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Problem With Dad's Opinion  
User currently offlineAjd1992 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 23 hours ago) and read 1947 times:

Hi,
If you've read my intro or profile, you'll see that i'm 14. I've recently started telling people that i'm bisexual - certanly not phase i'm going through. I've told 3 people (well, now a whole load more - almost 40000 people! Big grin) Anyway, The people i've told have been ok with it, they sort of already knew anyway, just me telling them confirmed it. But my dad seems to think that until the age of 18/19, nobody knows for sure if their gay/bi/lesbian. I've known for 6 months that i'm bi - just never had the balls to tell somebody. I finally told my cousin, a person I could trust. However i'm dreading telling my dad or having him find out from my msn chats (which he seems to like reading over my shoulder then denies it) then admiting it. I really dread telling my grandparents too, their totally religious. Help on telling my dad please!

39 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineAeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 20355 posts, RR: 62
Reply 1, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 23 hours ago) and read 1938 times:

Honest question. At 14 what's the need to tell your dad? Are you planning on bringing boyfriends home?


International Homo of Mystery
User currently offlineAjd1992 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 23 hours ago) and read 1923 times:

No, it's just at some point he'll wonder why i look at men as well as women Big grin Atleast the people who i've told (cousin+2 trustworthy female friends, i don't trust the male ones as far as i can throw them Big grin)

User currently offlineAeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 20355 posts, RR: 62
Reply 3, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 23 hours ago) and read 1923 times:

I see. Well, he's your father, and he'll figure it out.

I'm 48 and not come out to anyone, ever, but everyone with a fast clue knows which way I swing. It would just never occur to me to have to tell someone.



International Homo of Mystery
User currently offlineCanadianNorth From Canada, joined Aug 2002, 3389 posts, RR: 9
Reply 4, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 23 hours ago) and read 1908 times:

I'd say just leave it for now, and when the time is right just tell him and call it done. Nobody (not even you) knows when that time will come; but when it does, you'll know.


CanadianNorth



What could possibly go wrong?
User currently offlineMaury From United States of America, joined May 2005, 532 posts, RR: 2
Reply 5, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 23 hours ago) and read 1908 times:

Hmmm...do they have PFLAG in the UK? Seems to be "sort of:" http://www.parentsofgays.co.uk/

Also try http://www.pflag.org The whole "telling your parents" thing is their schtick.


User currently offlineAjd1992 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 6, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 23 hours ago) and read 1887 times:

Quoting Maury (Reply 5):
Hmmm...do they have PFLAG in the UK? Seems to be "sort of:" http://www.parentsofgays.co.uk/

Also try http://www.pflag.org The whole "telling your parents" thing is their schtick.

I've never heard of them, but i'm sure something like that does.

Quoting AeroWesty (Reply 3):

I'm 48 and not come out to anyone, ever, but everyone with a fast clue knows which way I swing. It would just never occur to me to have to tell someone.

I felt the need to tell somebody because alot of my peers at school were starting to guess anyway. One small problem was my cousin pestering me on who i liked who are male! Big grin The first person i told, i felt like my heart was going to fail or something. One thing i hate is when i tell people that i'm about to tell them something personal and confidential, then they pester....  Angry  Yeah sure


User currently offlineAeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 20355 posts, RR: 62
Reply 7, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 23 hours ago) and read 1880 times:

Quoting Ajd1992 (Reply 6):
One small problem was my cousin pestering me on who i liked who are male! 

So, you be honest, if they ask. I've just never gotten this whole coming out thing where people have to go around telling everyone that they're gay or bi or like sheep.



International Homo of Mystery
User currently offlineAjd1992 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 8, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 23 hours ago) and read 1873 times:

It's not like i'm telling everyone who will listen, far from it. I'm not a confident person anyway, admitting that your bi isn't really my cup of tea so to speak! I suppose when i'm more confident and people ask i'll just tell them anyway. I was honest on who i liked, so that's not a problem. The next hurdle is school, nobody else in my entire school (800 kids) are bi or gay... oh joy.

User currently offlineAeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 20355 posts, RR: 62
Reply 9, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 23 hours ago) and read 1871 times:

Quoting Ajd1992 (Reply 8):
nobody else in my entire school (800 kids) are bi or gay

 faint  Oh ye of little faith!



International Homo of Mystery
User currently offlineAjd1992 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 10, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 23 hours ago) and read 1858 times:

:D Puts me in a slight minority, don't you think? I was bullied alot for 2 years, and this is a perfect reason for them to start again.... well, i really don't like being majorly different like that. Damn it!

User currently offlineJkw777 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 11, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 23 hours ago) and read 1854 times:

As much as I don't know about what you're going through, I've learned one thing that really does apply in this situation... Parents are always always right!! They're the people that have known you the longest, so I always listen to whatever they have to say about something I'm doing or whatever.

Good luck man, whatever happens!  Smile

Cheers,
Justin Big grin


User currently offlineAeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 20355 posts, RR: 62
Reply 12, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 23 hours ago) and read 1854 times:

Quoting Ajd1992 (Reply 10):
Puts me in a slight minority, don't you think

Until the day you die, you will be in the minority.

Quoting Ajd1992 (Reply 10):
I was bullied alot for 2 years, and this is a perfect reason for them to start again..

You allow people to bully. If what they say or do doesn't move you in the slightest, they'll soon lose interest and move on to someone else. It's not like you're going to the loo between classes to freshen up your makeup or anything, is it?



International Homo of Mystery
User currently offlineAjd1992 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 13, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 23 hours ago) and read 1843 times:

Well, i wasn't reacting, just they seemed to like it. Atleast i escape the stupid "gay" insult Big grin

User currently offlineAeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 20355 posts, RR: 62
Reply 14, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 23 hours ago) and read 1836 times:

Quoting Ajd1992 (Reply 13):
Atleast i escape the stupid "gay" insult

Aha, but ya are Blanche, ya are in that chair.

At 14, they don't know the difference.



International Homo of Mystery
User currently offlineAjd1992 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 15, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 22 hours ago) and read 1815 times:

Quoting AeroWesty (Reply 14):
At 14, they don't know the difference.

Atleast i only have two years of compulsary schooling left. I almost slipped up a few months ago in school, in front of everyone. Jeez, that took some skill to make them believe that i was straight.


User currently offlineAeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 20355 posts, RR: 62
Reply 16, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 22 hours ago) and read 1812 times:

Quoting Ajd1992 (Reply 15):
Jeez, that took some skill to make them believe that i was straight.

!!!!!!



International Homo of Mystery
User currently offlineAjd1992 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 17, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 22 hours ago) and read 1798 times:

Well, they bought it for a few weeks, just long enough for them to forget the slip-up. Some of them joke about it, and i laugh it off. Glad i can laugh about it though. If i argue and claim that i'm not, that's denying it. Anyway, i'm off to bed, it's 12:30AM.

User currently offlineRAPCON From Puerto Rico, joined Jul 2006, 671 posts, RR: 0
Reply 18, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 7 hours ago) and read 1682 times:

Gay/Bi are so self-centered that they think that they have to go out and tell everyone, and expect everyone to cheer them on. Just live your life like every other bloke/blokette, and don't worry about Dad.

If he loves you, he'll still love you. Just don't try to change his life, or his opinion (if he disapproves). Your father is entitled to his own belief, just like yourself. Respect him and his house, and you'll see that he will respect you.



MODS CAN'T STOP ME....THEY CAN ONLY HOPE TO CONTAIN ME!!!
User currently offlineAeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 20355 posts, RR: 62
Reply 19, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 6 hours ago) and read 1672 times:

Quoting RAPCON (Reply 18):
Gay/Bi are so self-centered that they think that they have to go out and tell everyone, and expect everyone to cheer them on.

This weekend when I went and got my haircut, a different stylist did the cut. To make conversation, she asked if my wife was out shopping while I was there, and when I said I wasn't married, she kept asking questions about was I ever married, did I have kids or family in the area, etc. What was her point? Chit-chat, I'm sure. Trying to find something in common to talk about while she cut my hair.

Tell me, would it have been self-centered of me to just put my hands on my hips, take offense, and tell her I'm gay from the very first question? I figured if she didn't get a clue in the first few questions we'd have very little to talk about, so when she asked about family, I mentioned my sister lives in Florida, and we talked about Florida for the rest of the appointment.



International Homo of Mystery
User currently offlineMt99 From United States of America, joined May 1999, 6568 posts, RR: 6
Reply 20, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 6 hours ago) and read 1665 times:
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Quoting RAPCON (Reply 18):
Gay/Bi are so self-centered that they think that they have to go out and tell everyone, and expect everyone to cheer them on.

I could not disagree more.

The truth of the matter is that everyone, gay or straight, need some sort of validation. Some are lounder than othere. Straight people get this validation automatically, while gays and lesbians have to ask (sometimes even fight) for it.

Quoting RAPCON (Reply 18):
f he loves you, he'll still love you. Just don't try to change his life, or his opinion (if he disapproves). Your father is entitled to his own belief, just like yourself. Respect him and his house, and you'll see that he will respect you.

I could not agree more.



Step into my office, baby
User currently offlineHAWK21M From India, joined Jan 2001, 31667 posts, RR: 56
Reply 21, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 6 hours ago) and read 1665 times:

Think about it at 18 & you'll know.
Now its too early.
regds
MEL



Think of the brighter side!
User currently offlineAeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 20355 posts, RR: 62
Reply 22, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 6 hours ago) and read 1660 times:

Quoting HAWK21M (Reply 21):
Think about it at 18 & you'll know

I was already firmly set in my feelings at age 5.  Wink



International Homo of Mystery
User currently offlineGDC2006 From United Kingdom, joined Jul 2006, 93 posts, RR: 0
Reply 23, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 6 hours ago) and read 1655 times:

Just be cool with who you are and live your own life, if other people don't approve thats their problem not yours. At 14 I didn't feel the need to tell everyone I was heterosexual so why do you feel a need to tell them you are bisexual?

As for your dad, well you may never get his approval but I am certain you will always have his love and indeed his understanding.

This may not come out right but the thing that winds me up about minority groups is when they try and throw themselves down my throat, having marches and campaigns and stuff - you don't have to force me to show you my approval for you living your life how it feels right as much as I wouldn't force you to accept me living as a happily married heterosexual. Probably made no sense but there is a point in there somewhere!

So be happy with youself and have a nice life!

GC  Smile



Trust a woman? How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die?
User currently offlineHAWK21M From India, joined Jan 2001, 31667 posts, RR: 56
Reply 24, posted (7 years 11 months 2 weeks 6 hours ago) and read 1647 times:

Quoting AeroWesty (Reply 22):
I was already firmly set in my feelings at age 5.

Many things one confidently feels at 5 may not be similiar at 18  Smile
Just my opinion though.
regds
MEL



Think of the brighter side!
25 Ajd1992 : Being heterosexual is societies "expected" if you like. I'm not telling everyone, just i wanted an opinion. I do respect his opinion, although alot o
26 Post contains images GDC2006 : Well however it works out for you I hope you have a happy and comfortable life. I think I could have been bi-sexual but had to bury the feelings way
27 808TWA : Hi Andrew, Sorry to hear of your predicament, it's not easy going through school at the best of times. If you have a big nose, a strangely placed mole
28 Post contains images Ajd1992 : I've chosen very wisely, and i trust them immensely. However, some think it's a funny thing to tell people, so i won't be telling certain people. My
29 GDC2006 : I'm sure they won't mate. Be happy! GC
30 Ajd1992 : Well, easier said than done. I'm happy, alot of people have guessed anyway, so thats a bit of a starting point!
31 Falstaff : A couple of thoughts on this from a fairly open minded redneck from Mid-America. One of my best friends from high school is a flaming queer. He came o
32 Ajd1992 : I felt the need to tell someone, because people were guessing (correctly, might i add), and basically i thought "screw it". I'm not bi because it's co
33 Post contains images 808TWA : The absolutely ugliest one, can appear stunningly gorgeous after a few pints. Andrew, Hormones at 14 can play havoc with the mind. Cracks in the ceil
34 YYZflyer : Niether is mine. I Think I know why too..... Anyway. Don't let people think they are getting to you because they'll just keep doing it. Try to ignore
35 AeroWesty : I don't agree with this at all. Some bisexuals are merely erotically stimulated by one sex or the other, or romatically stimulated by one sex or the
36 Post contains images Diamond : Alan, you crack me up sometimes. Ajd1992, most guys your age would lie and deny their feelings until they were blue in the face. I commend you for kn
37 Ajd1992 : Believe me, they don't. I know there is alot of gays on here, I've lurked for nigh on 3 years. I don't listen anyway. I didn't believe that there is
38 Diamond : It means two things: 1. Most guys your age don't really know how they feel, for sure. 2. Most guys your age would not admit anything other than strai
39 Ajd1992 : Ah ok. I though you meant admitting to people to quickly. Sorry for the confusion.
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