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What Kind Of Man Stays...  
User currently offlineTedTAce From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Posted (8 years 1 month 1 day 1 hour ago) and read 2813 times:

What kind of man stays with a woman who has cheated on him, proffessed her love for another, and wants to stay in the relationship to stay with her kids and 'give the relationship a chance' then insists on 'staying in touch' with her lover?

Yeah, yeah, I know.. just answer the question please.

69 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineCadet57 From United States of America, joined Jul 2005, 9085 posts, RR: 30
Reply 1, posted (8 years 1 month 1 day 1 hour ago) and read 2799 times:

Quoting TedTAce (Thread starter):
Yeah, yeah, I know.. just answer the question please.

Sorry Ted, but I have to say.. Pretty nuts. I mean. My opinion may be worthless seeing as im 19. But I was kind of like that. My ex cheated on me for a month til she dumped me(we'd been dating for 7). For awhile I even wanted to forgive her and take her back. But I realized ultimately would only lead to more heartbreak for me so I just called it off and havent looked back since.



Doors open, right hand side, next stop is Springfield.
User currently offlineJkw777 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (8 years 1 month 1 day 1 hour ago) and read 2790 times:

Ted,

Absolutely under no circumstances would I stay with someone that cheated on me. Justin is right with his comments about it leading to more heartbreak. Once a cheater always a cheater in my opinion!

Regards,
THE Justin  Smile


User currently offlineIlikeyyc From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 1373 posts, RR: 20
Reply 3, posted (8 years 1 month 1 day 1 hour ago) and read 2779 times:

There is a line in the Declaration of Independence that says:

.....and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.

I know I didn't answer the question, but its food for thought.



Fighting Absurdity with Absurdity!
User currently offlineBraybuddy From India, joined Aug 2004, 5794 posts, RR: 32
Reply 4, posted (8 years 1 month 1 day ago) and read 2761 times:

Quoting TedTAce (Thread starter):
What kind of man stays with a woman who has cheated on him, proffessed her love for another, and wants to stay in the relationship to stay with her kids and 'give the relationship a chance' then insists on 'staying in touch' with her lover?

Obviously, a man who loves his wife! I don't see anything wrong in what you are doing, as long as it's not causing you too much pain or grief.

And, of course, you now have carte blanche to play the field! You never know what might be around the corner . . .


User currently offlineAir380 From United States of America, joined Jul 2005, 181 posts, RR: 0
Reply 5, posted (8 years 1 month 1 day ago) and read 2745 times:

A man that wants to be hurt again and again, sorry.

User currently offlineBAxMAN From St. Helena, joined May 2004, 671 posts, RR: 2
Reply 6, posted (8 years 1 month 1 day ago) and read 2740 times:

Quoting TedTAce (Thread starter):
What kind of man stays with a woman who has cheated on him, proffessed her love for another, and wants to stay in the relationship to stay with her kids and 'give the relationship a chance'

This kind of man is reasonable. Maybe clutching at straws, but forgive and forget...

Quoting TedTAce (Thread starter):
then insists on 'staying in touch' with her lover?

Ah, this kind of man is a sucker.



I need to get laid
User currently offlineGreasespot From Canada, joined Apr 2004, 3085 posts, RR: 20
Reply 7, posted (8 years 1 month 1 day ago) and read 2693 times:

Quoting Jkw777 (Reply 2):
Absolutely under no circumstances would I stay with someone that cheated on me.

Easy to say...now......lets see how you think years from now when you have al ife together and kids.


GS



Sometimes all you can do is look them in the eye and ask " how much did your mom drink when she was pregnant with you?"
User currently offlineHalls120 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 8, posted (8 years 1 month 23 hours ago) and read 2671 times:

Quoting TedTAce (Thread starter):
What kind of man stays with a woman who has cheated on him, proffessed her love for another, and wants to stay in the relationship to stay with her kids and 'give the relationship a chance' then insists on 'staying in touch' with her lover?

An optimistic fool.

I stayed with my ex after she had an affair only because she swore it was over, that it would never happen again, and because of the kids.

While she was right about the previous affair being over, she cheated again.

Here's the bottom line. you can NEVER trust her again. The trust she violated can never be rebuilt, IMO. That she would cheat on you in such a brazen fashion indicates that she is integrity challenged, to say the least.


User currently offlineGDC2006 From United Kingdom, joined Jul 2006, 93 posts, RR: 0
Reply 9, posted (8 years 1 month 23 hours ago) and read 2669 times:

Sometimes love is unconditional, and sometimes you have to force yourself to adhere to some form of conditons.........

You can forgive and you can get over infidelity but no way can you make a relationship work while she stays in touch with the third party.

That is your condition, the third party no longer has a part in her life or she no longer has a part in yours, forget all that "its for the kids" kids are resilient and quickly adapt to situations. YOU are the priority so start giving her some conditions but be willing to accept she may not be prepare to live by them and make yourself some contingency plans.

But trust the voice of experience, forgiveness and a hard line DO work.



Trust a woman? How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die?
User currently offlineJkw777 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 10, posted (8 years 1 month 23 hours ago) and read 2650 times:

Quoting Greasespot (Reply 7):
Easy to say...now......lets see how you think years from now when you have al ife together and kids.

My wife actually fled the country with my unborn kid so don't tell me what it's like...


User currently offlineSkySurfer From United Kingdom, joined Sep 2004, 1136 posts, RR: 12
Reply 11, posted (8 years 1 month 23 hours ago) and read 2631 times:

My 30 year old brother does.....he loved his gf and her child but she played around on him, and she now has him wrapped around her lil finger. I can see that he's weak coz he's not that great with women, but i don't say anything because it's not my place, he has to learn for himself. But i'd have kicked her into touch a long time ago....i just hope he doesn't try and blame anyone when he realizes, coz i'll tell him straight.

Cheers



In the dark you can't see ugly, but you can feel fat
User currently offline777236ER From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 12, posted (8 years 1 month 23 hours ago) and read 2624 times:

What kind of man...puts their kids through this.

How long has this been going on now? Months? First you hate each other, then she's off to fuck her boyfriend, then she's going to live with him, now you've fucked each other and you want to get back together, but with her fucking him on the side?

Grow up. You're not a kid anymore, both of you have responsibilities. How do you think your children feel with their mum and dad acting like two idiots in a soap?

Frankly, it doesn't matter to anyone what you and your wife do. But whatever you do, stick to it, and make sure the kids know what's going on. You've brought them into this before, at least learn from that mistake and put them ahead of your sexual frustration.


User currently offlineFSPilot747 From United States of America, joined Oct 1999, 3599 posts, RR: 12
Reply 13, posted (8 years 1 month 22 hours ago) and read 2591 times:

Kind of man with a dick with no balls and no brains. Sorry.

User currently offlineZKSUJ From New Zealand, joined May 2004, 7110 posts, RR: 12
Reply 14, posted (8 years 1 month 22 hours ago) and read 2575 times:

Quoting TedTAce (Thread starter):
What kind of man stays with a woman who has cheated on him, proffessed her love for another, and wants to stay in the relationship to stay with her kids and 'give the relationship a chance' then insists on 'staying in touch' with her lover?

Don't know. However I know of a few people in a similarish situation


User currently offlineVikkyvik From United States of America, joined Jul 2003, 10256 posts, RR: 26
Reply 15, posted (8 years 1 month 22 hours ago) and read 2574 times:
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Quoting 777236ER (Reply 12):
What kind of man...puts their kids through this.

How long has this been going on now? Months? First you hate each other, then she's off to fuck her boyfriend, then she's going to live with him, now you've fucked each other and you want to get back together, but with her fucking him on the side?

Grow up. You're not a kid anymore, both of you have responsibilities. How do you think your children feel with their mum and dad acting like two idiots in a soap?

Frankly, it doesn't matter to anyone what you and your wife do. But whatever you do, stick to it, and make sure the kids know what's going on. You've brought them into this before, at least learn from that mistake and put them ahead of your sexual frustration.

I'd pretty much agree with that.

It's a tough situation, Ted, because emotions are ANYTHING but logical. But I really think you have to keep the kids at the forefront. Someone said kids adapt easily; that's true, but hardly the whole story. They can develop emotional issues or problems due to the crap they go through when they're young.

So whatever you do, please do it for the kids.

~Vik



How can I be an admiral without my cap??!
User currently offlineCadet57 From United States of America, joined Jul 2005, 9085 posts, RR: 30
Reply 16, posted (8 years 1 month 22 hours ago) and read 2571 times:

Quoting Vikkyvik (Reply 15):
So whatever you do, please do it for the kids.

Could not have said it better dude. Even if you are from Boston  Wink



Doors open, right hand side, next stop is Springfield.
User currently offlineNWOrientDC10 From United States of America, joined Mar 2005, 1404 posts, RR: 4
Reply 17, posted (8 years 1 month 21 hours ago) and read 2547 times:
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Quoting TedTAce (Thread starter):
What kind of man stays with a woman who has cheated on him, proffessed her love for another, and wants to stay in the relationship to stay with her kids and 'give the relationship a chance' then insists on 'staying in touch' with her lover?

I have no answer for this question. All I can say is that you're probably feeling the worse pain a person can feel - a broken heart. The only cure for a broken heart is time.

Meanwhile, I do have some suggestions; rent some comedy movies. Laughter is the best medicine. Also, think back to a time before you met your significant other. Think about a girl you had a crush on before you met this one (It worked for me, anyway).

Something else you said in this post which kind of sticks out - "her kids". It sounds like there are children involved. If so are they your children or did she already have the children when you met her/got involved with her? The reason I'm asking is because this already complicated situation could be a. she has children, you do not. b. the children are both of yours c. some children are yours, some are step children. If you have an attachment to the kids, then things are complicated even further. When children are involved, legal matters will surely follow.

For what it's worth, some of us a.netters are good listeners. Also, drop by the live chat. I'm there sometimes and will hear you out, as will others there.

Whatever happens, we're here for you.  Smile

Good luck and try to have a good day  bigthumbsup 

Russell



.



Things aren't always as they seem
User currently offlineLuv2fly From United States of America, joined May 2003, 12148 posts, RR: 49
Reply 18, posted (8 years 1 month 20 hours ago) and read 2522 times:
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Quoting Vikkyvik (Reply 15):
So whatever you do, please do it for the kids.

I'm sorry that is just wrong, years from now are the "kids" going to say, gee was it not great that mom and dad stayed in a loveless sham of a marriage just to protect us.



You can cut the irony with a knife
User currently offlineCadet57 From United States of America, joined Jul 2005, 9085 posts, RR: 30
Reply 19, posted (8 years 1 month 20 hours ago) and read 2521 times:

Quoting Luv2fly (Reply 18):
gee was it not great that mom and dad stayed in a loveless sham of a marriage just to protect us.

I beg to differ. Im sure you will find the kids may look at it and see that both their parents atleast tried for their sake to make their life as un fucked up as possible.



Doors open, right hand side, next stop is Springfield.
User currently offlineNWOrientDC10 From United States of America, joined Mar 2005, 1404 posts, RR: 4
Reply 20, posted (8 years 1 month 20 hours ago) and read 2514 times:
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Quoting 777236ER (Reply 12):
What kind of man...puts their kids through this.

How long has this been going on now? Months? First you hate each other, then she's off to fuck her boyfriend, then she's going to live with him, now you've fucked each other and you want to get back together, but with her fucking him on the side?

Grow up. You're not a kid anymore, both of you have responsibilities. How do you think your children feel with their mum and dad acting like two idiots in a soap?

Frankly, it doesn't matter to anyone what you and your wife do. But whatever you do, stick to it, and make sure the kids know what's going on. You've brought them into this before, at least learn from that mistake and put them ahead of your sexual frustration.

Lighten up, Mr.777. Sometimes matters of the heart require a delicate touch. Save the harshness for other things.

Good Day  Smile

Russell



Things aren't always as they seem
User currently offlineVikkyvik From United States of America, joined Jul 2003, 10256 posts, RR: 26
Reply 21, posted (8 years 1 month 20 hours ago) and read 2512 times:
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Quoting Luv2fly (Reply 18):
I'm sorry that is just wrong, years from now are the "kids" going to say, gee was it not great that mom and dad stayed in a loveless sham of a marriage just to protect us.

Rereading my post, I don't see one place where I said they should stay in a loveless marriage.

Otherwise, in my opinion, if you're going to bring kids into the world, you'd damn well better be prepared to make them your priority until they're old enough to take care of themselves.

I'm EXTREMELY thankful every day that my dad remarried my stepmom after my mom died. It was very difficult for a few years, having a new stepmom and two stepbrothers, but I understand quite well now that it was very much needed, for all concerned.

So yeah, maybe the kids will grow up, understand, and be thankful.

[Edited 2006-10-30 04:30:37]


How can I be an admiral without my cap??!
User currently offlineRoger136913 From United States of America, joined Aug 2005, 473 posts, RR: 0
Reply 22, posted (8 years 1 month 20 hours ago) and read 2509 times:

Quoting 777236ER (Reply 12):
What kind of man...puts their kids through this.

How long has this been going on now? Months? First you hate each other, then she's off to fuck her boyfriend, then she's going to live with him, now you've fucked each other and you want to get back together, but with her fucking him on the side?

Grow up. You're not a kid anymore, both of you have responsibilities. How do you think your children feel with their mum and dad acting like two idiots in a soap?

Frankly, it doesn't matter to anyone what you and your wife do. But whatever you do, stick to it, and make sure the kids know what's going on. You've brought them into this before, at least learn from that mistake and put them ahead of your sexual frustration.

It may be harsh but it's the truth....

I don't know anyone here and don't post much but I have read your threads and can't understand why you go public ?

I personaly would not put the kids through this. Imagine how confused they are let alone you?

Seems like your asking the world to give you answers as to what you should do? No one can answer that question only you.

Though I don't know you but only from your posts I do wish you the best.
I would cut my loses and move on....


User currently offlineCFCUQ From Canada, joined Sep 2005, 712 posts, RR: 0
Reply 23, posted (8 years 1 month 20 hours ago) and read 2498 times:

Quoting Roger136913 (Reply 22):
don't know anyone here and don't post much but I have read your threads and can't understand why you go public ?

 checkmark 
Rt on, enough. Ted, live your own life !!!


User currently offlineHalls120 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 24, posted (8 years 1 month 20 hours ago) and read 2475 times:

Quoting Luv2fly (Reply 18):
I'm sorry that is just wrong, years from now are the "kids" going to say, gee was it not great that mom and dad stayed in a loveless sham of a marriage just to protect us.

Depends on the age of the kids. When we broke up, our kids were 14 and 18, and both of them knew that the marriage had disintegrated and that life in the house was a living hell.

Quoting Cadet57 (Reply 19):
I beg to differ. Im sure you will find the kids may look at it and see that both their parents atleast tried for their sake to make their life as un fucked up as possible.

They will only think that if you are able to pull it off. If one parent is openly cheating on the other parent, what kind of lesson is that?


25 Post contains images Vaporlock : Teddy, all I can say is that you must really be in love with her! Your obviously not thinking about yourself. The children are a big part of why your
26 TedTAce : Thanks for the input all. I wish I could post the e-mail exchanges, but that would take too much time and honestly wouldn't be prudent. What has happe
27 AndesSMF : Ted, it'll give it my unbiased opinion and become the devils advocate again, since I somewhat encountered and have encountered this problem lately. F
28 Diamond : Typically when one spouse wants to leave another, and then they somehow manage to piece it back together ... they will eventually split up anyway. All
29 HAWK21M : Only a Fool. Once Betrayed.Never Trust. regds MEL
30 EA CO AS : This is obviously a trick question, since no real man would stay under these conditions.
31 Post contains images Halls120 : Good for you. Time to move on a start a new life. Ted could be the biggest ass on the planet - but that doesn't give his wife an excuse to cheat. A p
32 Cornish : I was 11 when my parents divorced. He cheated on mum and moved out to live with his girlfriend. I knew what was going on and still saw him regualrly
33 BMIFlyer : My thoughts entirely. Under no circumstances would I stay in a relationship with such a person. Lee
34 Post contains images TedTAce : The wife has had very few experiences. I have had 'enough' experiences, some people have had more, and others less. I'm mostly satisfied with my prem
35 Vikkyvik : Well, good luck man. Hope everything works out for you and the kids. Hey! That's SUBURBAN Boston (soon to be Slummerville).
36 Post contains images AndesSMF : Of course it is not an excuse to go ahead and cheat. But if Ted (and thank God he doesnt) wanted to be able to fix the relationship, both partners ac
37 Aerobalance : One who should let go, discover themsleves - who they really are, move on and don't be angry to let love grow again.
38 TedTAce : My intention exactly.
39 HAWK21M : Time is the best healer. regds MEL
40 Kay : TedTace, How about a girlfriend? It'll quiet your reactions down. But not in front of the kids. For now. Just go hunting. Go where you like. Kay
41 TedTAce : I'm not in the mood. Having two kids is plenty enough adventure without dating.... for now.
42 747srule : I found out my wife is cheating on me,and filed for divorce on 10/23.She was SHOCKED. She forced my hand,and I no longer love her. I have tried to tal
43 TedTAce : No kids I take it?
44 Fumanchewd : You need to make it clear that if its going to work, she cannot continue to have contact with her lover. If she works with him, she needs to get a dif
45 Vikkyvik : Hey Ted, just out of curiousity, what's the deal with the West Virginia part in all this. Why not stay in Florida? Thanks... ~Vik
46 Cadet57 : Jesus... That even makes Springfield look like Venice...
47 Vikkyvik : Venice, California? I can see that. All I have to say about western Mass. can be summed up by the following: A family friend is looking at colleges.
48 Post contains images Cadet57 : Ahhh NoHo, I have no life so I spend my time there with my friends, Great little TOWN. Where?
49 Post contains links Vikkyvik : It's a great little CITY according to its website: http://www.northamptonma.gov/ Bard College. I thought that's where my friend was looking. It's in
50 Cadet57 : So it is... I'll be dammed. Either way. Cool little city. Good idea. Carry on Ted.
51 TedTAce : Apprently a moot point at this time. NOW she wants to move into an apartment with me in Orlando : Here is her letter to her Boyfriend she sent this e
52 Ilikeyyc : I think that means she is finally starting to think with her brain and not with her emotions. And if she wants to move in with you, why not just keep
53 Post contains images TedTAce : That's the only thing I can do. You know my hair is too short to rip out.
54 HAWK21M : How did you access the letter. regds MEL
55 NeilYYZ : I've read your posts Ted, and I feel for you. I think it's time to move on, your other posts indicate that she really has no regard for you or the ki
56 Post contains images TedTAce : I'm in IT what do you think? Very good point. Thanks for the advice.
57 Diamond : Ted - am I missing something? Does she express any remorse for what she has done and for how it has affected you? Does she face your children with the
58 Halls120 : I hate to be crude, but I think she is a manipulative bi*ch. Diamond puts it best.
59 Allstarflyer : One who probably feels like he's boxed into a corner with no viable solution. My suggestion (which would involve a Biblical solution, but, otherwise,
60 IFEMaster : Talk about a kick in the head to you, Ted. Shit. Sounds to me like you need this woman out of your life.
61 Fumanchewd : After reading that letter, I believe that you should cut it off. She doesn't care about you at all.
62 NIKV69 : Ted it's time to end this. Keep in her in your life for interaction with your kids and that's it. It's time to move on. I get the feeling you are lett
63 Post contains images TedTAce : She claimed to be sorry tonight, but then turned around and sealed our fate by eliminating me from her work's health insurance plan for this comming
64 Post contains images Turbo7x7 : First of all, we've ALL been fooled and/or manipulated by a woman. It's a "rite of passage" if you will so don't feel like there's something wrong wit
65 Rolfen : In the future, concentrate on choosing a women that is more mentally stable. Dont bang yourself on the head, it's ok to stay in touch. But it's not ea
66 Post contains images Allstarflyer : That 1st line was when the door hit her in the face. The 2nd is trash. The best people (to her) that she's met is obviously her own kids , else she w
67 TedTAce : No, not anymore. I'll NEVER forgive her for what she has done to this family. Never going to happen (at least until the kids are 18+). Once again I f
68 Diamond : Ted, there is the answer to your original question in the thread-starter. The fact that you are even considering staying in a relationship with her s
69 Chrisjake : Ted.... i hope you dont mind me chiming in at this stage of the thread...i have been following. man, this whole thing is just not healthy for you. bef
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