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Well, That's It...  
User currently offlinePawsleykat From United States of America, joined Jul 2005, 1978 posts, RR: 11
Posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 2055 times:

... my mum and dad have split up and will be filing for divorce. hissyfit  I won't bore y'all with all the details but I'll give a little insight.

In April of this year, my dad met up with a girl he had first met in Edinburgh over 6 years ago. At that point in time, they had been having an affair and my mum found out some time later. My dad apologised and we went on living. However, in April, this girl was having problems with the man she had moved away to live in Wales with (5 years ago) and had contacted my dad to say she was unhappy and was coming back up to Scotland. They slept together and were nearly seen on National News whilst leaving a hotel! They kept this secret and my dad invited us all to go and 'meet' this girl for the 'first time' although the had already been sleeping together, my mum and I did not know. Then, in September, my dad joined one of these sleazy internet dating websites that had a chat thing on it. He met 2 or 3 girls off of this and started using MSN to converse. The last week has been quite difficult as my mum has found out and things were rough to say the least.
On Monday night, my dad came home and had the chance to apologise but he has made his decision. Last night, my dad decided to leave.

I am taking it really hard and this, together with the severe bullying at school, is bringing me down big time.  cry  i cannot tell anyone my feelings and even if I did, they wouldn't care  boxedin 
I just need someone to talk to and I know that this is another "life as a teenager" thread by me but posting here really helps to get it all out.

Anyway, if you have read this, thanks a lot. I appreciate any posts or IMs that you may wish to write.

Thanks for reading,

Jordan Gray (JG)  Smile


First Class passengers are my favourites. They can't get any further forward without an ATPL.
67 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineMyt332 From United Kingdom, joined Sep 2003, 9112 posts, RR: 70
Reply 1, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 2044 times:

Well that sucks but I'm sure you'll pull through ok. I'll leave it to other people to be more emotional/touchy feely, I'm not too good at that but all the best none the less.


One Life, Live it.
User currently offlineKazzie From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 2031 times:

Dont let this effect your life..

theres still lots of things you can do, never forget that!


User currently offlinePawsleykat From United States of America, joined Jul 2005, 1978 posts, RR: 11
Reply 3, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 2025 times:

Quoting Myt332 (Reply 1):
Well that sucks but I'm sure you'll pull through ok. I'll leave it to other people to be more emotional/touchy feely, I'm not too good at that but all the best none the less.

Thanks anyway Alex. It's just the thought that counts.

Quoting Kazzie (Reply 2):
Dont let this effect your life..

theres still lots of things you can do, never forget that!

Kaz, that is the nicest thing anyone has said to me. I really appreciate that thought  Smile

JG



First Class passengers are my favourites. They can't get any further forward without an ATPL.
User currently offlineThom@s From Norway, joined Oct 2000, 11955 posts, RR: 46
Reply 4, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 2020 times:

Yeah that sucks...

Anyway, join the club, and good luck to ya.

Thom@s



"If guns don't kill people, people kill people - does that mean toasters don't toast toast, toast toast toast?"
User currently offlineThePRGuy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 5, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 2011 times:

My Parents seperated when I was two, so consequently I do not remember much of it, if any come to think of it. Both parents now have extended families (we are an official step family) and I live with my mum. It has worked out really well, and now I cannot even imagine it not being this way.
I now have 2 step brothers, a step sister, and 2 half sisters, as well as a step mum, step dad, and step grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins to suit.

I visit my dad every 2 weeks or so, as he lives in Surrey and me in Maidenhead and we often do pieces for papers, as for some reason the traditional UK media don't seem to understand that a seperated family can be considered normal. (Morons - usually the Daily Mail)  Yeah sure

But anyway, Jordan, don't let it get you down too much, in the future you will be happier with this situation I believe, as both your parents should in the near future be happier with the new circumstance. But for now, keep smiling, and most importantly, keep browsing a.net  Silly


Thanks
Alex


User currently offlineSean377 From United Kingdom, joined Mar 2001, 1225 posts, RR: 40
Reply 6, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 9 hours ago) and read 1999 times:

Get them both to still come to Iceland and we'll all knock some sense into them!  Silly

Being serious, my parents divorced when I was your age, and my 12 year old daughter has recently had bullying problems at school. You will get through this. IM me if you want to.

Sean



Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man... Landing is the first!
User currently offlineCornish From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2005, 8187 posts, RR: 54
Reply 7, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 9 hours ago) and read 1986 times:

Jordan,

I went through the experience of my Dad leaving my mum for a younger woman when I was 12 so I can understand just how you feel. Through in the fact that we lived in a Cornish village where everybody knew everybody's business and it was tough indeed.

But ultimately it made me stronger as a person and as odd as it seemed it made things much better for me as a teenager. No more rows at home between my parents. For my mum, although it was tougher financially, being apart from my Dad gave her the time to enjoy all the things that interested her - painting, writing, travelling - things she simply couldn't get to do with Dad.

These days my parents get on really well. Dad remarried (the woman he moved in with - depsite some further misdemeanors on the way), mum is still single but enjoys all her interests. She did 20 years of marriage and doesn't have a need for that again. They even worked together at college for a while.

Both of them are ultimately much better for the divorce. Importantly, both of them never did the tug-of-war thing with me (my older brother soon went into the army aafte rthe divorce so was less of an issue with him), and I hope that they don't make life difficult for you. In that respect I was lucky. If your parents put you at the top of their priorities and make sure it is as easy for you as possibly during such a difficult time (i.e. no arguments over visits, weekends, etc) then there is nothing to stop you enjoying an even better teen life than you might otherwise think right now.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you come out of this ok. Just remeber your mum needs your support right now so try to give it where you can and not be too much of a burden  Smile



Just when I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel, it was some B*****d with a torch bringing me more work
User currently offlinePlymSpotter From Spain, joined Jun 2004, 11701 posts, RR: 60
Reply 8, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 9 hours ago) and read 1973 times:

Quoting Pawsleykat (Thread starter):
They slept together and were nearly seen on National News whilst leaving a hotel!

That would have to be one of the most embarrassing ways for anyone to find out  Sad

Still, keep your head up, perhaps at some point get away from the house, is there a good friend of family member who you could go and stop with for a couple of days if things get to much for you back home? I know technically its a bit like running away, but I find it helps to just get away from everything, and look at things from the outside for a bit.

I am sure you will be fine, no matter how dire things are, just try and keep thinking positive and try to be happy.

Dan Smile



...love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again...
User currently offlineBMIFlyer From UK - England, joined Feb 2004, 8810 posts, RR: 58
Reply 9, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 8 hours ago) and read 1946 times:

Ah, that sucks man, always a sticky situation, divorce  Sad

Good luck with it all anyway  Smile



Lee



Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own
User currently offlineSpeedbird747BA From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 10, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 8 hours ago) and read 1938 times:

Quoting Pawsleykat (Thread starter):
together with the severe bullying at school

I get all the divorce stuff but.........bullying? You should hit them back, because (as of 0616 CST 11/1/06) there are currently 43,045 a.netters I'm sure would back you up. And that's quite an army my friend. Can you imagine if a plane flew over with every a.netter standing in one field? Interesting, howevre, I'm sure youll pull through and become rich.

Cheers,
Kyle


User currently offlineTedTAce From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 11, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 1921 times:

Quoting Pawsleykat (Thread starter):

Not that a child ever can do without their parents, I think now for you is an especialy vulnerable time. I hope your dad at least tries to make the point he still loves you. If he doesn't; eff him. Realize this though, as it is the same thing I have been telling my kids: How this divorce affects you is your decision. You can use it as an excuse to fail, or you can take responsibility and use it to make you stronger.


User currently offlineQueso From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 12, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 1908 times:

Quoting Myt332 (Reply 1):
Well that sucks but I'm sure you'll pull through ok. I'll leave it to other people to be more emotional/touchy feely, I'm not too good at that but all the best none the less.

Me too, x2. I wish there was some magic piece of advice I could give or something that could be said to make it all OK, but there's simply not.

On the other hand, I can say that "that which does not break us makes us stronger". You'll end up being a stronger person because of having experienced this and you are learning to deal with a very tough situation- that experience and knowledge will help you to handle things that happen later in your life more confidently and in a positive manner.

As for the bullies at school, these things seem to have a way of working themselves out. Since we don't know the exact nature of the bullying, it's hard to know exactly how to counter it. But if it involves physical violence, Google some websites on Martial Arts self-defense techniques. A lot of them have been developed for a "Bambi vs Godzilla" perspective, so even if the neaderthals are bigger than you or are greater in numbers, you can still counter their efforts. You'd be surprised how effective it can be when you know the principals of using their own force and momentum against them! Just don't get in over your head and tell a responsible adult what is going on and that you are having problems with someone. Teachers, principals, that's what they get paid for, make them earn their money!

If it's emotional bullying, just keep your head high (I know, that's easy for me to say) and take the high road. Act like an adult and be responsible you'll gain credibility among the right kind of peers. Once you do that, you'll have an impenetrable circle of friends and the bullies won't even be able to see you, let alone being able to single you out to give you a hard time!

If all else fails, resort to dirty tricks (aka "alternate tactics"). At your age, some of these bullies might have girl (boy?) friends. Send flowers to the girlfriend and put the name of one of the bully's best friends on the card! They'll be so damned busy trying to figure out how to keep their girlfriend away from the friend, they won't have time for you! This also accomplishes the "divide and conquer" technique. You can think up lots of other things like this since you are young and creative, make a game out of it!

Best of luck!
From another "JG"!


User currently offlineLegoguy From United Kingdom, joined Jun 2006, 3314 posts, RR: 39
Reply 13, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 1890 times:

I can only echo what others have said. Hold your head high and you will get through this shitty time. It will make you stronger and in a few years you will be looking back at all of this and laughing. Best of luck


Can you say 'Beer Can' without sounding like a Jamaican saying 'Bacon'?
User currently offline808TWA From Canada, joined Jan 2006, 701 posts, RR: 19
Reply 14, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 1878 times:

Hey Pal, so very sorry to hear that this has happened to you. I've always said that I wish you all the very best of luck with life. In time everything which seems to be on top of you, will turn around in your favour.

Unfortunately it tends to be the kids who suffer the most and yet it is that very fact which seems to get ignored when the divorce word is thrown around.

Keep your chin up Jordan and remember that if you want to IM me that I'm always here at the same address as before.

Good luck,

-Alan



Love is in the air, so practice safe flying
User currently offlineJGPH1A From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 15, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 1877 times:

Wow. that's rough - never having been through divorce (my parents, while both clinically insane, are still together  crazy  Wink it's hard to know what to say - just don't take any of the emotional schrapnel on yourself - it's not something you could have prevented, sad but true.

As for the bullying - just tell them politely but firmly to Fuck Right Off. Bullies are almost always insecure morons acting out, just keep telling yourself that whatever happens, you're still better than they are - oh, and tell someone about the bullying ! You don't have to put up with abuse, from anyone. That's what policemen are for.


User currently offlineCornish From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2005, 8187 posts, RR: 54
Reply 16, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 1872 times:

Quoting JGPH1A (Reply 15):
That's what policemen are for.

Oh ok. I thought policemen were for mocking and lampooning at every available opportunity.

Or is that just in the case of ANCBig grin



Seriously though JGP is right. If you are being bullied - tell somebody in authority that you are. You may think it might only make things worse, but really its the best way to put a stop to it.



Just when I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel, it was some B*****d with a torch bringing me more work
User currently offlineJGPH1A From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 17, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 1860 times:

Quoting Cornish (Reply 16):
Or is that just in the case of ANC ?

ANC is both ex-military (and an NCO to boot) AND a pleessman, and is thus doubly deserving of abuse. Plus he lives at the arse-end of the universe, far enough away to be mocked with impunity  Smile

I will now go and hide in my secret, Cheney-style bunker.

See, JG - that's what happens to bullies when they grow up - they become ANC. If that isn't divine retribution, I don't know what is.

 biggrin 


User currently offlinePope From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 18, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 4 hours ago) and read 1834 times:

I suggest you take up yoga as a way to get your mind and body in balance.

User currently offlineNighthawk From UK - Scotland, joined Sep 2001, 5182 posts, RR: 33
Reply 19, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 4 hours ago) and read 1814 times:

hey jordan,

Sorry to hear about this! I cant say I know what your going through, as i havent been there myself, but if you ever want to talk im always on MSN. Just gimmie a shout.

Just remember that none of this is your fault, and theres little you can do about it. It will all work itself out and eventually everything will be ok again, your parents might not be together but everyone will soon find happiness again.

Life goes on, you just need to adapt to the changes and move on.



That'll teach you
User currently offlineGSM763 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 20, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 4 hours ago) and read 1804 times:

Hi Jordan

Really sorry to hear that, I've never been through anything like this myself so I'm not going to try and counsel but please do remember my thoughts are with you and to get in touch with me if you want (not that you probably will). Remember that this shouldn't stop you doing anything and although your parents no longer love each other they almost certainly still love you


User currently offlineORFflyer From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 21, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 4 hours ago) and read 1798 times:

Sorry to hear about your situation, both at home and at school.

For the home life, I think Ted has it right....

Quoting TedTAce (Reply 11):
How this divorce affects you is your decision. You can use it as an excuse to fail, or you can take responsibility and use it to make you stronger.

For the school situation, I think the best thing is to:

Quoting JGPH1A (Reply 15):
As for the bullying - just tell them politely but firmly to Fuck Right Off. Bullies are almost always insecure morons acting out, just keep telling yourself that whatever happens, you're still better than they are - oh, and tell someone about the bullying ! You don't have to put up with abuse, from anyone. That's what policemen are for.

Disclaimer: I will steadfastly deny agreeing with JGP. Even though it's right here in black and white....  Big grin  Wink


User currently offlineDrDeke From United States of America, joined Jun 2005, 830 posts, RR: 0
Reply 22, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 4 hours ago) and read 1793 times:

Quoting Queso (Reply 12):
Send flowers to the girlfriend and put the name of one of the bully's best friends on the card! They'll be so damned busy trying to figure out how to keep their girlfriend away from the friend, they won't have time for you! This also accomplishes the "divide and conquer" technique.

That is a damn good idea! Fortunately I was never bullied enough to have to resort to measures like this, but it's honestly one of the most creative anti-bully ideas I've ever heard.

-DrDeke



If you don't want it known, don't say it on a phone.
User currently offlinePawsleykat From United States of America, joined Jul 2005, 1978 posts, RR: 11
Reply 23, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 3 hours ago) and read 1770 times:

Thanks so much guys! I never expected so many people to reply. I had today off of school and I think that has helped a little.

Quoting PlymSpotter (Reply 8):
is there a good friend of family member who you could go and stop with for a couple of days if things get to much for you back home?

Not really. The closest (in distance) member of my family is my grandad but I don't get on with him very well. I have no other relations in Central Scotland and the nearest friend / family member is probably in England and I cannot catch a bus to take me that far every morning  rotfl .

Thanks a lot for all your help folks. On the plus side, I got Flight Simulator X today so as soon as I get home (at a friends just now) I am going to install it and fly all night, if I can  Smile

JG



First Class passengers are my favourites. They can't get any further forward without an ATPL.
User currently offlineAGM100 From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 5407 posts, RR: 17
Reply 24, posted (8 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 3 hours ago) and read 1747 times:

May I reccomend , talking to both your parents and letting them know how you feel. Let them know you understand that divorce happens and that you love both of them. Believe me , they feel guilty for doing this to you , even if they dont express it. You are going to have to be stronger than them and most kids your age. You no longer have the luxery of having a group family. Do not get shortsighted on how you feel right now ... look to the future ! And dedicate yourself to not repeating their mistakes , and fullfilling your own life !

I always tell my kids that someday you will look back on all this and it will seem different. You will! It will not seem so bad 10 years from now , which may seem long but it goes by fast

Take care Kid ,

Quoting TedTAce (Reply 11):
You can use it as an excuse to fail, or you can take responsibility and use it to make you stronger.

 checkmark 



You dig the hole .. I fill the hole . 100% employment !
25 Post contains images JGPH1A : Your long overdue submission to my overwhelming wisdom has been noted, and has been placed on file.
26 Post contains images PlymSpotter : that should certainly take your mind off things This is until JGP accidentally eats the said file Dan
27 JGPH1A : You won't be so lucky - your file is tabasco-coated to prevent exactly that kind of accident. Your punishment is in the planning stages...
28 Post contains images PlymSpotter : Am I to fear a fate worse than death, or shall I be re-routed to Pyongyang? Or do I have to clean your toilet and then assist while you bathe in Yaks
29 JGPH1A : e) All of the above.
30 Post contains images 9V : So your parents are getting divorced, so what? One in three marriages ends in divorce. Look on the bright side. You will get 2x christmas and birthda
31 Speedbird747BA : Gimme a call and I'll hop a flight over (BA, first class buddy, no stingyness here! on your tab of course) and whoop some ass for ya. Southern Style
32 Post contains images Pawsleykat : That's not a very nice way to put it. I love my mum and dad so much and I hate to see them like this. If you want to Kyle, come on over. JG
33 Post contains images ORFflyer : So this is a good thing. I guess I should reserve all comments about your signature for a different thread then....
34 JGPH1A : (narrows eyes) And what, pray, do you have to say about my signature ? (strokes white cat and places foot on piranha-pool bridge pedal)
35 Myt332 : That you should have gone with your orignal draft of: "Old and ugly and portly and horrendous" Makes more sense.
36 JGPH1A : I would never speak such a hideous untruth. I would however propose that you change your signature to: "Skinny, spotty, and unspeakably sordid"
37 Kazzie : Trust me, this is not a bright side... My parents split up when i was 5.... ever since then i have been shoved in the middle of arguments.. Been in t
38 Cornish : While I can appreciate what you may have been through Kazzie, don't scare the lad unneccessarily. While some divorces do indeed lead to this - plenty
39 Kazzie : But its true, Better to know whats coming then to hide it from him and have it come as a complete shock... Who knows Jordan might be lucky and not ha
40 Cornish : Fair enough - but don't say it will happen. yes it might happen, but don't make out that its a certainty when his parents split up.
41 Kazzie : As I said, It may not happen, And I hope it don't happen to him.
42 Post contains images Cornish : So do I. Lets hope his parents put him first and make a difficult thing as easy as is possible for him
43 Post contains images Skidmarks : Jordan, my sincerest commiserations mate. Always a sad time when families are split, and I'm very aware of that right now. Just try and hang in there.
44 Express1 : You know it makes me really angry that when people that sort of thing,thinking about themselves and not the rest of the family,your mum should now do
45 Post contains images ORFflyer : That you must be talking about the women of A-Net.
46 AirPacific747 : As others have said: Join the club.. my parents got divorced less than a year after I was born.
47 Post contains images Pawsleykat : I won't! They have already tried to get me to do that before and I just told my dad to go and f**k himself (and then I got grounded). My aunt Fran (s
48 Post contains images Aeroflot777 : I'm very sad to hear the news. Stay strong and you'll pull through. After so much done, I hardly think that another apology would help. Apologizing ca
49 Post contains images Carmenlu15 : Sorry to hear about your parents' divorce, Jordan. Been down that road myself... I'm pretty much used to it now, but bear in mind my parents divorced
50 Post contains images JGPH1A : It would be ungentlemanly to dispute that ! But I'm the prettiest...
51 Myt332 : Oh rly? To be ungentlemanly you actually have to be a gentleman in the first place. I'll agree that you are pretty though. Pretty damn vile and oh so
52 Post contains images JGPH1A : I am a perfect gentleman - I talk posh and everyfink - you scouse peasant ! Where was it you come from ? Birkenhead, or some such Wirralish region, I
53 BigOrange : Hey Jordan, Life sucks sometimes, but you can't let it get to you otherwise it's going to drag you down too, and trust me you don't want to go there.
54 Myt332 : Now I know you do most of your man whoring by the sea but alas, I'm actually from further north, you've got to stop being so one track. I've told you
55 Post contains images PlymSpotter : That's nothing, where I live we have over 40 Indian takaways, several Thais and a good few Chinese as well. Not to mention all the kebab houses Dan
56 Post contains images 9V : Don't forget the Booth's.
57 Post contains images Cxsjr : .... what, like sue for compensation? Jordan, I can't comment on the Mum & Dad splitting up thing; my M&D seemed to argue quite a bit when I was youn
58 JGPH1A : And you admit it ? How shameful ! That makes you practically Scottish (tee hee !).
59 Post contains images Myt332 : Yes but moron, you live in Plymouth. I live in a village who's name you probably couldn't pronounce. If you want competition though then I only live
60 Post contains images JGPH1A : Nonsense. Everyone knows how to pronounce "shithole".
61 Myt332 : Ahem, it's pronounced Shi'tholé .
62 Post contains images PlymSpotter : Actually nope, I live in what used to be a village, but has been swallowed up by Birmingham, I believe its known as an ethnically diverse area. so di
63 JGPH1A : De longer you live there, di verse it gets ! Fnah fnah.
64 Post contains images PlymSpotter : Yes, I'll give it to you, that was quite good. The main thing is that the pub is located just 40 seconds walk away, and for the return, just a conven
65 Myt332 : Hmm that is convenient. My nearest pub takes a good 15 minutes to stagger home from. Saying that, there is an Indian takeaway in the area so it's not
66 Post contains images ORFflyer : Dang stupid too.
67 Kazzie : What do you expect me to do? say ohh its ok just don't pay attention to the road, smash into me, write off my car and get me signed off work for 2 we
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