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Help: Girl Problems  
User currently offlineZizou From Australia, joined Oct 2000, 1535 posts, RR: 4
Posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 1885 times:

Got a problem that has been plaguing me for sometime now and don't know how to deal with it. So I thought I would post this here and see if I could get any responses and help.

I have been friends with this girl for about 4 years now and only recently I started to really "like" her (if you get what I mean). So I asked her out for dinner earlier in the week and explained my thoughts etc.

She seemed shocked and replied via email that she sees me as a friend only and would like to keep the friendship as it is. So I am cool with that, but a tad disappointed. Problem being now she is really quiet now and she said she needs a couple of days to herself.

Well I am still interested; so should still I keep trying or should I just drop the whole case?

I am someone who is never gives up. The fact she is quiet now and doesn't want to talk to me, makes me think she has 2nd thoughts? So I have this tendency to ask her again a bit later and this time maybe slightly change my approach and maybe not be so forward

What shall I do?

Has anyone gone through this situation?

Any help would be much appreciated!

27 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineQANTAS077 From Australia, joined Jan 2004, 5825 posts, RR: 41
Reply 1, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 1876 times:

be her friend...she gave you her answer and you need to accept it for what it's worth! we can't make someone we're attracted to feel the same way about us. If she saw you in the way you see her then she'd probably have done something about it by now.


a true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes, while everyone else believes the smile on your face.
User currently offlineCO7e7 From United States of America, joined Dec 2004, 2848 posts, RR: 2
Reply 2, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 1869 times:

Quoting Zizou (Thread starter):
Well I am still interested; so should still I keep trying or should I just drop the whole case?

Drop it buddy... be her friend. If you keep pushin it... she ain't gonna be your friend anymore!

Quoting QANTAS077 (Reply 1):

 checkmark  i couldn't have said it better!


-Zaki


User currently offlineBoeingFever777 From United States of America, joined Jul 2009, 409 posts, RR: 55
Reply 3, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 1869 times:

Quoting Zizou (Thread starter):
I just drop the whole case?

You answered your own question... drop it.


If she is interested she will come to you... Do not beat it to death and hound her with emails and questions.

Just my thoughts.  Smile

Good Luck.

BTW: Anet is not the place for women advice by any means.



Faire du ciel le plus bel endroit de la terre.
User currently offlineDeltaGator From United States of America, joined Sep 2005, 6341 posts, RR: 13
Reply 4, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 1865 times:

FLAIRPORT....is that you?  Wink

Quoting Zizou (Thread starter):
So I asked her out for dinner earlier in the week and explained my thoughts etc....She seemed shocked and replied via email that she sees me as a friend only and would like to keep the friendship as it is.

Did you ask her in person or via an email? Just wondering since her response was in an email. If you asked her via email that is beyond lame if you are in the same town. If you asked her in person and she didn't give you an answer then I would have taken that a first hint before her email ever arrived.

Quoting Zizou (Thread starter):
I am someone who is never gives up.

We call guys like you stalkers when it comes to girls.  Wink

Quoting Zizou (Thread starter):
The fact she is quiet now and doesn't want to talk to me, makes me think she has 2nd thoughts?

Or that she doesn't want to talk to you and isn't interested in you? Have you thought about that one? Not being harsh, just realistic.



"If you can't delight in the misery of others then you don't deserve to be a college football fan."
User currently offlineZizou From Australia, joined Oct 2000, 1535 posts, RR: 4
Reply 5, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 1854 times:

Yeah all true..

I made a mistake I guess in not speaking to her in person. I sent text messages to her, which in hindsight was the wrong thing to do I guess.

Oh well, I guess I should stop the whole thing etc

Maybe after a while I will ask her what she really thought of me

Thanks.


User currently offlineBill142 From Australia, joined Aug 2004, 8434 posts, RR: 9
Reply 6, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 1832 times:

You'll both laugh about it the day she finds out your gay.

But seriously. Be her friend and ask yourself how much you value her friendship and are you willing to risk that just to get your pencil wet?


User currently offlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 39478 posts, RR: 75
Reply 7, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 1824 times:

Quoting Zizou (Thread starter):
I have been friends with this girl for about 4 years now



Quoting Zizou (Thread starter):
She seemed shocked and replied via email

That is beyond lame!
Then again, why should she be so upset if you 'just' asked her our for dinner?



Bring back the Concorde
User currently offlineSan747 From United States of America, joined Dec 2004, 4939 posts, RR: 12
Reply 8, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 5 days 4 hours ago) and read 1792 times:

Quoting Zizou (Thread starter):
She seemed shocked and replied via email that she sees me as a friend only and would like to keep the friendship as it is.

Oooh... The sentence a man never wants to hear... From experience, that sentence usually indicates that she is not romantically interested and you are some sort of... perv or something for even suggesting moving to the next level.

I'd step back, and like the others said, if she likes you, let her make a move... You've made yours, so just see if anything happens now.



Scotty doesn't know...
User currently offlineCoal From United States of America, joined Aug 2006, 1943 posts, RR: 9
Reply 9, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 5 days 3 hours ago) and read 1771 times:

Hey Zizou,

I basically had somewhat of the same problem as you. I met this girl about 3-4 yrs in college. We used to work together and had the same circle of friends so we used to see each other quite frequently. We once took an 8hr road trip together and became very close friends. I had always liked her, but I never really told her upfront. I always gave her hints, and she would hint back at me in a "let's just be friends" kinda way. Finally one day I told her that I really liked her and cared about her. Just like your friend, she told me that she only wanted me as a friend and that she needed some time to herself.

Well, some weeks went by and we started talking again, going out for coffee, dinner, etc. We even went out on two Valentine Day's dates. One day I confronted her and she told me that I was perfect... except I was three years younger than her. I'm in my 20s, so I thought big deal... Well it was, and still is, to her.

Funny story is that one drunken night we ended having sex. Wow! Worst sex ever! But surprisingly we still remained and still are really, really good friends. We just have a pact that if by the time she's 30 she's not married, she'll marry me.

Anyway, long story short, just wait a few days and approach her and ask her why she doesn't want to take the relationship to the next level?

Coal



Nxt Flts: SQ HKG-SIN | VF SIN-DPS | SQ DPS-SIN-SYD
User currently offlineAAden From United States of America, joined Jan 2006, 834 posts, RR: 0
Reply 10, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 1747 times:

yea i drop it man


aaden


User currently offlineDLKAPA From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 11, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 1738 times:

You made your mistake by just telling her how you feel.

Here's the way I see it (and believe me, I've been there): If you're trying to get into a relationship with a girl and this girl is giving no response, then telling her how you feel isn't going to change things. Also you'll find that you'll only tell someone how you feel if you're getting desperate. What it boils down to is that if you have to tell someone (or their friend, as has been my case), there's already no chance.

Buck up kid, one day you'll meet a girl where you won't have to tell her, she'll already know. Those are the one's that stick.

Also here's another bit of advice: If you've got a girl that you care alot about and you feel like you've got something to lose in your relationship BEFORE you try to make it serious, don't try to ask her out, because if she says no, you will lose a friend, because no matter how close you and said friend try to be afterword, there will be distance between you and it will be awkward. Again, voice of experience talking, believe me, it sucks.

One day you'll meet a girl who will probably be the girl I mentioned above (the one you don't have to tell of your feelings), where asking her out and dating will feel totally natural. Therein you will have found the one. or at least get good sex for awhile.


User currently offlineYWG From Canada, joined Feb 2001, 1144 posts, RR: 2
Reply 12, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 1722 times:

Quoting Zizou (Thread starter):
The fact she is quiet now and doesn't want to talk to me, makes me think she has 2nd thoughts?

A.net may not be the best resource for dating tips.....but it sounds like you've creeped her out pretty good.

Secondly, if she really is having second thoughts...get her drunk and they'll become apparent.



Contact Winnipeg center now on 134.4, good day.
User currently offlineFSPilot747 From United States of America, joined Oct 1999, 3599 posts, RR: 13
Reply 13, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 1710 times:

Say ok to being friends. And then ask for benefits

User currently offlineSTLGph From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 9233 posts, RR: 26
Reply 14, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 1706 times:

Quoting Zizou (Thread starter):
What shall I do?

ignore her entirely. let her be your friend instead.

oh, and also...start sexxing yourself up. send a bunch of pictures to me and i'll confide with "the gays" and we'll start addressing your best angle of attack on becoming a sex machine.

Quoting Zizou (Reply 5):
I sent text messages to her, which in hindsight was the wrong thing to do I guess.

yep


oh, and until everything settles....masturbate feverishly.



Eternal darkness we all should dread. It's hard to party when you're dead.
User currently offlineKiwiinOz From New Zealand, joined Oct 2005, 2165 posts, RR: 5
Reply 15, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 5 days ago) and read 1687 times:

Does she have a bedroom window? I find the best thing is to set up camp on the grass below her bedroom and just watch her. Maybe slip notes under her door, mutter her name if she comes near. then she will know you're serious.

You can do some other stuff like call lots of times and hang up when she answers, write her name and number on toilet doors etc, but nothings better than good old fashioned stalking. Really let's them know how special they are.


User currently offlineWukka From United States of America, joined Jan 2005, 1017 posts, RR: 16
Reply 16, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 5 days ago) and read 1679 times:

Quoting KiwiinOz (Reply 15):
Does she have a bedroom window? I find the best thing is to set up camp on the grass below her bedroom and just watch her. Maybe slip notes under her door, mutter her name if she comes near. then she will know you're serious.

You can do some other stuff like call lots of times and hang up when she answers, write her name and number on toilet doors etc, but nothings better than good old fashioned stalking. Really let's them know how special they are.

 rotfl   rotfl   rotfl 



We can agree to disagree.
User currently offlineKieron747 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 17, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 4 days 22 hours ago) and read 1638 times:

Hey Zizou,

You've been round long enough on A.Net to see the disasterous attempts at pulling women by our resident stalker FLAIRPORT...

http://www.airliners.net/discussions/non_aviation/read.main/748916
http://www.airliners.net/discussions/non_aviation/read.main/770311
http://www.airliners.net/discussions/non_aviation/read.main/783263

... So, you asked her out by text? Really man, come on!

You asked her out by text and she blew you off (not in the good way) via email! What is the world coming to, I must be getting old! Call me a luddite, but I prefer the whole person to person thing with girls.

Just imagine you did get to go out with her, what would you do? Lock yourself in a room with a webcam, stroke one off and FedEx her the produce?

Anyway, seems to me that you've really dropped a bollock by doing this if she wants some time away from your rabid advances. Just let her be, and see what happens. STLGph's advice is probably the best!

 Wink

Kieron747


User currently offlineABfemme From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 18, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 4 days 22 hours ago) and read 1629 times:

Quoting Zizou (Thread starter):
She seemed shocked and replied via email that she sees me as a friend only and would like to keep the friendship as it is.

Thats our way of telling a guy that we are not interested in anything more than a friendship.......Sorry but thats how I see it from a female perspective
Stay friends if she gives you the opportunity, but bear the above in mind.

 sorry 


User currently offlineLegoguy From United Kingdom, joined Jun 2006, 3311 posts, RR: 40
Reply 19, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 4 days 21 hours ago) and read 1616 times:

Yea, like everyone else, just back off and be friends. Pointless losing a friend!

Also, this thread is nothing without pictures!  Silly



Can you say 'Beer Can' without sounding like a Jamaican saying 'Bacon'?
User currently offlineBA787 From United Kingdom, joined Jun 2006, 2596 posts, RR: 7
Reply 20, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 4 days 20 hours ago) and read 1580 times:

Quoting Zizou (Thread starter):

A man in my situation. I know this girl really well and I am very close to her as a friend but now I suddenly find myself almost falling for her. She seems to flirt with me but I am not sure. My friends say go for it but I don't want to jeopardise the friendship. I'm working at it but in truth I think she is outta my league.

My advice to you and myself is consider what is more important to you, her friendship or the off chance that she might feel the same way. My problem is she flirts with me (and everyone else) so I can't work it out lol

Tom


User currently offlineKieron747 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 21, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 4 days 19 hours ago) and read 1578 times:

Quoting BA787 (Reply 20):
She seems to flirt with me



Quoting BA787 (Reply 20):
and everyone else

What more evidence do you need Sherlock? I'd just try and keep your feelings under control else risk losing her as a friend.

 Wink

Kieron747


User currently offlineBaylorAirBear From United States of America, joined Jan 2005, 2913 posts, RR: 50
Reply 22, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 4 days 18 hours ago) and read 1545 times:

The friendship is over, too. You're creepy. Not only will you not have her, you won't have any girl that she knows. Either distance yourself from her, or go ahead and call our friend with the rusty grapefruit spoon, and allow him to remove your balls. Don't worry, it'll be quick, with minimal pain, and he also puts them to more use than their original owners ever could have.

BAB



I'm just skipping stones...
User currently offlineLegoguy From United Kingdom, joined Jun 2006, 3311 posts, RR: 40
Reply 23, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 4 days 18 hours ago) and read 1536 times:

Don't be so harsh guys.  Silly They came for advice and not a lecture on how not to be like FLAIRPORT


Can you say 'Beer Can' without sounding like a Jamaican saying 'Bacon'?
User currently offlineBaylorAirBear From United States of America, joined Jan 2005, 2913 posts, RR: 50
Reply 24, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 4 days 18 hours ago) and read 1536 times:

Quoting Legoguy (Reply 23):

Hush, new guy!

BAB  mischievous 



I'm just skipping stones...
25 Legoguy : Umph! lol
26 Post contains images Cornish : Ah good advice Dr BAB. Now what's your advice for talking someone out of deep depression after reading a post?
27 Post contains images Kieron747 : LOL! Excellent! Very true? But are you speaking from experience BAB? He won't be depressed, he'll just bounce back in the face of failure same as ol'
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