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Things That Hallmark Cards Don't Say  
User currently offlineKaiGywer From United States of America, joined Oct 2003, 12323 posts, RR: 32
Posted (10 years 1 day 8 hours ago) and read 2364 times:


My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.



Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.


Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...

What the hell was I thinking?


Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.


How could two people as beautiful as you,

have such an ugly baby?


I've always wanted to have someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you...

I've changed my mind.


I must admit, you brought religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.


As the days go by,
I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.


Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...

Would you like to take the knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.


Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky, and West Virginia)


Happy Birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost lifelike!


We have been friends for a very long time...
let's say we stop?


I'm so miserable without you.
It's almost like you're here.


Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?


Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.


So your daughter is a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side.

It's really good pay.

“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, an
5 replies: All unread, jump to last
User currently offlineMBMBOS From United States of America, joined May 2000, 2734 posts, RR: 1
Reply 1, posted (10 years 1 day 8 hours ago) and read 2351 times:

Very funny. Thanks for sharing.


User currently offlineThom@s From Norway, joined Oct 2000, 11963 posts, RR: 41
Reply 2, posted (10 years 18 hours ago) and read 2296 times:

Those are good. But some of those must be cards in "circulation."

I recently got one of my sister that said "What is a birthday without a little money from your sister?" Turn to open an empty card and read; "Now you know..."


"If guns don't kill people, people kill people - does that mean toasters don't toast toast, toast toast toast?"
User currently offlineSearpqx From Netherlands, joined Jun 2000, 4349 posts, RR: 9
Reply 3, posted (10 years 17 hours ago) and read 2284 times:

I'd much rather give some smartass card than some sappy schlock. If nothing else, it's more memorable!  biggrin 

"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity"
User currently offlineThom@s From Norway, joined Oct 2000, 11963 posts, RR: 41
Reply 4, posted (10 years 17 hours ago) and read 2276 times:

Just thought of another (true) incident.

My grandmother was sending a birthdaycard to her daughter in law, and at first wanted to send her flowers. But as they might not look as good when they arrived, she decided to send a greeting card with some money, so that her daughter in law could buy whichever flowers she liked.

Unfortunately, my grandmother forgot to put some money in the card. And I would have loved to see the reaction, when her daughter in law opened a single card that said.

"Happy birthday, I was going to give you some flowers, but I thought you could just buy them yourself..."



"If guns don't kill people, people kill people - does that mean toasters don't toast toast, toast toast toast?"
User currently offlineIAH777 From United States of America, joined Mar 2008, 0 posts, RR: 4
Reply 5, posted (10 years 16 hours ago) and read 2274 times:

Scenery is here. Wish you were beautiful.

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
My ex had herpes.
Now so do you.

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