mile in a homo's stylish shoes one day, then come back and say the same.
56 NWA742 : That may be the textbook definition - but I still don't see where "hate" fits in. The term "arachnophobia" means a fear of spiders - not a fear or ha
57 AeroWesty : Great, glad you've not experienced any of it.
58 NWA742 : Look AeroWesty, don't get me wrong here - I'm not attempting to deny the existence of those who flat out hate gay people. There are many in numbers.
59 AeroWesty : Come up with a better word, then. Have at it.
60 NWA742 : No. -NWA742
61 LH423 : Better yet, you'll have your proof when you "choose" to be gay. If it's a choice then surely any straight person can choose to be gay if he/she wants
62 AeroWesty : Ahhh, I love it so when I expose senseless whining as ... senseless whining.
63 NWA742 : Hey call it whining if you want (I personally don't like being called a homophobe just because I occaisonally laugh at some gay guy's lisp).........b
64 AeroWesty : You've sat there whining about it's not the proper word, refusing to offer an alternative. That's senseless whining in my book. Personally, I don't c
65 Post contains images AndesSMF : I dont even know why we get into the discussion of whether being gay or not is a choice or genetics. Who cares? People can make whatever choices (tha
66 Post contains images NWA742 : Well - I guess I should make some suggestions: How about 'gayist'? Anti-gay? So, you wouldn't have a problem with someone repeatedly calling you some
67 Post contains images AeroWesty : Why start now? I've heard enough as it is. If you have a problem with a word, that's your problem, not mine. What gave it away?
68 Post contains images AndesSMF : I got a pretty good gaydar!
69 Post contains images NWA742 : Well...........it was your choice to respond to my point above, not mine. -NWA742
70 Jafa39 : Some people don't like gays, its that simple, you don't have to like everybody or the things they do. Some people don't like gingers but they have a
71 NWA742 : Jafa39, excellent post -- very well written. I agree with practically every point you made. -NWA742[Edited 2006-05-20 08:53:03]
72 Post contains images ManuCH : Thank you, Mr. Living Dictionary. I beg to differ: (source: Merriam-Webster Dictionary) Now can we please stop nitpicking and whining about this? Hom
73 Post contains links Sv7887 : Interesting Thread Here...I've been reading this thread for a few days and finally saw the need to post. Here we go: I'm a person of Indian decent and
74 ManuCH : Sam, I'm sorry to read what was done to you by racist people. Things like these shouldn't be happening. And also the intolerance you apparently witne
75 Jafa39 : Ok...at the risk of a ban and causing offence, let me put it very simply: Some people are offended by Gays because of the thought that there are men
76 Post contains images ManuCH : OK, I think I'm getting your point. Probably there are 2 different ways of seeing this. There are those who come out and make a lot of noise, and the
77 Jafa39 : I feel for ya man but the reality is, some people do find homosexuality abborhent...for a variety of reasons. The reason some gays feel anxious about
78 ManuCH : I know. I was lucky, nobody rejected me. But I was ready to loose friends. I didn't. But those who want to be "my friends" need to accept me for who
79 SKYSERVICE_330 : Sovietjet, If you Google the words 'gay' and 'gene' or 'homosexuality' and 'genetics' you will find an array of articles on this topic. Scanning over
80 LH423 : I agree 100% with you. I, personally, don't care why I am the way I am but at the same time I don't know why I am and I don't exactly like people say
81 Post contains images Jafa39 : I'm not sure any of us straight guys actually LIKE girls, they're a pain in the butt, we just have this fatal attraction to them, must be pheromones.
82 EWRCabincrew : Has it occured to anyone to think about tolerance instead of hate/love? Why are people so hung up on hating someone, loving someone or even accepting
83 Post contains images Jafa39 : Which brings us to the subject of "Practicing Homosexuals"...is it really that difficult???
84 Post contains images ManuCH : Because denying homosexuals to practice while heterosexual are allowed to do so is discriminating. Period. Stupid question, stupid answer. Now I hope
85 TUNisia : My best friend and I in High School were really close to each other, so much so that I thought he might be gay, but I never asked or anything. One nig
86 Jafa39 : I was making a joke, referring to the line in "Porridge" episode 1 when Godber was asked if he was a"practicing homosexual" he asked Fletcher what a
87 Post contains images Doona : Like KiwiinOz stated above, the entire world is built up around the husband and wife. Religion, media, families, everything. Is that not shoving hete
88 Post contains images ManuCH : No. I just didn't get it as a joke... I thought it was an "excuse" to start the flame-fest from the beginning again, which I really wouldn't want. Mi
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