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Relationships & Race  
User currently offlineChrista From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 10 hours ago) and read 1117 times:

Recently, I've had numerous conversations with friends (both male and female) as well as my girlfriend about race and relationships. My male friends tend to have a different view to females in general.

Most of my friends from both genders are white (including myself), but my male friends would rather be with people who were also white. Where as my female friends don't really see it as much of an issue. I myself, tend to be attracted to white females, however that doesn't mean I'm not attracted to people of other races. What does this mean? I wouldn't describe my male friends as racist, as well as myself, but some people may see my view as being racist. What's everyone's opinion on this?

Why is there a difference in what males and females believe?

Finally, would people mind posting their own personal views on this subject.

Regards,
Chris

29 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineABfemme From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 1, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 10 hours ago) and read 1104 times:

Quoting Christa (Thread starter):
Where as my female friends don't really see it as much of an issue

Yes that seems to be the case, well amongst my friends too. Myself, growing up and exploring relationships, I was not bothered AT all about the race etc of individuals. I had a long term relationship with an Indian Doctor (those were the days!!) and it made no difference to me - he was who he was and we were very happy etc...

I have no idea why your male friends are not interested in multi-racial relationships, I can only speak for myself and other female friends I have !


User currently offlineJap From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 10 hours ago) and read 1099 times:

I once blew my chances with a korean (asian) guy... had I not, I KNOW this would probably have been one of the best relationships I would've ever had (I got someone else who was just as good- but unfortunately I blew that one too).

I really can't see why it SHOULDN'T work out. If they don't, it's because of people's prejudism, and certainly not because of race issues.


User currently offlineTransIsland From Bahamas, joined Mar 2004, 2046 posts, RR: 9
Reply 3, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 9 hours ago) and read 1079 times:

I think being "physically attracted to" does not really constitute a racist attitude. If I were attracted to readheads, would I be "racist" towards blondes??

Maybe the lesson learnt is that you and your male buddies are more strongly fixated on looks than your female friends?  Wink



I'm an aviation expert. I have Sky Juice for breakfast.
User currently offlineZootrix From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 86 posts, RR: 0
Reply 4, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 9 hours ago) and read 1069 times:

Europe is a socially much more sophisticated than the US. Despite what all polls suggests, the US still is a primitive, cowardly and hypocritical society when it comes to interracial relationships, because....

primitive - mentally still suffers for Jim Crowish attitudes
cowardly - too scared to openly accept such relationships, esp. in public places where it make people nervous
hypocritical - its okay for a white guy to go around with an asian woman, but a white woman with a black guy is still a no-no in many parts of the US, esp. in the da*n south where I sadly live. People try to be outwardly PC but secretly still harbour reservations and resentment about the relationship.

Yes, in some cases, here in the US, you will end up losing links with many of your friends and even family members if you date across the colour barrier, esp. white-black relationships.

I am brown and date gorgeous white girls, and everytime we are in public, at some point some guy/s have to nose in-between us like a bunch of rabid dogs wondering why she is with me!!

Now to the real issue of men vs. women and differences in views on race relationships ----

IMO, most women, even in short term flings, are also looking for the emotional component in a relationship i.e. intimacy, warmth, sensitivity, etc.. If they get that from a man (despite the race) they will stick to him and everything else is pretty much irrelevant. Women are looking for the "package" and not just looks, money, etc. Sex and love are part/parcel of the "intimacy" mission for women.

Most men need to find a woman physically attractive. Sex and love are 2 seperate entities for a man, much unlike how a woman perceives it. Men are also a bit more status conscious and who they associate with matters to them. Dignity, honour, respect, heirarchy are important to a man, and all that factors into who they date and marry as well.

Just my 2p worth........

ciao,
zootrix


User currently offlineChrista From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 5, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 8 hours ago) and read 1058 times:

Thank you all for your input, it's much appreciated. Please feel free to continue with your opinions and views.

Regards,
Chris


User currently offlineQANTAS077 From Australia, joined Jan 2004, 5870 posts, RR: 39
Reply 6, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 8 hours ago) and read 1052 times:

i dated an Australian girl for 5 years back from 96-01, things started out ok til she got all uppity...since then i've been put off by Australian women, i was dating a Qantas stewardess for 2 years also, she was Chinese/Australian and that was a fantastic relationship, mum would secretly like me to marry a Greek girl, i actually prefer Asian women though...I could see myself marrying a Japanese or Chinese girl.

they are more about love and less about materialism i've found.



a true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes, while everyone else believes the smile on your face.
User currently offlineTexan From New Zealand, joined Dec 2003, 4287 posts, RR: 52
Reply 7, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 8 hours ago) and read 1046 times:

I've been with Middle Eastern, Asian, Hispanic, Slavic, and Caucasian women. The US may not be a melting pot yet, but I'm sure trying to make my apartment a melting pot.

Texan



"I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library."
User currently offlineBMIFlyer From UK - England, joined Feb 2004, 8810 posts, RR: 58
Reply 8, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 8 hours ago) and read 1030 times:

I don't really see the race thing as a problem, but saying that I've only ever had one or 2 interracial relationships anyway  Smile

Quoting Texan (Reply 7):
I've been with Middle Eastern, Asian, Hispanic, Slavic, and Caucasian women. The US may not be a melting pot yet, but I'm sure trying to make my apartment a melting pot.

That's the spirit Big grin




Lee



Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own
User currently offlineSCCutler From United States of America, joined Jan 2000, 5618 posts, RR: 28
Reply 9, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 8 hours ago) and read 1018 times:

Fascinating brief.

The fact is, creatures of all kinds (and this includes us opposable-thumb humans) will tend to favor those who are most like themselves; one of the great things about being more advanced in mental function, is the ability to use rational thought to move past basic instincts.

Interracial- really, the bigger issue is intercultural- relationships will present challenges, simply because of difficulty in communication, most notably the sort of communication that is behavioral, rather than verbal.

Quoting Zootrix (Reply 4):
Europe is a socially much more sophisticated than the US. Despite what all polls suggests, the US still is a primitive, cowardly and hypocritical society when it comes to interracial relationships....

From my travels and observations, I believe that you are gravely mistaken. Perhaps you are focusing on your little neck of the woods or your own biases, and maybe you have had the sad misfortune of associating with an excess of "primitive, cowardly and hypocritical" people, but legitimate merger of cultures has advanced more in the USA than anywhere, precisely because our "culture" is a constantly-changing amalgam of the cultures of the myriad peoples who make up our populace.

I'll admit, I have never had the pleasure of spending time in VA Beach, I fervently hope your bleak assessment is not descriptive of VB; it certainly cannot be rationally applied to Dallas, Houston, Austin, Los Angeles, NYC, San Francisco, Chicago, Miami, New Orleans.



...three miles from BRONS, clear for the ILS one five approach...
User currently offlineTexdravid From United States of America, joined May 2004, 1365 posts, RR: 0
Reply 10, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 7 hours ago) and read 1006 times:

Interracial dating and marriage is very one-sided in America, in the sense that white men date black women much, much rarer than black men with white women.

Why? Many reasons, but I feel that the "ideal" in this society is the white woman and even black men are culturally indoctrinated to feel that way, subconsciously. BTW, that is wrong!

Also, white men are less racially "tolerant" than white women, who are more open in their views and less dogmatic in their views towards race.

Furthermore, even though I live in Texas, and love it here, if you are an Indian, Black, Asian or other minority, you will find plentiful interracial relationships in the Northeast and California. In Texas, you can still find, but the girls are a little more reticent in dating a minority, most likely due to peer pressure.



Tort reform now. Throw lawyers in jail later.
User currently offlineZkpilot From New Zealand, joined Mar 2006, 4867 posts, RR: 10
Reply 11, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 7 hours ago) and read 996 times:

Quoting Texdravid (Reply 10):
Interracial dating and marriage is very one-sided in America, in the sense that white men date black women much, much rarer than black men with white women.

Why? Many reasons, but I feel that the "ideal" in this society is the white woman and even black men are culturally indoctrinated to feel that way, subconsciously. BTW, that is wrong!

Agree with you there.
I think that the media and society tends to portray white women as beautiful (think sports illustrated, playboy, hollywood etc etc). Most men no matter what their race do like to be with beautiful women moreso than women want to be with handsome men (men are more visual, women more the whole package). As a result men of all races seem to find white women more attractive as this is how society and the media has made it. As a matter of personal taste I prefer this also.  Smile



56 types. 38 countries. 24 airlines.
User currently offlineHalls120 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 12, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 7 hours ago) and read 994 times:

Quoting Zootrix (Reply 4):
hypocritical - its okay for a white guy to go around with an asian woman, but a white woman with a black guy is still a no-no in many parts of the US, esp. in the da*n south where I sadly live. People try to be outwardly PC but secretly still harbour reservations and resentment about the relationship.

You'd be surprised at how many black women hate to see black men with white women. It isn't just white southerners who resent interracial relationships.


User currently offlineRolfen From Germany, joined Jan 2006, 1809 posts, RR: 2
Reply 13, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 6 hours ago) and read 982 times:

Humans tend to be more attracted to people with features close to theirs.

You made a difference between male and female opinions and it may have something to do with the belief that males give more importance to physical features, beauty, health, wether females look more for the psyche.



rolf
User currently offlineZootrix From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 86 posts, RR: 0
Reply 14, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 951 times:

Quoting Halls120 (Reply 12):
You'd be surprised at how many black women hate to see black men with white women. It isn't just white southerners who resent interracial relationships.

Precisely and fully agree with you! That's why the US is indeed idealogically stuck in it's stupid idiotic Jim Crowish past, because even in the present a good majority of Americans harbour the notion that the races should not intermarry or mingle. It is offensive to call a black woman "Jim Crowish", but the end result is still a similar attitude especially when she resents a BM/WF union. And I have yet to meet white dads who beam with joy and glee at the thought of their pretty white daughters sleeping with their black boyfriends!

US media celebrates interracial relationships as a symbol of an open-minded, free & progressive society, but that's very selectively done. TV shows, ads, etc. openly show Asian women and White men in relationships (even kissing), but would flinch from showing a black guy kissing a white girl. Why??. Because its controversial. Hmmmmm.....surprising isn't it, because we always thought that the media thrived on controversies.

It is still taboo for a WF to date a coloured guy in America and many want it that way because it suits their agenda. White men don't feel threatened and know there will be a supply of cute white women. Coloured women don't feel threatened because the taboo serves two purposes:
1. it makes more coloured men available to them, and,
2. it makes them feel more secure in a society that still defines a white woman as the ideal standard of feminine American beauty. Therefore, for a coloured girl to see a coloured guy with a pretty white woman in his arms is very devastating because it makes them feel rejected and heightens their sense of insecurity. NO women wants to be perceived as "not so beautiful nor desirable"!!!

Quoting SCCutler (Reply 9):
From my travels and observations, I believe that you are gravely mistaken. Perhaps you are focusing on your little neck of the woods or your own biases, and maybe you have had the sad misfortune of associating with an excess of "primitive, cowardly and hypocritical" people, but legitimate merger of cultures has advanced more in the USA than anywhere, precisely because our "culture" is a constantly-changing amalgam of the cultures of the myriad peoples who make up our populace.

The "legitimate merger of cultures has advanced more in th USA" only because of hard fought legal provisions and ramifications of not doing so. Therefore, one has a very grudging acceptance of other cultures in America. Multiculturalism for many an average American Joe/Jane is the convenience of driving round the corner to grab takeout Chinese, Indian or Mexican without the need to know or understand their language or culture. It is indeed, laughably tragic that America labels itself as multi-cultural whilst speaking only one language; and God alone knows what that language is when expressions like "Y'all", "workin'", "comin'" are at play.

Quoting SCCutler (Reply 9):
Interracial- really, the bigger issue is intercultural- relationships will present challenges, simply because of difficulty in communication, most notably the sort of communication that is behavioral, rather than verbal.

And just how hard can communication be when the language spoken among most Americans is a simplistic downgraded version of English. I have to agree with you that the behavioural aspect of communication plays a more important role in an interracial relationship than the verbal aspect. But such relationships become stressfull when they face criticism and/or rejection from family, friends and members of the populace, who because of lack of sophistication cannot accept such alliances. Dictionary meaning of "Sophisticated" = wordly-wise, cultured, elegant. Since most Americans (even via gleeful self-admission) do not fit this description, America will for a very long time have problems with interracial relationships owing to its rather "colourful" past. Education is key, ignorance is not. America does badly on the former and excels at the latter.


User currently offlineAA61Hvy From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 13977 posts, RR: 56
Reply 15, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 942 times:

I think those who have a problem with different races dating and getting married are ignorant and need to be exposed more to that racial group.

I'm dating a 'white' woman, but if I wasn't I'd have no problem dating someone from a different race. As long as she is hot  Wink

It's kind of funny, when I first met my girlfriend, I thought she was Hispanic (as did my best friend who lived in SJU for a few years), but as it turned out she is Czech. Rats!  Smile



Go big or go home
User currently offlineEgmcman From United Kingdom, joined Jun 2005, 898 posts, RR: 8
Reply 16, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 941 times:

For me it's all about peoples personalities not colour of their skin or nationality.

User currently offlineFSPilot747 From United States of America, joined Oct 1999, 3599 posts, RR: 12
Reply 17, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 3 hours ago) and read 936 times:

The U.S. is still ideologically stuck in the Jim Crow past because it isn't so past. We're talking 40 years ago. Let's not forget that the voting rights act had to be amended again in 1980. That's pretty recent. That, and a lot of the loonies that were involved in this sort of legislation are still alive. Strom Thurmond just died a couple of years ago. There are Americans today whose parents and grandparents owned slaves.

For what it's worth, I like seeing people of different ethnicities together. And to say that in nature it is more likely for animals to mate with those that look alike isn't completely accurate.

You'll find a lot of mixed relationships common in places outside the U.S. just take a look at Brazil.


User currently offlineDougloid From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 18, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 3 hours ago) and read 932 times:

Quoting Zootrix (Reply 4):
Europe is a socially much more sophisticated than the US. Despite what all polls suggests, the US still is a primitive, cowardly and hypocritical society when it comes to interracial relationships, because....

Ummmmmmm, how's that for a frigging generality?



 crazy 

You speak for nobody but yourself. Nobody. You're opinionated and you've got nothing to back it up except what you read in the funny papers.

Despite what the polls suggest???? So...everyone's wrong and you're right???

Hmmmmmmmmph. Poseur.

 Angry


User currently offlineTrav110 From Canada, joined Jun 2005, 536 posts, RR: 3
Reply 19, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 3 hours ago) and read 922 times:

I just generally don't find people of another race attractive, and regardless of what any man says, looks do matter to an extent. I wouldn't put them very high on my list of priorities in a person, but I must be able to find them decently physically attractive to want to be in a relationship with them. Simply put, most people who aren't white just don't do it for me-- nothing racist about it.

User currently offlineTexdravid From United States of America, joined May 2004, 1365 posts, RR: 0
Reply 20, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 2 hours ago) and read 914 times:

Quoting FSPilot747 (Reply 17):
There are Americans today whose parents and grandparents owned slaves.

I agree that America is still backward about race, but this is taking it too far. I don't know any person, any backward rube whose PARENTS OR GRANDPARENTS OWNED SLAVES!!

Try Great-Great Grandparents or even 3xgrandparents maybe. Slavery was ended in the mid 1860's. I highly doubt that anybody's grandparent was alive then.

Now, if you reword it with SOME Americans today whose parents and grandparents were on the wrong side of the 1960's civil rights movement and today still remain closeted racists today, then you would be correct.



Tort reform now. Throw lawyers in jail later.
User currently offlineChrista From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 21, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 1 hour ago) and read 892 times:

Quoting Trav110 (Reply 19):
Simply put, most people who aren't white just don't do it for me-- nothing racist about it.

That's the way that I feel, yet I sometimes get labelled as a "racist".

Regards,
Chris


User currently onlineZKSUJ From New Zealand, joined May 2004, 7111 posts, RR: 12
Reply 22, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 1 hour ago) and read 892 times:

Quoting Zkpilot (Reply 11):
As a result men of all races seem to find white women more attractive as this is how society and the media has made it. As a matter of personal taste I prefer this also

Yeap, me too. And I ain't white  Wink


User currently offlineLY744 From Canada, joined Feb 2001, 5536 posts, RR: 9
Reply 23, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 1 hour ago) and read 890 times:

Quoting Texdravid (Reply 10):
Also, white men are less racially "tolerant" than white women, who are more open in their views and less dogmatic in their views towards race.

Yet every other North-American-straight-white-guy drools over Asian women. Go figure.


LY744.



Pacifism only works if EVERYBODY practices it
User currently offlineDerico From Argentina, joined Dec 1999, 4319 posts, RR: 11
Reply 24, posted (8 years 5 months 3 weeks 3 days ago) and read 880 times:

I don't think the United States is backwards about race anymore than Europe or the rest of the world is.

The United States is backwards in the way it deals with race: every single activity and event and situation in US social life gets a racial connotation. Europe is backwards in that it is still intrinsically more 'racist' than the United States. Latin America is backwards in the way it pretends there is no racism in their societies, because it is so mixed in with class warfare stratification.



My internet was not shut down, the internet has shut me down
25 Texdravid : I can safely say they don't drool over black women. Maybe Asian, maybe Latin women, but not black women. Unfortunately, white people and other races
26 LY744 : Well I was using your post as an example of people in this thread saying "Women are more open minded to interracial relationships than men". I wouldn
27 Post contains images Klaus : So what more than "yes, we europeans are completely and intrinsically evil and are just after you!" do you still want? A formal deposition? A persona
28 Halls120 : Where I work there are several black women who are either single or divorced. If you want to throw gasoline on a burning fire, just bring up the blac
29 SCCutler : Lord, what pathetic places have you been hanging around these many years? Maybe it's just the fact that the places I have lived, predominantly Dallas
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