Pawsleykat From United States of America, joined Jul 2005, 1978 posts, RR: 10 Posted (8 years 11 months 1 week 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 2359 times:
... my mum and dad have split up and will be filing for divorce. I won't bore y'all with all the details but I'll give a little insight.
In April of this year, my dad met up with a girl he had first met in Edinburgh over 6 years ago. At that point in time, they had been having an affair and my mum found out some time later. My dad apologised and we went on living. However, in April, this girl was having problems with the man she had moved away to live in Wales with (5 years ago) and had contacted my dad to say she was unhappy and was coming back up to Scotland. They slept together and were nearly seen on National News whilst leaving a hotel! They kept this secret and my dad invited us all to go and 'meet' this girl for the 'first time' although the had already been sleeping together, my mum and I did not know. Then, in September, my dad joined one of these sleazy internet dating websites that had a chat thing on it. He met 2 or 3 girls off of this and started using MSN to converse. The last week has been quite difficult as my mum has found out and things were rough to say the least.
On Monday night, my dad came home and had the chance to apologise but he has made his decision. Last night, my dad decided to leave.
I am taking it really hard and this, together with the severe bullying at school, is bringing me down big time. i cannot tell anyone my feelings and even if I did, they wouldn't care
I just need someone to talk to and I know that this is another "life as a teenager" thread by me but posting here really helps to get it all out.
Anyway, if you have read this, thanks a lot. I appreciate any posts or IMs that you may wish to write.
Thanks for reading,
Jordan Gray (JG)
First Class passengers are my favourites. They can't get any further forward without an ATPL.
ThePRGuy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 5, posted (8 years 11 months 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 2315 times:
My Parents seperated when I was two, so consequently I do not remember much of it, if any come to think of it. Both parents now have extended families (we are an official step family) and I live with my mum. It has worked out really well, and now I cannot even imagine it not being this way.
I now have 2 step brothers, a step sister, and 2 half sisters, as well as a step mum, step dad, and step grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins to suit.
I visit my dad every 2 weeks or so, as he lives in Surrey and me in Maidenhead and we often do pieces for papers, as for some reason the traditional UK media don't seem to understand that a seperated family can be considered normal. (Morons - usually the Daily Mail)
But anyway, Jordan, don't let it get you down too much, in the future you will be happier with this situation I believe, as both your parents should in the near future be happier with the new circumstance. But for now, keep smiling, and most importantly, keep browsing a.net
Cornish From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2005, 8187 posts, RR: 53
Reply 7, posted (8 years 11 months 1 week 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 2290 times:
I went through the experience of my Dad leaving my mum for a younger woman when I was 12 so I can understand just how you feel. Through in the fact that we lived in a Cornish village where everybody knew everybody's business and it was tough indeed.
But ultimately it made me stronger as a person and as odd as it seemed it made things much better for me as a teenager. No more rows at home between my parents. For my mum, although it was tougher financially, being apart from my Dad gave her the time to enjoy all the things that interested her - painting, writing, travelling - things she simply couldn't get to do with Dad.
These days my parents get on really well. Dad remarried (the woman he moved in with - depsite some further misdemeanors on the way), mum is still single but enjoys all her interests. She did 20 years of marriage and doesn't have a need for that again. They even worked together at college for a while.
Both of them are ultimately much better for the divorce. Importantly, both of them never did the tug-of-war thing with me (my older brother soon went into the army aafte rthe divorce so was less of an issue with him), and I hope that they don't make life difficult for you. In that respect I was lucky. If your parents put you at the top of their priorities and make sure it is as easy for you as possibly during such a difficult time (i.e. no arguments over visits, weekends, etc) then there is nothing to stop you enjoying an even better teen life than you might otherwise think right now.
I wish you the best of luck and hope you come out of this ok. Just remeber your mum needs your support right now so try to give it where you can and not be too much of a burden
Just when I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel, it was some B*****d with a torch bringing me more work
That would have to be one of the most embarrassing ways for anyone to find out
Still, keep your head up, perhaps at some point get away from the house, is there a good friend of family member who you could go and stop with for a couple of days if things get to much for you back home? I know technically its a bit like running away, but I find it helps to just get away from everything, and look at things from the outside for a bit.
I am sure you will be fine, no matter how dire things are, just try and keep thinking positive and try to be happy.
...love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again...
I get all the divorce stuff but.........bullying? You should hit them back, because (as of 0616 CST 11/1/06) there are currently 43,045 a.netters I'm sure would back you up. And that's quite an army my friend. Can you imagine if a plane flew over with every a.netter standing in one field? Interesting, howevre, I'm sure youll pull through and become rich.
Not that a child ever can do without their parents, I think now for you is an especialy vulnerable time. I hope your dad at least tries to make the point he still loves you. If he doesn't; eff him. Realize this though, as it is the same thing I have been telling my kids: How this divorce affects you is your decision. You can use it as an excuse to fail, or you can take responsibility and use it to make you stronger.
Queso From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 12, posted (8 years 11 months 1 week 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 2212 times:
Quoting Myt332 (Reply 1): Well that sucks but I'm sure you'll pull through ok. I'll leave it to other people to be more emotional/touchy feely, I'm not too good at that but all the best none the less.
Me too, x2. I wish there was some magic piece of advice I could give or something that could be said to make it all OK, but there's simply not.
On the other hand, I can say that "that which does not break us makes us stronger". You'll end up being a stronger person because of having experienced this and you are learning to deal with a very tough situation- that experience and knowledge will help you to handle things that happen later in your life more confidently and in a positive manner.
As for the bullies at school, these things seem to have a way of working themselves out. Since we don't know the exact nature of the bullying, it's hard to know exactly how to counter it. But if it involves physical violence, Google some websites on Martial Arts self-defense techniques. A lot of them have been developed for a "Bambi vs Godzilla" perspective, so even if the neaderthals are bigger than you or are greater in numbers, you can still counter their efforts. You'd be surprised how effective it can be when you know the principals of using their own force and momentum against them! Just don't get in over your head and tell a responsible adult what is going on and that you are having problems with someone. Teachers, principals, that's what they get paid for, make them earn their money!
If it's emotional bullying, just keep your head high (I know, that's easy for me to say) and take the high road. Act like an adult and be responsible you'll gain credibility among the right kind of peers. Once you do that, you'll have an impenetrable circle of friends and the bullies won't even be able to see you, let alone being able to single you out to give you a hard time!
If all else fails, resort to dirty tricks (aka "alternate tactics"). At your age, some of these bullies might have girl (boy?) friends. Send flowers to the girlfriend and put the name of one of the bully's best friends on the card! They'll be so damned busy trying to figure out how to keep their girlfriend away from the friend, they won't have time for you! This also accomplishes the "divide and conquer" technique. You can think up lots of other things like this since you are young and creative, make a game out of it!
Legoguy From United Kingdom, joined Jun 2006, 3317 posts, RR: 37
Reply 13, posted (8 years 11 months 1 week 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 2194 times:
I can only echo what others have said. Hold your head high and you will get through this shitty time. It will make you stronger and in a few years you will be looking back at all of this and laughing. Best of luck
Can you say 'Beer Can' without sounding like a Jamaican saying 'Bacon'?
808TWA From Canada, joined Jan 2006, 701 posts, RR: 18
Reply 14, posted (8 years 11 months 1 week 3 days 16 hours ago) and read 2182 times:
Hey Pal, so very sorry to hear that this has happened to you. I've always said that I wish you all the very best of luck with life. In time everything which seems to be on top of you, will turn around in your favour.
Unfortunately it tends to be the kids who suffer the most and yet it is that very fact which seems to get ignored when the divorce word is thrown around.
Keep your chin up Jordan and remember that if you want to IM me that I'm always here at the same address as before.
JGPH1A From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 15, posted (8 years 11 months 1 week 3 days 16 hours ago) and read 2181 times:
Wow. that's rough - never having been through divorce (my parents, while both clinically insane, are still together   it's hard to know what to say - just don't take any of the emotional schrapnel on yourself - it's not something you could have prevented, sad but true.
As for the bullying - just tell them politely but firmly to Fuck Right Off. Bullies are almost always insecure morons acting out, just keep telling yourself that whatever happens, you're still better than they are - oh, and tell someone about the bullying ! You don't have to put up with abuse, from anyone. That's what policemen are for.
Nighthawk From UK - Scotland, joined Sep 2001, 5280 posts, RR: 31
Reply 19, posted (8 years 11 months 1 week 3 days 14 hours ago) and read 2118 times:
Sorry to hear about this! I cant say I know what your going through, as i havent been there myself, but if you ever want to talk im always on MSN. Just gimmie a shout.
Just remember that none of this is your fault, and theres little you can do about it. It will all work itself out and eventually everything will be ok again, your parents might not be together but everyone will soon find happiness again.
Life goes on, you just need to adapt to the changes and move on.
GSM763 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 20, posted (8 years 11 months 1 week 3 days 14 hours ago) and read 2108 times:
Really sorry to hear that, I've never been through anything like this myself so I'm not going to try and counsel but please do remember my thoughts are with you and to get in touch with me if you want (not that you probably will). Remember that this shouldn't stop you doing anything and although your parents no longer love each other they almost certainly still love you
ORFflyer From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 21, posted (8 years 11 months 1 week 3 days 14 hours ago) and read 2102 times:
Sorry to hear about your situation, both at home and at school.
For the home life, I think Ted has it right....
Quoting TedTAce (Reply 11): How this divorce affects you is your decision. You can use it as an excuse to fail, or you can take responsibility and use it to make you stronger.
For the school situation, I think the best thing is to:
Quoting JGPH1A (Reply 15): As for the bullying - just tell them politely but firmly to Fuck Right Off. Bullies are almost always insecure morons acting out, just keep telling yourself that whatever happens, you're still better than they are - oh, and tell someone about the bullying ! You don't have to put up with abuse, from anyone. That's what policemen are for.
Disclaimer: I will steadfastly deny agreeing with JGP. Even though it's right here in black and white....
DrDeke From United States of America, joined Jun 2005, 830 posts, RR: 0
Reply 22, posted (8 years 11 months 1 week 3 days 14 hours ago) and read 2097 times:
Quoting Queso (Reply 12): Send flowers to the girlfriend and put the name of one of the bully's best friends on the card! They'll be so damned busy trying to figure out how to keep their girlfriend away from the friend, they won't have time for you! This also accomplishes the "divide and conquer" technique.
That is a damn good idea! Fortunately I was never bullied enough to have to resort to measures like this, but it's honestly one of the most creative anti-bully ideas I've ever heard.
If you don't want it known, don't say it on a phone.
Pawsleykat From United States of America, joined Jul 2005, 1978 posts, RR: 10
Reply 23, posted (8 years 11 months 1 week 3 days 13 hours ago) and read 2074 times:
Thanks so much guys! I never expected so many people to reply. I had today off of school and I think that has helped a little.
Quoting PlymSpotter (Reply 8): is there a good friend of family member who you could go and stop with for a couple of days if things get to much for you back home?
Not really. The closest (in distance) member of my family is my grandad but I don't get on with him very well. I have no other relations in Central Scotland and the nearest friend / family member is probably in England and I cannot catch a bus to take me that far every morning .
Thanks a lot for all your help folks. On the plus side, I got Flight Simulator X today so as soon as I get home (at a friends just now) I am going to install it and fly all night, if I can
First Class passengers are my favourites. They can't get any further forward without an ATPL.
AGM100 From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 5407 posts, RR: 16
Reply 24, posted (8 years 11 months 1 week 3 days 13 hours ago) and read 2051 times:
May I reccomend , talking to both your parents and letting them know how you feel. Let them know you understand that divorce happens and that you love both of them. Believe me , they feel guilty for doing this to you , even if they dont express it. You are going to have to be stronger than them and most kids your age. You no longer have the luxery of having a group family. Do not get shortsighted on how you feel right now ... look to the future ! And dedicate yourself to not repeating their mistakes , and fullfilling your own life !
I always tell my kids that someday you will look back on all this and it will seem different. You will! It will not seem so bad 10 years from now , which may seem long but it goes by fast
Take care Kid ,
Quoting TedTAce (Reply 11): You can use it as an excuse to fail, or you can take responsibility and use it to make you stronger.
You dig the hole .. I fill the hole . 100% employment !
: Your long overdue submission to my overwhelming wisdom has been noted, and has been placed on file.
: that should certainly take your mind off things This is until JGP accidentally eats the said file Dan
: You won't be so lucky - your file is tabasco-coated to prevent exactly that kind of accident. Your punishment is in the planning stages...
: Am I to fear a fate worse than death, or shall I be re-routed to Pyongyang? Or do I have to clean your toilet and then assist while you bathe in Yaks