DL021 From United States of America, joined May 2004, 11443 posts, RR: 78 Posted (7 years 3 months 2 weeks 2 days 5 hours ago) and read 1024 times:
HOW MANY STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
At VANDERBILT: it takes two, one to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at Harvard.
At GEORGIA: it takes three, one to change the bulb, one to phone an engineer at Georgia Tech for instructions, and Larry Munson to make it sound thrilling.
At FLORIDA: it takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one.
At ALABAMA: it takes five, one to change it, two to reminisce about how The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA investigator and one to throw the other old bulb at Fulmer.
At OLE MISS: it takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
At LSU: it takes seven, and each one gets credit for five semester hours.
At KENTUCKY: it takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.
At TENNESSEE: it takes ten, two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how much they hate Alabama.
At MISSISSIPPI STATE: it takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and twelve to yell, "GO TO HELL, OLE MISS".
At AUBURN: it takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk about how they did it better than at Bama, and fifty to get drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished.
At SOUTH CAROLINA: it takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999 to discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent football team.
At ARKANSAS: None. There is no electricity in Arkansas.
YYZAeroEng From Canada, joined Jun 2005, 165 posts, RR: 1 Reply 1, posted (7 years 3 months 2 weeks 2 days 1 hour ago) and read 996 times:
How many Lakehead students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None---Thunder Bay doesn't have electricity.
How many U of T students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.
How many Algonquin students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he gets six credits for it.
How many Nipissing students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None--Sudbury looks better in the dark.
How many Queen's students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One--he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him
How many Waterloo students does it take to change a lightbulb?
five --one to design a nuclear-powered one that never needs changing,
one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked
lightbulb, two to install it, and one to write the computer
program that controls the wall switch.
How many Trent students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven--One to screw it and ten to support its sexual orientation
How many Western students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five--One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect J. Crew
outfit to wear for the occasion.
How many McMaster students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--One to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as
well as any Queen's student.
How many St. Lawrence College students does it take to change a
lightbulb? One--she calls a Gael to do it.
How many Carleton students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--One to change the bulb and one to complain about how if they were
at a better school the lightbulb wouldn't go out.
How many McGill students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One--but she can't do it on Friday night.
How many Brock students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seven--One to change the light bulb and six to throw a party because he
didn't screw it in upside down this time.
YYZAeroEng From Canada, joined Jun 2005, 165 posts, RR: 1 Reply 5, posted (7 years 3 months 2 weeks 1 day 21 hours ago) and read 954 times:
Q. Why don't they have Christmas at Western?
A. They can't find a virgin and three wise men.
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at McMaster?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. Why is it so windy in Kingston?
A. Because Queen's blows.
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Laurier campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q. What's the first thing a York girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q. How can you tell if a McMaster student is a heterosexual?
A. He can outrun his roommate!
Q. What does a U of T student call a Waterloo student after graduation?
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Guelph?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. Did you hear that the library at Ryerson burned down?
A. Naturally, the students were very upset....some of the books weren't colored-in yet.
Q. Why do York graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
A. So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q. How do you get a Western grad off your front porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza.
Q. Who does the Waterloo Engineering Society fear the most?
A severe storm rumbled through Guelph last week and destroyed the entire town:
$10 worth of damage was reported.
Remember... friends don't let friends go to U of T... If you can walk and talk, you can go to Brock. If you can use a fork, you can go to York. If you are a conceited, arrogant bastard, you can go to Ryerson.